Dayshift 42: Bus 2

[liveforthispart]

Before anyone could come to any decisions for their next move, the room suddenly filled with a thick fog. Faster than he could realize what was happening, it had filled up the entire room and swallowed every single one of his friends. Then there was that undeniable stench of iron, blood and... he last remembered taking a step back and feeling that

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[moral_liberty]

[For Kanji above!]Kaworu's morning had been significantly smoother, but his clothes were also too plain to have merited much comment, let alone to have actually upset anyone. To him, there was little difference between the gray uniform and anything else that might possibly be presented to him. His general indifference towards his appearance, as well as a lack of perspective towards whether or not this morning ritual was unusual, made it so he barely registered the change

[liveforthispart]

If there was one thing Kanji absolutely hated, it was being stared at. Or feeling like he was being stared at, anyway. He wasn't some sideshow for people to freaking look at. And most of the time, if people did it, they did it from a distance. There weren't too many people who would just decide to sit next to him when there was plenty of room elsewhere.

He probably would have been really pissed off if it hadn't been for the way this guy had spoken. He didn't sound like he was trying to pick a fight or anything. Still, Kanji looked at the kid dubiously for a moment before answering. Mostly cause he wasn't sure why he was asking such a dumb question.

"You kidding? What's there not to be pissed about?" he said bluntly. "We're nowhere near home, stuck with a bunch of morons who think we're nuts, and now we're bein' shoved off to who the hell knows where. ...I don't even know what's goin' on anymore!" Plus the fact that he woke up maybe ten minutes ago wasn't really helping. He was still kind of groggy.

[moral_liberty]

Kaworu listened to the other's outburst and continued to watch him intently on top of it, utterly oblivious to any dislike Kanji had for being stared at. People had rarely raised their voice to Kaworu in the past, even indirectly as such. He knew that he was not actually the source of this human's frustrations, so he hardly minded it. He wasn't discouraged either, and likely still wouldn't have been even if he were the problem. If anything, he found it a little bit fascinating. This boy was different from the rest of the Lilim Kaworu could remember.

"A sense of helplessness often leads to anger," he thought out loud. "But anger is a potent emotion and in the end may serve only to further remove your control."

[liveforthispart]

"...Huh?" No, seriously. That flew way over his head. Here Kanji was being completely straight forward and the guy just dumped a load of philosophical shit or something on him. "What the hell are you talkin' about? What's that got to do wi--" Then something clicked right there. "Hey. Wait. Who the hell're you callin' 'helpless?' I ain't helpless."

Where'd that even come from? What, was it the stupid shirt? God, he knew he'd regret wearing this damn thing outside. So just cause of that, he didn't look like he could handle himself?! He narrowed his eyes, obviously bothered, and kept his gaze squarely focused on his. He still felt like he was being stared at... And he really didn't like it. But no way was Kanji going to back down and pull his eyes away first. He wasn't no one's doormat, dammit.

[moral_liberty]

The smile Kaworu had been wearing the whole time shifted subtly when he realized that his premonition had perhaps come true, and now he actually was upsetting the other. Despite this, Kaworu's red eyes remained steady and locked with his, and betrayed no worry whatsoever. The effort of trying to pick apart the defensive young man's motivations kept him sufficiently distracted from the need to blink.

"You are frightened by the idea that there are circumstances which you cannot protect yourself from. It is a feeling that all people know," Kaworu insisted lightly. "But it does not make you weak, unless you resign yourself to it."

[liveforthispart]

There was a strange feeling in his chest, like a tightening that threatened to spread to his throat. What was that? He couldn't have actually been afraid, right? Was this guy honestly making him nervous? Or was it more because what he was saying was starting to hit a little too close for comfort? That pure, steady look and the unwavering way he spoke... It reminded Kanji a lot of Naoto-kun. Naoto had this strength behind her gaze, like she could see right through you, like there was no way any bullshit was getting past her... and there was sometimes nothing more crushing than that kind of look. No, it wasn't really the same, but this kid was verging close enough.

