Day 50: Waiting Room / Lobby 1 (3rd Shift)

[hat_einen_vogel]

Prussia wouldn't admit it out loud, but it had been nice to see his brother this morning. West had obviously been doing well before he ended up here; he must have recovered from the war some time in the gap between Prussia's own time and his, and kept on surviving, no matter what rules and restrictions and laws the Control Council had put in place

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[damned_visitors]

The hug wasn't what Hans had expected at all. He'd expected a bit more resistance, a bit more anger, or at least some reservations. But his friend ran up to him, and the teen closed his arms around Ritsuka's slender shoulders, so glad that they could meet like this. ...that they could meet at all, really. He'd been afraid for awhile that he wouldn't survive, that his life was ending no matter what happened.

But he was here, and his friend was here, and everything was all right. Alfons put down the basket on a nearby table as he ran his hand down the shorter boy's back, wondering how things had gone. Was he hated for finally seeing the truth? Did his friend hold any grudges for leaving him? It didn't seem so, but his gentle heart was still worried. "I'm sorry it took so long to visit you," he quietly apologized, "but I brought some cookies and things. ...and I'm glad to see you again." His smile was so warm as he looked down at Ritsuka, just like it had always been, only without the clouds of pain, weariness, or loneliness that had filled him so often when he was at the Institute.

[forgot_it_all]

Even though it felt good to see Alfons again, once the initial shock of seeing his friend alive began to wear off, Ritsuka's head filled with questions. How was it that Alfons was alive when he said he had died back home? Did the bad things that happened here at night still happen outside? Did Alfons only look healthy and then turn into those terrifying monsters at night? Was this really even him? It sounded like him and felt like him and his heart sounded strong and his smile seemed unchanged, and yet Ritsuka couldn't be certain. He'd thought his nurse was normal up until the day she'd transformed into a monster and had been killed in front of his eyes. The townspeople had seemed normal until that night in Doyleton, too.

Taking a single step back, Ritsuka craned his neck so he could look up at Alfons, searching his face for any signs of fatigue or anything that might indicate abnormality in the outside world. He couldn't find any, only Alfons' smile that seemed to pierce straight through him with how much he'd missed it.

"Don't apologize, dummy," he chided, hiding his face against Alfons' shirt again. "Don't apologize for anything." Alfons had been dying in this place and now he was living, healthy and well outside of it. Even if it meant giving up his sense of self, wasn't his life more important? And he still remembered... He hadn't forgotten. And Ritsuka would make sure he never did.

He pulled away again and grabbed Alfons' hand, tugging him closer down to Ritsuka's level. He had his camera tucked away in the shallow pocket in his sweats. The bulge of it was hidden because his clothes hung so loosely on him now, and he'd been able to keep it hidden for a good long time now. Muraki had allowed him to have it, but he wasn't certain if Kisugi or the nurses would agree. Taking it out, he showed it to Alfons conspiratorily, keeping his voice low. "You can't tell the nurses, okay? They'll take it away from me. You'll make a memory with me, won't you? That way we can't ever forget this."

[damned_visitors]

"All right," the taller boy murmured. He had been a half-breath away from apologizing for apologizing, but he'd stopped himself with a quiet laugh. They could go on like that for awhile, couldn't they? Some things never really changed, and yet... it hurt to be here, too. Ritsuka was clinging to him so tightly, as though he was afraid Alfons would be gone if he let go. Was his friend that lonely, to have that fear? It made the blond feel guilty, leaving Ritsuka like this. But maybe... maybe someday his friend would come to the same realization that Alfons- Hans- had. Until then, he hoped that the memory of warm acceptance and that hand trailing down Ritsuka's back would help.

And then Ritsuka tugged him down to show him the camera, and he knew instantly what it was for. He'd promised that he and Ritsuka and Miku could all make a memory together someday, and while she wasn't here in the room... well, he knew that this meant a lot to the younger boy. The right thing would've been to alert the nurses, but... right or wrong, he wouldn't. Instead, he whispered, meant just for Ritsuka's ears, "Of course!"

[forgot_it_all]

"Of course!"

Those two words kept the smile on Ritsuka's face and made it grow wider. Even if Alfons wasn't himself anymore, seeing him alive meant that there was a way to save him. There had to be a way to bring him back to his senses. Muraki had been brought here after working for the Institute, so there had to be a way to save those who used to be patients here, right?

