Day 46: Sun Room

[human_sponge]

Peter woke up suddenly, his body twisting in the bed and then forcing him to catch his breath in pain. Pain, which was coming from his middle because of the thing that had scratched him last night, and after that

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[winged_moon]

Sudden movement jarred him far from sleep even as it had been hovering tantalizingly close, and he unwillingly took stock of the situation. His cheek was pressed against soft fabric covering a warm chest that rose and fell with breath, arms around him tightly as though the person had no intention of ever letting go. After half a second to process the thought, he recognized Touya's scent, and the surprise traced a line down the center of their shared self like a fracture, as both halves reacted to his presence in entirely opposite fashions.

There was a moment of relief in Yue's mind: relief that after last night Touya was all right, wasn't upset or angry at them for what Yue had done. But then he pushed that away and simply retreated, determinedly seeking sleep as he had before. It was more difficult now, to sleep while Yukito was in control, but he was certain he could manage. He would manage.

Yukito, though, dragged himself farther toward consciousness, opening his eyes to peer up at Touya a little groggily, and automatically reached up for glasses he wasn't wearing. "You're...okay?" he asked, with obvious worry, and just as obvious sleepiness. It was hard to be awake when half of you was trying to sleep so stubbornly that he was practically pretending to snore.

[guardiancomplex]

"I'm fine," he confirmed. Truth be told, his wounds weren't as bad as they had been when he'd passed out. There were some thin scabs on his arms, but even those looked like they would fall off any day now. Obviously, though, he wasn't so concerned with a few scratches as he was with Yue and Yuki's current state of mind. Killing someone wasn't something either of them could brush off, Touya felt.

"I don't think you are, though," he said, still holding Yuki to him. "I don't think either of you would be, after what happened."

[winged_moon]

Yukito breathed out a sigh and closed his eyes again, relaxing against Touya's shoulder. Something about this felt rather oddly familiar, but the more he tried to think about it the more it slipped away, so he finally stopped trying. It was comforting, at least, to know that Touya was there, and that he seemed no worse off for the events of the night before. If that was the case then Sakura had to be all right as well, even if he hadn't seen her yet.

The same couldn't be said of the fourth member of their party, though, and thinking of Fai disturbed even Yue's resolute determination to sleep. Although Landel had referred to him as "Yuuhi," whatever that meant; the Head Doctor also called Kurogane by another name, though he'd not been paying all that much attention at the time and couldn't recall what it was. Maybe people where they were from simply used other names? Probably not worth thinking about, although that tangent kept him from thinking about how the night had ended, about the crimson staining Fai's white coat as Yue had gently folded his arms across his chest.

The faint shudder evoked by those thoughts could have come from either one of them, or both, but Yue drew back even farther, trying to pretend not to listen at all. "I'm all right," Yukito replied, still sounding drowsy as he deliberately misunderstood the question. "Everything's...all healed."

[guardiancomplex]

Touya's eyes narrowed just a fraction as he listened to Yuki avoid the question. Still, he was glad that Yuki wasn't hurt anymore, even if he was probably tearing himself apart over killing Fai. Touya hadn't personally seen how it had happened, but did that matter? Fai didn't slit his own throat after all, it had to have been something Yue threw at him.

"Good," Touya said, thinking that maybe this wasn't the best time to ask how Yuki was doing emotionally. For now, he could just hold him.

"I'm sorry I pushed so hard to go down there," he said quietly. "I nearly got you killed."

[winged_moon]

"We wanted to go, too." If anything was going to break through the hazy fog of drowsiness, it was Touya blaming himself for what had happened. Yukito opened his eyes again, blinking rapidly in an attempt to wake himself up a little. For some reason it was difficult, and for half a second he felt a twinge of worry, remembering the months he'd spent slowly fading away until Touya had finally intervened. But...no, this was a different kind of tired, he finally decided. Even if Yue had used a significant amount of power the night before.

Which started to lead his train of thought back in directions he didn't want to go, and he shook his head a little, as much as he could while he was leaning against Touya. "It wasn't your fault. Not at all." He tilted his head back, peering up at Touya. "We didn't even consider that...that if Landel set up the places to find those keys, that he wanted us to go there. And...why, if it was a good thing?"

