Bidding farewell to his brunchmates, Zelnick headed into the sunroom, pausing to consider which of the other rooms to spend his time in
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Yohji felt a little better after spending brunch with Schuldig. The sting wouldn't go away, not for a long time he was sure, but he felt like he had some solid ground beneath him. He was planning on heading outside, into the rec field for a while, wanting a little bit of fresh air rather than being cooped up inside all day, but then a nurse caught his arm, tutting and asking if he didn't want to see his visitor.
Dread filled the pit of his stomach at the word 'visitor'. He hadn't had one before, had hoped never to have one. No matter what he said, seeing Asuka (and who else could it be, really?) was never going to be easy.
He let the nurse pull him along and stared at the floor once he was in the room, taking deep breaths to force himself to calm. Whoever the visitor was, it wouldn't really be Asuka. Even if it looked like her, it would be like it had with Neu. Some brainwashed version of her. He could deal. He'd dealt with her death twice before, had dealt with seeing her in his hallucinations before, and he would hurt but he'd survive. She'd kick his ass if he fell for some copy anyway.
"...not much better, sorry Adam. You might want to take it slow." He shook his head, offering the woman a smile. He'd been lucky enough to get one of the nurses he was familar with escorting him inside.
"I'll handle it, don't worry." He knew how he would have felt if the situations were reversed but it didn't make things any easier. He'd left the morning after promising Yohji he'd be around for a while and he hadn't even gotten the chance to explain things until now. It had only been a few days, but a time that had been short to him must have felt like an eternity in the institute.
He wore a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, nothing fancy like when Mirage had come to visit him after work. Spotting Yohji - Ryou, now he reminded himself - he crossed over to the other man. No use beating around the bush. "Hey, kid."
He was expecting a painfully familiar feminine voice, maybe a few teasing words about how he'd left her with all of the work. He'd expected that and so that was what he'd prepared himself for, braced himself to experience and ultimately reject.
He hadn't expected the very masculine voice that he did hear.
Yohji looked up sharply, thrown completely off guard by the unexpectedness of the voice, and just stared for a long moment at the familiar face. "Cliff..." he said when he'd finally found his voice, all of his strong thoughts about ignoring his visitor and staying together dissolving. He was...
Adam almost protested the use of that name but it wasn't worth the effort. What would it accomplish? They'd just spend the whole shift arguing over it and he hadn't come here to do that.
"Yeah, it's me." He replied, moving to sit down across from Yohji. "I'm gone for a few days and this is what happens to you? I thought for sure you'd be pissed off at me."
He wasn't protesting the name, but Yohji just got the impression that he was being humoured. He took a long moment to just look Cliff over. He looked damn good in those jeans but... "I maybe I am pissed off," he replied with a shrug. "But what's the point? It wouldn't accomplish anything and if you've gone and Omi's gone, what the hell am I going to accomplish?" Cliff had been the reason he'd tried to keep it together.
He smirked a little though. "Those clothes suit you better than these ever did though," he said dryly.
"Well, you could come with us." Cliff suggested. "I remember what it was like to hear that from your position too. Hard as it is to believe... It's just as much of a fight to get better and leave as it was trying to break out. This fight, at least, is worth it. There are people out there who would like to see you more than once a week, you know."
Cliff leaned back a bit in his seat, stretching, but his grin was nothing short of mischievous. "It's good you still have that keen sense of aesthetics. I for one wouldn't mind seeing you out of institute grays."
Yohji's hands clenched in his lap, his knuckles going white. It would be so easy to agree, to let himself believe because when he thought about it, what exactly did he have to go back for? He was a mess, and then he apparently got amnesia, became a fucking salaryman. He'd spent years loathing himself and what he did, wouldn't it be nice to have some kind of real life like this, with his friends, seeing them happy and never having to kill? With Cliff...
