Day 44: Arts and Crafts Room, Second Shift
Astor hadn't talked much after introducing himself, which hadn't bothered Terry. With all the crap their little hospital of horrors piled on the patients, he couldn't blame a guy for not wanting to open up to some stranger. Plus, not talking meant he could get a decent meal in, and then check out the bulletin for the latest in Landel's news and
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...Or maybe he was the one wrong this time. Despite the fact that he'd managed to get one of the guys in the nose, they both held him still firmly enough for the nurse the stick in a second needle. He was still growling in fury afterward, but his anger shifted to simply panting with wasted energy, still wanting to keep going despite the fact that his body was shutting down. After a moment, even that subsided and he stood limp in the orderlies' hold.
They waited a few moments to be sure he was fully affected before loosening their grip. They guided him quietly to one of the empty tables in the room and got him to sit down with little fuss. As opposed to just moments ago, he looked absolutely withered. It was kind of like that feeling one got when they hadn't slept for several days straight. It was hard to keep his focus on a single thought for very long. A part of him was trying to stay focused on Naoto's situation and another part was vaguely wondering if a hangover was anything like this.
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Naoto and Yousuke had mentioned a tall blond friend, and this confirmed the connection. When Kaworu had spoken to him, his anger, which was now exposed like a raw wound, had only simmered under the surface. It only came out enough to push others away. It was a wall that isolated him, and made Kaworu want to see what was behind it.
As Kaworu began to rise to approach Kanji, a nurse tried to discourage him. He lied and said the boy was his friend, which was enough to let him go. The nurse still appeared unhappy that Kaworu wanted to approach the slumped figure, despite all of his smiles and confidence. He could see the worry in her eyes, but Kaworu felt none of it. Even if the significantly taller and stronger boy had just taken on two orderlies and a couple of sedative injections, Kaworu wasn't concerned.
He drifted across the room, leaving behind his halfhearted attempts at drawing. (There was no way to draw his feelings, he had told the unimpressed nurse.) Kaworu silently slid into the seat next to the other boy, who was silent and still now. Kaworu felt uncomfortable to see anyone behaving like this, so dull and unresponsive.
A hand lightly touched Kanji's shoulder, seeking a reaction.
"Who was she to you?" he asked, not sure if Kanji would hear him or continue to lie there, catatonic.
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There was a slight frown as he blinked at the boy sitting next to him, trying to keep his focus and figure out who he was and why he was talking to him. Hadn't he had this same reaction a few times already? With this kid, even? Yeah, it was... that guy on the bus. The one who stared him down and kept asking weird questions. It looked like he hadn't gotten over that habit, cause he was doing it all over again.
"...Whadda you care?" he grumbled with a slur, still frowning just a little. "You... dun even know 'er. ...Not like it matters. They took 'er. And that's... all that," matters should have been the end of that sentence, but he muttered off into silence.
What did he care who she was? He didn't know jack about her. He didn't know how much it hurt to hear she'd been taken off somewhere. She was the brains of their group, she was the reason he started going back to school more, and she was... a friend. And for someone who didn't have too many friends, that was a big deal. But more than that... yeah, there was more to it than that. She meant more to him than that. But that wasn't something-- I mean, that wasn't anyone's business.
He leaned slightly away from the kid, trying to get his hand off Kanji's shoulder. He wanted to say 'Lemme go,' but it came out in some kind of grumbled, unintelligible sound.
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"I have met her," he told the boy. He stretched his arms behind him and gripped the edges of the chair. The table in front of them was covered in marker stains and dried glue with bits of glitter inside. "She protected me, although she did not know me or have anything to gain from it. She and Yousuke both."
Kaworu knew Kanji was in pain. There was no other explanation. Kaworu felt regret that Naoto was gone, and that he had not done something to express how he felt, but the other boy was right. Kaworu had not known her. He had met her once and formed an opinion outside of who she truly was. "You must have loved her," he said quietly.
