Day 52: Lunch

[purpletaint]

[from here]It was a race. A fight against patience and a Song's call. Still, the sedation's dredges churned through him. Two close at hand had a potent effect--much like the night that they were left in that town, and the morning after. Rubedo had came then. Came for them like something out of place, and wasn't that so ironic afterwards--when

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[poorexample]

Castiel should have known that the nurses wouldn't have referred to any patient by their real name, but he couldn't shake his curiosity about why they had chosen to call this particular patient Immanuel. He had clearly been termed Michael for a reason (he didn't see how that could be a coincidence; whoever had brought him here knew exactly who he was and how to upset him), so why had this child been labeled as Immanuel?

Kibitoshin was not a name that he recognized, but that did not necessarily mean that there was no significance to it. Castiel's brow furrowed as he ran through his memory banks once, twice, three times -- but no.

"Does the name Immanuel mean anything to you?" Perhaps it had simply been chance, but Castiel wasn't going to assume that until he'd asked his fair share of questions. Part of him realized that Dean would have been kicking him under the table if he'd been here for this conversation, but he was willing to defy social rules if it meant getting the information that he needed.

Honestly, this whole day thus far had felt like an odd string of coincidences. First he'd met another non-human, then a woman from the future who knew of the Apocalypse, and now this boy whose fake name hit unfortunately close to home, as the phrase went. Castiel didn't like it, and yet he didn't know if it was being orchestrated or if his luck was truly that abysmal. It wasn't as if any of the people he'd spoken to had seemed hostile or mean-spirited, but the subjects that came up continued to lead into unpleasant trains of thought.

Though maybe it was less about them and more about him. Maybe he was just unable to stop thinking about his powerlessness, his failures, his absent Father, and the fact that each second that passed by was a second that he could have been helping to prevent the end of the world.

[bitpartgod]

Ah- never mind trying to be polite, then. This man obviously wasn't in the mood for doing the whole exchanging-names-and-shaking-hands thing- which made him seem even more like Piccolo or Vegeta, now that Kibitoshin thought about it. At least what it was that had been bothering him was pretty clear now- his name. Well, his fake name. But what did that have to do with anything? The people behind this place were the ones to pick those names, right? They didn't actually mean anything, as far as he knew.

Whatever the case, though, it was fairly obvious that the name Immanuel meant something to this man, even if Kibitoshin was still certain that they hadn't met before. Maybe he had a friend called Immanuel who looked sort of like him? No, then he wouldn't have looked so suspicious, surely. So... an enemy? Oh, dear. That definitely wasn't good. Obviously, he was going to need tread even more gently than usual while he cleared things up, just in case he had a bad temper, too- the last thing he wanted right now was someone else to decide that he was trouble. How was it that he always managed to attract the difficult people, anyway?

Bracing himself internally, he forced himself to carry on with the most benign smile as he could possibly manage. "I don't think so," he said truthfully, giving a self-conscious little laugh as if to say how hopeless he was not to know. "I mean, it's an Earth name, so I probably haven't heard it before. By the way, I don't think I caught your name?"

There. Just so long as the man was from Earth, that would probably cover it; after all, how could he know someone who wasn't even from the same planet as him? There was always the chance, of course, that the man would immediately decide he was lying and get angry anyway, but he'd decided to take a strictly optimistic way of thinking for the rest of the day. It wasn't at all that the possibility hadn't occurred to him until after he'd already spoken. Of course not.

Hmm.

[poorexample]

It was difficult to tell if this stranger was lying to him about the name, but Castiel's instinct was that he wasn't. He didn't know what that meant, if the name had truly been given completely by chance or if there was something else to it. Something that even Kibitoshin wasn't aware of. Castiel didn't like to imagine that this place (or rather, the people or beings behind it) had knowledge about all of them and was using it against them. Yet, that was likely exactly what was happening, even if he didn't know how.

When Kibitoshin brought up Earth as if it was something unfamiliar, Castiel was once again left to grapple with the idea that some of the people here weren't from Earth at all. It was a bizarre concept for him to try and grasp, as his whole existence had circled around Earth and its denizens, and yet he was not one to deny the possibility of something. Ghouls and vampires and demons existed. Who was he to say that there couldn't be other planets with other beings, other monsters?

