Night 43: M51-M60 Hallway
The intercom's words grew more and more telling as the day neared its end. Faize now understood that to those running the institute, he and the other captives were the subjects of some sort of reeducation program, one which was responsible for the brainwashing of patients, visitors, and doctors alike. Next Wave, the announcements mentioned often.
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M60. He stopped in front of the doorway and flashed his light across the numbers to verify, frowning. There was only one logical route to Shikamaru's room and it had been notably Sai-less, meaning that the ninja hadn't left, and given the time that had passed since the intercom, he didn't plan on leaving either. Maybe he'd just fallen asleep. Wouldn't that be a riot: Shikamaru waking up someone else to do work.
That'd be if he was lucky, anyway. From what he knew about Sai's training, it'd take a lot to keep the guy holed up in his room, and Shikamaru didn't deal very well with other people's emotional distress. Hell, he didn't even deal with his own. His visitation had gone relatively well, all things considered. The renewed sense of loss was painful, but not too painful to work around, as long as he kept his vulnerability into account when planning. Like he'd promised Kakashi, he'd learn to compensate for his weaknesses...but again, he'd been lucky this afternoon. Sai, it seemed, not so much.
He gave the door a series of raps solid enough to be heard, but not loud enough to seem insistent. "Hey, Sai. Can I come in?"
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It occurred to him that he should probably say something, acknowledge the fact that the other ninja had arrived. Slowly, and with some difficulty, he forced himself to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed. Shikamaru would need him to be awake. He could manage that. Awareness was another matter.
"Yes," he answered belatedly, no life in his voice whatsoever.
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Shikamaru kept his flashlight beam aimed at the floor, and made particular effort to seem oblivious as he flopped onto the mattress of Sai's roommate's bed, weaving his fingers in their usual position behind his neck and fixing his on the ceiling, though he had only shadows to watch. He started speaking immediately, as if everything was fine and Sai had shown up at his room rather than vice versa.
"Yeah, so I haven't gotten in touch with Sakura, but there's no reason to assume that her team's plans have changed. We'll stop by her room, and if they've already left, we'll just leave the sedative in her drawer and work things out on the bulletin tomorrow. It's not worth tracking her down if she's with the other two, and if anything's changed, she'd leave a note. As for us, we should try for the basement again."
Kakashi wasn't here yet and the whole thing was ultimately his decision, but the jounin had wanted him to be more active as a leader, so he'd be more active as a leader. Except in extreme situations, Shikamaru had two voices: the 'can't you see I'm busy watching clouds' voice, and the authoritative one reserved for giving reports and explaining plans. He used the latter, though going anywhere with Sai was a terrible idea and he didn't intend to do so. Directly commenting on the other boy's condition, though, might be taken as an insult to his training, and as blunt as Shikamaru could be, he had worked with more than enough proud people in his time. He continued to pretend that he'd noticed nothing unusual and yawned loudly as he waited to see if he'd get any response beyond silence.
He really, really hoped that he wasn't going to have to go through this with Kakashi too.
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He was silent as he made his way over to his closet and began undressing, changing into the preferred black. It would have been possible to complete the mission in the basic gray uniform, but he was also taking this opportunity to try and get his thoughts focused. It took him longer than usual, every movement careful. He almost put his shoes on the wrong feet - had to stop himself and redo them.
There would also be reason to arm himself, and the ninja took a moment to ponder on what from his fair-sized assortment of weaponry he should bring. There were scalpels, his kunai for sure, the trowels might stop being usable soon (they weren't built for combat), and there was something else...
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He wasn't going to start some kind of 'let's talk about it' conversation with Sai, and he sure as hell wasn't going to pretend to understand. They only had one thing in common--being Leaf-nin--so for now, he'd have to stick with that. "Look, Sai," Shikamaru started, "I know we went through completely different training, and I know that yours had some kind of feelings-are-weaknesses thing. I also figure that you're part of some secret elite organization, so I don't expect a chuunin's opinion to mean much, but getting here was a hassle and I don't feel like walking back to my room, so you're going to hear it anyway." He waved away the preamble, sighing, before getting to the meat of the conversation. "A couple days ago, you told me that the mission is most important thing. The only thing, I think." The phrasing had struck him as odd at the time, but at least it was something close to Leaf-nin loyalty. He closed his eyes, and this time, when he continued, his voice carried a sense of casual and unintentional authority, as if he'd very carefully and deeply considered every aspect of what he was about to say but never thought of how to phrase it to someone else. "If you really care about your team and your mission, you have to know about every single part of yourself, even the shit you don't want to see. If you think you're stronger than you are and you make a mistake, other people are going to have to clean up your shit, and that's only if you're lucky enough to have other people left." He paused, closed his eyes, and after a few seconds, Shikamaru took a heavy breath, exhaled, and tried again with more professional language. "What I mean is this: if you don't accurately assess your every current strength and weakness before taking on an assignment, you risk the success of the mission and the lives of everyone on your team. It's not easy for anyone, and it's probably harder for you. But, you know, as a member of your team, I've got a bit of a vested interest here." He opened his eyes to glance at the other ninja, even giving a very slight smirk at his final comment before looking back to the ceiling, again thoughtful. "Are you sure that you're up for whatever I'm planning tonight?"
