(Untitled)

Feb 18, 2007 01:19

Sora, Nowe, Kurosaki - tonight?

renji

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not_a_savior February 18 2007, 22:05:44 UTC
Only if you promise not to get yourself hurt that badly again.

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stray_shinigami February 18 2007, 22:20:58 UTC
It's not something that's in my control. Don't ask me for a promise that I may not be able to honor.

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not_a_savior February 18 2007, 22:23:20 UTC
Don't be so foolhardy about things, then.

...you should have left me last night. You could have died.

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stray_shinigami February 18 2007, 23:14:39 UTC
I did what I had to do. In the same situation, I wouldn't change a single one of my actions.

I wasn't going to die.

Don't be so eager to throw away your own life, Nowe. I will protect those I'm with.

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not_a_savior February 20 2007, 01:45:51 UTC
You can't very well protect us if you're dead. Keep yourself alive.

I don't need protecting. My life is insignificant on my world. I'm not a hero, not a god, not a savior. I'm a rebel who doesn't know what he's doing and follows anyone with a good enough story.

Be that as it may, I want to get out of here all the same. I miss my friends. I'm sure you do too. What about that girl you told me about?

Your life is more important, or at least just as important as mine.

Don't be so eager to throw away your life either. You're no good to anyone as a corpse.

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stray_shinigami February 20 2007, 01:52:23 UTC
I will tell you something I just told another kid, Nowe: you are important, because without you we have no future to guard.

I don't think Rukia would forgive me if I failed my duty here. And I would not forgive myself.

As I told Claire, I enjoy living, and I am not seeking death or pain. But I cannot be anything other than what I am.

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not_a_savior February 20 2007, 02:24:30 UTC
My world is backwater, compared to most other worlds. Our balance is held within the life of one mortal woman. If she dies, our world goes to chaos. If one faded, old star blinks out, does anyone notice? Will it make a difference? I doubt it.

I'm not seeking death myself, but don't treat me like I'm some all-important person. I'm not. I'm no hero, not back on my world, and especially not here.

Rukia also wouldn't forgive you if you died needlessly. All our lives in this place are important. Especially someone like you, who has some kind of ability and power still within you, along with considerable physical strength.

Renji, I can't protect people here on my own. I need your help more than you need ours. If you'd died...

If you'd died, I would never have been able to forgive myself.

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stray_shinigami February 20 2007, 02:39:20 UTC
I'm sure there would be a lot of accusations... if I died needlessly. I will be the judge of how to spend my life. I chose to be what I am, and I have worked long and hard to be able to do what I do.

It doesn't matter if you are a hero, a coward, a saint, or a sinner. You are alive. I'd prefer to keep that away. Life is very important to me.

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not_a_savior February 20 2007, 02:55:45 UTC
Then at least consider that you dying one night means you aren't going to be around to help us out the next.

I'd rather you stayed alive too. Fair enough? I'm not saying you have to stop fighting to get out.

It's... not like no one would be upset if you got yourself killed, even if you died for what you consider a good cause, you know? You want to protect us so badly? Protect us from having to see you die and suffer this place without you.

We'd miss you.

The last line is scribbled out thoroughly.

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stray_shinigami February 20 2007, 03:00:29 UTC
Fucking hell what is it with you kids goddamnit this is not a complicated concept. That's it, I'm done with trying to be nice it never works for me anyway and

I will put it like this: Stop arguing with me. I'm bigger than you and I could kick your ass.

The struck lines are scribbled out thoroughly.

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not_a_savior February 20 2007, 03:29:12 UTC
I--

Fine then.

I'm sorry.

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stray_shinigami February 20 2007, 04:38:40 UTC
Goddamnit, there's just not a good way to explain this. It's my job, okay? It's what I chose to do. This is what I want to do with my life, such as it is, and I don't really like it when people try to stop it. Because damnit, it's impossible to fucking fight if you're worrying about survival, it's just something you have to throw yourself into without hesitation and it's really not going to help things if you're trying to convince me to hesitate, right? So leave off, accept the goddamn compliment, because I care about people, and you in particular, so let me do my job and don't fight me on it.

Fuck. Goddamn shit sucking fucking hell

(All scribbled out, though a word here and there might be readable.)

Apology not necessary.

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not_a_savior February 20 2007, 09:00:40 UTC
I've seen people die too many times. It's bad enough when it's people you don't know, or only know a little bit. People in the Knights that you know have families and kids waiting for them back home. Or children, held captive by the Knights and dying in their villages from starvation. I had to watch my human father come back dead.

I... don't want to watch anyone I care about die in front of me. That's all.

I don't want you to come back dead like my father did.

Again, the last part is scribbled out, though not terribly thoroughly and could probably be deciphered after careful inspection.

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stray_shinigami February 20 2007, 17:11:06 UTC
Fucking hell

Considering the situation, it's unlikely that we will get out without people dying. It would be better if it was me than one of your kids. That's my duty and

Shit, don't I feel like an asshole now.

Goddamnit

I will be doing my best not to die. Don't worry about me. I am very hard to kill.

Remember that death is another part of life. Don't fear it.

The above scribbling has a definite air of frustration.

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