What to do, what to do.........
Well, I've been thinking. I seem to be doing that a lot latly, just thinking, not really about anything in particular, just thinking. My random thoughts drifted into thinkings about me, girls, how I relate to chicks, all that. And I don't know whats up at all. I mean, sure I've got a bitch that I fuck once in a while, and yes, it's great, but I want more than that. Not more sex, I mean, I want the whole girlfriend thing. But I want it with someone I can really care about, not someone that I merely enjoy being with. As weird as it sounds, I want that feeling you get when the person you love isn't there and you feel like a part of you isn't there either, you know what I mean. I want someone I can be with and not say anything, or do anything. Someone I can sit there with and just be together. Sure I could hang out with a friend and not say anything or do anything, but I wouldn't have that sublimly contented feeling. I want, no, I need that feeling. And the damn music I've been listening to is making me feel all lonely. You know, it's really hard to maintain my usual fucking "Happy without a care" attitude, when I feel like this. Oh well, I can't change anything, it's all just wishful thinking. I'm a poor, fat, jobless, pot smoking, weird ass person, and believe it or not, I don't get a whole lot of chicks. I mean, sure, I find girls (none around here though) to fuck, but I don't want a fucking relationship with them. I want a nice girl, maybe one that could change me, help me to stop fucking up. And thats why SHE is perfect. She's smart, so I can actually talk to her. She's funny, so I can joke with her. She's very very cute, so I can kiss on her and what have you. She's soft and warm, so I can hold her. She's a good girl, she goes to church, she could change me. I'd change for her at the drop of a hat. If she asked me to stop smoking weed today, I would do it without a second thought. If she wanted me to stop swearing, I would do that to, that might be harder though. Basically, anything she wants, I'd do for her. Well, I'm gonna go now. Later el peoples of the world!!