Day 42: Fields

[toobothersome]

The nurse pointed him to the bulletin as soon as he left the bus, but after a few seconds of consideration, Shikamaru decided that he didn't feel like leaving a note asking the other Leaf-nin to check in. One of them should do it eventually; he'd written it in the notes he'd given Naruto and, if he remembered right, underlined it a couple times.

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[lostonlifesroad]

If Kakashi were the laziest ninja in the village, where would he go?

Thankfully the jounin had spoken with Asuma enough times to at least get an idea of the habits of Team 10, including its resident genius. That made Kakashi's goal a relatively simple one: find the best spot for watching clouds in Doyleton. The park close by the buses had been an obvious choice, but at the same time, a crowded one. He didn't spend long searching that particular area, reasoning that Shikamaru might want to get away from the crowds for awhile. That also likely included the Leaf-nin, after everything that had happened since he arrived.

The tight surveillance which typically proved a hindrance turned out to be the hint Kakashi needed, however, before he spent all day wandering the streets in a futile effort. A brief chat with one of the nurses pointed him in the direction of some fields that apparently weren't so often used, but still monitored closely by all staff, as the woman warned. Kakashi had promised no bad intent before he headed off, following the nurse's directions and soon arriving just where he wanted to be.

And lo and behold, there was the boy in question.

Kakashi didn't really bother to hide his approach. Shikamaru was the type who probably would try wishing him away before actually moving. He was also going to be a bit annoyed with the jounin for showing up there, but everyone had to make a sacrifice or two in their lives. Now it was Shikamaru's turn: instead of an unblocked view of the sky, the chuunin suddenly had Kakashi leaning over him, looking down with a friendly grin.

"Good morning, Shikamaru. I was hoping we could talk. You know, you're a bit hard to find when you want to be."

[toobothersome]

As soon as he heard the footsteps, Shikamaru ran through his mental list of people who'd be able to find him. It couldn't be a stranger, since he was sure that he'd found one of the most isolated parts of town, and more importantly, the steps seemed to be heading towards him. He closed his eyes, preparing for what was probably a lecture. Though he considered the other ninja friends, he knew that he wasn't the person they'd seek out for casual conversation or emotional support.

Kakashi was the most likely suspect, and when the man's shadow fell over him and he opened his eyes, he didn't appear surprised. A talk. Right. Just what he needed. As if the last few days hadn't been troublesome enough.

"It's a talent," he said without much interest, then sighed and closed his eyes again. "I don't suppose I have a choice."

[lostonlifesroad]

Kakashi kept up his smile even as Shikamaru's enthusiasm for conversation proved to be lacking. He was nice, however, and crouched beside the younger ninja, as opposed to remaining in his view. Of course, that could easily change depending of whether or not Shikamaru actually paid attention to him. Somehow Kakashi thought the risk of Shikamaru drifting off was relatively high.

"You make it sound like I'm an unpleasant person to talk to." Letting his gaze drift upward, Kakashi wondered briefly just what Shikamaru saw in those clouds that kept him so interested. "But I did hope to tell you a bit about what I think Naruto's team should do tonight. Sakura gave me some promising information on the way to town."

And she'd cried a fair bit, but Kakashi wasn't going to mention that. While Shikamaru might possibly have been the one ninja who'd be able to keep quiet about it, there were some risks even he wouldn't take.

"We also got to talk about how she's been doing. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if you did that." Giving up on the sky for the moment, Kakashi instead looked down at Shikamaru. The disinterested expression wasn't surprising, but the kid could be more expressive than he possibly realized. Or so Kakashi had heard. "I'm not Asuma, and I'm not going to try and take his place, because I can't. But you know, you can't push aside every pain in the ass forever, Shikamaru. As much as you might not like it, you're going to have to deal with it."

[toobothersome]

So Sakura was alive, at least, and judging by Kakashi's tone, he could assume that Naruto and Jiraiya were as well. He exhaled, relieved, before processing the actual content of the statement. Why tell him about it? It wasn't Shikamaru's problem. Kakashi was a competent and intelligent leader. Whatever he decided was best.

Part of him, a very bothersome part of him, did want to know. To make sure that there weren't any holes in the plan, that everything was covered. He'd formed the teams based on weaknesses--did Kakashi know that? Sakura was supposed to be the unoffical leader...Jiraiya was a sannin and far more experienced, but it must have been years since he'd acted as part of a team. What if she wasn't as resilient as he'd assumed? Shikamaru was awful at reading women. She seemed like the type that'd be able to put up a good front, maybe even fool Kakashi if he was distracted. It was dangerous. And what if the team's abilities weren't as well-matched for whatever he had in mind? What if there was some detail, however small, that everyone else had overlooked? He felt responsible for them, the way he felt responsible for everyone here. He needed to know that they'd be okay.

