fuck!
What do you do when you don't know how to forgive?
Better question, what happens when you don't want to?
For a few years now, it has become apparent that I have a slight anger issue. I carry grudges almost forever. And I tell most people what I exactly think about them. I always figured it was better than talking about people behind their backs. No matter how much time passes, I still feel so angry about things that happened forever ago. I still get mad about things that happened as a child.
And it's shitty, but what do you do? I can't let people that hurt me back into my life like nothing happened. And it's not like I want to. Because, most of the time, I don't.
I don't want them back in my life. I don't want them near me, I don't want them near my friends, family, school, apartment, or anything. I never want to look at them or hear about them ever again. No matter how many "good times" we had together, nothing will ever compare to how they hurt me.
I'm a wonderful friend to have, but an extremely terrible enemy.
I can't help it.
And every one tells me, I have to leave things in the past. But what good does that do me, especially when I want NOTHING to do with them. What's the point in pretending everything's OK? What's the point in living a lie?
I can forgive, but I can never forget.
Better question, what happens when you don't want to?
For a few years now, it has become apparent that I have a slight anger issue. I carry grudges almost forever. And I tell most people what I exactly think about them. I always figured it was better than talking about people behind their backs. No matter how much time passes, I still feel so angry about things that happened forever ago. I still get mad about things that happened as a child.
And it's shitty, but what do you do? I can't let people that hurt me back into my life like nothing happened. And it's not like I want to. Because, most of the time, I don't.
I don't want them back in my life. I don't want them near me, I don't want them near my friends, family, school, apartment, or anything. I never want to look at them or hear about them ever again. No matter how many "good times" we had together, nothing will ever compare to how they hurt me.
I'm a wonderful friend to have, but an extremely terrible enemy.
I can't help it.
And every one tells me, I have to leave things in the past. But what good does that do me, especially when I want NOTHING to do with them. What's the point in pretending everything's OK? What's the point in living a lie?
I can forgive, but I can never forget.