But that was for later. Right now, they had to be quick.

Pulling Alfons closer, Ritsuka positioned himself so they were at the same level and turned the camera around, clicking it to the portrait setting. He'd been waiting for this forever. Ever since he got this camera and the memory card, he'd been hoping for this moment. With a big smile on his face, he looked to Alfons and said, "On the count of three."

Three seconds later and Ritsuka had pushed the button, clicking the shutter with a quiet snap as the photo uploaded to the camera's memory. Once it was done, Ritsuka turned the camera around and showed Alfons their photo, his smile widening when he saw what lay there. "Now we can never forget."

[damned_visitors]

"Mm, we can't forget." Alfons rested a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder, squeezing companionably. The photograph was surprising in two ways- Alfons hadn't really been paying as much attention to himself, so he hadn't noticed just how happy he looked. And Ritsuka... when was the last time he'd seen his friend smiling that broadly? He looked so normal when he did that, he looked like a regular happy teen instead of touched by that strange sadness.

In a way, it made the taller boy's heart ache. He wanted his friend to be healthy and happy, and he knew what horrible things awaited, what fears filled Ritsuka's heart. But it didn't have to be that way... they didn't have to suffer anymore! His smile wavered, but the first thing was the most important. There was one thing that Ritsuka feared more than anything else, and Alfons was determined not to let that be a concern. "I won't forget. I promise."

[forgot_it_all]

The photograph was proof now, concrete proof of everything Ritsuka wanted to save. If Alfons was healthy now, then freeing him from the Institute's brainwashing was the only step left to giving him a real life again. After that, Ritsuka could keep his promise and take him back to his world. Soubi didn't seem opposed to having people live in his flat (what with the Zero twins already crashing there like they owned the place) and he liked Alfons so there'd be no issue as far as Ritsuka was concerned.

Looking down at the memory they'd just taken, Ritsuka's face fell for a moment. In the photograph it was Alfons' face, but not his mind. It was that other person, what was his name? Hans? Something like that. In essence this was still Alfons, but now his life and memories were different. Ritsuka wondered if this was how his mother felt when she looked at him, and then decided that no, it wasn't. His mother was broken and in constant grief, unable to see that her son was still at her side, just in a different form. Ritsuka wouldn't do that to his friend. He wouldn't reject him simply because he'd become different.

Smiling again, he turned the camera off to preserve the batteries and hid it away in his front pocket again, grabbing Alfons' hand to lead him toward the chairs. "The memory we made will make sure of it. Even if things change, that never will." Promising to never forget was difficult and Ritsuka knew all too well how impossible it was to say with certainty that Alfons would never forget him since they'd also been certain they'd never give in to this place, but it was nice to think that maybe things would be okay. "How've you been anyway? You look better." Ritsuka paused and then cautiously added, "You sleep okay at night?"

[damned_visitors]

"Mm," the young man agreed. Of course, there were some things that could change the memory, but... the thought behind it was the important thing. Well, not even that, really. It was the fact that it made Ritsuka happy. Being in the Institute could be so painful, so lonely... maybe that would help him out. He'd like that a lot.

For now, he sat down next to Ritsuka, squeezing the other boy's hand warmly as he did so. Perhaps it seemed weird, but... he'd missed Ritsuka. A lot. And he was still so happy that the boy managed to still be around and mostly healthy. That was definitely a good sign! But as for the questions? He blinked before nodding quietly. "I sleep just fine. And I feel a lot better... I've still doing physical therapy, but I should recover completely."

He offered a quiet smile, then asked, "How have you been?"

[forgot_it_all]

"Good..." Ritsuka said as he let out a sigh of relief. When he'd been in town, the townspeople had seemed tired and cranky. They'd had circles under their eyes and were sluggish as if they hadn't slept all week. If Alfons wasn't experiencing any of that, then he was likely safe from whatever changes affected the town. Wherever he was, he wasn't turning into some monster that someone might mistakenly hurt.

Ritsuka wasn't sure why physical therapy would have helped Alfons given what was actually wrong with him, but however it was helping, the fact that it was helping was the important bit. The boy nodded and squeezed his friend's hand, smiling faintly. "I'm glad. How much longer until you feel one hundred percent then?"