Which was exactly why he had to stay out of this. Kakashi knew that team better than Shikamaru could ever imagine, and more importantly, Kakashi wasn't building up an impressive track record of mistakes.

"You're the one in charge," he said with a shrug, eyes still closed. "Tell me about it all you want, but it's not my call."

The rest of the speech was conveniently ignored.

[lostonlifesroad]

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, keeping his gaze on the boy laying in the grass beside him. "Oh? That's a rather convenient way to look at it, considering that so far as experience goes, you'd be just after me in rank." Naruto was still technically a gennin, even if he had both power and skill to pass the chuunin exams easily now. And while Sakura and Shikamaru were technically equal, Shikamaru had been a chuunin for much longer. Being a part of ROOT, Sai had his own classification, as did Jiraiya the sannin. And Sasuke...well. That one was obvious.

"Not to mention that I'm only a better tactician because I've been alive a lot longer than you, and I've got a lot more experience. In a few years, you'll have a better mind than I could ever hope to. So long as you don't give up on yourself, anyway." Which seemed closer to what was happening than Shikamaru just shirking responsibility. Kakashi had heard about the boy's talents from when he'd assembled a team to retrieve Sasuke, and had experienced it when he put together a strategy on the fly for fighting Hidan and Kazuku. When Shikamaru chose to use it, he had a mind that really couldn't be beaten.

Which meant that now, he was choosing not to.

"Do I need to ask what your teammates would think if they saw you like this?" Kakashi let out sigh of his own, since he'd been hoping not to have to resort to that move. "If you think my motivational speeches are annoying, you should try Naruto or Sakura. I don't think either of them would hesitate to punch you right about now. And maybe Chouji wouldn't either."

[toobothersome]

"Sakura'd punch me for looking at her wrong," he said with a quiet snort. Ugh, how long was this going to go on? Surely Kakashi hadn't went through the trouble of tracking him down just to give him some pep talk. He doubted Naruto would punch him...from the sound of it, Naruto had more important things on his mind, and as far as his own team went, it wasn't hard to brush off Ino. Chouji was a different matter. Right now, the other boy's unwavering faith in him seemed...well, troublesome wasn't the right word, but it was something pretty damn close. Misguided. The pang of guilt for not living up to that trust was about as sharp as it ought to be, meaning enough to make him wish that the ground wasn't behind him so he could pull away, but there was nothing to be done about it. It was pointless to dwell on something that couldn't be changed, and what began as a flinch turned into a yawning stretch without any conscious effort.

"Look, Kakashi, if you're here to tell me about your plans for Naruto's team, tell me about your plans for Naruto's team. This conversation's a pain in the ass." After he finished stretching, Shikamaru laced his fingers together over his stomach rather than behind his head, and he opened his eyes to focus his attention on the sky. He didn't feel like exerting the effort it would take to get up and leave, but that was starting to look like a better and better option.

[lostonlifesroad]

"Maybe. But not nearly as hard." Kakashi was able to maintain a pleasant grin, even as Shikamaru's mood remained sour, but only due to that experience he'd mentioned earlier. Most people were able to figure out that the jounin wore two masks soon after they met him, and he didn't doubt Shikamaru had as well. Still, despite the smile, he wasn't exactly happy to be hearing what he was, or not hearing what he wasn't.

Shikamaru hadn't denied giving up on himself. Kakashi had heard from Asuma just how hard the boy could be on himself, but only because he held the lives of others so dear. The responsibility was a heavy weight to bear, and Shikamaru definitely wouldn't be the first to give a bit under its load.

"But you already said I was the one in charge, and it wasn't your call. Unless you'd like to think differently now." Kakashi had gotten famous using his opponents attacks against them, and he didn't see any reason to change tactics now. Rather comfortable in his own position, the jounin didn't comment on Shikamaru's yawn, or his stretching. "And I'm afraid I have this pesky habit of lecturing even when those on my team might not want to hear it. Though I haven't had to tie you to a tree yet." Not that that lecture had turned out any better than this one so far, but it was still true that Shikamaru was being slightly more cooperative, if only for his laziness.

