DAY 33: BREAKFAST

[yin_yang_fox]

Renamon blinked, and suddenly she was laying flat in the bed she had originally woke up in. The timing was impeccable, accenting Orihime's explanation perfectly. She just hoped that she hadn't freaked the girl out with her little disappearing act. She quickly shifted out of bed, and grabbed the journal she had wrote notes in last night, and jotted

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[screwthegods]

[Waiting for Fai]

Homura was in pain when he woke up that morning. He'd been hurt during his time at Landel's, but without doubt this was the worst injury he had sustained. He would remember it well, no doubt, the next time he decided to send anyone on that particular assignment again. Certainly they had come away with success, but with a heavy price.

Already Homura knew he wouldn't be going out that night. Not unless he could find someone which exceptional healing powers.

The demi-god barely had time to hide his gains before a nurse came in, pushing one of those wheeled contraptions Homura had seen from time to time. It would turn out to be useful this day, as even with the power of his stubbornness, Homura doubted he would do himself any good to try walking. And the nurse confirmed it, fussing about how he'd managed to almost shatter his rib cage and break his hip. According to the woman, Homura was lucky to not have broken his back, especially with the wicked gash that nearly went the whole length of it.

Homura only listened enough to get an idea of his injuries. He had no desire to hear whatever reason the woman would try to give for him.

He made sure to take his journal with him to breakfast, Fai's file tucked between the pages. The woman was actually helpful when it came to getting his meal, and thankfully left him alone after she'd pushed him to an empty place at the table. The demi-god took the time to try and figure out a way through breakfast without pain screaming through his body, nearly enough to make him too nauseous to even attempt eating at all.

[not_rly_fai]

Night had seemed to go by so quickly, but with Sakura's condition, that was probably for the best. The complicated story she'd told them about their own future hadn't been easy to hear, but at least it had deepened his resolve to stand by his own decisions. And one of the first steps he could take in that direction was to obtain that file.

He walked into the cafeteria, unassisted by chair, brace, or crutch for the first time since he'd been injured. His ribs would take a bit longer to heal, as would his arm, but they were both well on their way. Bandages were wound tightly around his chest and left arm, but, at the rate people seemed to get better here, it wouldn't take long at all before those were gone too.

Yuuhi picked up his tray, scanning the tables. He was surprised to see Homura was using one of those wheeled chairs this time. It didn't seem like the man to put himself in danger, so what had happened? He was a little hesitant to approach, but they had important things to discuss, and perhaps the man would even have the item he needed.

A smile touched his lips as he seated himself at the table, across from Homura. It was far from real, but that didn't seem to matter. "Good morning," he said in an almost cheerful tone.

[screwthegods]

Homura had all but given up on eating for the present by the time Fai came to join him, and was instead trying to remember when he had last been so heavily injured (barring his death, of course). The thoughts were pushed aside, however, the demi-god's typical manner asserting itself despite the obvious injuries.

"Good morning." So Fai wasn't quite up to his normal standard of faking good cheer and joy, was he? Perhaps the man had experienced a bad night, though the injuries he had wouldn't attest to it. Something else then, perhaps psychological, or dealing with one of the new patients from the previous day.

Or maybe Fai was simply nervous about approaching Homura. He had reason to be, especially given what was in the file the demi-god held.

"Let's come to the matter at hand, shall we?" Homura relaxed as much as his injuries would allow (which unfortunately wasn't much), and met Fai's gaze across the table. "Why are you so desperate for the file this place has on you?"

[not_rly_fai]

He should have known that even though Homura was injured, his personality wouldn't be any easier to deal with. Yuuhi met the man's eyes for only a moment before he glanced down at his tray. At least he was to-the-point.

"That wasn't part of the deal," he said pleasantly. "Nor is it very important," he added, stirring ketchup into his hashbrowns. "I'd just like to have it, if you've got it."

[screwthegods]

Despite the dropped gaze, Homura couldn't miss that Fai was being more assertive than he normally was. It did little to slacken the man's curiosity, but at the same time Homura welcomed it. That bit of change was the first sign towards what Homura had suspected, that there was much more to Fai than the timid man he portrayed.

And of course, the contents of the file helped that.

"I have it." Homura held up the journal, bending it's pages just enough for Fai to see the manila folder hidden inside. "But there is nothing keeping you from walking away once I hand it to you, is there? And I have to admit, there are a number of things I would like to know. For instance, which name do you go by? Robin or Fai..."

Homura's eyes didn't leave the man for a moment, even as he purposely paused. He wouldn't miss the man's reaction, however subtle. "Or Yuuhi?"