He paused briefly, eyes going unfocused as though he was listening to something for a moment. "And Yue-san...he asked Fai-san to come along. We wanted to go, even though..." His voice trailed off there as he looked momentarily confused, uncertain where he was trying to go with that.

[guardiancomplex]

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," Touya shifted so he could hold Yuki more comfortably. He'd tried to avoid the subject, but maybe it was impossible to completely leave the subject. Especially since it felt as though it had only happened a few hours ago.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't blaming yourself--because as bad a situation as that was, it wasn't yours or Yue's fault either," he said quietly, stroking Yukito's hair in a soothing way. Maybe it would have been awkward if Sakura walked up just then--but this was today, and today was different from any other day.

[winged_moon]

Of course it was their fault. Not completely, certainly; if Landel hadn't seen fit to put them into that situation in the first place, nothing like that would have happened. But it was still Yue who had fired the fatal arrow. It was still Yue who had killed Fai. And even though it wasn't his power, he wasn't the one in control at that moment, the two of them were still so closely tied together that Yukito had been there and watching, and couldn't help but feel the same way about it as his other self did. It was what Fai had wanted to happen, though that thought was small consolation. Of course they blamed themselves for it. That wasn't going to change.

Yue, however, was resolutely ignoring the world, trying to run as far away from his own guilt as he possibily could. And Yukito...well, he wasn't going to argue about it. He just watched his hands -- Yue's hands -- folded in his lap and didn't say anything in direct response to the comment. There wasn't anything that Touya could do except be there, which he was, and discussing the matter would only make him feel worse for no reason.

Instead, Yukito lifted his eyes again to make a brief survey of the room, and then frowned slightly. "Have you seen Sakura-chan today?" he asked, trying to ignore the faint spark of worry. Touya was here. Touya was fine. So she must be, too. But...he didn't see her, nor did Yue sense her presence.

[guardiancomplex]

"I haven't seen her," Touya said, putting his chin on the top of Yuki's head. "But my nurse told me 'Lily' was sleeping in as well. So she's still here, don't worry. And if my wounds are better, hers must be too."

Yue and Yuki probably felt bad enough--he wished Sakura wasn't sleeping in and making both of them worry. It wasn't like her at all. Why was she so tired all the time anyway?

Okay, so maybe he was just a little miffed because Sakura was making Yuki worry on a day he seriously did not need to worry. Part of him wished that she wasn't here at all, and the other part was annoyed that Yue and Yuki were worried about her when Touya was trying to comfort him.

That was just how Yue and Yuki worked, though. He knew that. It was just... frustrating sometimes.

[winged_moon]

The reassurance was enough to make Yukito relax again, even if he still kept his eyes open in case she did show up. "Mine are, too," he agreed, back to sounding a little drowsy again. There had to be some way of ignoring Yue enough that he didn't feel half-asleep while his other half was dozing. Was it something about what had happened last night? Or maybe whatever had made Yue's wings return, before the trip to the basement. He couldn't be certain, not without asking Yue, and he...wasn't about to talk.

"I'm glad you're better, though," he added, after a moment longer than should have been necessary for those thoughts to wander through his mind. "And I'm sorry you were hurt because of us. Yue-san thought...if he and Fai gave their blood, then you and Sakura-chan would stay behind, where it was safer. While they went on to explore."

[guardiancomplex]

"Yeah," Touya said, not sounding at all pleased by this. "I figured."

That was something he was saving for another time: Yue's sudden decision to leave him and Sakura behind and face whatever perils lay beyond that (then) mysterious door alone. Touya got that Yue was trying to protect him and Sakura, but what if they had vanished and something had happened to the ones left behind? If there was one thing soccer had taught Touya, it was that leaving half of your team behind wasn't the way to win. It was a great way to have the other team spearhead your defense, though.

"But it was a really dumb move," he said, trying not to sound angry with Yuki. He was however, annoyed by Yue's decision. "I know he wants to make sure nothing happens to me and Sakura, but he can't just leave us behind like that. I mean, not only are we totally vulnerable then, but we have to deal with the fact that if something happens to you and him? We can't help. We don't even know if something's gone wrong."