"You're not from Earth, then," he clarified, and while his stare was not quite so piercing anymore, it was still rather intense. Mainly because Castiel didn't know any other way, most of the time. "And my name is Castiel." He said it as an afterthought, not particularly concerned with his own title when he had a series of other questions that he wished to ask Kibitoshin now. (No wonder he hadn't recognized the name...)

"Does that mean this body you're in is not your true form?" That question was the most pressing, particularly after his conversation with Renamon. If Kibitoshin was from a different planet, then the fake name was not likely to apply to him -- and yet Castiel couldn't help but wonder. If he learned some more about the young man, perhaps the reasoning would become clear.

Though as he waited for a response, Castiel slowly lifted the taco to his mouth, trying to take an awkward bite out of it. The shell cracked, sending lettuce and beans dripping down his hand. He frowned, shaking the mess off as he set the taco back down again.

[bitpartgod]

Either tonight there was going to be a blue moon or somehow, miraculously, against all odds, he'd managed to actually say something right. The look of vague, barely-hopeful, barely-concealed anxiety that had crossed his face almost straight after he'd fully considered the possibility of offending someone again was immediately replaced by the most relieved smile imaginable.

Which was, by Kibitoshin's standards, pretty relieved. Obviously, he'd mis-read the situation entirely- in fact, now that he'd explained himself, the man didn't even look that scary. Just a little... intense. And he was certainly used to intense, what with all the people he'd met over the last ten years.

"Uh-huh!" he agreed, giving an eager nod to both questions entirely without thinking properly. "That's right! I'm a Kaioshin. Mostly I just end up watching Earth, so I've never really had a chance to learn all the names. I barely even know where it is!" He gave a little laugh again, far more naturally than before- then replayed what he'd said and turned red. What kind of a thing was that to admit to? Just what kind of person would Castiel think he was now?

"N-not that I'm lazy, I mean..." he added hastily, the smile turning sheepish. "I'm still learning. Where are you from, anyway?"

[poorexample]

Kibitoshin's facial expressions seemed to change so suddenly that it was a bit difficult to follow for Castiel, but he did notice that the man now seemed much more at ease than he had before. Considering that a good thing (he wasn't looking to start conflicts with any innocents here), Castiel focused on the other patient's response to his question.

"Kaioshin" was yet another thing that Castiel had no knowledge of. After being exposed to Dean and all of his "pop culture," he was rather used to not knowing what something was. In this case, it was because he and Kibitoshin didn't even share the same planet, and yet he did feel at something of a disadvantage for having to ask so many questions.

"A Kaioshin is someone that watches the Earth, then?" That was odd, as angels were usually expected to keep an eye on the mortal world themselves. To think that there were others from a different planet who were doing the same was strange, though it also sounded as if Kibitoshin had not been watching all that closely. Or was he still in training? In some ways he seemed young, though in other ways not. Castiel was having a hard time pinpointing his age, but that was because Kibitoshin was some sort of alien...

"I'm from Earth," he said, deciding that that was more or less true. It got complicated when considering Heaven and Hell, but he was definitely more connected to Earth than anywhere else. "What is your planet's name?" Castiel realized, to an extent, that he was getting distracted by his own curiosity, and yet he'd come across far too many remarkable people (or non-people, as the case might be) today.

[bitpartgod]

Now that they were actually talking, it was getting easier for Kibitoshin to talk more normally. Castiel didn't seem intimidating so much as a little... odd. Or maybe like he didn't get out much. He certainly understood that feeling- when your planet only had two people on, for the most part, there wasn't really much to do. When it had just been him and Kibito...

Kibitoshin shook his head slightly. There was really no need to start daydreaming right now, especially not about so long ago. Things were different now- and right now, he had a question to answer. "Something like that!" he said, giving an encouraging nod. Castiel seemed to be taking it well, at least, much better than Michaelangelo had. Not that being asked whether or not he should be called by a title was bad exactly, just awkward. "Though I still can't actually see things on Earth. I think that comes later."

