dont mind the dribble
For people that really know me, I’m one to analyze every single experience of my life. I can sit for days thinking and evaluating every choice, every action and every detail I can pick up on. Oddly enough, I’m quite comfortable being alone with my thoughts now. As where before I used to be reasonably disturbed when I couldn’t get my mind to shut up. It is obvious that I’ve gone through a lot of growing to be able to finally deal with my thoughts and myself.
As I think back on the past year, even though 2006 isn’t over yet I’ve noticed it hasn’t entirely been a great year. Sure it has had its ups and downs, but for the majority I could argue things haven’t been necessarily going in my favor. In fact I can dispute that my life hasn’t even been that great in total. There are so many arguments I could make to prove my point but I rather not get into detail about all of that. For now, I believe my odd sense of optimism and support from my friends is the only reason why I can continue to push on.
Don’t get me wrong. I get depressed, I think negatively, sometimes, to put it in a word, I feel stuck. Actually, I get that feeling a lot when I’m left alone but when I get the pressure put on somehow all of the negativity goes out the window and I can’t help but try to pursue the positive or somehow improvise to achieve the best possible outcome of any situation. I can’t figure why I’m like this, I never see the glass as half empty or half full. I see both.
I guess you can center much of this “sucking” on my supposed “love life”. I know, I know, “just wait and it will come to you”, blah blah blah. Truthfully, who can say every relationship they perused ended with such awful outcomes as mine? No one has any right to tell me different because no one understands what I went through and how much something like this truly disturbs me. And for the people who are lonely, never had any girlfriends and are depressed because so, I understand you. Never let anyone else tell you different unless they are in the same boat as you.
To put reference on my crappy love life I’ll use the two most recent events in ’06. First was back in the end of January to about the end of March. Sure I made my mistakes, I’m only human. For those that know what happened, it wasn’t good and I guess you can still say from the events that transpired I’m still affected in relation to my trust for the opposite sex. It’s either your with me or fuck off. I’ve learned to go with my gut feelings and to let things roll, I’ve become more confident in myself and in how I deal with women, partly in thanks to my buddy Moses and because of what happened taught me a lot.
Second, was more recent. I don’t have much to say but again, I’m certain I made a few mistakes in how I dealt with her. I’m still powerless in what the outcome was and most likely I wouldn’t have been able to do things differently. I wasn’t too surprised at her decision, I did figure that would happen but I always plan for the worst and hope for the best. While my rational side tells me it wasn’t much time spent with her, it still hurts emotionally and I can’t help but miss her. Again, I’ve learned life is never fair and the nice guy always finishes last.
So now I’m back to the dating game. While dating itself is usually a lot of fun, it eventually leaves me wanting more. Right now I’m at square one. There are a few offers out there for me at the moment but looking out for my best interest comes first and it would be better if I just lay a bit low. It’s rare now if I get a nice surprise to throw me off. It would be nice to get one too, but I doubt that would happen anytime soon. I don’t need to rock the boat for a while.
Throughout all of that, I’ve also changed a lot in regards to my personality. I feel now that I have more confidence in everything I do. Even in troubling times I still hold my head up high and just continue forward. I’ve learned to try and see things from other’s point of view and become more understanding of situations dealing with not only me. I’ve learn that what matters more to enjoy life is what I think of myself and what is fun for me.
I guess this is my optimistic side coming out proving that even in the worst of times there are still good things to appreciate and to not forget. It is the good things, even if they are little that makes life worth living and gives me hope that there are better days ahead. We make our life, we control our destiny and our environment. We have the power to do everything possible in this world and we have the power to create our own existence. To quote Camus, “Life is the sum of all our choices.”
As I think back on the past year, even though 2006 isn’t over yet I’ve noticed it hasn’t entirely been a great year. Sure it has had its ups and downs, but for the majority I could argue things haven’t been necessarily going in my favor. In fact I can dispute that my life hasn’t even been that great in total. There are so many arguments I could make to prove my point but I rather not get into detail about all of that. For now, I believe my odd sense of optimism and support from my friends is the only reason why I can continue to push on.
Don’t get me wrong. I get depressed, I think negatively, sometimes, to put it in a word, I feel stuck. Actually, I get that feeling a lot when I’m left alone but when I get the pressure put on somehow all of the negativity goes out the window and I can’t help but try to pursue the positive or somehow improvise to achieve the best possible outcome of any situation. I can’t figure why I’m like this, I never see the glass as half empty or half full. I see both.
I guess you can center much of this “sucking” on my supposed “love life”. I know, I know, “just wait and it will come to you”, blah blah blah. Truthfully, who can say every relationship they perused ended with such awful outcomes as mine? No one has any right to tell me different because no one understands what I went through and how much something like this truly disturbs me. And for the people who are lonely, never had any girlfriends and are depressed because so, I understand you. Never let anyone else tell you different unless they are in the same boat as you.
To put reference on my crappy love life I’ll use the two most recent events in ’06. First was back in the end of January to about the end of March. Sure I made my mistakes, I’m only human. For those that know what happened, it wasn’t good and I guess you can still say from the events that transpired I’m still affected in relation to my trust for the opposite sex. It’s either your with me or fuck off. I’ve learned to go with my gut feelings and to let things roll, I’ve become more confident in myself and in how I deal with women, partly in thanks to my buddy Moses and because of what happened taught me a lot.
Second, was more recent. I don’t have much to say but again, I’m certain I made a few mistakes in how I dealt with her. I’m still powerless in what the outcome was and most likely I wouldn’t have been able to do things differently. I wasn’t too surprised at her decision, I did figure that would happen but I always plan for the worst and hope for the best. While my rational side tells me it wasn’t much time spent with her, it still hurts emotionally and I can’t help but miss her. Again, I’ve learned life is never fair and the nice guy always finishes last.
So now I’m back to the dating game. While dating itself is usually a lot of fun, it eventually leaves me wanting more. Right now I’m at square one. There are a few offers out there for me at the moment but looking out for my best interest comes first and it would be better if I just lay a bit low. It’s rare now if I get a nice surprise to throw me off. It would be nice to get one too, but I doubt that would happen anytime soon. I don’t need to rock the boat for a while.
Throughout all of that, I’ve also changed a lot in regards to my personality. I feel now that I have more confidence in everything I do. Even in troubling times I still hold my head up high and just continue forward. I’ve learned to try and see things from other’s point of view and become more understanding of situations dealing with not only me. I’ve learn that what matters more to enjoy life is what I think of myself and what is fun for me.
I guess this is my optimistic side coming out proving that even in the worst of times there are still good things to appreciate and to not forget. It is the good things, even if they are little that makes life worth living and gives me hope that there are better days ahead. We make our life, we control our destiny and our environment. We have the power to do everything possible in this world and we have the power to create our own existence. To quote Camus, “Life is the sum of all our choices.”