(no subject)
I am writing a post that no one will read for a journal that barely exists.
It is so hard to put things in writing, it makes it all so final after you press that "post" button.
I guess I should be happy with everything but life is all so disatisfying and it is so hard to go about your daily business feeling as if you've acheived nothing at all in a waste of a life. I keep erasing stuff cuz it keeps sounding so stupid but I know that it should really stay because it is all how I really feel. And to moan about it all seems so bloody sad that you can imagine people sitting around and saying "God how sad...". My darkest secret is that I go to sleep and hope I don't have to wake up. It may not sound so dark but it is to me because I am the epitomy of always seeming to be OK, to be fine, to be in control. So it scares me shitless and I hide it away becuase I can't not be in control. This was supposed to make me feel better, but God I feel even worse. I am sick and tired of people pitying me. I want to shine so much.
It is so hard to put things in writing, it makes it all so final after you press that "post" button.
I guess I should be happy with everything but life is all so disatisfying and it is so hard to go about your daily business feeling as if you've acheived nothing at all in a waste of a life. I keep erasing stuff cuz it keeps sounding so stupid but I know that it should really stay because it is all how I really feel. And to moan about it all seems so bloody sad that you can imagine people sitting around and saying "God how sad...". My darkest secret is that I go to sleep and hope I don't have to wake up. It may not sound so dark but it is to me because I am the epitomy of always seeming to be OK, to be fine, to be in control. So it scares me shitless and I hide it away becuase I can't not be in control. This was supposed to make me feel better, but God I feel even worse. I am sick and tired of people pitying me. I want to shine so much.