At least, he thought it was supposed to. He hadn't had so much as a moment of training with his Ancestor for years now, and it was starting to grate a little; just how was he supposed to get any further if his teacher was too busy reading comic books to, well, teach?

"Really? That's great! Earth's a really nice planet." Well, it had to be, given how many evil alien conquerors seemed to want to steal it. It was also one of the few planets, knowledge gaps aside, that he actually had personal experience of, which made it even better. And judging from how easily he'd asked him what planet he was from, it sounded like Castiel was from an Earth with space travel, so that made things even better! "It's called Kaioshinkai. Don't worry, you probably wouldn't know it. It's in the next dimension."

... why had that sounded better in his head than it had out loud?

[poorexample]

It was difficult for Castiel to understand how someone could watch over a planet if they were unable to see what was happening on it, but he also realized that angels didn't have a full scope themselves. They were not omniscient, despite that the humans believed, and they could easily lose people they were trying to track. It had happened more often that it should have, back when he'd been on Heaven's side.

And to try and observe Earth from another planet -- another dimension, Kibitoshin said -- must have been even more cumbersome. Looking at it that way, it wasn't such a surprise that Kibitoshin didn't know much of Earth. Now that he was here, perhaps he could return to his own planet with some more grounded knowledge. Provided he was able to get back at all...

The thought that some people had to travel to a different planet entirely before they were home made Castiel's own mission seem simple. And yet it wasn't. He only had to keep in mind that there were others here who had it worse than he did. While their need to return was possibly not as urgent as his own, it very well could be. It put things into perspective, at least somewhat.

"Has it been interesting for you, to see it up close? I admit that most of my existence has not been spent on the Earth's surface, so coming down to speak with humans face-to-face was eye-opening in some ways." He'd learned that there were a few who were worth being loyal to, and others who took their free will and abused it in the most horrible ways.

Castiel realized he'd just admitted that he wasn't human to the young man, but at this point there didn't seem to be any reason to keep it a secret. Kibitoshin had already told him a multitude of things that he could have kept to himself, and so Castiel felt he should return the favor.

[bitpartgod]

Even if he'd been smiling before, the question was enough to make Kibitoshin's expression flicker briefly before dropping slightly. 'Eye-opening' was right. Even after he'd been left to take care of the entire universe, he'd still managed to understand most of it- or, at least, he'd been able to just let it whirl around him without too much difficulty. He only had to worry about the universe as a whole, after all; all of the little problems, the struggles that had been too small for him to even register, they'd all just passed him by. Living virtually alone might have been lonely, but it was simple at least.

Even when he started to work with Goku things stayed nice and clean cut: good people did good things, bad people did bad things, and sometimes the bad people realised their mistakes and changed. Being good didn't mean being nice, but it certainly helped. But here-- it was like walking into a completely different universe, or maybe taking a microscope to the one he already knew and seeing it up close for once. There just seemed to be so much to learn still, and a whole host of troubles he hadn't even realised existed to boot.

He couldn't, of course, try to explain all of that to Castiel. For one thing, it would be rude to drop all of his feelings into the man's lap for a reasonable question- for another, he only barely understood them himself. "I guess you could say that," he said, trying to be diplomatic while he groped for the words. "I guess I just didn't expect things to be so complicated up close. I'm used to seeing the big picture, not the little one, so it's all kind of overwhelming. I had no idea that anything like this went on in the uni-"

Hold on a second. The Kaioshin blinked, then rewound what Castiel had just said in his head again. "Wait, you've not been to Earth all that much, either?" His brow crinkled slightly. "But you just said... oh!" Wait! Castiel had said 'humans'. Like he wasn't one himself. Surely that should have tipped him off more quickly! So did that mean that the man was an alien but was living on Earth, or that he was born on Earth but had moved somewhere else, or maybe that...? "Um... this might seem a little blunt, but what are you, exactly?"

