Dayshift 32: Doctor's Office 3 (Dr. Muraki)
There were no late nights or lazy mornings this time. Early as it was, Muraki's day looked like it would be surprisingly normal. It was a light schedule today; he was expecting Jordan soon, and another new boy during lunch, then he would be home early to sort out certain affairs. Completely, utterly normal
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Taking his first few hesitant steps forward, Ritsuka moved to the chair and sat down. The memory of Soubi's drawing was still fresh in his mind, even though his nurse had collected his journal before he came in here. She had promised to give it back, so he'd relinquished it, but... "I'm...alright," he said, staring down at his bandaged arm as it lay in his lap. "Things have been better since last week, but I think..."
Should he even voice that concern? What if Alfons wasn't really gone? What if what he had seen on the bulletin before coming here was just Miku worrying for no reason? The idea of losing someone else here was just too painful. He didn't want to deal with it yet and quickly put it out of mind. "Um...what are we talking about today?"
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"We have a while together. It can wait a little bit." He said with a gentleness reserved for the handful of children he broke sweetly. "If there's something troubling you, I'd like to hear it. It's what I'm here for."
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Fidgeting in the chair, Ritsuka clasped his hands in his lap and stared at them. "...a lot has happened. Seimei left and he never came back, but...someone I know from home came and things have been getting better. It's not the same, and it's frustrating because he's here, but still." Ritsuka sighed and then ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "But that's not it. Someone else here, they're missing and I think they've--"
He paused and then stopped talking altogether again, unsure of how to get started. Did he talk about Soubi? Alfons? His stupid panic over the thought of having lost his ears? Nothing sounded right and he fell silent for awhile, staring hard at the floor.
"I keep losing my way here," he said finally, fingers clenched around each other in his lap. "I think I know what's going on, but then I never do and I always find out too late. I got other people hurt last night because of that. Someone might be missing because I didn't realize fast enough. I...don't know what to do."
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"Take whatever time you need to sort through your thoughts." Muraki replied, unhurried and soothing. He shifted to be a little closer, resting his elbows on the desk with his fingers laced just beneath his chin. It was closer, but still a very formal position, nothing that should bother darling Jordan.
"You don't have all that much power here. Both as a child and a patient. Whether someone leaves or stays is entirely up to the Head Doctor, and protecting the patients is the duty of the staff... Incompetent as they seem to be in that respect." He glanced down at Jordan's bandaged arm, a real frown crossing his lips. "But I doubt it will alleviate your worries to tell you it's not your fault, even if it isn't. Who is it that's gone missing? I could check the records for you."
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And he was sick. Ritsuka wasn't an idiot. He knew something was wrong and he'd gotten a look at Alfons' file. He knew and there was now nothing he could do to stop his friend from dying. His promises would all come to nothing. "...please. If there's anything you can tell me about where he went, I'd be in your debt. We're all worried about him and I promised that--" He couldn't reveal that and so he clammed up, sinking back into the seat and wincing when his injuries hit the chair.
Mentioning the Head Doctor still made Ritsuka uncomfortable, even if the guy had nothing to do with his ears being gone. Looking down at his bandaged arm, he quietly slid it off his lap and to the side, trying to hide it against the chair. "I don't need protection. It doesn't hurt," he lied.
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Though he explained this with little emotion, his voice was serious and ernest - or was that eagerness?
Muraki raised an eyebrow when Jordan tried to hide his injury. "Oh, it doesn't?"
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But what if Alfons had left? What if he'd been given a chance in this world instead and had taken it? No. He wouldn't do that. Ritsuka couldn't think ill of his friends. He had to believe in someone, right? Seimei had betrayed him. Soubi, for all his pretty words and gentle acts, lied to him. His mother only wanted her real son back. Yuiko... she was kind-hearted, but she didn't know the whole truth. He wanted to believe in the friends he made here and the friends back home. He had to.
Muraki asked about his injury and Ritsuka sank into the chair, putting his arm behind his back. Not the smartest move since that just made it hurt worse, but he didn't want anyone to look at it. "...no. It's fine."
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When Ritsuka against the arm, the doctor sighed. He really was adorable sometimes. "Don't hurt yourself further. I won't look at it if you don't want me to, but I would prefer if you didn't lie outright."
