Day 33: Doctor's Office 2 (Dr. House) [4th Shift]
House's last session had ended (once again) before he'd been able to pick up any information from his patient's possible anecdotes rather than his mannerisms and ridiculous ears. Not that what patients had to say was particularly useful anyway unless they were on the verge of death and likely to tell the truth about having eaten Scandinavian
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"Hey, kid," he said, glancing back at his screen, "you're the kind of guy who listens to people, right? The kind who wants to be in good graces with great ol' Mr. Authority? If you are, just--"
He paused suddenly. Good graces with authority... was exactly what House didn't try to get. So why hadn't he just gone after the patients the old fashioned way as soon as his suspicions had been aroused? A couple of brawny guys shouldn't have been intimidating him from anything, let alone asking a poor straitjacketed bastard a couple of offhand questions about the way things smelled or if they were taking a certain kind of pill. This wasn't the way he was supposed to act, so how the hell had it taken him this long to realize it ( ... )
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He rolled his eyes and looked up from his rummaging, staring the kid in the eye.
"Listen," he said, his voice quick and caustic, "I'm not in the mood to deal with Eddie Haskell, so why don't you stop the brown-nosing and tell me whether or not you guys are all crazy or just really, really exaggerating."
His hand found the object he was looking for and he pulled it out: his cell phone. He opened it and scrolled down the contacts list, pushing "SEND" on the name "Cuddleboobs."
"...Right after this call," he added in a mutter, putting the phone to his ear.
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House drummed his fingers on the top of his desk as the phone rang two, three... five times. A clearly sexually frustrated voicemail came on with "This is Lisa Cuddy; leave a message," and to it, House responded:
"Hey, economics lesson: outsourcing only works when you aren't doing it with relatively rich white people. Call me."
He pulled the phone away from his ear and was about to press "END" when a thought occurred to him and he pulled it back to his face.
"Oh, and literary lesson too: don't send your employees to Doctor Moreau's."
He flipped the thing closed and shoved it in his pocket, about to grab his cane and move towards the door when he saw the kid and remembered that, yeah, the ass-kisser might be able to tell him a couple of things. He stared him in the eye.
"...So?" He asked as if it was the patient who'd kept him waiting for an answer.
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"Right, some of them are certifiably insane but you're as well-adjusted as Mr. Rogers." House rolled his eyes, though despite his ridicule, he realized that getting Haskell over here to rat out himself and his buddies was a step in the right direction and posed a puzzle to boot. All of these people were interpreting something in the same way, and the trends were similar enough that House could probably figure out what kind of scandal Landel was running around here through if he got enough of the wacky details. It was a hell of a lot more interesting than figuring out who was cheating on who anyway.
"They give you any pills and injections off the record?" he asked, thinking back on what other wackos had said about being medicated against their will. "And if you like the acid trips, too bad; I'm gonna be confiscating them for... security reasons."
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