Day 48: Men's Showers [Second Shift]

[moral_liberty]

The world seemed to move more slowly in the showers. Kaworu believed it was the strange half-realized familiarity. He could remember the feeling from before. His mind reached for similarities, of which there were many, but each one was slightly inaccurate. The size was different, the tiles were not the same colors as either the facilities at SEELE

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[purpletaint]

Like in the time past, he felt himself drawing a lack. A complete absence of what was and what had been. He moved after the woman in front of him, silent, presence still. Because here there were only two things able to affect him. And neither had been seen.

They were there, however. A reach away for one, and too far to count for the other. The point of their presence so close but endlessly far... Here was madness. Here was an absolute hold on his sanity and security tossed to the winds. The night before, the day before, the night before... Everything had vanished in a haze. The only knowledge a constant of what he was without. Dazed, he might be, but that truth remained. And so, something became to harden within, something becoming used to an absence of meaning.

[little brother.]

[falseblack]

Waking up seemed no different than crawling through muck. Moving proved no better, not with a haze-filled existence and a night of questionable results. From how quiet the boy moved, his nurse wondered if he'd caught the beginnings of a cold. Further investigation confirmed her suspicions: "Nigel's" throat was too dry for a proper response, his breathing too congested. She considered placing him in his room for the day but ultimately decided to let him continue the routine. He wasn't that sick, and a shower might be beneficial.

So Nigredo followed the nurse into the showers, feet padding softly against tile and mind blissfully blank. He did not consider her choice when she picked a particular stall nor protested the presence of the one beside him. He didn't even stop to remember the events that occurred the last time the variant had showered.

Instead, he stepped under warm water and sighed. The effort brought on a painful series of coughs, which Nigredo tried vainly to cover with his left forearm.

[purpletaint]

The ticking in his head worsened, a telltale sign of one too close (not close enough). He froze, wary; water dripping down with no notice. And how would this play out?

Silent, it seemed. He was ignored, and for the first time, this was fine. Complications had rose and how would things lessen in this but to worsen? No, he held no hope, no-- Eyes darted to the side at the sound, perhaps an echo of another's voice in his mind. The words were unclear but the meaning remained close. And how had he done so far?

His hand reached to touch his sibling's elbow, concern seen under a veil of disenchantment. "...Are you okay?"

[falseblack]

The voice was a hammer in his skull, and still, Nigredo moved sluggishly. He lifted his head--weariness seen in every inch of his features--and eyed Albedo. It was nice to see his brother having lost his former fury. And was that him being concerned? The younger couldn't tell.

Nigredo dropped the gaze and turned back to the spray. Since he could not adequately speak, the link communicated in his place. {I caught a cold.} The fifth in his entire existence. This particular one, however, had symptoms of another nature, a far cry from the others he had the fortune to go through.

For one, he never lost his voice. Truthfully, however, Nigredo couldn't mind. It gave him an excuse to remain quiet.

[purpletaint]

Sickness had never been seen for Albedo, be it from his... 'ability' or simply sheer luck. His brothers being sick as children were a cause for confusion and teasing. Albedo really hadn't thought about it since he realized both were mortal. Sickness was a kind of deterioration, something breaking down

[falseblack]

Around several thousand possible responses, and Albedo had to pick the one most nostalgic. In the literal, crippling variety. Despite the general lack of coherency and focus, Nigredo could see the fear generating within his brother's waveform, the apology before it was spoken. That, along with the illness, made for a very depressed little brother.

He reached with his other hand and closed in around the fingers at his elbow. It could be construed as a gesture of comfort--Nigredo couldn't begin to guess why. The touch simply felt right. Correct. With that, he slipped as much reassurance and calm down their connection as he could muster. Nigredo was fine; this was only temporary.

Ironically, the effort made him want to throw up.

The child squeezed his eyes shut, as though willing something away. After a brief pause, he addressed the one element left unaddressed. {Why were you angry last night?}

[purpletaint]

Be it instinct or intelligence, Nigredo was slowing learning the best ways to handle an unstable brother. The hand on his own provoked a gasp, and instantly Albedo wrapped his own fingers around Nigredo's. Something firm and solid. This, accompanied by the comfort sliding down the link almost did the job flawlessly. Suddenly heavy-lidded, his eyes half-masted for a moment and then he blinked. Yes. Almost flawless. But for something close to exhaustion seen on the other. No. There was still something wrong. Albedo made no further move, but kept his hold on Nigredo's hand.

And watched as his brother's eyes squinted shut, staring without remorse as if it was the most natural thing to do. The response was half-expected, half-not, and Albedo answered before he could think of a correct response, all focus on gauging the severity of Nigredo's reaction to an illness. {You didn't want me.} The statement was sent blandly, no dramatics. If untrue, Albedo certainly didn't know it.

[falseblack]

Nigredo mastered his nausea long enough to throw Albedo a confused look, one eyebrow even stretching as high as it could toward the ceiling. The explanation was given without complications and...expected in a sense; however, the path leading up to that point remained nowhere to be found. The albino might as well have claimed whim or ignorance. Both would have resulted in the same look for Nigredo.