[poorexample]

As Kibitoshin started to talk about the big picture, Castiel could only reflect back on himself, on how he had used those very words with Dean and Sam countless times when they'd first met. They had taught him how each and every life could be precious, and while even now he struggled with that concept, he had worked through it. He had learned their side of things, and how strongly they believed in it. Dean had taught him more than he could have ever expected, and it was exactly that sort of thing that made him question the other angels and their prejudices against the humans.

Castiel was in the middle of trying to formulate a way to let Kibitoshin know that the feeling was not one he endured alone, but then the young man (or was "Kaioshin" the way he should have been thinking of him?) seemed to suddenly register all that Castiel had implied, and had his own string of questions, culminating in that final, most important one.

"It's fine," he said with a small sweep of his hand, to brush the other patient off. "I prefer bluntness." It was what he knew, and it kept things simple and easy to comprehend. When implication and hidden meanings and references started cropping up, he felt less and less like he was in control of a conversation. It was good that he had learned to ignore so much of that.

"I'm an angel," of nothing but himself, and so he left off the last three words, the ones that he never would have omitted before, of the Lord, "so my job was also once to observe Earth's dealings. I have since extricated myself from Heaven, however, and have been living among humans ever since." It hadn't been much longer than a year, but even before leaving Heaven he had spent a good deal of time on Earth's surface. He also didn't know if "living among humans" was the best way to phrase it, since he really only interacted with Sam and Dean (and Bobby, sometimes), but the explanation would get overly complicated if he delved into the details.

[bitpartgod]

It was probably a good thing that Castiel preferred bluntness, given that Kibitoshin had all the subtlety capabilities of a flashing neon sign. He was working on it, of course- but that was why, as Castiel explained himself, the Kaioshin's face fell into the picture of uncertain puzzlement. If ever there was a walking billboard for difficult-to-express emotions, he was it, mouth slightly open, head to one side and brow knitted in vague recognition.

"An angel?" he repeated slowly, head tilting even further. Why did that sound so familiar to him?

... ah-hah! That was it! He'd already met someone who called themselves that, more than a week ago! That was what Chihaya had said, wasn't it? That he was an angel? Kibitoshin gave the man another look out of curiosity: the two angels couldn't have looked less alike, given that Chihaya could easily have passed for a woman and Castiel... well. The less he thought about that, the better, he supposed, even if the thought of someone so stern in a dress was kind of funny. But just because they looked different, that didn't mean that they couldn't both have been the same thing in their own universes, right?

"Really? Then you're the second person I've met who's said that!" Kibitoshin replied, giving the man a bright smile. "Though I still can't get my head around a universe with angels. My afterlife has ogres instead, though I don't get to see them around very much. My planet's in a different part of that dimension." Babbling aside, though, what it was that had really caught his attention was the part about living on Earth. With humans! It wasn't something he'd ever considered for himself, but maybe... well... maybe there were things he could learn from it. He widened his eyes a touch. "What did you think of Earth?"

[poorexample]

With an expression that was so easy for even Castiel to read, it became clear that Kibitoshin didn't know what an angel was -- either that, or the term was only vaguely known to him. However, recognition seemed to jump into his eyes soon enough, and when the young man mentioned that he'd heard the same thing from someone else, Castiel immediately tensed. Who else--

"Who was the first?" he asked, his tone rushed and demanding once more. It could have simply been Gabriel, but that seemed highly unlikely. It had taken his own knowledge to even puzzle out what "The Trickster" had been, and then a well-laid trap to get the runaway to admit it. The thought of Gabriel wandering around and revealing his true nature to anyone who asked sounded like the topic of one of Uriel's jokes.

Not that he wanted to think about that particular brother now, considering his ultimate fate.

Castiel had to fight not to pull a face when ogres were mentioned, even though it was possible that that was simply the norm for Kibitoshin. He did his best not to offend other cultures and religions, even though some of the demigods had the strangest beliefs.