He laughed hollowly, digging his fingernails into his palms. "Heh, and just after I'd decided that I'd deal with everything and stay myself. Guess life still hates me," he said, the bitterness clear in his voice. "You were one of the people who said I needed to stay together," he added, hoping, probably futilely, for some kind of look of acknowledgement, anything that said that Cliff hadn't given in completely.
He looked up at him properly then and smiled, albeit tiredly. "Hey, you had your chance to get into my pants and I don't think they allow conjugal visits."
[You didn't see me use Cliff in that last post. Lalala~]
Adam watched, feeling that side of the struggle all too well. Why had he stayed so long? He'd just ended up screwing Ryou over more in the end. They'd both been stubborn but stupid.
Maybe he still had a good chance though. 'Staying himself' for Ryou would mean staying in this place...and as much as Adam liked the staff, some part of him really wanted to be gone before sundown. "You do need to stay together. We can argue over what's real until the cows come home but, whatever it takes, you need to stay alive." Adam blinked. How the hell had that come out? Too much time around Mirage's police buddies maybe.
He sighed, returning the tired little smile. "Ow, shot down cold."
Yohji's eyes widened at the unexpected comment, wariness mingling with a kind of desperate hope in his expression. That wasn't the kind of thing that you said if you believed that the Institute was just a hospital, was it? Unless he'd heard what Yohji had done after he'd left? But who would have told him? "I'm good at staying alive, even when I don't want to," he replied, with morbid humour. Everything tried to kill him, and there were times when it would be a relief, and somehow he survived just so that things could get worse. "I won't let this place kill me." Did he remember? Was this all just some kind of act to tell him that Cliff would be waiting outside at midnight with a flamethrower?
Yohji shrugged. "Well, I'm sure I could be persuaded otherwise," he said, his chest aching at the memory of other such conversations tey'd had, ridiculous ones.
Adam hated when things slipped out like that. Usually he was good at covering it up, but he had no idea where that had come from. Better not to try passing it off though - Ryou was smart enough that he might just read too much into it. "That much I'm always glad for." He replied dryly.
Adam leaned forward a bit in his chair. "Oh yeah? We'll have to find out when you get out of here. Don't look so heartbroken. It might take some time, but it'll happen."
It was tempting to say something about how him leaving had nearly led to the worst happening, but he couldn't be that cruel. It wasn't as though he blamed Cliff for that, he should have expected something to happen as soon as he realised he'd fallen for the man. Wasn't that how it always went? At least he was alive. "You should be, I haven't felt much like staying alive recently, even before I ended up here," he said quietly. So Cliff really didn't know why he was saying that stuff.
His breath hitched a little when Cliff leaned towards him, closer than was easy to deal with. "It's not fair to tease me when I can't do anything about it," he said. And wasn't it ironic that it was Cliff not believing that they'd get out which had led to this. Fuck. The irony just loved him didn't it? "Guess you aren't gonna' come and break me out with a molotov cocktail then."
"There's nothing I can do about that. You've gotta find your own reasons to live." Adam replied, all the humor gone from his smile. There wasn't much sympathy in it either. Some part of him still refused to take that attitude no matter where it came from.
He hesitated again. He didn't want to make Yohji break down in front of the nurses, or anywhere for that matter, but he wasn't going to lie even to make him feel better. "I'm not breaking you out. My amature terrorist days are over. I'm getting into politics now - you know, professional terrorism. The only way you're getting out of here is on your own steam."
His own reasons huh? 'cause that always worked out so well. But the tone of Cliff's voice stung, made him feel guilty for being here, for being who he was and he hated that feeling. One more sin to add to the pile. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking suddenly very tired and very very lonely.
Two of his reasons had left without a word.
The mention of politics made him smile slightly though. "I think you'll make a good politican," he said honestly. "You have the charm for it. Just don't let it get to you. I don't want you to become one of the people I've had ki-" He cut that thought off quickly, biting his lip. And really, telling an assassin to get out under his own steam kind of ensured that there'd be bloodshed.
