Night 44: M31-40 Hallway

[hamelinschild]

[M39]When the first intercom sounded, it shook Hart at a mid-line level. It was propaganda and suppression of information flow that the institution wanted now, obviously. They'd all have to be much more careful now with the bulletins, especially if the little pet idea of the 'Evil Club' were to ever get off the ground into anything serious. For the

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Re: M31

[superdynamic]

[from here]

Of course, however eager he might be, Suzaku did remember that he was only here to drop off Lelouch's things. And Lelouch probably wouldn't want to continue yesterday's argument, if his behavior up to this point was any indication. Suzaku spent the short walk to Lelouch's room trying and failing to think of something that would persuade Lelouch to talk to him, but in the end, he figured he would just wing it. If he could even get Lelouch to let him in the room.

Suzaku brought himself up short in front of Lelouch's door, swallowing hard before giving a short rap with his knuckles. What could he even say? Nothing that he hadn't already, except maybe this time he would be able to control himself better, and not just walk away. Maybe he could make Lelouch believe what he himself understood so well, what Teresa had somehow forced him to articulate. That's right, it had been like a warm-up. (A warm-up that had left him shaking.) No, Lelouch would understand. He had to.

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

Suzaku let his breath out sharply when Lelouch finally opened the door, looking at him suspiciously and using that tone. After everything that had happened since they'd last spoken, everything that had so sharply illustrated their own mortality and that of those they loved -- it somehow wasn't what Suzaku had expected, even though he should have. Maybe it was only him who had recalled what connected them beyond the stupid things they'd both done. . . Maybe it was only him who could recognize at this point that the past didn't matter much anymore.

It couldn't be, though. Even if this Lelouch hadn't lived through the Ragnarok, he was still the same Lelouch, and Suzaku knew he was capable of understanding. Because without Lelouch being -- Lelouch, there wasn't anything to understand. There wasn't any partnership, any loyalty -- Suzaku knew it didn't make any sense, but he was right nonetheless. No matter times he'd been wrong in the past, he was certain that this wasn't one of those times. He was right that he and Lelouch were

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

Suzaku couldn't help a bit of relief showing on his face, even though it was obvious the drugs had worn off. Both of them had avoided sedation up to this point, and for it to happen now, when Lelouch wasn't even allowing Suzaku to protect him -- and at a time like that, too. If what Lelouch had said about Shirley was true. . . Suzaku had to know.

There were so many things he had to talk to Lelouch about, and he couldn't let Lelouch just close the door on him. He didn't want to be rude, but -- he might have to be. Suzaku put out a hand, lightly catching the door before it closed fully, but not putting enough force behind the motion to stop Lelouch from slamming the door if he wanted to. He didn't want Lelouch to feel like he didn't have a choice in the matter. Then again, if he decided to slam it, Suzaku would resist, and he'd end up not having a choice anyway. Suzaku was just hoping it wouldn't come to that point

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

It was true. . . Suzaku had thought so, but he'd wanted to hear it from Lelouch himself. All this time, he had thought Lelouch had killed Shirley, and Lelouch had done nothing to abuse him of the notion. Maybe it was Suzaku's own fault for never directly asking if Lelouch had killed her, or for not putting the facts together right. Either way, whoever was to blame, Suzaku couldn't stand the thought that he'd misjudged Lelouch over and over. Everything he had learned about Lelouch since the Ragnarok, especially since they came here, pointed to the fact that Lelouch wasn't the monster Suzaku had believed him to be. And yet, he'd still clung to his beliefs, despite whatever evidence to the contrary

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

Suzaku stared in utter incomprehension. "You don't think it's important that I blamed you for a murder you didn't commit?" But that's how Lelouch thought, wasn't it? Results were what mattered, and he was no stranger to murder, even that of his own family members. But it wasn't just that he hadn't cleared his name; he had actually taken responsibility for Shirley's death. Where the hell did he think that would get him? All it had done was make Suzaku hate him that much more. Suzaku wasn't sure if Lelouch was a complete moron, or if he had some master plan so brilliant it was a complete mystery to someone as simple as Suzaku.

. . . Probably the latter. Which was even more infuriating, because he obviously wasn't planning to share any of his real motivations, despite promising to be honest and to trust Suzaku. When would the lies ever end?

"I did ask," Suzaku said almost reluctantly, realizing that it really wasn't fair, or at least that Lelouch wouldn't see it that way. "Just -- not that you remember. And you said her

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

Suzaku's lips tightened. Even if Lelouch thought that counted as being able to take responsibility for Shirley's death, it didn't change the fact that he had deliberately misled Suzaku. He had to have known what conclusion Suzaku would reach, because how the hell would he have guessed the truth? All the circumstances had pointed to Lelouch being the culprit

Re: M31

[superdynamic]

Suzaku's fingers curled where they lay against the surface of the door, the only kind of flinch he would allow right now. If Lelouch really felt way, why -- why the things he'd said the day before? Why was he even trying to kick Suzaku out? It didn't make any sense, and Suzaku didn't believe that bullshit about protecting Euphie due to the time continuum. All he knew was that Lelouch was never the person he pretended to be, and it was up to Suzaku to figure out what was really beneath all those masks. Not because he was any good at it -- he wasn't -- but because he was the only one who could. He was the one Lelouch trusted most