In a way, he was avoiding talking about himself. Whatever Ritsuka said, Alfons wasn't likely going to believe anyway, right? If he told him he'd been attacked last night by a creature wearing his friend's face and that was why he had a bandage on his neck, Alfons would probably be hurt that his friend was clinging so desperately to his 'delusions.' It was better to stay to safe topics then. "Okay...I guess. Muraki-sensei is a patient here now. I saw him this morning. He used to be my old doctor. I dunno if I ever told you that."

Turning his eyes to the basket, Ritsuka decided to change the subject, nodding his head toward it. "You said you brought cookies? Did you make them?"

[damned_visitors]

"Well, it's hard to say, but... I do feel better every day. So maybe a few months? It does get a lot worse when it's not as sunny." He squeezed Ritsuka's hand again, being honest but at the same time not wanting to have the younger boy worry about him. "...it's not all that bad, though. Not anymore."

Still the other topic of conversation was more interesting, and a bit more baffling as well. A doctor was now a patient? That didn't happen all that often at all, and certainly not without some reason. "Er, I don't think you ever did, but that's bad... I wonder what happened to him. But at least you're not his patient anymore, right?"

He really hoped that nothing bad had happened between Ritsuka and Muraki. An insane doctor... that terrified him. What if Ritsuka had been hurt? What if that was the reason he was still unwell? Alfons nodded absently in response to the last question, but quickly returned to the other. "Yes, though they weren't all that good. Chocolate craisin, but I've tried some more normal ones, too, so help yourself. ...and this doctor, Muraki... he didn't... hurt you or anything, did he?"

[forgot_it_all]

A few months? Ritsuka felt his heart fall a little at that, knowing that he couldn't rescue Alfons until he was completely better or risk hurting his friend's recovery. Then again, he'd been here over a month so far, so if he could just last another two or three, then maybe there was a chance. For someone so useless in fighting, he'd done a surprisingly good job at staying alive. His chances at continuing that trend seemed to be pretty good, too.

"Maybe you should take a vacation somewhere warm then?" Ritsuka suggested, worry setting it at the corners of his mind. "Get away from this place for a little bit since winter is coming..."

If his recovery took too long, it was entirely possible that this place might do something terrible to him. Getting Alfons away from the Institute's grasp was imperative, at least in Ritsuka's mind. Letting go of Alfons' hand for a moment, he pulled the basket closer and peeked inside, curious to see what his friend had made. Seimei had never allowed him to eat handmade things and until Yuiko made him jam that one time, he had never received a present that he could keep like that. Even if the jam had been destroyed because of their stupid classmates, it had been good for what little Ritsuka had been able to taste.

At the sight of the baked goods inside the basket, Ritsuka's face brightened. He didn't know Alfons could cook like this. "That's amazing! Baking seems like it's really hard. Was it?" He reached in and took two cookies out, handing one to Alfons as he took the other for himself. Sitting back in his chair, Ritsuka pulled his knees up to his chest and took a bite, smiling wider when the savory taste hit his tongue. "Liar - these are good. Have more confidence in your food. You should see what I make, then you'd feel a whole lot better."

He took another bite of the cookie and then shook his head at Alfons' question. As if Muraki would ever hurt him. He wasn't like Kisugi. He was a good doctor, and someone Ritsuka could trust. "He's a good doctor, Alfons. You don't have to worry. He wouldn't hurt me. Ever."

[damned_visitors]

"Yes, I've been thinking of doing exactly that." A warm vacation did sound perfect, but that wasn't exactly a cheap idea. He should be able to afford it, but for now... well, he didn't want to bother Ritsuka with those problems. There were enough worries without adding more of his own.

But there was one thing that put a bright smile right on his face once more. As soon as he saw that Ritsuka enjoyed the cookie, he beamed, so happy at that. He nibbled at his own cookie, and a faint flush crossed his face. "Er... well, yeah, it took a few times to get it edible, but I'm really glad you like it. ...and I'd like that. If you'd cook for me, that is; then we can see how bad each other is, right?" He laughed quietly, but he still wanted that. He wanted his friend to get better, he wanted Ritsuka to get well.