The fingers fixed against Albedo's loosened, and the boy stepped to lock eyes with his brother. {What made you believe I didn't want you?} he asked--partly curious, partly methodical. His thoughts ran over the events of the night, particularly at the height of anger. There had been the call to his uniform, but that made no sense.

Ah, but emotions typically weren't based on logic, were they? Nigredo once again brought up a forearm and coughed thoughtfully into it.

[purpletaint]

If Nigredo wanted speech, this was not the way to go about it. Albedo's nature was obsessive--and placing something in front of him with no constant distraction gave no fruit but to that in itself. Still staring, he flinched obviously at the question, and then, as if nothing happened, slid over it. His interest was currently elsewhere.

The boy cocked his head, strangely lacking in the emotions that had been so present the night before. "Are you sure you should be just standing in here?" he wondered. "You don't sound all right."

[falseblack]

If it wouldn't result in another nasty fit of coughing, he could sigh at the response. Or the lack thereof, whichever. That flinch was telling, the unrelated question more so, and Nigredo wanted the answer. These aspects combined would be enough for the younger to press the issue. Enough, if he hadn't been pulled by his own illness.

He turned back to the task of cleaning, this time reaching for the soap dispenser. It was an attempt to demonstrate he shouldn't "be just standing" there. {The nurse didn't foresee any problems,} Nigredo explained in his matter-of-fact tone. {I'll be fine. I just need to...}

The answer vanished mid-thought. Back in the Yuriev Institute, minor sickness was taken in stride; they had methods and medicine to deal with the symptoms almost instantly. But here, with ancient practices floating about, it was harder to determine what he should be doing. Rest? Was that allowed? And with night around the corner? This was beginning to be more bothersome than he anticipated.

[purpletaint]

The reaction was so bland and... normal that Albedo nearly smiled, the corners of his mouth tilting upward. He could forget for that fraction of a moment about everything that had gone before. For that moment only. When Nigredo trailed off, Albedo's gaze slid to his feet. There was no past or future seen currently. Nothing existed farther than the current minute ticking by. Albedo felt each second slipping away, and wondered what exactly he was losing.

The boy took a breath, then poked his brother in the ribs. "Rest," he said firmly. "You need rest." {And anyway,} he went on with no pause. {You didn't call me. When you were feeling bad.} The two point could have been about the same subject but for the lack of eye contact. Albedo was referencing the night prior, his answer delayed but offered.

That it was given freely was telling, but he didn't seem to notice.

[falseblack]

Being poked in the ribs felt more akin to being gouged, and the boy twisted his lips in an attempt for control. It was forgotten in the next words--not those regarding rest but the other filtering through the link--and left alone as Nigredo tried to take stock of the meaning. At first, he assumed they followed the spoken answer. Continued inference, however, dictated that as unlikely and more importantly, illogical.

So Nigredo supposed Albedo was referring to last night.

Momentarily ignoring the suds in his hair, he glanced again at the body nearby, expression unfathomable. {...I didn't want to bother you.} Perhaps he was taking a leap in reaching that conclusion, but regardless of the topic, his statement held true.

[purpletaint]

The response came without thought, a lonely sensation. {You did bother me.}

He was still staring downward, still caught in-between present and past. Everything about that night had been unwanted, from the girl to the pet to his brother's actions and reactions. To the sphinx, an annoyance in itself. To even his sibling's anger, so harsh and fleeting. Words flitted through him, clear as rage. So he responded, like he never would have the night before. His hand moved to his brother's shoulder, touching lightly.

The link stayed open; Nigredo could take the context. "Don't what, Nigredo?"

[falseblack]

Nothing was said to the first matter. When considering Nigredo's propensity for apologies, the lack of a response was odd. Dangerous when in light of their track record for silence.

Therefore, he pushed to the second. That seemed to garner a much less complicated reply from Nigredo, particularly since the child understood the context involved. He stared at the tile for a long moment, the hand at his shoulder regarded with nothing more than a slight shifting away.

Finally... {Don't make me worry.}

[purpletaint]

There was no visible reaction but when Nigredo shifted, Albedo's hand fell away without prelude. Was that expected here? For some reason he couldn't remember. "Why," he wondered. "Would you worry?"

Of all of them, wasn't he the one to not worry about at all? And especially in the situation prompted--there was no risk, nothing he could find at fault. Despite, perhaps, his secret wantings for their concern and care--for them to care for him like he was precious, he knew too well that wasn't the case. No, he did understand very well.

{You bothered me,} he went on, as if there hadn't been a break in conversation. {Because you didn't call to me. But you did to another.} It was an almost rational explanation, straight-forward and clear.

[falseblack]

What was once considered dead burst from the pit of his stomach to the base of his chest. Nigredo recognized the sensation to be anger, and as per habit, it was shoved past awareness. Out of the link's reach. {Why wouldn't I worry?} he returned lamely.

Why wouldn't he? Nigredo had a feeling he knew the answer.

He froze in the motions, one hand sticking momentarily to one side of his hair and then dropping. There was a brief look of disbelief, before the younger turned to consider his brother in full. {No.} His head shook in emphasis. {That was prearranged. And I was fine until...we reached that room.}