"You said you were from around the same time as Sai, right? You had to deal with a lot of things that were a pain in the ass then." And now, in a situation that was possibly worse. No supplies, limited powers, and the promise of a future that wasn't one to look forward to. "But you handled it. So what I'd like to know now is what changed your mind. Before, you were ready to lead Chouji and Ino against two members of Akatsuki without hesitation--almost if it meant defying Hokage's orders. Now, you're trying to shrug off the responsibility of planning. I know it's not because you don't like the work."

So many possibilities, but Kakashi had seen the results of Shikamaru's actions at the beginning of the last night shift. That likely meant it was something that happened between that point and now. During the battle with that monster, maybe? "Tell me what happened, Shikamaru. It was something last night, right?"

[toobothersome]

"If you and the others hadn't showed up, Chouji and Ino would be dead," he said flatly. His plan had accomplished what he'd set out to do, which was deal with Hidan, but he'd sent his teammates out against a powerful Akatsuki member despite knowing next to nothing about his strengths and weaknesses. Kakuzu could have killed them in a matter of minutes, long before he'd had time to finish his part. "It was an idiotic move. You know that." Shikamaru sat up enough to rest his weight on his elbows, clearly annoyed but now meeting Kakashi's eyes. Why was he so intent on arguing, anyway? Kakashi was smarter than that. There was no way he couldn't see these mistakes for what they were.

"Last night was the same thing. I didn't assess the situation well enough before coming up with a plan, and if night hadn't ended when it did, you'd all be dead." There was a frustrated edge to his voice, though most of his tone was still matter-of-fact. "And don't say that it's a learning experience," he added, a little more sharply than he meant to. He'd been holding onto that idea for years, ever since his father gave it to him after his first experience leading a team, and he wasn't happy to lose it. "I don't have time for learning experiences anymore." A few seconds of silence passed, and his eyes moved from Kakashi to the grass between them. When Shikamaru spoke again, his voice was cool and collected. "If you trust my judgment that much, then trust me when I say that the team would be better off with someone else doing the work."

[lostonlifesroad]

"And if Naruto hadn't shown up, Chouji, Ino, and I would have probably been killed by Kakuzu. I went in knowing the same things you did, Shikamaru. So does that mean my judgment shouldn't be trusted either?" According to Shikamaru's standards, the answer was yes. But Shikamaru was being overly critical of himself, and that's what Kakashi needed the chuunin to see then. "More importantly, if you hadn't come up with your strategy, it would have been much harder to separate the pair and defeat Hidan. If we'd gone in without a plan, all of us would have died, and Naruto and the others might have shown up to find corpses instead of a battle in progress."

Kakashi shook his head slightly as Shikamaru's pessimistic view of the potential outcome of the night before. "Not necessarily. I had my entire chakra reserve left. If nothing else, I could have kept the creature distracted while you made your escape. And on top of that, I'm guessing you didn't hear my roommate's offer to help. Dias is a good man, and I'm pretty sure he would've jumped right into the thick of things with us."

When Shikamaru rather firmly demanded that Kakashi not count this as a learning experience, he narrowed his gaze a bit at him. "Oh? And why not? I'm much older than you, and I still have 'learning experiences' all the time. Or would it make you feel better if I called them mistakes?" He'd probably made just as many of them as the leader of Team 7 and Team Kakashi as Shikamaru had in his whole life. "Everyone messes up, Shikamaru. Your strategy was sound, but there are always factors you can't account for, ones that work in your favor, and against it. So either you give up when it isn't flawless, or you learn from your mistakes, and you try again."

"Oh, and there is one more thing you can do." Kakashi paused, making sure Shikamaru hadn't zoned out by this point before he continued. "You can remember what we've accomplished. Last night, we got a weapon. That's been the most success we've had since my arrival. And it was because of you. Last night, no one died, and no one was seriously hurt. That was because of you too--whether you want to believe that or not."

[toobothersome]

Shikamaru hadn't zoned out, but he didn't look away from the grass by his feet. It was hard to be objective, especially with so many lives on the line. He used to be much better at it...his ability to keep a cool head and think clearly under pressure was the reason he'd been made a chuunin before all of his peers. It figured that he'd lose that when it was most important.

After several seconds he sat up and folded his legs, though he still didn't speak or meet Kakashi's eyes. The jounin's points may have been reasonable, but it was hard to see the logic when something in his mind recoiled each time it approached them.

Keeping a cool head might be getting harder, but it seemed like putting distance between himself and the things he didn't feel like thinking about was a talent that wasn't going anywhere soon. Shikamaru exhaled quietly and then frowned, concentrating, as he tried to find a way to use that talent to his benefit. It was all well and good to retreat when necessary, as long as it ultimately led to an advantage.