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He began speaking, voice low but slowly rising to a more audible level. "There are no names. There are no feelings... There is no past... there is no future. There is only the mission..." Part of the Root mantra, apart from the lines that actually pertained to Root. It was a conduit, a means of focus. He brushed dark bangs away from his eyes, knowing the answer to Shikamaru's last question and finding it unacceptable.
No, he wasn't up to it. In his current state, he was liable to get himself, or possibly all of them, killed. He couldn't give that answer.
"Shikamaru-san... I need to ask something of you." He stood straight, allowing his hands to fall at his sides. His expression was still lifeless, but there was a seed of determination in his eyes. "I want you to hurt me. A couple good hits might do it."
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"I don't think that's how it works," he said. "I mean, I might hit you, but you're not always going to have people around to punch some sense into you. No argument would convince Naruto, for instance, and Kakashi'd see right through it."
Mentally, he reviewed what was clearly a memorized mantra. Though he could only make out a few bits and pieces, it wasn't hard to piece together the general idea, even if many of the words were lost. Great. Just great. So, it was pretty much what he expected, only worse, and with some good brainwashing going on too. Shikamaru sighed and rubbed the side of his face. He'd probably annoyed Sai enough over the course of yesterday's afternoon, and while he didn't particularly care who considered him a friend, those who disliked him were a hassle. Unfortunately, so were useless teammates, and if he had to choose between the two, he'd pick the one that most likely wouldn't get him killed.
"First, I damn well hope you have a future, because I'm about to be a part of it and I'm a little attached to being alive." That was easy enough, and his voice was light, emphasized with a shrug. Now, for the hard part.
Shikamaru fell back, stretching his arms over his head and not at all feeling like having this conversation. Despite the laziness of his movement, he took careful stock of the room's shadows in case he had to use them. "Second. You obviously have some kind of past. When you and Kakashi told me about the visitors, you said you were visited by someone you were close to before his death. Then, a few hours ago, you said something else about loved ones or people close to us." He looked up, but otherwise didn't move. "I'd rather not argue, because arguing's a pain in the ass and we both know I'd win anyway." Cocky, but true. Shikamaru knew when he had a point, and Sai seemed logical enough to recognize it as well. Hopefully. "If you have a good reason for wanting me to hit you, I will, but if it's just a distraction and you're going to keep ignoring this junk until it hurts someone who isn't you, I've got an obligation to my village and my friends to make sure you fix it."
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He remembered his other weapon now. Slowly, Sai bent and slid his machete out from underneath his mattress. It wasn't a sword, not as solid and the edge was too dull, but it was a better weapon than the trowels. The ninja set it beside his pillow where it wouldn't clink against the sedative vial. He considered pulling it on the chuunin, threatening him into action, but they didn't need to be drawing blades on each other right now.
"I can't focus." His expression now was a little pained. "Please hit me, and hard, or I'll hit you first." And he wouldn't go easy on him either. He refused to be this way, seeing Shin's face every time his mind wandered.
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Shikamaru was known for speaking his mind, but anyone who'd grown up with him would have found the degree of force behind his words suspicious. It certainly wasn't easy to maintain. Sai wasn't listening to reason, though, and Shikamaru doubted compassion would work on someone with that kind of outlook on emotion. Even if the other ninja had made some kind of sympathetic connection with Naruto, Shikamaru wasn't Naruto, and when it came to demeanor, the two could hardly be more different. Shikamaru didn't attract friends...there was nothing in his personality that drew people to him, and he was perfectly fine with that. Why couldn't Naruto be here, anyway? And where the hell was Kakashi? This wasn't in his job description, and it wasn't in his nature. Pain in the ass. He'd be particularly eloquent when complaining about it tomorrow.
Initially, there was a small chance Shikamaru might have punched Sai, but that chance lowered with every word Sai said, and once the other boy reached under his mattress, the odds were completely gone.
