Day 46: Sun Room

[yin_yang_fox]

The previous shifts had offered much in the way of her own personal curiosity, but little in understanding the place she was in. Still, Renamon's mind had quieted; the irritation shifted into the back of her mind. Was it simply children that accomplished that? Or the kind of people that maintained their differences, and sated something in her. She

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[number1smiley]

With her upcoming mission tonight, Teresa decided to take a few moments to rest considering she'd never get any in her room with that youma there. For the moment, she was going to let that creature continue its existence so she could eventually learn where the nest was. It was a calculated plan, her reduced abilities causing her to be far more cautious than she was comfortable with. Until she learned how the youma were affected by what was affecting her (assuming it wasn't simply because she was dead), she would need to hold her sword in check, so to speak. Though, once she had a sword, that would be a different matter.

Settling down on the floor with her back against a wall, Teresa crossed her arms and closed her eyes. The wall was no substitute for her sword, but it was far more comfortable than any of the soft couches would have been.

[silver-eyed witch seeks spinning knight for long walks on the beach]

[superdynamic]

Suzaku always felt better after talking to Yuffie. Even when she was obviously bothered by something, she had a gift for brightening up his day. And the bit of info about the third floor might come in handy at some point. He was surprised he hadn't heard much about it yet, to be honest. Probably a result of getting so wrapped up in his personal problems that he neglected to do more research on the Institute.

At least he didn't have therapy this shift either, apparently. Neither did Lelouch, as he was over there talking to some girl. Suzaku didn't see Euphie yet, though, and he couldn't help wondering -- he wanted to talk to her at some point, and he felt a little impatient. (Not that he'd ever felt patient in his life.)

He did, however, catch sight of Teresa. He didn't really want to talk to her, not when she always did such a good job of unsettling him, but he nerved himself up to approach her anyway. "Hey," he said in greeting, hoping she hadn't been asleep. "Have you seen Euphie recently? Do you know, um, how she's

[number1smiley]

Though she heard Suzaku's approach, she did not open her eyes until he spoke to her.

"I saw her briefly last night," Teresa replied. "I believe she is doing better having gotten a good night's sleep. Most humans tend to need a good eight hours to be fully rested."

[superdynamic]

Suzaku breathed a little easier. Really, he should have kept an eye on her himself, but he'd been too busy dealing with "Brenflakes." Then again, there wasn't much a good night's sleep could do for the kind of trauma and heartache she must be feeling. Suzaku wasn't sure if Teresa could understand, she was so pragmatic.

"I'm glad. But I don't know if. . . I mean, it'll take a little more than that." Sighing, Suzaku sat down next to her. Maybe napping was a good idea. They all spent too much time running around frantically, not enough taking care of their bodies. It was no wonder they were so on edge emotionally.

[number1smiley]

"The mind cannot recover if the body is weakened," Teresa replied, watching Suzaku join her on the floor. She doubted he found it as comfortable as she did and was curious if he would comment on it. She had been resting just a moment ago.

"She is stronger than you think she is," Teresa added on. "Give her time, and she will show you."

[superdynamic]

Suzaku took a moment to settle himself. It certainly wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but nothing he couldn't handle. He'd spent years in the military, including way too much time in a stifling cockpit, and even before that he'd been familiarized with discomfort. If she thought he was soft or something, she had a few surprises coming.

She was right, however, at least on the first count. Then again, there were some things the mind couldn't recover from, regardless of the body's condition. He knew that better than anyone. And he desperately didn't want Euphie to have to experience that, even if he knew it was already too late. "I know she's strong, but. . . I don't want her to have to be. She shouldn't have had to live through this."

[number1smiley]

"No one should have to live through the things they do," Teresa replied. "It is the choices we make that determine what course our lives make. And a single choice can impact many, even those far away."

Her lips curled up in a small smile. "Like the ripples formed from a single pebble tossed into a still lake." Clare - a single pebble that changed so much.

[superdynamic]

Suzaku stayed silent for a minute, because he wasn't sure he understood. It was true that life was a web of choices that all affected each other in ways he couldn't predict, but did she mean that he should simply accept the things that had happened? Accept the results of his, Euphie's, and Lelouch's choices? That was asking too much. Or did she mean that it was up to Euphie to decide what to do now, to work with what she was given? He didn't want to accept that, either, because she still shouldn't have to.

"The ripples can't be controlled, can they?" he asked quietly, not looking at her. "But I want to be able to change the course of things."

