Night 51: F21-30 Hallway

[no_dont_go]

The latest intercom announcement filled Aigis with a sense of dread. Aborting her attempt at writing in her journal, Aigis stood silent for a moment then paced to the closet to retrieve her baseball bat. She would normally have offered her roommate some assistance during her first night in the institute, but Kay had already expressed during

Comments

F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

The day had given her much to think about, that was certain; Nunnally had quickly finished her dinner (or as much of the provided food as she cared to eat) and moved from desk to bed, intending to take a nap until night arrived. Sleep eluded her entirely, however, for she found her thoughts far too disordered to rest, and they returned over and over to the conversation with Renamon. Had she been wrong? She could very well have jumped to a conclusion without enough evidence -- this place wasn't home, she knew that very well, and there could be reasons other than Geass for memory loss.

Somehow, though, she couldn't completely dismiss the idea. She had to know for certain, but... what if she was right? What could she possibly think of that? Lelouch knew how she felt about the ability, and if he had still used it on those two men, she... she didn't know what to think. As she lay there, feigning sleep, one hand unconsciously crept up to her right eye, fingertips lightly brushing against the lid as though she could feel some mark left behind after the other night. But no, there was no evidence of the Geass forced upon her -- none until it activated, and she still had no control over that.

As the Head Doctor announced the shift from day to night, however, Nunnally gave up on the pretense and sat up again, absently combing her fingers through her hair in an attempt to put it in some kind of order. If Lelouch was going to come to her room, she wanted to begin the talk by being entirely calm and collected. If her outside looked so, then perhaps it would help her focus her thoughts, as well.

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

Ah -- and there he was. Though she had been expecting him, preparing herself and listening for his arrival, Nunnally still couldn't help but feel a jolt of surprise and renewed worry at the sound of the knock. She still didn't know what she would do if her fears did turn out to be true, but... all she could do was ask.

Nunnally carefully pushed to her feet again, absently brushing a hand across her shirt to straighten it, then moved to the door. As always she enjoyed how easy it was to do even so simple a task; just the fact that she could rise to open the door for him rather than call for him to enter was so pleasant that she wouldn't miss the opportunity. The task distracted her sufficiently from her other thoughts that she greeted him with a smile, albeit a small one, as she opened the door.

"Good evening, Brother," she observed as she stepped back, pulling the door all the way open. No sign of Suzaku this night -- he hadn't disappeared again, had he? Hopefully not... hopefully Lelouch simply had thought she wanted to speak to him alone. "Please, come in."

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

It was comforting to see him again, Nunnally found, after somehow managing to miss him the entire day. Even if the nurses were determined to keep the two of them apart, how hard was it for her to at least see him in passing and reassure herself that he was still present? In this place, sometimes she almost forgot how strange that was, accepting it as normal along with every other otherwise-bizarre occurrence. Other times, however, memory was so strong that she could believe that she'd only imagined that he was here as well.

The touch on her hand recalled her to the present, however, as she felt... something, a momentary weakening like she'd been holding something and faltered, about to drop it. Even as she made the comparison, however, she realized what it must be; her hand tightened on her brother's briefly as she held firm, stubbornly refusing to lose control again. Though she wasn't aware of it, the Geass symbol appeared in her eye, but flickered out again in barely a heartbeat as she succeeded.

"I'm fine," she replied, as though nothing had happened. "Everyone I met today was very kind, and I learned a new origami figure." The finished frog was currently perched on her desk next to her dinner tray, but she didn't call attention to it at the moment; if she did, Lelouch might realize that she'd only finished about half of the food she'd been given, and that wasn't what she wanted to talk about tonight. "And I spoke to Miss Renamon again this afternoon."

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

Had he guessed what she wanted to ask? Or was he honestly curious? Once Nunnally had thought she knew her brother well enough to tell what he was thinking, but he had proven to her beyond a doubt that he could deceive her. Now she was left uncertain, disliking the feeling and the reasons and memories that came with it. She'd been so happy to have him here that she hadn't stopped to question anything and... perhaps she should have.

