It was as though the events went from one extreme to the other; the previous night, the doctor gave quite the menacing message, and now... such display of incompetence was truly staggering. She was also hoping Landel would say something that would give them a hint, a clue, anything, and in the end there wasn't anything she could attempt to pick apart.
Even Naoto was capable of rolling her eyes.
As expected, the lights flickered off-- it was unfortunate she couldn't determine exactly when they would, but at least this time, it didn't come as a surprise. Her flashlight was nearby, so seconds later she clicked it on to give off a source of light. Naoto stood from where she was, beginning to make her way towards the door.
"There isn't any time to waste, so I'll be going now," Naoto informed her roommate. "We can speak again later. Good luck to you, Tenjou-san."
Utena nodded in Naoto's direction and wished the girl luck on her way out. It felt odd to be staying behind and not running straight out with her. As it stood, however, she didn't know Himemiya's room number, and she wasn't about to go searching and have her friend possibly come upon an empty room. She didn't want to give her friend any more reasons to doubt her identity. For the same reason, she had also not changed into her duelist uniform quite yet.
For the time being, Utena sat on her bed in the dark, finishing off her turkey and hoping that Himemiya didn't run into any trouble on the way.
Anthy made herself known with a shy knock, and clicked the door open, peeking in. She wasn't certain what to expect here. Armand hadn't struggled too much in being let go, but she had only known him for a week...
Utena, however...
"Pardon the intrusion," She said, sounding so much like her old self. It seemed natural, if this Utena had lost her memories, to act a little more like she always had. That was to say, false.
Utena had just been chewing on her last bite when Himemiya made her appearance. "Ffimehmya!" she exclaimed before covering her mouth with one hand, swallowing what was in her mouth before setting down her plate and standing up to properly greet her friend.
"I'm sorry we couldn't meet earlier. I looked for you, but it's just so crowded in this place," Utena apologized, a look of relief on her face as she reached for her flashlight and turned it on, letting them have at least a little bit of light between them. "It's been so overwhelming to be here for just one day. I can't imagine how it's been for you, being here for however much longer."
The familiarity was heartwarming; Utena casually gulping down the last of her dinner, talking with her mout full, addressing Anthy by her last name, smiling to see her. It wasn't enough to make her forget the gravity of the situation. But it was sweet.
In spite of how Utena spoke of the place being overwhelming, she still had that indomitable optimism. Anthy didn't even know what to do with that energy. She had abandoned Armand, selfishly perhaps, to assuage her own potential guilt at dragging him down, where he was likely to fall no matter who his accompaniment. It had been possible with him; they were new acquaintances. Utena, however... Anthy had inextricable obligations to her.
She winced at the light, blinking slowly to adjust, and smiled gently,
"I don't mind being alone," She said, conflicted herself over whether that was actually true, "It isn't so hard. You get used to this place..."
Utena wasn't quite sure how to feel about her friend's response. On the one hand, she sounded more like the old Himemiya now. On the other hand, that was only better in the sense that she wasn't acting the way she had the previous night; Utena still worried about the other girl's frequent isolation, whether self-imposed or not. She understood that she couldn't just assume that more friends would be the only thing that would make Himemiya happier, but it was still very hard for her to just watch her friend looking so alone so much of the time. In truth, apart from the idea of being able to hang out more with Akio herself, one of the main reasons Utena had agreed to move to the Chairman's Wing in the first place had been that she hoped being closer to her brother would make Himemiya happier
( ... )
She kept her exterior calm, but still shuddered at mention of the duels. Her personal hand in that system hit her heavily with the weight of guilt and responsibility she had. And the control that illusion still had over this Utena. The rest of Utena's optimistic talk filtered through the dull ring of remembrance. She could face Utena with honesty if it had been the one who had pried open her coffin, taken her hand, forgiven her for the sword through her back; even stood in the way of all the other blades. This was the old Utena. The one who was still under her spell. Who believed herself a friend in naivety.
How could Anthy explain it to her? Would she even believe it?