Adam was feeling out of sorts on his own. He'd only been out for under a week and it was still taking some getting used to. At least he knew one thing for certain: the man across from him wasn't a killer, never had been. He just couldn't figure out why Ryou would cling to a life that was obviously bringing him a lot of pain and angst.
For the same reasons he'd clung to his own stories, probably. Being around other patients had been more of a hindrance than anything else. "If anyone kills me it'll be because I'm doing my job too well. That's a long way off, anyway. What are you going to do when you get out of here? You're already convinced that death doesn't want you so...indulge me."
It was one argument that kind of proved it was truth though, wasn't it? Why would someone create the delusion of being a killer, of having the kind of life he'd had, of seeing so many people die, if the alternative was better? A delusion wouldn't hurt this much, surely.
"Yeah, it probably will," he replied with a wistful smile. He couldn't imagine Cliff stooping to the levels that Yohji had seen at least. But there were people who'd be missing him, he had a universe to save, or so he'd said, and that had to be more important than playing politician.
He nearly replied with the truth, that he'd end up with amnesia with a life he'd decided that he didn't want, but, well, why not imagine for a while that he would be getting out of here, even if it was as someone else. "Grow my hair again," he answered. "Even my friends hate it." At least he hadn't cut his off with a sword in a fit of angst like Aya had. "But other than that?" He shrugged. "I don't know. I've never done anything except..." Well, Cliff could guess, even if he thought it was a delusion.
"It's not that bad." Adam replied, reaching over to ruffle Ryou's short hair. It was such a familiar gesture...it hurt. He knew he shouldn't show it though, shouldn't encourage anything that would mean Ryou would be stuck here longer. "But I guess it looks better long, huh? I'd like to see it.
"You've still got a lot of time to find out what you like to do. Everyone starts off knowing pretty much nothing...doesn't mean things have to stay that way. You can just drift around for a while until you find something. I'm gonna go see more of the world before I really settle down but I thought I should wait for you. Didn't know if you'd still want to come along."
Dread filled the pit of his stomach at the word 'visitor'. He hadn't had one before, had hoped never to have one. No matter what he said, seeing Asuka (and who else could it be, really?) was never going to be easy.
He let the nurse pull him along and stared at the floor once he was in the room, taking deep breaths to force himself to calm. Whoever the visitor was, it wouldn't really be Asuka. Even if it looked like her, it would be like it had with Neu. Some brainwashed version of her. He could deal. He'd dealt with her death twice before, had dealt with seeing her in his hallucinations before, and he would hurt but he'd survive. She'd kick his ass if he fell for some copy anyway.
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"I'll handle it, don't worry." He knew how he would have felt if the situations were reversed but it didn't make things any easier. He'd left the morning after promising Yohji he'd be around for a while and he hadn't even gotten the chance to explain things until now. It had only been a few days, but a time that had been short to him must have felt like an eternity in the institute.
He wore a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, nothing fancy like when Mirage had come to visit him after work. Spotting Yohji - Ryou, now he reminded himself - he crossed over to the other man. No use beating around the bush. "Hey, kid."
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He hadn't expected the very masculine voice that he did hear.
Yohji looked up sharply, thrown completely off guard by the unexpectedness of the voice, and just stared for a long moment at the familiar face. "Cliff..." he said when he'd finally found his voice, all of his strong thoughts about ignoring his visitor and staying together dissolving. He was...
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"Yeah, it's me." He replied, moving to sit down across from Yohji. "I'm gone for a few days and this is what happens to you? I thought for sure you'd be pissed off at me."
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He smirked a little though. "Those clothes suit you better than these ever did though," he said dryly.
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Cliff leaned back a bit in his seat, stretching, but his grin was nothing short of mischievous. "It's good you still have that keen sense of aesthetics. I for one wouldn't mind seeing you out of institute grays."
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He laughed hollowly, digging his fingernails into his palms. "Heh, and just after I'd decided that I'd deal with everything and stay myself. Guess life still hates me," he said, the bitterness clear in his voice. "You were one of the people who said I needed to stay together," he added, hoping, probably futilely, for some kind of look of acknowledgement, anything that said that Cliff hadn't given in completely.