[not_rly_fai]

Homura had a point. Yuuhi did intend to fulfill the promise he'd made, but Homura had no way of knowing that for certain. He was sure they could come to some kind of agreement, but-

Or Yuuhi?

It'd been countless years since anyone had called him by that name. What little color was left in his face was gone in a moment, his eyes were wide with disbelief as he looked at Homura. Just how much information was in that file? How did they know?! It was impossible... no one should know...

His hands were white-knuckled fists on either side of his tray, shaking slightly as he fought for control. They pounded the table once, a gesture that only seemed to prove his helplessness. For once he couldn't find words; there was nothing he could say, no lie that could hold up to the truth.

"How did you..." he started, but didn't finish the thought. His eyes met Homura's. "I told you before, it's Fai," he said after a long pause. He tried unsuccessfully to regain any portion of his composure. "I don't... know that other name."

[screwthegods]

Any facade Fai wore was gone in a moment, leaving Fai completely vulnerable for that moment. And despite the fact that he was the one who had triggered Fai's reaction so, Homura couldn't help but feel a measure of sympathy for the man. Still, it was all for a purpose, one that went beyond Homura's amusement now.

The man across from him tried to slip into denial again, and Homura opened both the notebook and the file within to reply. He kept his voice low, able to be heard only by Fai and himself, calmly reading the words within.

"Yuuhi was born in a wintery kingdom sharing his same last name. He and his twin brother, Fai, were the sons of a prince, but in that kingdom, twins were taboo and seen as a curse."

He wasn't smiling when he closed the file. No, for once Homura appeared completely serious to the man across from him, and rightfully so. They were of the same breed.

"Those who have trapped us know our secrets, Fai D. Flourite. And they will use those secrets against us however they can. But you and I are both creatures of taboo, it seems, and with a common goal. For that reason, I have little desire to see you fall victim to what this place might do to us."

[not_rly_fai]

What did he want? Was this all just to hurt him? He didn't understand, but as Homura began to read, he covered his ears, shook his head. But try as he might, he could still hear the words that no one else was supposed to know.

"Stop," he managed, though his arms were shaking. "Please."

To his surprise, Homura stopped, closed the file away. When Yuuhi looked up, he expected to see Homura's smug smile looking down on him, but the other man's face was serious in a way he'd never seen before. He wasn't sure what to make of it. Even with the explanation, it didn't seem to click. "I... don't understand," he said weakly, "what do you want from me?"

[screwthegods]

"For you to understand." Homura set down the notebook, not offering the file to Fai just yet, but showing that he had no intention of picking it back up for the moment either. "I am not your enemy here. This prison is, and they will do everything in their power to make you suffer."

Homura knew what he was facing across the table. He had been in that place before, his past too hard for him to face, believing himself to weak and helpless to stop it. But the truth had been his own strength, his own choice, and that was something Fai needed to see for himself. Homura had need of the man, and desire to see him prosper.

If only because of the title they shared.

"Creatures of taboo are feared for their power. Because those around them cannot understand their strength, and cannot hope to contend with it. That is why they try to destroy us, to make us lose our will to live." Homura still spoke lowly, hoping that through his agony, Fai would hear the words. "This place will prey upon that. They will use your weakness, but you must not let them."

"You must be stronger. You have reason to be, do you not? A purpose to live for."

[not_rly_fai]

Yuuhi found it difficult to believe that with all the information Homura now possessed, he wouldn't use that to his advantage. That wasn't enough to make him an enemy, but he certainly wouldn't call the man a friend. This place, terrible as it might be, had at least given him a chance to save Ashura and if he was able to find the answers, a way to save Fai too.

Some of what Homura was saying struck true, he did have a purpose to live for. But the rest... Yuuhi knew he was a creature of taboo, though he didn't know that it meant the same for him as it did for Homura. He had strong magic, but he'd tried to use it to help people when he could. There was no changing things though, a cursed creature would always be a cursed creature, his life had only served to prove that to him again and again.

"I am just as it says I am," Yuuhi said slowly, his words quiet. People had every right to wish to destroy him, to make his life painful. It was his own fault. "A monster. What else is there to understand? There's no way to change that." It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair, but it didn't keep it from being true.

[screwthegods]

"An unholy creature that should have never been born. That only brings misfortune to those around him, that should be feared and untouched. Eternally unloved, until he dies the miserable death he deserves. A creature who can only live in misery until that day when death comes."

Homura had heard all those things before, had felt them all. And for countless nights in a prison cell, countless days in the brightly lit halls of the Heavens, Homura had believed all those things, the sentence unable to be appealed, the crime he was guilty of.

It had taken far too much to learn the truth of those words, and to be able to see the shadows in the gods' paradise.