"How much..." she said, changing topics somberly, "How much do you remember?
Utena had a feeling this question would come eventually. She'd already found out that Juri had been taken from slightly further in her future, which was a strange enough thought. Which point in time might Himemiya have come from? And if it was the future, would it be a future she wanted to hear about?
"The last duel was some time ago. You and I had been hanging out with your brother for a while since then, and then on the night before we were set to move into his place, I found myself here," she answered matter-of-factly. After a moment of brief hesitation, she asked, "What about you?"
An Utena who still knew nothing. An Utena who had not yet been touched by Akio. Who could still escape. In this Utena's time, Anthy was wary, cold, was orchestrating duels to strengthen Utena's resolve with each conflict; a strike to hot iron driving out the impurities and leaving only strong weaponry. Her tool. Her pet. Like raising a lamb for slaughter. Something that must be done, no matter what feelings that lamb's sweet innocent eyes might inspire. No matter what mixed emotions its playful personality stirred up. No matter what hesitant attachment. The lamb's purpose as a meal was still greater.
But Utena... Utena had turned out a lion. And even so, this young image of her incited this senseless desire to protect. Utena hadn't deserved what she was put through. None of them had.
Utena wasn't quite sure how to respond to her friend's silence. The lack of an answer from her could mean any number of things. Had something bad happened in their future that she hadn't experienced yet, perhaps? Or was she still just withdrawn as part of the effect the institute had had on her?
Much as she was curious, however, she didn't want to force Himemiya to answer if she wasn't up to doing so. "It's okay. You don't have to answer," she said softly. "If you remember more than me, maybe I'm better off not knowing."
She touched Utena's hand, as if afraid she might leave.
"I don't know how to say," She said. And she looked into Utena's eyes. How would this younger Utena even handle the truth? The Utena she had loved, the Utena who had inspired her to set herself free, had been a culmination of the hardships she had gone through. Had been fortified by her abuse and betrayal, or at least in spite of it. How ironic.
But perhaps it was for the best then, that Utena should know.
"I'm not who you think I am, Utena. And I never was." She held her free hand over her face, unable to cry, ashamed of herself, afraid that this Utena might reject her, "But I never got to thank you... for what you did. Or... what you forgot you did. So thank you."
If it had been her Utena. The Utena that knew her. The Utena that accepted her. She would have been able to look her in the eye and speak to her as an equal. Somehow, it now felt like speaking ot a child.
Oh no, something bad does happen, Utena thought with a growing sense of dread as she listened to her friend struggle to get her words out. It almost caused her physical pain to see so much hurt in Himemiya's eyes and voice.
"What do you mean, you're not who I think you are?" Utena asked, utterly bewildered by that part in particular. "I know that you're a dear friend to me, that much I know for sure. I don't see what could be so different about you that would change that."
Despite all she had said to Seiya before about wanting to know her future, despite her intense curiosity, she was hesitant now to ask what it was that she had forgotten. From the tone of Himemiya's voice, it sounded like something big. After a few long moments, however, she took a breath and asked slowly: "What happens after we all move in together?"
"I-..." Anthy struggled with her words, afraid of hurting Utena, afraid of hurting herself. She felt the need to hide, to cover herself. Grasping for the right words, she crossed her arms in a protective gesture of holding herself, raised her hands to awkwardly touch her hair. A lock slipped away from her neck, revealing the slow healing pink scars in the formation of fangs.
Just as Himemiya's words were stopping up again, Utena noticed a more immediately pressing matter. She remembered the injuries that Armand had mentioned to her over the bulletin board, and fang marks hadn't been one of them.
"Hey now, what caused that?" Utena suddenly asked no small amount of concern before Himemiya could find her words. She moved in closer and extended a hand to push her friend's hair out of the way a little bit more. "Did you get mauled by an animal or something? That looks like it would really hurt, getting bit on the neck like that," she said followed by a short gulp as she imagined the pain Himemiya must have been in.
Even Naoto was capable of rolling her eyes.