When he'd separated the Leaf-nin into teams the night before, he'd done so with an abstract understanding of their strenths and shortcomings based on their current condition and the conditions that surrounded them. He'd started with Naruto's vulnerability, then balanced that with Jiraiya's calm strength and used Sakura's will to keep them moving when Jiraiya might see little purpose in the mission. In turn, Naruto's presence should have cooled her volatile side enough to keep her focused...sure, he could trigger her temper, but there was a deeper loyalty in play. Shikamaru hadn't had a problem sifting through what he knew about the Leaf-nin to build that team, and it shouldn't be any harder to apply the same reasoning to himself. He was getting too close to the matter, viewing the world through his own weakness rather than acknowledging that weakness and planning around it.

Kakashi was right: the reality of the situation last night hadn't justified the panic he'd felt. There were things he'd neglected to consider, like the jounin's remaining chakra, because he'd been too focused on the possibility that his mistakes could cost his teammates their lives. He pressed his lips together, still watching the grass and maintaining that safe and necessary distance. He should have considered the possible limitations of his technique. That had been a mistake. But he had no way of knowing the amount of damage it would take to incapacitate the being, and based on the information available to him, he'd made a reasonable assumption. As it stood, it wasn't entirely his fault, but if the night had continued and he'd been too overwhelmed to adapt to the changing situation, it would have been. There might have been a time when he could do things perfectly, but that time was gone and it was a waste of energy to dwell on it. Now, all he could do was use what he had in the most effective way he could manage.

"What information did Sakura give you?" Shikamaru looked up as he spoke, and though his voice hadn't gained any enthusiasm, it was closer to tired than defensively flat.

[lostonlifesroad]

Shikamaru watched the grass, and Kakashi watched him, but only from the edge of his vision. The chuunin might have been able to pick up on it, but if he had actually looked at the elder ninja, he would have just seen Kakashi staring up at the sky, much like Shikamaru had wished to. The jounin knew Shikamaru was thinking, going over the points that had been made, and deciding just what his next move would be--or his next several hundred. There really wasn't any way to guess just what strategies the boy beside him could come up with, or how many moves he could plan ahead.

But in the end, when Shikamaru looked at him again, this time of his own will, Kakashi thought he might have come to a good decision.

He hadn't forgotten the unanswered question, however: what had been the trigger for this sudden despair? For the moment, however, he was willing to let it go unanswered; he wanted to see just what Shikamaru thought about what the other team had discovered, and looked to the chuunin again as he began to speak.

"Beyond the wall, there was an abandoned village. The group didn't get to explore much, but Sakura did grab part of a human skeleton. She's going to examine it when we get back to see if she can discover the cause of death." It was then that Kakashi glanced around, trying to determine just where their captors had situated themselves during the talk. There was more than one advantage to telling the nurse where he'd been going, and Kakashi's voice dropped lower so any staff present wouldn't be able to hear. "She's also gotten a hold of a syringe used during someone's experimentation. There was a toxin in it, and I was hoping there might be a way we could come up with to quickly counter the effects. But since we don't know exactly how medicines work in this world, I thought it might be a good idea if her team went upstairs tonight, to the second library. She'll get a chance to look up the information she needs, and it won't be so dangerous, since she'll be draining her chakra early on for tests."

"And since she's doing all of that anyway, I also suggested she try and find out a bit more about the drug the nurses use to sedate patients." Now came the dangerous part, words that, if heard by the staff, would unravel the plan in its entirety. "But she'll need a sample for that. So everyone gets an extra task today: try and get a vial of medicine off the staff."

[toobothersome]

The abandoned village hadn't surprised him, but the human skeleton had. Hinamori had told him that the village had met an unnatural end, but his mental image had contained unusual patterns of destruction among the buildings, not decomposed bodies. The fact that they'd become skeletons suggested that quite some time had passed...how much, exactly? If it had ever been covered in class he'd slept through it, but he was sure Sakura knew. And if she described them as skeletons rather than piles of bones, it meant they hadn't been disturbed since whatever caused their death.

It led to more questions rather than answers, but more questions meant that they might be on the right track. Shikamaru nodded, filing away the information.