And so he almost, almost, pulled his eyes away. He stood his ground, but he was just doing it for the sake of doing it now. "L-Look. I'm not scared, alright? I can plenty take care a' myself. Been doin' it for a while. I don't need anyone tellin' me I'm scared of shit I ain't scared of."

And he wasn't, dammit. He was... he was strong. He knew that. Well, he knew he could be

[moral_liberty]

Kaworu wove his bony fingers together in his lap and pulled his ankles under the seat. He could hear the strain in the other boy's voice, above and beyond the words he was actually saying. Every statement denying an anxiety only confirmed its existence.

But still, he never looked away. Despite whatever emotions wracked him, the boy held Kaworu's stare firmly. Kaworu felt as though he understood him better now, even in the face of hostility.

"Don't you?" Kaworu continued after a pause.

[liveforthispart]

That pause just about did it. Apparently, Kanji wasn't fooling the kid at all, and that was both nerve-wrecking and irritating. And that question, it was like facing himself all over again. He didn't need that. Man, this guy was... weird. If he was trying to pick a fight or something, couldn't he just be straight forward about it? The way he was talking made it seem like he wasn't, but Kanji was getting agitated anyway. Was he trying to trick him or something? What did he want? What'd he come sitting over here for?

Well since he wasn't getting anything past the guy anyway, there was no point denying it. "Well. Maybe. So what? That a problem or something?" It was said more deadpan than yelling in any way. The guy wasn't scared of him at all and it was kind of hard to keep steaming at someone who looked at him all calm like that, no matter how much it bugged him. "I mean, it don't matter or nothin'. Not like it's a big deal

[moral_liberty]

Kaworu finally broke his accidental staring contest with the other boy by softly sitting back and closing his eyes. His expression remained relaxed and pleasant. Like this, he could focus on the movements of the bus, and could almost feel the person sitting next to him. The chatter of other passengers made for a pleasant murmur of activity that enveloped him.

"There is nothing wrong or right in the act of worrying," Kaworu exaled. The reassurance came while he still had his eyes shut. The morning light made his vision glow orange through his eyelids, but Kaworu could picture the boy's stony expression and the walls he was putting up around himself just as well. "You are not weaker for it."

[liveforthispart]

The aura of blanketed hostility Kanji had been feeling faded as the guy pulled away and closed his eyes. There was a bit of an internal exhale on his end at that. Maybe it was because there wasn't that weird stare off to worry about anymore, but the guy's words seemed a little less hostile and a little more conversational. Or something. Ah, who knows anymore?

"...I dunno. If you're strong enough to take care of anything, then you don't gotta worry about it, right?" It made sense to him. He sounded just a bit calmer, but he still didn't like what the guy was saying. Some kind of being helpless or worry being why he was ticked. Why couldn't he just be pissed for the sake of being pissed off, huh? Maybe Kanji just did that. How would this kid know? He didn't. He didn't know jack about him.

"You ask me, you're bein' too damn calm about this whole thing. You're stuck out here, too, right? How come you ain't pissed or worried?"

[moral_liberty]

Kaworu took his turn to be caught off guard. His eyes were open again, but they were focused on his hands instead, and his expression had gone blank. The question had uncovered feelings he couldn't articulate, although they hardly seemed relevant here. He thought briefly of Shinji, which seemed to only make his head foggier. Regardless of what he had wanted, maybe still wanted, Kaworu had chosen to no longer exist in that world. Why should he be upset? And yet, he didn't feel satisfied like he had during those last couple of days either.

"The alternative was worse," he confessed with a smile that might have been a little sad. That was true. If he had not come to this strange limbo, whether by death or some other method, Shinji would have died. They all would have. Kaworu looked back over at Kanji, almost expecting to see a short, skinny brunette staring back anxiously. Instead, the memory was wiped away by the differences between the two.