Luckily (or not so luckily), he was soon distracted by the other patient's question about Earth. It wasn't something that was easy to describe in just a word or two, especially when he'd been watching over it for thousands of years and had only just gotten properly acquainted. "It's a fascinating place, and humans are amazing creatures. But up close it's far easier to see where they fail, and where their emotions get the best of them. Hate and deceit and war... humans feed on that sort of destruction. But there are others who are the opposite, and it's that spectrum that makes them worth more than a simple glance."

It was that that his siblings refused to comprehend. Because even if Castiel had given up on God and humans were God's creations, he still could appreciate them for what they were. For how they learned, and how they struggled; for their determination and their stubbornness.

[bitpartgod]

Apparently, he'd said something wrong, because the first thing Castiel did on hearing about the second angel was tense right back up, just like he had when they'd still been on the exchanging-names stage. Gracious. Now there was a change. Maybe he was really, really glad to hear that there might have been someone he recognised? Or maybe he didn't want to see them at all? Kibitoshin couldn't imagine that the other angels in Castiel's world would be very pleased with him for just leaving heaven like he'd said he had.

Well, whatever the case, Castiel was either going to be very relieved or very disappointed. Unless, of course, he'd been totally wrong about Chihaya- there was still a chance they were from the same place and there was an even greater variety of angels out there than he'd realised, after all. "His name was Chihaya," he explained. "He had lots of long dark hair and looked kind of... um. Feminine." Then, impulsively: "Do you know each other?"

Still, even if the man didn't especially want to answer that question for whatever reason (like the not-very-pleased-angels scenario he'd dreamt up before), Kibitoshin was only too happy to distract himself with his experiences instead. It wasn't good to pry, but this could be genuinely educational.

The answer he got certainly gave him food for thought- enough to throw the Kaioshin into a thoughtful silence while he chewed it over. Castiel was right. People did always seem to hurt each other, to make exactly the wrong mistakes. But so did he. And with people like Son Goku around, how could he possibly hold a grudge?

"I don't know if I know as much as you, but-- Earthlings and other races... they're all pretty alike, huh? I mean... terrible things happen every day, but they just keep- they're so- it's just-" He shook his head a little in frustration, struggling to summon the words. This wasn't something he wanted to burble about. In the end, he settled for a soft, heartfelt sigh that wasn't happy but wasn't sad. "Some of the people I've met... they're amazing. Truly, completely amazing. And I wouldn't give them up for anything."

[poorexample]

The moment that Castiel heard the name, he knew that Chihaya was not an angel. He knew all of his siblings' names, and Chihaya was not one. Either Kibitoshin had been lied to, or this Chihaya was very confused. "We don't," he responded immediately. He contemplated whether it was wise to say more than that. There was a possibility that Kibitoshin was close to this Chihaya, and there was no reason to undermine that. Castiel hardly felt like any sort of divine authority when he couldn't even use his wings. "I've never heard that name," was all he said.

When the other patient first set out the idea that all races were similar, Castiel wanted to protest. Angels and humans were as far from each other as two beings could get -- that was what he wanted to believe. Or rather, it was what he had believed for so long. But there was a reason why Sam and Dean were vessels for Lucifer and Michael. There was a resemblance; if not in appearance, then in something else. Angels could not grasp emotion as strongly as humans, and yet they seemed to fight amongst themselves despite that.

As for any correlation between angels and demons, well... one only had to look at Lucifer to answer that query. Castiel recalled the way that Lucifer had tried to draw a comparison between them, but shoved it from his mind as quickly as he could.

In the end, what Kibitoshin was trying to say turned out to be a very sincere statement, one that was not nearly as dark as some of what Castiel had said beforehand. Though those words were ones that he could also relate to, perhaps more than he even wanted to admit. He was quiet for a moment, thinking of the humans he'd met and the effects that they had had on him. It had changed him and shaped him in a way that he hadn't imagined possible.

"I can empathize," he said eventually, his mouth tilting up at the corner for just a second as he remembered things that felt far away now that he was in this place, caged and powerless and on his own. Though at the same time, there were so many others here that he could meet and talk to. He knew he shouldn't have been wasting time on such things, but he was always keeping an eye out for information. If he got to learn more about others in the meantime, then the harm was minimal.