Day 48: Men's Showers [Fourth Shift]
After a rough morning, Lunch was actually fairly easy to sit through. Sechs and Kibitoshin hardly knew him, so light conversation was fine. The things from Breakfast and this morning though, would be sticking with him for a while. When the nurse arrived to take him to showers, he was relieved to find he was the first one there. With that, there
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The gentle joking was nice and all, but he could tell that wasn't exactly what was on Homura's mind. Insults to his manliness weren't going to cause that sense of sadness around him.
His words made it clear and Kenren's lips drew into a frown. He had been wondering what was coming of that. Okita put up a strong face whenever Kenren saw him, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. "I se," he said tightly. "And I assume that you don't intend to just let this lie?" Of course he wouldn't. Homura had a vendetta against the world and didn't just let things happen. Not without attempting to defy fate at least.
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Contrary to Okita's goal, however, Homura did indeed worry about the dwindling time, and losing his friend. "I don't." Homura confirmed Kenren's suspicion, the last remnants of his smile fading. "We have healers available. It's far better to use them, if only to slow down the damage." But though Homura believed this, his voice lacked conviction; instead, he seemed to be attempting to convince his audience of the notion. Because no matter how much sense it made to the demi-god, he knew that Okita would protest. He'd already done so, and that man's stubbornness might well outlast even Homura's. "Even if Okita likely won't forgive me for it."
Homura knew there was more to discuss aside from his personal concerns, however. Kenren had also received his own share of suffering over the course of his imprisonment. Now, supposedly an answer to one of the questions had been found, but to what end? If the criminal truly had been released, then even vengeance would be delayed at best. "I don't know if you saw, but the puppies believe they know who killed Sanzo--and that the person is no longer in the Institute." Yet another reason to not only escape, but discover the method for undoing the Institute's brand of mind control. Not only would they save their loved ones, but they would bring this person back to himself so Kenren could punish him for his crime.
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Ah, but back to serious business it was. He sounded uncertain to Kenren's ears, for all that he knew Homura wanted Okita to survive. "No, I don't think he would forgive you for using resources on him instead of on your goal," he said honestly. "And the risk that it would be a half life, keeping him alive to dwindle for a longer period of time." He thought that Okita would prefer to die at his peak, but if that was impossible, he would prefer to die at his given time, not have it drawn out.
"I hadn't seen, no," Kenren said, his expression darkening at the news. Damn it! For once, he had wanted to give in to revenge and take out the bastard who had killed Sanzo. Sure, he and Sanzo hadn't got on but fuck, Sanzo was one of his own. "That's... annoying."
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When Kenren agreed with Homura's assessment about Okita's feelings, the demi-god fell silent for a long moment. His fingers moved over his neck and shoulders in motions he didn't truly feel. He'd known those truths all along, yet hearing them from someone else besides Okita or himself somehow sharpened their reality. Homura's grin widened, and unconsciously, he began pressing his fingers tight into his skin. “I know. But I don't want him to die, Kenren.”
Because there would be no recourse if-when Okita passed. The annoyance Kenren felt now, as he called it, was a powerlessness Homura despised. “If we have a name, that will be enough.” There was limited comfort to be found in a far off goal, but what else could they cling to within the prison? “We've got access to the chemical they use to brainwash patients at night. We can figure out how to undo the Institute's influence, and bring the ones outside back to themselves.” To bring salvation for some, and punishment for others. It was the first hint at an answer they'd found, and especially in that moment, Homura embraced the possibilities their new knowledge provided.
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He sighed softly, shaking his head. "I rather doubt that he wants to die either but..." He stared down at the tile. "Think about it. What would you rather have? A life where you know you'll die but fight until the last second, or a life drawn out where you spend every moment of it crippled and waning until it isn't really a life at all." And he knows how that feels well enough, even if it isn't quite the same. "Maybe it would be better making sure that he lives every moment as best he can instead."
A name huh? Well, if he was released then he was alive at least and that was something that Kenren could use. It was another reason to focus on getting out of here. "He's second on my list," he said firmly. "If there's a limit on that stuff, then revenge comes second."
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