"That shouldn't be too hard," he said, regarding the vial. It was a good line of investigation and at first he was mildly annoyed to have not considered it, but after only a second of irritation he reminded himself that it didn't matter--Sakura and Kakashi had. Apparently, he also needed to work on trusting his comrades' skills the way he'd easily trusted them weeks ago. There was no reason to try to do everything himself, and besides, he thought with a skyward glance, that much work would be a pain in the ass. "I'll find Sai. It'd be better to try early, in case something goes wrong." That way, they'd have the whole day for the effects of sedation to lift. The most obvious way would be to start a fight and wait until the nurses forcibly separated them, then pick their pocket as they pretended to calm down before sedation was necessary. Sai was the best choice for a partner: Naruto wasn't exactly stealthy, and Shikamaru sure as hell didn't want to be on the receiving end of any of Sakura's punches, not to mention that he avoided hitting girls when possible. Besides, Sai's skill as an artist meant that he had nimble hands, and Shikamaru's own talent for such things had saved his life days before he arrived here. He didn't expect to have to explain the plan to Kakashi; it was the most logical course of action, so the older ninja had surely considered it himself.

After a few quiet seconds, Shikamaru spoke again, this time in a voice that was naturally quiet as opposed to the controlled whisper he'd just used to hide his words from the nurses. "There's another thing." He frowned and looked away, not eager to talk about something that so clearly revealed his failure at thinking ahead, but it was better to get it out of the way now. With a soft sigh he returned his attention to Kakashi. "I was wrong about my own abilities. When I was a genin my mirror jutsu was sympathetic--everything that happened to the person I was binding happened to me as well. That's the way it is now."

[lostonlifesroad]

Kakashi smiled a bit more naturally when Shikamaru laid out a plan for getting the vial. This was definitely much better to work with than a Shikamaru wrapped up in feeling sorry for himself, and Kakashi immediately expressed a genuine confidence. "Sounds good. I'll stay close by just in case things don't go as planned, so a second attempt can be worked out quickly." Maybe not the words the chuunin would want to hear so soon after his confession, but it was a reality that didn't change for any ninja: sometimes they failed. No matter how good the plan or the warrior, it just didn't work every time.

The quiet tone Shikamaru used to tack on that final bit was, in its own way, good to hear. It meant he was actually going to tell Kakashi what had so badly shaken his confidence in the first place. And when it turned out to have to do with Shikamaru's jutsu, Kakashi's first instinct was concern.

"In that case, I'm glad you reacted as quickly as you did. How badly were you hurt?" That put what had happened the night before into a context that made more sense: Shikamaru had been forced to release the jutsu when Kakashi made his attempt at a fatal blow. Not to mention it wasn't just the other ninja who'd nearly died in that fight. Reaching over, Kakashi placed a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder, thinking that he'd done something similar not all that long ago. "The important thing is that now we know, and we can compensate for it. I still haven't tested my Sharingan fully to see what I'm still capable of either. Guess I have a better reason to do that now." Though as always, it was difficult to balance the expenditure of their extremely limited energy with conservation to finish the tasks of the night. That was why Kakashi's own abilities still remained untested.

"All you can do is learn from it, Shikamaru. Even if that's not exactly what you want to hear. Now you know, and you're going to be a better leader for it."

[toobothersome]

Shikamaru nodded at Kakashi's addition to the plan. It was perfectly reasonable, and he took it as a collaboration rather than a questioning of his abilities. Even if his own role didn't go as he hoped, Kakashi might see an opening. Since none of them would be in any real danger, finishing the objective was the first priority.

He hadn't expected a lecture, not after Kakashi's calm support just moments before, but hearing concern gave him pause. It wasn't that he wouldn't have expected it from the jounin--he knew how important the team's condition was to Kakashi--but it hadn't occurred to Shikamaru that if he'd dropped the jutsu a second later, he'd probably be dead.

"I'm okay," he answered, then reaffirmed it with a small shrug. With what he'd heard about the institute's healing power, the cut should be gone the following morning. "I broke the link as soon as I felt it. But I couldn't reconnect, either...there's a chance I might only be able to do it once." That or he'd run out of chakra, but the former was a bigger concern than the latter.

It hadn't gotten any easier to listen to Kakashi's words, even if he knew they were true, but Shikamaru made a firm effort not to look away this time. There was a lot to compensate for, it seemed, but the situation wouldn't get any easier. It reminded him of the times when, after he'd had a string of particularly easy wins, Asuma turned the shougi board around late in the game and forced him to play against his own carefully executed strategy. He'd always hated those games. Even with the mistakes Asuma made as the match continued, they were the hardest ones to win.

"I will," he said after another long pause. His resolve was firm, though it could have used a bit more enthusiasm. Shikamaru knew the difficulty of the tasks ahead of him, but if he wanted to finish this and get back to Konoha, he didn't have much of a choice.