But she wasn't certain of anything yet, and had no reason to treat him as if he were guilty without sufficient cause. Nunnally firmly reminded herself of that and allowed herself to be led, settling on the edge of her mattress as he moved to draw the chair closer. "She's concerned," she replied, expression turning more serious and thoughtful as she watched Lelouch. "For her friend, I mean. It seems that he has no memory of the other night, and fears that he might have done something bad during that time."

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

He did only what I told him to. The words shattered any remaining hope that she might have been wrong, and the way he drew back said clearly that he knew she wouldn't be pleased. Even though he knew how she felt about Geass even before it had been inflicted upon her, he had still forced those men to... what had he told them to do?

Nunnally's gaze lowered to where her hand sat on her lap, remaining fixed downward for several heartbeats as she considered both statement and action. It had been so easy to simply be glad to see her brother again, to be grateful she could be with him again and make up for some of the time they'd lost... but in return she'd willfully ignored the reason why they'd lost that time to begin with. Dismissed the actions he'd taken, the uses to which he'd put that power without regard for those so affected. She'd thought it safe to do so, but....

"It wasn't worth it," she finally said, lifting her head to look at him once more, her gaze steady and expression sad. "No matter what you told him to do. No matter how noble the cause originally was, it cannot remain so when accomplished through the wrong means." She'd learned that lesson very well indeed, after all that had happened.

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

"Didn't order him to... what?" Nunnally's brows drew together in a small frown as she wondered about what he was thinking. Did he truly regret his actions, or was he simply upset because she'd found out? She didn't know, but wished she did. After all, she knew what he had been capable of once, and if he felt it necessary again -- would he truly keep his promise?

"What did you order him to do?" she continued after a brief hesitation, her hands folding on her lap in case they might tremble and betray her inner turmoil. "If you panicked, then... why?" If she knew his reasoning, why he felt it necessary to use Geass on someone even when she knew how she felt about it. Or perhaps he'd simply thought she'd never know, which didn't really make her feel any better.

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

So once again he'd taken action on her behalf that she never wanted. Would never have asked for, or agreed with if she had. Nunnally could recall all too well how much she'd wished for someone to be there that night, how she'd waited for someone, anyone to arrive... but at such a price? No. Never. She couldn't ask for comfort at the cost of another's will. And more to the point, Lelouch had to know that.

Nunnally was still a moment longer before she rose to her feet, wrapping her arms around herself as though chilled. "You had another option, Brother," she replied quietly. "There is always another option, if you care to look for it. I don't understand why you need... you don't have to be Zero here. I would rather have you. My brother."

It wasn't something as simple as a mask and a cape -- Zero was almost another person, one willing and able to do things that Lelouch couldn't or wouldn't. Or that... Suzaku couldn't. If they could somehow return to the Lelouch she'd once known, before Zero, before the Black Knights and the Emperor, that was all she'd ever wanted. But it was never enough for him.

Re: F23

[jouer_sans_voir]

Nunnally's gaze shifted to his hand for a moment before lifting to his face, and after another heartbeat's pause she reached out to take it in both of her own. She didn't want to upset him without need -- he was, no matter what, still her beloved brother. Even if his actions were something she could not agree with, even if she was willing to fight against him because of that, it didn't mean that she loved him any less.

And yet... the answer wasn't quite satisfactory. Should she press him and ask for a more specific promise? Right now she could almost feel the gap in time sitting heavily between them, the months she had lived and he hadn't; most of the time it hadn't mattered all that much, especially not after he'd promised to try to change the events of that time. But now, suddenly it seemed far, far more significant than before. The Lelouch before her hadn't made himself Emperor through the strength of his Geass. He hadn't spread fear and oppression until his name was synonymous with hatred. And he hadn't died to change the world for her. He couldn't know just how much his actions upset her. Or... she hoped not, at least.

"Please," she asked softly, focusing on what she could feel through the touch on his hand. "Every time you use Geass, I think it hurts you as much as the one so affected." She was certain that his experience with it was different from her own, but still -- a power such as that had to be wearing on the user, whether they were aware or not.