...but that latter problem still made him worry. He shouldn't, but he still had to worry. "Are you sure? If he's a good doctor, then... then why is he a patient now?"

[forgot_it_all]

Upon hearing that Alfons might be getting away from this place and (hopefully) from its influence, Ritsuka let out a small breath of relief. He didn't want to worry Alfons with what was really going on since he apparently didn't seem to remember, but if he could just get away from this place, from the people who might hurt him without realizing because they thought he was part of the problem, then Ritsuka would feel better. The patients here never seemed to look at the gray areas of things. It was just them versus Landel and his creations. They didn't seem to stop and think that maybe those creations - the nurses and staff, the doctors and even the monsters - were victims of Martin Landel's insanity as well. The visitors were like that. Ritsuka had heard once that they were all 'graduates' of the Institute somehow or another, but he'd never seen that come true until now with Alfons sitting next to him, healthy as could be.

"Ha, you don't want me to cook for you. It'd be terrible. Maybe it took a few tries to get this edible, but in the end they're really good. With me?" Ritsuka finished off the cookie and moved to brush the crumbs off his finger, only to decide at the last second to lick them off instead. Best not to waste something good that his friend spent so much time on. "You'd be lucky if it ended up edible ever." He made toast and simple things, but his mother didn't like him in the kitchen and Ritsuka disliked being where she had easy access to things that could hurt him. In the end, he spent most of his time upstairs or outside. "But maybe. Someday."

When Alfons was back to being Alfons.

"And you were a patient here once," Ritsuka said, lowering his gaze. "You should know why." Which brought his mind back to a very unpleasant point. It took a few moments before Ritsuka could work up the courage, but soon he looked directly at Alfons, the smile gone and replaced with a grim sort of determination. "I don't know what you remember about this place, or who you used to be, but I haven't forgotten you, Alfons. I won't let them take your memory away from me so you fight hard to remember who you really are."

[damned_visitors]

"Someday," Alfons quietly agreed. He didn't bring up the subject of whether Ritsuka could ever make something work or not, because he'd learned that just about anyone could cook. And if Ritsuka couldn't do it immediately, then they could just keep trying, right? Once everything was situated, once Ritsuka was back to normal, they could work on that. Alfons would like that a lot.

For now, though... that unpleasant point made Alfons frown. He didn't want to touch on it, because he was pretty sure that Ritsuka was still convinced of his own 'life.' Everything that had happened, all of the things that they had been so convinced were real... but they really weren't. None of it was real. That made him slowly shake his head, and he quietly said, "Even if I did remember the person that I thought I was here, what would the point be? That life was empty, it was... it was sad. I have a future now, and... you could have one as well. Why be afraid of disappearing, when you can have a normal life?"

[forgot_it_all]

The way Alfons said that one word almost broke Ritsuka's heart. It was the way someone agreed when they were humoring someone because they didn't have the heart to disagree. It sounded that way at least to Ritsuka. Kind of like how you'd tell a terminally ill child that you'd take them to Tokyo Disney someday. It gave hope of a day somewhere in the future, but no definition as to when that day would come or if it ever would.

And that sadness Ritsuka felt was only solidified when Alfons spoke again. It was as Ritsuka thought. Alfons was convinced that the life outside was his real life and that everything here was some sort of lie or a delusion. He really had given in. When they were speaking, it was easy to forget, to think that maybe this really was his friend, the one he'd fought side by side with, whom he'd talked to quietly in the Sun Room, who had known Miku and had joined them both for safety in the darkness. Where had that friend gone? Had he really gone anywhere if his feelings were still the same? Ritsuka didn't know and he didn't like not knowing. "The point is that it's part of who you are," Ritsuka said, trying to reach Alfons - the real Alfons. "You can't just let that part go. It's who you are."

But then again...Alfons was right. He had a future now. He had a life. He wasn't constantly tired. He wasn't sick. He wasn't dying. His skin looked healthier, his eyes shone with life, he was...better on the outside. Did that mean people might be better off there instead of in here? Ritsuka couldn't believe that giving up one's sense of self could be a good thing, but that was because he had so little sense to begin with. To lose that would be to lose more than Ritsuka was willing to let go. "Because the normal life you talk about is a lie. Even if it's painful and it hurts and it's scary, at least... At least this is the truth. I won't be lying to myself."