BECK MURDERED! INVESTIGATORS SUSPECT PELICAN AND BLONDEdearestmcadamsOctober 28 2005, 03:48:49 UTC
DEAR JENNIFER ROWE,
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, THERE IS TERRIBLE NEWS ON THE FRONT. THE BELOVED BECK WAS MURDERED LAST NIGHT BY A BLOODTHIRSTY PELICAN NEAR THE WATER'S EDGE IN CORONADO, CALIFORNIA. THERE ARE REPORTS OF AN UNIDENTIFIED BLONDE STRANGER LURING THE SINGER/SONGWRITER TO THE SCENE AND GIVING HIM A SWIFT KICK IN THE SHINS AND THEN HAVING AWAY WITH IT. IT IS SAID THAT SHE FLED THE SCENE ON PINS AND NEEDLES, WORRIED ABOUT THE AUTHORITIES. BECK REPORTEDLY FELL BLOODIED TO THE GROUND AND THE PELICAN BEGAN TO FEAST. THEREFORE IN HONOR OF RECENT EVENTS IT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT ONE JENNIFER CATHERINE ROWE MUST LAWFULLY WED THE BLONDE PELICAN-ACCOMPLICE. TERRIBLY AWFUL STORY, ON WITH THE SHOW THEN (AND THE WEDDING)
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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, THERE IS TERRIBLE NEWS ON THE FRONT. THE BELOVED BECK WAS MURDERED LAST NIGHT BY A BLOODTHIRSTY PELICAN NEAR THE WATER'S EDGE IN CORONADO, CALIFORNIA. THERE ARE REPORTS OF AN UNIDENTIFIED BLONDE STRANGER LURING THE SINGER/SONGWRITER TO THE SCENE AND GIVING HIM A SWIFT KICK IN THE SHINS AND THEN HAVING AWAY WITH IT. IT IS SAID THAT SHE FLED THE SCENE ON PINS AND NEEDLES, WORRIED ABOUT THE AUTHORITIES. BECK REPORTEDLY FELL BLOODIED TO THE GROUND AND THE PELICAN BEGAN TO FEAST. THEREFORE IN HONOR OF RECENT EVENTS IT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT ONE JENNIFER CATHERINE ROWE MUST LAWFULLY WED THE BLONDE PELICAN-ACCOMPLICE. TERRIBLY AWFUL STORY, ON WITH THE SHOW THEN (AND THE WEDDING)
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