Jan 14, 2009 10:50
Soubi was beginning to feel the effects of a busy morning on a tired body. To make things worse, they were serving Tacos and Burritos. He could really do some with something a bit softer today. Blander. But it was hardly his biggest concern right now
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s.t.,
kagura,
edward elric,
batman,
tsubaki,
teisel,
the doctor,
tony castaway,
wolfram,
allen,
tk-622,
demyx,
miku,
zex,
angel,
shinichi,
hikaru,
lugnut,
mikami,
the flash,
lord recluse,
peter petrelli,
yohji,
yuffie,
sync,
ayumu,
honey,
farfarello,
masaru,
yukari,
kratos,
haseo,
citan,
shito,
obi-wan kenobi,
homura,
kenshin,
senna,
kaito,
hanatarou,
chidori,
sora,
evangeline,
luffy,
renamon,
claude,
keman,
ami,
haruno sakura,
itachi,
joshua,
roland,
harley,
dean winchester,
hk-47,
hanekoma,
kenren,
argilla,
guy,
kvothe,
kio,
armand,
reid,
soubi,
allelujah,
frey,
valyn,
tokito,
fai,
leon magnus,
sylar,
schuldig,
sasuke,
yue,
sheena,
aidou,
beatrix,
falis,
kaoru,
ophelia,
rangiku,
gin,
subaru,
sanzo
"I don't want the wound to close," he admitted, looking away. "Why DO you care so much? What's in it for you? I suppose it's in a Healer's nature but...you?"
The worst part was, Soubi knew he'd be inclined to look out for Sheena too. And he had no idea why. He hardly knew her, though they'd talked about important things. And he had Kio back now. He could talk to Kio if he needed. So Sheena shouldn't be important anymore.
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"Are you crazy, Soubi? In some weird masochistic way, I can sorta understand wanting it to stay open, but if that happens, no matter how much cleaning you do to it, it will eventually get infected and an infection at your throat has a very good chance of killing you," Sheena said incredulously, her eyes wide. "At best, if that happens, you'll lose your voice and then how are you going to use your word magic?"
She set her fork down and turned more toward Soubi, putting her hand on his back. "Look. I explained this once to you, but I'll explain it again - you're my friend. It's normal to worry about friends when they're hurt. It's normal to want your friends to feel better, to be happy." She sighed. "There's no ulterior motive here, Soubi. I don't get anything out of it other than a friend that's not slowly bleeding himself to death, making himself weaker instead of sucking up what happened, moving past it and getting stronger."
She huffed. "You know, those things aren't going to go away, even if Raine heals you; they're going to scar."
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As a boy, he'd never had friends and grew up without seeing the point, blinded by the desire to make his teacher proud. Because, back then, he thought he had a place to call home and somebody who'd never let him go. He'd been such a foolish child, really.
Another thing. Sheena touched him an awful lot. Kio did too. Hm, the two had yet to meet but...Soubi hoped they'd get along. They were similar in many ways. It would be good for Kio to have others looking out for him. None of these strangers he went running off with. People Soubi trusted liked knew.
"Thank you, I think I care about you too." But, really, he had to ask Kio about the multiple friends thing. Surely one was enough if people had to have them, but Sheena was a different friend and they talked about different matters.
"You don't understand what this means. But... maybe there's a way we can work things out?" he said, looking at her, trying to guess whether or not she'd flip out at his idea. Soubi wasn't even a fan of it, but it was the only way he could see out of this without getting Ritsuka to hurt him. "Are you really willing to help me, even if it goes against your better judgement and...behind Ritsuka's back?"
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"You keep saying I don't understand and, you're right; I don't," she finally said. "But I want to. Maybe if I understood I wouldn't be so damn stubborn about things. Maybe I could find a different way to help. I doubt you're going to explain things to me, though."
As for helping him, Sheena didn't like the idea of going about things behind Ritsuka's back since he was her friend. She also didn't like going against her own judgment considering what happened the last time she'd done that. Killing Colette would have ended up prolonging the suffering of both worlds indefinitely, something Sheena never would have been able to live with if she had known after the assassination what she knew now.
"I don't like going behind Ritsuka's back. I don't like upsetting him. I don't want to be an accomplice to something he'll obviously get angry about," Sheena said slowly. "The last time I went against my better judgment, I almost caused the suffering of two worlds full of people - yeah I kinda suck - so I'm wary about just blindly saying I'll do it."