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Transferred to another facility? This place had more than one hospital like this? If that were true, then Alfons was in danger and alone - making the day that much worse. "...I want him safe," Ritsuka said with all the determination he could muster. "As long as I know he's safe and alive, even if we never see each other again, I'll be happy."
It was easy to say the words, but inside, Ritsuka felt lost. He couldn't help anyone here. Not his brother, not Alfons, not even Tamaki with whom he rarely spoke anymore. His circle of friends was getting smaller, meaning he needed to make as many memories as possible. If not for them, then for him. He didn't want to forget them.
"I'm not lying!" he snapped suddenly. The burst of anger over, he dropped his gaze and shook his head. Nearly getting eaten by a giant rotting bird was miniscule compared to the pain of watching his mother cry as she hit him. Ritsuka wondered when his views on that had flopped around. "...I've had worse. Physical pain is nothing."
Pausing for a moment, he looked up at Muraki through his bangs and wondered if his doctor was really that horrible person everyone had been talking about. He didn't seem bad at all - he even appeared to be genuinely concerned about him, everything a doctor was supposed to be. "...can I trust you?" he asked quietly. "People keep saying you're not a good person, but... I want someone, just one person I can really trust."
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What a moody, fiery little thing. The doctor stood and walked around his desk to Jordan's chair, kneeling beside him just like their last therapy session. He rested a hand on the boy's head. "I know what you've been through. Some things hurt more than others, but that doesn't make them inconsequential. I'm sure it's confusing to lose your friend so suddenly too."
Jordan was rather intoxicating. He was so hungry for a friend, and as foolish as Tsubaki had been, placing all of his trust in a monster who wore the guise of a man. The other patients had warned him. Muraki could think of one who would have had the courage, and he would be sure the punishment for that wouldn't soon be forgotten. For now, though, the doctor focused on the boy. He let his hand slide down a little, cool fingers resting on the warm patch of skin between Jordan's neck and the collar of his shirt.
"The people you've talked to are right. I'm not a good person, Aoyagi-kun. I've killed more people than you can imagine, especially those who trusted me with their lives. Maybe they can still smell that blood on my hands." He even looked down, silver hair obscuring his face. "...I was a medical doctor before I came here. For most of my life that's what I did. It's your choice whether you can trust me or not."
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A hand fell onto his head and Ritsuka jumped, looking up as Muraki kneeled beside him. He usually hated it when people touched his head, but this was a doctor - he was here to help. At least, he thought he was. The hand felt odd as it came to rest by his neck and Ritsuka felt a chill run up his spine.
It only got worse as Muraki spoke.
"...y-you w-what?" A murderer, rapist, evil - that's what people had said. Were they right? Had he been deceived again? "...you.. you mean by losing patients at the operating table, right?" he asked, starting to shrink back from Muraki's hand.
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He cleared his throat. This was really some of the worst acting he'd ever done, and it was unimaginably difficult not to laugh. He moved his hand away from Jordan's shoulder and curled his fingers into a fist, preserving the warmth. "My apologies, Aoyagi-kun. I shouldn't be telling you such scary things in the first place."
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Terrible acting or no, Ritsuka wanted someone to talk to. Whenever he tried, things happened. Aidou interrupted his talk with Miku, Tamaki was always busy, the twins teased him. He couldn't talk to Soubi because the Fighter would only agree or disagree as Ritsuka wanted him to. Alfons was...gone. He used to talk to his doctor, but now she was gone and replaced with this...person. Shaking his head and hunching over in his seat, Ritsuka pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "...People just..." He bit his lip and haltingly went forward. "I just don't know who to believe in anymore."
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"People aren't simple creatures. To believe in anyone is a difficult and risky business. However, I intend to remain your therapist as long as you'll need me." The doctor paused, the concern in his voice well tempered by professional courtesy. He didn't try to move any closer to Jordan. "What else has been bothering you this whole time? You seem to have quite a lot on your mind today."
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People weren't simple, indeed.
What was bothering him? A lot of things. The disappearances, his shrinking circle, Soubi, his feelings, the loss of memories, the inability to print out new ones. His camera was kept safely tucked in his room during the day so the nurses wouldn't take it away. He wanted proof of existence, but he was losing the chances to do that. "I haven't been making memories," he said finally, letting just one of his worries bleed through. "I'm afraid I'm forgetting things or that people are going to forget without them. I wasn't able to give anything to Alfons and now...he might be gone."
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