He looked up at him properly then and smiled, albeit tiredly. "Hey, you had your chance to get into my pants and I don't think they allow conjugal visits."
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Adam watched, feeling that side of the struggle all too well. Why had he stayed so long? He'd just ended up screwing Ryou over more in the end. They'd both been stubborn but stupid.
Maybe he still had a good chance though. 'Staying himself' for Ryou would mean staying in this place...and as much as Adam liked the staff, some part of him really wanted to be gone before sundown. "You do need to stay together. We can argue over what's real until the cows come home but, whatever it takes, you need to stay alive." Adam blinked. How the hell had that come out? Too much time around Mirage's police buddies maybe.
He sighed, returning the tired little smile. "Ow, shot down cold."
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Yohji's eyes widened at the unexpected comment, wariness mingling with a kind of desperate hope in his expression. That wasn't the kind of thing that you said if you believed that the Institute was just a hospital, was it? Unless he'd heard what Yohji had done after he'd left? But who would have told him? "I'm good at staying alive, even when I don't want to," he replied, with morbid humour. Everything tried to kill him, and there were times when it would be a relief, and somehow he survived just so that things could get worse. "I won't let this place kill me." Did he remember? Was this all just some kind of act to tell him that Cliff would be waiting outside at midnight with a flamethrower?
Yohji shrugged. "Well, I'm sure I could be persuaded otherwise," he said, his chest aching at the memory of other such conversations tey'd had, ridiculous ones.
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Adam leaned forward a bit in his chair. "Oh yeah? We'll have to find out when you get out of here. Don't look so heartbroken. It might take some time, but it'll happen."
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His breath hitched a little when Cliff leaned towards him, closer than was easy to deal with. "It's not fair to tease me when I can't do anything about it," he said. And wasn't it ironic that it was Cliff not believing that they'd get out which had led to this. Fuck. The irony just loved him didn't it? "Guess you aren't gonna' come and break me out with a molotov cocktail then."
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He hesitated again. He didn't want to make Yohji break down in front of the nurses, or anywhere for that matter, but he wasn't going to lie even to make him feel better. "I'm not breaking you out. My amature terrorist days are over. I'm getting into politics now - you know, professional terrorism. The only way you're getting out of here is on your own steam."
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Two of his reasons had left without a word.
The mention of politics made him smile slightly though. "I think you'll make a good politican," he said honestly. "You have the charm for it. Just don't let it get to you. I don't want you to become one of the people I've had ki-" He cut that thought off quickly, biting his lip. And really, telling an assassin to get out under his own steam kind of ensured that there'd be bloodshed.
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For the same reasons he'd clung to his own stories, probably. Being around other patients had been more of a hindrance than anything else. "If anyone kills me it'll be because I'm doing my job too well. That's a long way off, anyway. What are you going to do when you get out of here? You're already convinced that death doesn't want you so...indulge me."
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"Yeah, it probably will," he replied with a wistful smile. He couldn't imagine Cliff stooping to the levels that Yohji had seen at least. But there were people who'd be missing him, he had a universe to save, or so he'd said, and that had to be more important than playing politician.
He nearly replied with the truth, that he'd end up with amnesia with a life he'd decided that he didn't want, but, well, why not imagine for a while that he would be getting out of here, even if it was as someone else. "Grow my hair again," he answered. "Even my friends hate it." At least he hadn't cut his off with a sword in a fit of angst like Aya had. "But other than that?" He shrugged. "I don't know. I've never done anything except..." Well, Cliff could guess, even if he thought it was a delusion.
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"You've still got a lot of time to find out what you like to do. Everyone starts off knowing pretty much nothing...doesn't mean things have to stay that way. You can just drift around for a while until you find something. I'm gonna go see more of the world before I really settle down but I thought I should wait for you. Didn't know if you'd still want to come along."
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