He let out a breath. "I'm not blaming you. But I don't think he can see past keeping us completely out of harm's way."

[winged_moon]

It was only another confirmation that what had happened was their fault. If Yue hadn't pushed ahead like that, he wouldn't have been put into such a situation, and Touya and Sakura wouldn't have ended up being tortured like that. If he'd listened to his instincts warning him of danger and just turned back...

Yukito blinked once, shaking his head a little in an effort to wake himself up a little more. "One of us could have stayed behind," he replied, slowly. "But what if it had been you and Yue-san in the arena?" The idea wasn't something he wanted to consider, not in the slightest, and he couldn't help but shudder a little at the thought. Fai's death had been hard enough. But Touya?

He sighed and lifted a hand to adjust glasses that weren't there, and after a second's uncertain hesitation instead tucked a fall of hair back behind one ear. "Neither of us wants to see those we care about get hurt. It's...dangerous enough, here."

[guardiancomplex]

It was a good question: what if it had been Yue and Touya in that arena? Well, the answer was clear enough for Touya, but Yuki and Yue would have been catatonic the day after without anyone to comfort them. He wouldn't have wanted that, but he wouldn't have wanted Sakura to suffer while both of them remained alive. And it wasn't as though he hadn't had to sacrifice something before.

He felt Yuki shudder in his arms and Touya pulled him closer again. "No one wants to see the people they care about getting hurt--and that includes me." It felt like now would have been a good time to reveal that he'd asked Ken to strangle him, just to prove his point, but then decided now was the worst time to bring that up. "But what's even worse is being apart from the person you care about and not knowing if they're alright. It must have been terrible for mom, which was probably why she'd always come visit us to make sure Sakura and dad and I were okay. But I'm not an angel, I can't walk through walls when I'm scared you're in trouble."

[winged_moon]

There was only silence in response for several long moments, as Yukito tried to focus as best as he could on what Touya was saying. He thought he understand, but at the same time understood Yue's point of view as well. The guardian had been here, alone (or as close to it as possible), for long enough to realize both how dangerous it could be here and how lost he felt without someone to protect. The latter had been part of the reason he'd latched onto Fai in the first place, after all, even if the magician hadn't seemed to want a protector.

The two had combined to make Yue determined to make certain that those he cared about (and Yukito included Touya in that, because it was true, and because Yue wasn't paying enough attention to protest at the moment), and almost blind to anything else. Could he explain that in a way that would make Touya understand? And without discussing things that were Yue's business and not his own?

Probably not. Yukito finally gave a sigh that was purely mental this time, his hand lowering to rest on Touya's arm. "We can't change what's already happened," he observed. "What do we do now?"

[guardiancomplex]

"...I don't know," Touya said, thinking that Yuki really hadn't understood what he said, or didn't want to disagree for whatever reason. "We can't go back, so we have to go forward."

That was really the only thing they could do. Fai wasn't coming back to life, and they couldn't just turn around and never think about that arena again. It would be a disservice to Fai's sacrifice. Though where they were supposed to go from there, Touya didn't know. He didn't think he wanted to know.

"It'll be hard, for all of us, but I think Fai would want us to keep going. Especially if it means getting out."

[winged_moon]

What was it the Sphinx had told them, exactly? Something about how if they survived what was behind that locked door, they would be able to explore farther into the Institute, wasn't it? It had been vague, but was there something past the arena for those who survived it? Yukito's brow furrowed slightly as he tried to concentrate, feeling his thoughts sliding away, difficult to grasp.

He did know that giving up hadn't been an option to begin with, but was even less of one now. It would be like saying Fai's death hadn't meant anything, wasting the opportunity he'd given them. And whatever "prize" it was that Landel had mentioned the night before. The idea of taking something from Landel, especially for the reason he'd supposedly "earned" it made him feel vaguely ill, but...again, he couldn't just throw away any potential advantage, especially when it had been paid for in blood.

"We'll get back home," Yukito agreed, giving another brief glance around the room. No Sakura, still. It was a good thing Yue was distracted, else he'd probably be trying to find her himself. "But...not tonight?" he added, a little hesitant. "I think...maybe we need a night to rest."