She paused and stared at Soubi for a moment, her hand coming to rest in her lap, no longer touching his back. "I'd... I'd have to hear what you want to do before I agree to it. I don't want to be used; I've had that happen enough to me to last a couple lifetimes. What I will say is that I won't tell Ritsuka what you're planning, even if I choose not to help. But." There was some emphasis on that single word. "I will not let your plan hurt Ritsuka. I may be willing to do something he won't approve of, but I'll kick you in the head before I let him get hurt. Got it?"
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It didn't seem bad to explain it to Sheena. Well, not in too much detail. He'd leave out Seimei.
"Words are important for spells and names are important to those who cast the spells. All Fighter pairs are born with the same name, they are fated belong to one another from birth. But I was born without a name. These are the labels I was born with and....they .... well. There it is. And you didn't think I could share." Ritsu had promised it was a good thing, that Soubi could belong to anybody. But who really wanted a spare. Seimei had used him until he found that descpicable Nisei. Beloved. Goddamn usurper.
Soubi sighed and his aura of doom returned. "I've already upset him today. I hate hurting him and lying but... he..." Soubi sighed and put his head on the table. He'd really messed up, but it was only so he could try and fix things in his head. Besides.... Ritsuka had done the same to Soubi last night.
He lifted his head and looked at Sheena. "You can't tell a soul. I don't even know if it's a good idea yet. But..." he looked around, to make sure nobody could eavesdrop, "...I want to cut the names out, or cut through them, anything to make them unrecognisable. If I can find a doctor here, a patient who was a doctor... Raine could heal it after. It would be...as safe as we could manage?"
Soubi looked to Sheena. He needed somebody to bat ideas around with. Kio and Ritsuka would flip, Raine didn't know enough about the situation. Nor did Demyx. But Sheena...
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"Well... If there's one thing I've learned with the whole worlds crisis back home is that nothing is coincidence and everything happens for a reason. There's a reason you weren't given a name. Whatever force it is in your world that creates Fighter pairs had to have known there would come a time when someone not originally bound to another would be needed," she said. "I think that makes you very important in the grand scheme of the whole Fighter pair thing."
Sheena bit her bottom lip as she selected her next response. "I... don't like the idea of you having the words cut out or destroyed. I don't blame you for wanting them gone since the doctor put them there, but..." She sighed. "I dunno, Soubi. It sounds really risky. What do you hope to accomplish with their removal? You just said a bit ago that you didn't want them healed."
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"You sound just like somebody I know," he added on. "He told me how unique I was, how useful I could be-" And then he'd shattered young Soubi's hopes. "I'm..." He was quiet for a long time, wondering that he'd intended to say. But he didn't like any of the words that came to mind. He shrugged. "I'm replacable, an imposter, a f- I don't feel special at all. And....it's difficult to be with Ritsuka. He won't order me, he won't make his own mark on me. He could just decide to leave me at any point and what do I have to keep of his? What right do I have to stop him?"
She was taking his plan better than expected. There was hope yet.
"If they heal like this, they'll become permanent. Even if the scars faded, my skin would remember. If they're gone I can continue to serve Ritsuka a...little more confidently. I won't be reminded of what I am." Nor would he try to tear at the wounds when he saw them or thought of them.
"I'm trying to get help," he pouted, grumpily. "I'm not doing it alone, so it'll be safer."
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"I don't care what your name or supposed place is in the world, you aren't replaceable. No one is replaceable," she added on with a scowl. "Remember what I said about you not liking yourself? I still mean it. You don't and now I sorta understand why. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Ritsuka doesn't order you around because he wants a partner and not just a servant? Partners talk about things and agree to do stuff for each other because they want to, not because the other one tells them to. It creates a stronger bond when both halves are willing."
The ninja sighed again. "I think you should serve Ritsuka because you want to, not because of a name that is or isn't carved into your body. What makes you think that by having someone without the special training that doctor had removing the words in your skin or marring them will have any effect like you say? It sounds to me like there's some kind of magic involved in what they did to you. If that's the case, then someone without that magic isn't going to effect the name. It'd be just like if you let them heal and the scars faded."
She wrapped her arms around herself, her voice going very soft as it was clear she didn't really want to say what she was about to. "You know... we are who we are and nothing changes that. No matter how much I say I'm Mizuho cause that's where I was raised from a baby, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not of Mizuho blood. It doesn't change the fact that my parents, whomever they are, threw me away as a baby because they didn't want me."
She glanced back up. "I'm Mizuho, but I'm not. That didn't stop me from learning to be Mizuho. You're Ritsuka's, but your not. Maybe you should learn to be his, adapting to what he needs, not just what you think he does."