[number1smiley]

Teresa turned to watch Suzaku for a long moment. He was so determined to be something he could not be, it almost made her pity him. Still, it was a choice he as making and, though futile in her eyes, one he would not be swayed from. If that was what he wanted to do, so be it. She would not interfere, but she certainly wasn't going to pretend there was easy solution to what he wished.

"No, they cannot, Suzaku," Teresa replied, placing a hand on his forearm, the contact barely there as she was unused to such things. "Once the stone is cast, the ripples spread on their own accord. Even a second stone thrown into already disturbed waters only serves to distort the path of the ripples, but does not stop them nor alter them in a predictable manner."

She removed her hand then. "It is only the first few ripples that can be seen before the stone is cast. But once it leaves your hand and sinks into the water, the results are no longer something within your grasp."

[superdynamic]

Suzaku blinked in surprise at the hand on his arm. Teresa didn't seem like a very touchy person, and certainly not the comforting type. All she ever did was say what seemed to her the truth, but he couldn't ignore that she obviously had some intent in talking about these things with him. Suzaku couldn't help thinking that she was a very compassionate person, in her own stoic way. Of course, she had to be, to look after Euphie the way she did.

"Yeah," he agreed softly, feeling a bit comforted in spite of himself. "I don't want it to be true, but. . ." That must have been what he'd been doing, throwing that second stone to try to change the ripples Lelouch had made. Only to have made the sea more stormy. "I guess the point is to be careful where you throw the stone in the first place."

[number1smiley]

Teresa nodded. "Or learn to ride the ripples. The past is the past and nothing can change that."

Closing her eyes, she resumed her resting position, but was still alert to the man beside her. "It is futile to try, yet laughable to watch. The future may not be as clear as the past, but keeping your eyes trained behind you will only serve to allow you to walk right into a tree because you were not looking at what's right before you," she added on, a little smile on her lips.

[superdynamic]

That was what he was already doing, Suzaku was pretty sure. He was looking only to the future, only thinking of moving on. It was all he could do, when he'd lost nearly everything. He'd spent enough time obsessing over the past, over his mistakes and how he needed to redeem himself.

And yet, he hadn't really stopped doing that, had he? He'd told her that his path now wasn't determined by guilt, but that wasn't entirely true. Guilt was all he could feel. And he didn't know how to stop feeling it, or even why he would want to. Why deny the truth? "Even if you can't change the past. . ." he said hesitantly, wondering how she would react, "the things that happened still happened, didn't they? You can't ignore them. They're always there."

[number1smiley]

The hesitation in Suzaku's voice made Teresa's faint smile a bit more noticeable even though she did not open her eyes, she did not move from her rigid position against the wall. She wasn't sure what exactly it was about him that held her interest. Could it be that the man simply needed someone to speak frankly to him, having been surrounded by veiled intentions and the oppression of Britannia his whole life? Or was it that condition she had contracted that lead her to her current situation? Perhaps it was more of a master swordsman lending a small amount of time and effort to a whelp picking up an unfamiliar blade

[superdynamic]

Well. That was -- thorough. Teresa had strong opinions on the subject, that much was obvious, and Suzaku wasn't sure if there was anything he could say in response. She seemed so sure of herself, so confident and experienced, that it was difficult to believe anything but that she was right. And she was, because Suzaku had been brought up to follow a warrior's code as much as she, whether it was through Toudou's teaching or Britannia's military discipline. He knew what it meant to live by the sword. That very definition was what made it so obvious to his comrades that he didn't belong in the military. His version of that way of life was completely different

[number1smiley]

From the look in Suzaku's eyes, Teresa had struck a chord in him again. She seemed to do that quite frequently. It was a bit fascinating, and he was lucky she did not bear him any ill will. Very lucky.

"If you are going to defeat yourself, it should be for a choice you make, not for a choice you made that you let linger." She chuckled and closed her eyes again. "At least then, there will be blood shed and when you die, you know it was a worthy death. The greatest warrior is never defeated by another, but by herself."

[superdynamic]

Again, he wasn't sure he understood. She was coming from a different world and using a different vocabulary. In a way, it was what he had been trying to do all along, choosing a death for himself. But that choice was based on choices he'd made in the past, and it had eventually been removed from him anyway. He couldn't take his own life now, and he couldn't even let someone else take it, not with Lelouch's Geass. But of course Teresa didn't know that.

"I don't really have that choice," he said quietly. He probably shouldn't tell her, but -- she already knew enough about Geass. This one other detail wouldn't make much difference. "That power I told you about, it was used on me. I was ordered to live."