Lifes A bitch
Lifes a bitch until you die, the only cure is to get high. I sit back, and with a sigh, I ask myself one question, why? Why does the universe jack me around? Why do I let shit happen to me? Why don't I learn from mistakes I've made before? Why don't I ever get anything good? Why does shit always go really good for a while and then BAM! I'm screwed again? Why am I the way I am? Why do good things happen to bad people, and bad things to good people? And as for that, what kind of person am I? Good, bad, I don't even know anymore. I used to bad, but I thought I'd changed, I don't know, I keep going back. It's hard to break away form all of that. I'm stop and go with all of it. From smoking pot and other drugs, to going clean straight trying to overcome. But you don't know unless you've been there, that when your down, depressed and sad, drugs are great for the time that your on them. I stopped at the beggining of summer, and I started again. I quit again a week ago, but I'm going back, I don't give a shit anymore. I tried to get fixed, to move up the social ladder, but, fuck it, this where I belong. I'm a fuckin drugie, thats all I'll ever be. I'm not smart or gifted or talented at all, I'll be 45 years old, working at a gas staion spending all my cash on weed. But you know what? Fuck trying to become a beter person, if people don't like me for who I am, fuck them! I'm just going to go find a skank and make her my girl, cuz what else can I get, fuckin nothing! I've been trying to hard I realize this now, I'm going back where I'm understood and accetped just the way I am, back to drugies, the sluts, the poeple like me. I know I should do that, but I'm not going to. I'm not going to keep on like I was either though. I'm at a crossroads in my life, one that will decide my entire lifes fate. Which one to choose, I have no fucking clue. I need a guiding star or something to help me figure this shit out. God damn I miss therapy, I could say whatever I felt and not be jusdged or looked down upon. This shit thats happing now is fucking with my head. What the fuck should I do, I'm 16 years old and my life headed nowhere. I've done nothing in my life except get high, its the only thing I'm good at. I've been in people houses and they have awards and tropheys from their childhoods on shelves in their room. I have none. I've always been a fuck up, it's just the way I am. They say that every family has one black sheep in the flock, I didn't used to think I'd be that one though, I was sorely mistaken. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!