"You are what you choose to be." There was conviction in Homura's voice, and almost a touch of frustration. He could clearly remember being in Fai's position, thinking misery was deserved, death was mercy. But the truth was so very different. "And you live how you choose to live. To hold no value in your own life will lead to nothing but misery, for you and those who love you. It will keep you powerless to change things, and to save anyone."

[not_rly_fai]

You are what you choose to be? As if it was that simple! Who would choose to be such a thing? That was crazy. Just further proof of how easy it was to manipulate words.

He could easily remember the time when he'd been locked away in that prison with Fai, wishing that they could be something different, but that hadn't changed anything! All either of them had wanted was to be loved, but even that was too much to ask.

"It's not that easy," Yuuhi replied, his eyes and his voice growing colder. But to say that he couldn't save anyone? He might not be capable of much, but that was the one thing he had to do.

"If you really want to help me, you'll let me take that file and let me deal with my own problems. I'll do the work I owe you for it."

[screwthegods]

"To help you? Don't misjudge me." Homura refused to be considered a charitable person. As much as he might relate to Fai's current situation, and as much as that alone might make him want to help, there were far too many concerns for the demi-god to use his time on acts done out of the kindness of his heart. No, Homura had a much more practical reason for Fai to become stronger, and that was because of their common goal.

"There is someone you wish to save, correct? There is someone I wish to save as well. That mutual goal is what I need you for." Homura responded to the growing coldness from across the table in kind. Was there a time when Homura had been so determined to hold on to his own misery? Perhaps in those moments when he was afraid of the responsibility of choice. Perhaps.

"And I did not say it was easy. The one I loved most was taken from me, and for all ultimately killed because of what I am. She suffered because I am a heresy, a creature of taboo." His jaw set, Homura looked unflinchingly at Fai. The man had to be made to see the truth if he was to be of any use in the end. "Nothing can change what I am. But I choose to let it rule me or not. Perhaps I do cause nothing but misfortune. But I will live my own way, striving to achieve my own goals. And I refuse to ever again hate myself because someone else thinks I shouldn't exist."

[not_rly_fai]

Yuuhi listened, and regarded Homura for a long moment before speaking. A part of him wanted to believe it, that he could change, and that he could help the ones he cared about, but he had so many doubts. Before he'd started this journey, things had been simpler, but now, with each world they visited, there were more people they cared about and it was getting harder and harder to keep himself from getting involved.

He wanted to believe that it was possible to save them all simply by getting stronger, but he was afraid he'd doom them to the same fate as the ones he'd left behind. He'd thought before that he could be strong enough to care for the people in Celes, but time and again he'd failed.

"I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me," he said finally, lowering his eyes to the table.

[screwthegods]

"There are only two ways that will happen." Was it progress? Homura thought it might be, and that was a good sign. Fai had obviously suffered, but if creatures of taboo held power in other worlds like they did his own, he would be invaluable in the end. He just had to be sure Fai would make it to that point as whole as possible.

"If you hurt someone, or if your choices cause them to be hurt, then you will be responsible for it." And that was such a difficult thing to remember, even for someone like Homura. It hadn't been him that condemned Rinrei, but he blamed himself so often all the same. His weakness, his doubt, his birth. But what Homura had come to see, and what Fai needed to realize, was where such responsibility really lay.

"You did not choose to be born a creature of taboo. And you cannot force others to act. Every being, taboo or not, god or human, every being chooses how they live. You are not responsible for that, and those who try to make you so cannot face the reality of their own actions."

"Now is the time to realize that, Fai D. Flourite. And now is the time when you must choose for yourself how you want to live." Opening the notebook, Homura took out the file, and offered it to the man across from him. "Will you condemn yourself as they have condemned you? Or will you accept yourself, and find the meaning in the life you have been given, however hard that might be?"

[not_rly_fai]

It should have figured. Just when he'd been so sure of his decision, something like this happened and shook him right to his core. He wanted to believe that it was true, and for a brief shining moment, there was even a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but the evidence against him was so strong. All he had to do was think of the dying king in his own kingdom, or Ashura, and that bloody scene in Celes and doubt began to creep in all over again.

Could it really have been Ashura's own fault those people had been hurt? It didn't seem possible. Ashura had always been such a kind person. What other explanation could there be for his madness? He couldn't imagine that Ashura had actually chosen to give in to such a thing.

Yuuhi reached for the file, his hand hesitating for a moment as it hovered over the papers, then pulled it from Homura's grasp. "I don't have an answer to that yet," he said, perhaps one of the first honest things he'd admitted in a long while. He intended to put serious thought on it, but first was the file. If it contained as much sensitive information as Homura had made mention of, he'd have to destroy it as soon as possible. He needed information on Robin, not Yuuhi.