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"I don't have to be liked," he said, stubbornly. Though he desperately wanted to. By one person and one person alone. His master. Ritsuka. "I was never sent to him to be his partner. I'm his Fighter," he added, unsure. It would be nice to work together. And, really, they had been at times. Though only when Ritsuka didn't know what was going on. How was Soubi supposed to train someone to be his master?
"I do want to. And I want something to remind me of him always. When I see myself and when others see me. I want the world to know I belong to him. There's no magic in it. My body just remembers and everyone will see what I am. And I want Ritsuka to know it. To be certain I don't care about anyone or anything but him."
Sheena almost made Soubi wonder if Ritsu was right after all. That it was a gift to be able to be reborn. But Soubi and Sheena both desired something permanent. Something undoubtedly theirs.
"So then you understand. Try as we might, we could easily lose our right to belong somewhere. I am trying... I like the freedom Ritsuka gives me, but it gives me too much room to make mistakes. And I do, constantly. What if he grows tired of me? How can I be a person he likes when I've only ever been a Fighter and nothing more?"
Kio had been helping Soubi grow, and Soubi was grateful for that. But Kio thought Soubi was just a little strange in wanting a young boy to be his Master. He had yet to learn the truth and, after last night, Soubi wasn't sure he wanted the man to know.
"You're the only Mizuho I know, so you'll always be that," he smiled. "Do they...pressure you a lot? To be like them. To fit your role." Of course, Sheena was unlike her people, wasn't she.
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She sighed. "I was supposed to restore the glory and honor of the Mizuho people, so we'd no longer be looked down upon by the rest of Tethe'alla because of our unique and different culture. And then... then I..." She paused and looked away, taking a moment to make the waver leave her voice. "I wasn't good enough back then. I failed to make my first pact and got a third of the village killed in Volt's rampage. I only lived through it because my grandfather shielded me; that's why he's in a coma and has been for many years. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to tell him I'm sorry for being such a failure."
She sighed. "After that... I was treated differently. I was the village's greatest failure and so many held anger and contempt for me. I was sent away from the village for a good couple years, used as pledge of loyalty to the Tethe'allan crown... suffered a lot of scorn." She chuckled a little. "I told you I sucked."
"Things are different now that I'm older and I've made some friends after deciding I wasn't going to be used anymore. It took a lot for them to get past the face I generally show to the world, but there's just something about Lloyd and all his ideals that make the world seem so much brighter than you ever thought it could be." She smiled a little. "I even managed to finally form my pacts, though I lost my best and only friend for a long time in the process. Corrine sacrificed his life to protect me when I started to fail forming my pact with Volt again."
Sheena finally pushed her own past aside and looked Soubi square in the eyes. "You know, Soubi, Ritsuka knows that you only care about him and nothing else. He does. I know this." She blew the hair on her forehead up. "But I think... I think he wants you to care about more than him and I agree with him. Just because you care for something or someone other than Ritsuka too, doesn't mean you care any less for him. That's just silly talk if you say it. People are strong because of the support they have around them, not just because they focus solely on one thing. Life's not supposed to be like that."
She had something dawn on her just then.
"And you know what? If you're the only Fighter born like you are, without a pre-determined Sacrifice and all that... maybe you're not supposed to follow the norm. Maybe you're supposed to change the way the Fighter pair system works. It's scary to think about it, but maybe that is what you're here for."
She frowned a little. "Well, not here-here, but you get my point."
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"I don't think he see's you as a failure. Otherwise he was an idiot for protecting you like he did. And, generally, idiots don't become Chiefs." Well, ok, in Soubi's world there were some awful politicians, but he was trying to be a comfort. He smiled to her. "You must be pretty worthwhile or two people to sacrifice themselves for you, Sheena."
Soubi perked up a little when Sheena started to talk about Ritsuka. "Has he said that? Does he talk about me that way?"
"It's kind of you to say and think these things but... both you and Ritsuka need to understand, I was never raised to think for myself or want anything other than a Master. Ritsuka... is all I need to breathe. If he finds his true Fighter and no longer needs me... I wish to die like I ought to."
He'd wanted to die when Seimei had. Or supposedly had. The other Pairs hated him for not dying and cursed him, but Soubi didn't disagree with them. Until, perhaps he'd met Ritsuka. But he'd been given orders and so Seimei was still his Master after death and Soubi still had to serve. Another reason he felt so lost without the Beloved name. If Ritsuka's control wavered or they continued to doubt one another, who did Soubi really belong to without the name to bind him to anything? Ritsu had only been his teacher in the end. Seimei was... alive, but he seemed to no longer need Soubi and Soubi no longer had the name. How much did the name even stand for? Seimei would still control Soubi if they met face to face. Soubi knew it.
