ARGH!!!
I made a promise that I would never beat myself up over anything but I can't help it tonight.
I'm feeling quite dissappointed in myself for what happened in class Wednesday. Ehh its probably going to sound like nothing much but I guess it was a big deal to me because I'm suddenly feeling like I'm starting from zero in a certain way.
We were doing improvisation which I gotta say I have never been very good at and today was a real example of that. I was doing an improv with Seth where he was playing a casting director who was hiring dancers for a music video. Unfortunatly for me, Jill forced me up there and Seth, in character, asked me to dance for him. Naturally I steered away from that demise by swaying the character in a different direction and decided to say I didn't know shit about dancing and I sat next to him and hit on him, playing the part as someone who slept around to get parts which I was actually proud how that turned out.
So he asked me to leave and I did in a huff as the character but inside I was smiling cuz I got away without dancing. But then Jill jumped into the improv and twisted it all around so they would ask my character for a "callback". So once again Jill pushed me up there and Seth once again in character asked me to dance and I froze up. I just stood there and looked around at everyone, realizing that there were people watching me perform and Seth was staring at me and waiting for me to just start dancing. I looked to Jill and broke character, pleading her to let me sit down. Nicole, who is another student, started reassuring me and dancing to give me an idea but I just felt so embarressed and finally Jill told me to sit and lectured me on how I need to know how to do this because casting directors ask for shit like that but I just sat there and I was furious.
Afterward we moved on to do our scenes and I was so pissed off and tired that I lagged. Jill wasn't happy which is a first in over a year and told me to suck it up. So I did and the scene came out great but I was asked to do it again for next week which sucks because this will be my third week doing it. Its a very funny scene with exaggerated valley girl characters which I've never been too creative with and I suck at comedy. I love simple, witty and smart humor not the silly weird kind and this is what that is. I want to work on my comedy skills but there seems to be this wall that goes up when I try to loosen up more. I can scream, cry, be dramatic, angry, sob, be a badass, I can even be psychotic and disturbed but for some odd reason I can't seem to demolish this wall when I'm trying to be silly and funny and exaggerate a character which I don't feel I have the creativity for.
My mom says I shouldn't feel too bad because she obviously saw something in me enough to represent me but there is more to getting representation and that is to polish my craft to the best of my ability. I know I suck at comedy and I plan on requesting to Jill next week to give me comedy scripts from the majority for now until I can push past this stupid fear and forget embarressing myself because I refuse to just slide past it with no effort.
That Improvisational Comedy class at Moorpark College never sounded so sweet
I'm feeling quite dissappointed in myself for what happened in class Wednesday. Ehh its probably going to sound like nothing much but I guess it was a big deal to me because I'm suddenly feeling like I'm starting from zero in a certain way.
We were doing improvisation which I gotta say I have never been very good at and today was a real example of that. I was doing an improv with Seth where he was playing a casting director who was hiring dancers for a music video. Unfortunatly for me, Jill forced me up there and Seth, in character, asked me to dance for him. Naturally I steered away from that demise by swaying the character in a different direction and decided to say I didn't know shit about dancing and I sat next to him and hit on him, playing the part as someone who slept around to get parts which I was actually proud how that turned out.
So he asked me to leave and I did in a huff as the character but inside I was smiling cuz I got away without dancing. But then Jill jumped into the improv and twisted it all around so they would ask my character for a "callback". So once again Jill pushed me up there and Seth once again in character asked me to dance and I froze up. I just stood there and looked around at everyone, realizing that there were people watching me perform and Seth was staring at me and waiting for me to just start dancing. I looked to Jill and broke character, pleading her to let me sit down. Nicole, who is another student, started reassuring me and dancing to give me an idea but I just felt so embarressed and finally Jill told me to sit and lectured me on how I need to know how to do this because casting directors ask for shit like that but I just sat there and I was furious.
Afterward we moved on to do our scenes and I was so pissed off and tired that I lagged. Jill wasn't happy which is a first in over a year and told me to suck it up. So I did and the scene came out great but I was asked to do it again for next week which sucks because this will be my third week doing it. Its a very funny scene with exaggerated valley girl characters which I've never been too creative with and I suck at comedy. I love simple, witty and smart humor not the silly weird kind and this is what that is. I want to work on my comedy skills but there seems to be this wall that goes up when I try to loosen up more. I can scream, cry, be dramatic, angry, sob, be a badass, I can even be psychotic and disturbed but for some odd reason I can't seem to demolish this wall when I'm trying to be silly and funny and exaggerate a character which I don't feel I have the creativity for.
My mom says I shouldn't feel too bad because she obviously saw something in me enough to represent me but there is more to getting representation and that is to polish my craft to the best of my ability. I know I suck at comedy and I plan on requesting to Jill next week to give me comedy scripts from the majority for now until I can push past this stupid fear and forget embarressing myself because I refuse to just slide past it with no effort.
That Improvisational Comedy class at Moorpark College never sounded so sweet