As expected, the lights flickered off-- it was unfortunate she couldn't determine exactly when they would, but at least this time, it didn't come as a surprise. Her flashlight was nearby, so seconds later she clicked it on to give off a source of light. Naoto stood from where she was, beginning to make her way towards the door.
"There isn't any time to waste, so I'll be going now," Naoto informed her roommate. "We can speak again later. Good luck to you, Tenjou-san."
[to here.]
Reply
For the time being, Utena sat on her bed in the dark, finishing off her turkey and hoping that Himemiya didn't run into any trouble on the way.
Reply
Utena, however...
"Pardon the intrusion," She said, sounding so much like her old self. It seemed natural, if this Utena had lost her memories, to act a little more like she always had. That was to say, false.
Reply
"I'm sorry we couldn't meet earlier. I looked for you, but it's just so crowded in this place," Utena apologized, a look of relief on her face as she reached for her flashlight and turned it on, letting them have at least a little bit of light between them. "It's been so overwhelming to be here for just one day. I can't imagine how it's been for you, being here for however much longer."
Reply
In spite of how Utena spoke of the place being overwhelming, she still had that indomitable optimism. Anthy didn't even know what to do with that energy. She had abandoned Armand, selfishly perhaps, to assuage her own potential guilt at dragging him down, where he was likely to fall no matter who his accompaniment. It had been possible with him; they were new acquaintances. Utena, however... Anthy had inextricable obligations to her.
She winced at the light, blinking slowly to adjust, and smiled gently,
"I don't mind being alone," She said, conflicted herself over whether that was actually true, "It isn't so hard. You get used to this place..."
Reply
Reply
How could Anthy explain it to her? Would she even believe it?
"How much..." she said, changing topics somberly, "How much do you remember?
Reply
"The last duel was some time ago. You and I had been hanging out with your brother for a while since then, and then on the night before we were set to move into his place, I found myself here," she answered matter-of-factly. After a moment of brief hesitation, she asked, "What about you?"
Reply
But Utena... Utena had turned out a lion. And even so, this young image of her incited this senseless desire to protect. Utena hadn't deserved what she was put through. None of them had.
Anthy looked away and hesitated to answer.
Reply
Much as she was curious, however, she didn't want to force Himemiya to answer if she wasn't up to doing so. "It's okay. You don't have to answer," she said softly. "If you remember more than me, maybe I'm better off not knowing."
Reply
"I don't know how to say," She said. And she looked into Utena's eyes. How would this younger Utena even handle the truth? The Utena she had loved, the Utena who had inspired her to set herself free, had been a culmination of the hardships she had gone through. Had been fortified by her abuse and betrayal, or at least in spite of it. How ironic.
But perhaps it was for the best then, that Utena should know.
"I'm not who you think I am, Utena. And I never was." She held her free hand over her face, unable to cry, ashamed of herself, afraid that this Utena might reject her, "But I never got to thank you... for what you did. Or... what you forgot you did. So thank you."
If it had been her Utena. The Utena that knew her. The Utena that accepted her. She would have been able to look her in the eye and speak to her as an equal. Somehow, it now felt like speaking ot a child.
Reply
"What do you mean, you're not who I think you are?" Utena asked, utterly bewildered by that part in particular. "I know that you're a dear friend to me, that much I know for sure. I don't see what could be so different about you that would change that."
Despite all she had said to Seiya before about wanting to know her future, despite her intense curiosity, she was hesitant now to ask what it was that she had forgotten. From the tone of Himemiya's voice, it sounded like something big. After a few long moments, however, she took a breath and asked slowly: "What happens after we all move in together?"
Reply
Reply
"Hey now, what caused that?" Utena suddenly asked no small amount of concern before Himemiya could find her words. She moved in closer and extended a hand to push her friend's hair out of the way a little bit more. "Did you get mauled by an animal or something? That looks like it would really hurt, getting bit on the neck like that," she said followed by a short gulp as she imagined the pain Himemiya must have been in.
Reply
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