So then, what if Seimei AND Ritsuka were there. Soubi wanted to believe he'd serve Ritsuka, to the point that he would promise it to himself and the boy. But he was afraid of seeing Seimei because a part of him knew that it just wasn't going to be easy going against him.
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Even Zelos was raised that way. Thankfully, that Idiot Chosen had his weakness for women and even half-elf women were somewhat appealing. He'd learned, through meeting and getting to know Genis and Raine, before their heritage was revealed, that not all half-elves were bad.
"But I've seen some pretty opinionated grown men change and start to accept the things they were raised to look down upon. I've seen devout followers of a religion discover it was a sham and change their ways." Sheena was silent for a moment. "I'm not saying change your ways, but adapt. Humans are good at that, you know."
She put her hand on Soubi's arm then. "Neither Ritsuka or I want you to die. Keep that in mind, okay? He'll deny it, cause boys do that, but if you died, Ritsuka would cry."
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"Hm. But I was perfect before I changed," he pointed out. Sure people didn't like him, but they respected his power. Seimei had asked for him. He'd been wanted.
Soubi was still stubborn, adamant that he wanted only Ritsuka and he wanted this name gone, but his mood had improved considerably.
"Would you cry?" he asked, humour creeping into his question.
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She glared at him from the corner of her eye before deciding to ignore any further implications of the question completely. "There's no such thing as perfect, Soubi. People just think there is."
She decided to explain a little of the whole half-elf thing. "I'm not really sure where it all started, but elves are a very pure race, the only ones with natural magic - something humans don't have. But Humans have strength and drive and stuff elves don't have. So neither race really cared for each other much. Half-elves... they ended up with like the best of both, having magic, keen senses and longer lives with the added strength and drive of the humans. Well, elves being the pure race they are, hated the humans for raping their women and stuff - whether that's true or not, I dunno - and so they exiled the half-elves."
She paused as she thought over what she'd learned. "This was all a really, really, really long time ago in Sylvarant. Eventually, the half-elves got tired of being seen as outcasts, unwanted and stuff so they decided since they were stronger and all that, they were better than both the humans and the elves. So, they decided they existed to be the rulers as the others were inferior beings. So, they used their gifts and subjugated most of the human people, cruelly ruling over the humans, creating evil human ranches like this to make exspheres to give them more power and stuff. These half-elves are called the Desians."
"Now back in Tethe'alla, it's a bit different. There's a lot less half-elves, so they are outnumbered by humans and we have a lot better technology - Sylvarant still uses steam whereas Tethe'alla is far more advanced. So, the caste system of Tethe'alla places the half-elves as the lowest and, because their existence is seen as a disgrace, they are used for their abilities and pretty much kept under lock and key, to prevent them from growing in number and following in the footsteps of the Desians."
Sheena sighed. "Both sides are barbaric and the Mizuho are barely seen as anything better than the half-elves. We're still human, though, so we're above them in the caste system." She rolled her eyes. "We don't follow it cause we think it's a load of crap, but you know how things that have been going on for thousands of years are hard to change."
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He looked a little offended when she told him that 'perfect' did not exist. "I was. I really was. And....I think Ritsuka is perfect, even if we don't understand each other."
He listened to the story of the Elves and half elves and humans. It really did sound barbaric. But it was further proof that people, no matter what race, are all quite terrible. Whichever side had the most power was cruel to the other.
"I'm sure you're loud enough to start a pretty good revolution," he smiled. Soubi personally liked to lead a small life. He didn't want to change the world.
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She didn't comment on the perfect thing mostly because she didn't want to get into an argument over it. Shaking her head, she sad, "No, I'm not the revolutionary type, though I did manage to get my village involved, kinda against their will at first, cause I kinda... abandoned my mission. Lloyd's the one loud enough to do so, and he is. though it's not really a revolution as much as we figured out what was really going on and are trying to change it. Thankfully there's a group of half-elves that are on our side, working against the Desians; they're called the Renegades."
She bit her bottom lip. "When I was brought here... things weren't so good. I caused something really bad to happen, not knowing it would end up like it did. I thought it was going to help, I really did, but I..." She looked away. "I caused a lot of people to suffer. I'm afraid I may have broken my pacts, which is why I can't summon here. Raine tells me she's from a time in my future and that I didn't break my pacts, that it's just how things are here. I can't help but worry that maybe... maybe she's wrong and I did break my pacts, that I'm not going to be able to use the Mana Cannon to stop what I started."
She sighed. "Never mind. It's all complicated and doesn't make a lot of sense and... I shouldn't bother you with it."
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