Day 51: Men's Showers [Second Shift]

[perfectrecord]

Bah. So much for yet another suggestion of von Karma's. Such priorities this Institute had. They would implement a foolish suggestion to introduce origami lessons and to offer sewing supplies to select patients, yet refused to allow them to cleanse themselves more often than twice a week -- and, of course, without any additional privacy? How

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[not_rly_fai]

It felt good to wash out his hair after wearing the patch for a while and he scrubbed at it, occasionally glancing in Yukito's direction. Once again, he wished he could offer to watch over her, but he knew that was likely to put her in more danger than ever. He knew all too well that most patients who slept like that tended to vanish quickly after, in nearly every case he could recall. Though his own Sakura had vanished so suddenly... no warning at all. She'd been around for just a little more than a day at most.

"Not always," he replied, trying to be helpful and somewhat lost for words. It wouldn't be all that helpful to confirm his suspicions and make them all panic, but if they relaxed and Sakura really did disappear, what then? It was out of their hands if the doctor decided to take her. "My roommate slept nearly the whole day yesterday and he seems fine."

Allie was more than fine actually. But he wasn't about to admit it was his own drowsiness the other day. He could remember little aside from his visitor meeting after his talk with the head doctor. An after effect maybe. It wouldn't make sense to give them a major assignment and then release them so soon after.

"I'll remember to watch for her though, if it helps at all."

[winged_moon]

"Oh? Well... that's good to know." It actually did help a little, even. The other people Yukito knew who had since disappeared might or might not have started sleeping a lot; they were all people he didn't contact frequently, so he could have just missed them in passing during the days. Before Ken had been "released," though, he'd started to sleep almost all the time. Maybe it was a sign that whatever power the Institute had over the occupants was starting to take hold? That was an unpleasant thought.

Yukito shook it off and simply smiled at Fai with simple gratitude. "If you would we'd both appreciate it. Even if Yue-san wouldn't tell you that himself -- he worries about her quite a bit." He fell silent for a moment, both to consider his next words and to duck under the spray and rinse his hair, then glanced back at Fai with some of his usual cheer fading under Yue's influence. "We're worried about you, too, Fai-san. Your eye...."

[not_rly_fai]

His might be a special case, but he didn't want to give Yue or Yukito any reason to worry more. Perhaps her waking up was a good sign though. If the doctor had any plans to use her before he'd struck that deal, maybe, just maybe, he'd leave this Sakura alone too. Then again...

The mention of his eye was enough to startle him. The last of the suds in his hair were just beginning to run off as he glanced back at Yukito. The eyepatch usually covered it, but... was it so noticeable when he didn't wear it? He hadn't ever actually seen it himself, but... it had to be.

He gave a short laugh, trying not to make it sound as forced as it felt. "I guess I've been found out, hmm?"

The laughter faded quickly along with most of his smile. He didn't want to remember what it was like waking up that night in the cold metal drawers, his own blood pooling around him, but it was hard to forget. "When I woke up after that night, it was gone. The nurses told me it was an accident, but-"

But the next day he'd found that his doctor was keeping it in a drawer in his desk.

"I don't think it can be fixed, but it's fine really. I'm already fairly used to it."

[winged_moon]

Smile, lie, and dissemble though he might, it seemed clear that there was more to whatever had happened than Fai wanted to say. Would it do any good to pry more into the past? What had happened had happened, and now that the lie had been found out how could it help to continue focusing on it? Yukito sighed inwardly; he thought it should be left alone, instead of upsetting the man even more, but still didn't understand why Fai was so opposed to letting anyone worry about him. It was almost like....

Yukito watched Fai a moment longer with obvious concern, then nodded and turned back to the shower wall again. "You sometimes remind me of Yue-san," he observed thoughtfully. "He doesn't want to let anyone close to him, either. But where he's stern and grouchy, you smile. And pretend that everything is fine, even when it isn't."

He reached out to turn off the water, absently pushing his hair out of his face before it could drip into his eyes, still without quite looking at Fai. "But just like with him... no matter how much you push, you can't stop people from worrying about you. Caring about you. And in a place like this, we need to work together to get out again."

[not_rly_fai]

His words didn't seem to make Yukito look any less worried, but at least he wasn't getting upset with him. To say he was like Yue though? He was a little surprised that hadn't been enough to set off the guardian, but he'd had a hard time reading Yue since they'd first met.

But the other connection... about keeping others from caring about him or worrying for him, that was a little harder to deal with. A part of him knew it already. It happened in any world they stayed too long in. People got attached, goodbyes were harder, and it was so tempting to believe them and stay and forget about curses and the past, but... it always came back. And it was true that it was the one thing he couldn't ever stop or change.

"I don't think you want my help," he said quietly, only a bare smile visible as he rinsed the last of the soap from his skin and let the water run over him for a few moments. "It only seems to bring you trouble."

As far as he could remember, that was all that seemed to happen when they went together. The birds that had attacked them on the field on their way to the roof, the constant run-ins with that strange puppet-like boy, and of course their most recent trial in the basement. It was hard, in fact, to remember a time when they hadn't had a lot of trouble going together. Not to even mention that now, more than ever, their agendas were so different. Their loyalties and their goals, it would be impossible to keep up, wouldn't it? And just as Yukito had mentioned, this worry, this caring, it was the same for him. And that was exactly why he didn't want to pull them in any closer. He didn't want to see any of them get hurt.

[winged_moon]

"Fai-san...." Yukito turned toward him again with a sudden smile and shook his head. "If you attract trouble, then I think you have even more need of someone to watch your back. I'm sure Yue-san feels the same way, too. Neither one of us wants to see you hurt."

That was why that night in the basement had been so dificult and upsetting -- had his opponent been a stranger Yue still wouldn't have wanted to kill him, but to attack someone under his protection? Someone he wanted to ensure stayed safe? It was so contrary to his very nature that for days afterwards he had barely been able to grasp the concept. But still the fact remained clear: no matter what had happened or what Fai had done, Yue still wanted to make certain that he stayed safe.

None of that was for Yukito to explain, though; Yue likely never would, but it was his to say if he so wished. "Please keep that in mind, Fai-san? I'm sure the others wouldn't mind if you went with us at night, rather than going off on your own. Stay safe, okay?" He smiled again, then turned away to leave.