[from
here]
Aya moved slowly even if he perceived no indication of danger ahead. It would not harm him to approach with cautiousness. As long as he could keep his mind busy and move forward...
The truth was that he did not want to think about today, yesterday or the day before that; everything like a confusing whirlwind of raw emotions and depressing thoughts, kicking up a storm within his mind. He'd rather just act than remember the letter that burned in his pocket, or the lost declaration, "I just want to go home," another confession forced in a heat of a moment, "How can anyone trust me if I don't trust myself." As if that wouldn't have been enough already, there was also the taunt of his amber sun, "not so trusting anymore, Ran-kun." And Ken, a plethora of mixed emotions, fears, desires, nameless and haunted, the ones he didn't dare to touch with a ten feet pole.
No, it was better to just move ahead and forget that he was capable of producing intelligent thoughts.
He moved carefully to the railing that circled the opening down to the sunroom. The damned darkness veiled whatever was happening down there as well as it hid him in the shadows. Ah well, what had he expected really? Leaning his hip to the railing, he sighed, craving for a cigarette. It was one of those moments when he missed the taste of inevitable death on his palate.