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"So you met 'em both?" He repeated dumbly, trying to think about what that might have meant. So far he was coming up blank. "Tch. Yeah. Sounds like 'er alright... Like both of 'em, actually. Pretty good at that, too." So he did kind of know her. He'd at least met her and knew who Kanji was talking about. That was better than nothing. ...Not that he was much of a talker anyway, but it made things a little better.
Kanji jerked again at that last part, though touch wasn't involved in it this time. L-Loved? Whoa, wasn't that-- That was a little... Well, Kanji was... That was a pretty strong word to just throw out casually like that, wasn't it?! If it was possible to look flustered in his current condition, he probably would have been. Actually, he just looked a great deal less sleep deprived, aware enough to give an honest shocked expression.
He stammered for a few moments though whether it was due to the sedation of embarrassment wasn't 100% clear. His current state wasn't making it any easier to say anything, that was for sure. "Th-Th-That's not... I mean, I never said..! W-Who said anything about...?" ...Goddammit, Yousuke! Why was he telling people shit like that?! "L-Look... I never said that I..." He looked down at the table, somewhat ashamed like a kid who'd just been busted. "...I dunno."
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Kaworu had inadvertently made the moment worse, which he knew was not surprising. He had spent hours thinking about the inevitability of pain, and the distress Lilim caused one another. It was not a foreign concept, or it shouldn't have been.
It had never applied to Kaworu himself until he left the arms of SEELE's laboratory. Now, his own actions created ripples he hadn't anticipated. He was participating, not observing. It was even more pronounced with this boy. Kaworu wondered if Kanji disliked him.
"I'm sorry. No one said anything," he said, torn between his sympathy and a small amount of amusement over the misunderstanding. Still, he knew it was inappropriate to find any of this funny, or to find Kanji's emotions fascinating. "When I saw that you were angry, I knew she that must have been important to you," Kaworu explained, a little softer.
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"I don't care." That was the only response he would give to any apology offered to him. To him, it was the same as saying it was fine, but some people didn't really get that. "...I guess... I guess she was. I dunno. I mean, she was important to a lotta people, y'know?"
Suddenly, he stopped. Because he realized two very big things wrong with this scenario. One was he was letting himself start to get all choked up about this, and that was the last thing Kanji wanted. He didn't want to get sad or upset. He wanted to be pissed so he could kick the bastard responsible's ass that much harder. Though it seemed like getting worked up was just going to make him dizzy. And two:
"Hold on a sec," he said frowning at the kid. "We ain't talkin' like this. We're acting like... she's freakin' gone already. Like it's too late. No one said anything about that yet. Long as we're still here, we can try to get her back." Even if this guy didn't hang out with her or anything, he at least owed her for her saving him, so he had to care about her to some extent, right? "We can't just give on her. She wouldn't give up on any a' us."
He tried to sit himself up straight and strong like nothing had happened to him. A throbbing head was nothing compared to what she might be going through right then. "Someone said... they thought they kept the people they take here somewhere. You know anything... about what happens when people go missing?"
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This place was malicious. Kaworu wasn't sure what to do with that knowledge, but he had seen the carnage in the town. He could sense Kanji's urgency. Kanji wanted to go save Naoto, while Kaworu had been satisfied to simply survive and wait. And yet, he had promised Shinji he would try. He still wasn't sure what he could do, but Kanji's objections settled deep in his chest. If he had agreed to live and to be with Shinji somehow, it was his responsibility to find him, wherever he might be.
Kaworu looked over at Kanji and his show of strength. Despite what the nurses had done to calm him, Kanji had his convictions and his passion. Kaworu wasn't sure what he had, besides memories and the possibility that Shinji was waiting for him somewhere.
"No," he breathed. "But there is someone I need to find as well. He was brought to me by the nurses as a visitor, and is not being kept here. The visitors are called upon to appear here once a week, apparently taken just as we were. No one knows where they are, but maybe Naoto and him are together. His name is Shinji."
Kaworu seemed to remember something, and added swiftly, "My name is Kaworu."
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