"Are you seriously threatening me?" Shikamaru asked, groaning in disbelief before rolling off the bed and onto his feet. He added 'persistent and forceful' to his notes about tomorrow's complaints. "You're not going to attack me. It's night, I have chakra, and you're completely surrounded by shadow. Would you rather have this conversation like a ninja, or while bound against your will?"
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He wasn't going to go back on his own words, either. True to his warning, the ninja took a couple quick steps forward, ready to swing at Shikamaru's face. If the shadows stopped him, he'd work with that as well. "Are you really willing to waste energy on me instead, when this could have been over quickly?"
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Dealing with Sai's emotional distress was more of a hassle than it was worth, and the more Shikamaru thought about it, the more certain he was that he wasn't the one who ought to be here. He'd already tried both logic and verbal force, and staying any longer would be a waste of chakra. Maybe one of the others could fix Sai later, or if he'd been like this for weeks, maybe he was beyond help. Either way, there was no point in sticking around.
"When you get your shit together enough to act like a trained ninja, you know where my room is. Otherwise, I'm going back and taking a nap, because it's obvious that we're not making any progress tonight."
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He didn't want to be so easily dismissed. Being called unfit for a mission due to his emotional state hit him somewhere deep. He was a trained ninja. Highly trained! This incident shouldn't have been hitting him as hard as it was. That's why he needed the help of his peer...
"Don't walk away from me." His voice shook and his teeth were gritted tightly. "...Please."
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It was the 'please,' that had gotten to him, a word rarely uttered by ninja and certainly not by ninja of Sai's caliber. If not for that word, he would have yanked open the door and kept walking, but as it was, Sai had a few seconds. "Give me a reason not to leave."
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"I..." His throat closed up on him, causing him to swallow before he could continue. "I apologize, Shikamaru-san. My actions tonight have been inexcusable. If you'll allow me just a few minutes to calm myself down, I would like to go with you." He might be able to get himself to focus once he started taking the mission seriously. It had worked before. "Please just talk with me. I won't ask you to hit me again."
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He pushed away from the wall and again sat down on Sai's roommate's bed, though this time he leaned back against the wall before crossing his ankles and pressing the fingers of both hands into the back of his neck. "You're not going with me, because I'm not going anywhere besides my room," Shikamaru said. There was no malice or judgment in his voice; he spoke calmly, stating facts. "I don't think you're ready to go out. If we run into problems before you're ready, even if you think you are, you'll make mistakes. Trust me, I've done it. I might not seem it, but I'm a pretty good judge of character."
If Sai wanted to keep sitting on the floor, that was up to him, but Shikamaru hoped it wasn't any sign of deference. He stretched, half-yawning. They never got enough sleep in this place. He was noticing the fatigue in others as well.
"I don't want any excuses, either," he said, though the kunai thing had been a bit excessive. "I don't expect you not to feel anything. I figure that it's better to get it out of the way than have it come out at some vital time. Nothing's going to stay bottled up forever, especially when the pressure keeps building, and that's what this place is about." He looked up to the ceiling, another silent plea. Why him, dammit? Not. His. Job. "I don't want to see some half-assed attempt at repressing things, either. I'll recognize it. But it's okay to be angry when everything you're used to is falling apart. If you need to get that out of your system, I'll fight you, but you're not using weapons and I'm binding you the instant it gets out of hand. That's a one-time offer, though, and I'm sure as hell not just standing around and punching you. That's not a coping mechanism. It's a sign of mental instability and I don't work with mentally unstable people." He wasn't pleased about making the offer to someone who was so more physically proficient than himself, but he knew that anger could be an important stage of dealing with things, and yes, his control over shadows made serious damage impossible. Hitting people who didn't plan to defend themselves, though, was a completely different matter, and he refused to be a part of it.
Finishing his stretch, Shikamaru folded his arms over his chest. As much as he'd like to, he couldn't turn his back on any Leaf-nin who needed to not be alone.
"So let's talk, then, or whatever. As long as we're in this place, we're stuck as a team, and we can't work as a team unless we're all okay. I'm not the leader, but I'm sure Kakashi would agree with me. We're all Leaf-nin, and we need to take care of each other. That's just how it works."
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When the other boy mentioned fighting, Sai peered up at him through dark bangs. He almost took him up on the offer, as the desire to simply tire himself to help forget about some of his worries was strong. It was past the time for that now, though, and he shook his head. Shikamaru was right. Fighting wasn't going to help anything.
He pushed himself up from the ground, once again feeling drained, and sat heavily on the edge of his own bed. Problem was, he wasn't entirely certain what he wanted to talk about. The idea of Shikamaru walking out on him as he was about to had just been painful. He couldn't explain why, either. "Have you... spoken with Naruto today?"
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