Day 29: Waiting Room/Lobby 1

[forgot_it_all]

When the nurse suddenly appeared after the intercom's announcement, Ritsuka could only stare at her. He had a visitor? He knew that Miku had one, but to think that he would get one? He couldn't imagine who would come to see him. Seimei was gone, Soubi was here... Or so he hoped. It had been almost two shifts since he'd last seen the older man

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[damned_visitors]

Perhaps the other visitors came for simpler reasons. For love or support, or to offer bits of hope to the patients. Yes they were there, they were waiting just beyond the walls. They'd wait as long as necessary, emotions burning as strongly as they ever did, looking to the far off day of return with tempered anticipation.

And in effect, he would offer the same thing. Pleasant smiles and saddened eyes, encouraging words whispered in just the right way to pull her strings. He'd even be more genuine than all of the waste around him, at least in her eyes. The man hurt by her insanity, but forgiving and kind, so willing to see past the nonsensical ramblings of the poor, shattered soul.

His reasons were just different than theirs, all part of a grander scheme. Plans that were woven beyond the limits of their understanding, and this was simply another thread.

But the time had come, and he slipped on black rimmed glasses to greet her with. She was worse for wear, clearly, but that was to be expected. She'd broken into so many pieces.

"My word, you poor thing." The concern in his voice was appropriate. Her arm was out of sight, but there wasn't much thought needed to guess why. And her face, well, there was no telling just how that had happened. Yes, appropriate concern, shock at how she was being treated. He stepped towards her, forgetting the circumstances, a hand outstretched to touch that marked cheek. "What are they doing to you here? Jehna, what's happened?"

[hajike_tobiume]

That voice. She knew that voice. She knew the concern that flowed in his voice well. The times he'd come upon her leafing through his books or tending to the flowers in their garden, wondering if her hard work was pleasing to him, hoping he'd give her more than just a warm smile, comforting eyes and embrace.

Momo would be able to recognize that voice anywhere and her heartbeat sped up, a light coming to her eyes as she turned toward that voice with an awed, "Aizen-sama..." The warning bells that had been in place from all the talk on the boards had been effectively silenced and she was caught in the softness of his eyes from behind this glasses.

She smiled up at him, very annoyed that she couldn't see him clearly as everything to her left was unfocused thanks to her eye. "You've come to save me. They've got us all trapped and they've somehow taken Tobiume from me," she said, automatically rationalizing that his use of the fake name the nurses called her was him playing along so her captors wouldn't pay to much attention to them.

"We've got to get back and..."

Her words trailed off as she felt the coolness of his hand against her unsightly cheek. Looking up into his eyes, Momo froze, her chest where Kyouka Suigetsu had pierced her suddenly aching with phantom pains as she remembered. The memory of what he'd done to her in the Chamber of the Central 46 came crashing down upon her and her eyes grew wide in abject terror.

No, no... no! Don't touch me. How... what... Please hold me, make me feel safe. No! S-Stop it. You can't, not anymore, but it feels so g-- Get away. What did I do wrong? Please... don't leave me again...

A faint whimper found it's way out of her throat.

[damned_visitors]

Her face lit up, which wasn't something that surprised him. At first, his did at well, hope well measured, but tempered with reality when she mentioned "his" name. Ah yes, that illusion, that world Jehna had woven for herself to spare her mind the truth it couldn't handle. How the weak coped with a reality that weighed too much for them to carry.

And she still clung to it, every detail of it. He saw that hesitation when it came, the whimper echoing her conflict. But he was here to soothe her wounds, to remind the girl of the world that really did exist beyond these walls. To keep her where he needed her to be.

"Jehna." He answered her conflict with an embrace, warm and tender. She could push away if she wished, and he would respond accordingly. But for now he held, loosely on the left, his right hand rubbing her back in chaste circles. "Oh Jehna. I had hoped they would have made more progress than this. But you still believe all those things, don't you?"

"All those things you made up about yourself, and about me."

[hajike_tobiume]

Momo whimpered again when she saw the disappointment in his eyes. She was a shinigami of great strength, except when it came to those eyes and that one look that told her she hadn't lived up to his expectations. That look alone, edged a tiny bit of the terror she felt at his touch, though she stiffened when he embraced her. Her breath was short and quick, on the verge of hyperventilating if she didn't get it under control soon.

She wanted to push him awqay, but she knew she didn't have the strength to. At the same time, she wanted to pull him closer to her, to feel that he really was there. She was powerless to decide which way to go, what choice she should make, so she didn't make one. A tear formed at the corner of her eye and slid down her face as she bowed her head, her forehead against his chest, even though she could not relax into his arms like she'd always been able to do.

She drew in a shuddering breath, hitching in the back of her throat as a second tear followed the previous one down her face. She faintly registered the words Aizen was saying to her, and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Why wouldn't I still believe? You made me believe," she said in a thick voice. She put her hand to her chest, over where there should be a scar and yet there wasn't one. "Wasn't I good enough?"

[damned_visitors]

It was true. He was the one responsible for her fantasies, even the ones she had come up with all on her own. And it served his purposes well that she believe in this farce, this made up place that shone brighter for his presence. But that wasn't the role he was playing today, no. His was of the concerned mentor, the guide and guardian who felt more than he should, more deeply than what their positions allowed.

"Of course you're good enough. You always have been." This was also true. Her devotion was blind to thought, and that made her perfect for his use. Amazing how mindless they would become, the weak trash that walked the earth, how willingly they would play puppets if fed the right crumbs. She was no exception, and even easier than most. Certainly she'd always been good enough for that role.

"But Jehna, you have to listen to me. Please, trust me." For this he knelt, a man pleading in the scope of his own powerlessness. She could see his eyes this way, how genuine he could pretend to be. Quiet hope resounded in his voice, that perhaps this time he would reach her, save her from her delusions. "This world you've started to believe in, the world of the dead. It isn't real. We're both alive, you and I, and all those things."

He hesitated then, moved a hand up to gently wipe away her tears. And at the same time, it seemed he fought his own, emotion summoned on demand, in such a degree that it might almost overwhelm him. "All those things about how I hurt you, nearly…nearly killed you. Jehna, do you really think I could ever do that?"

[hajike_tobiume]

Momo clenched her hand, the front of the coat bunching up in her grip as she tried not to cry anymore. She leaned into his touch as he wiped away her tears. She didn't understand why he was saying Soul Society wasn't real and of course they both existed. She'd just thought he was...

"I... I don't know, Aizen-sama. I don't know," she whispered. "I don't want to believe you did, but I don't want to believe Ichimaru was controlling you either. You're too strong for him to control you."

"What happened? I don't... remember it all," said, choking a little on her words. She then let go of the front of her coat and grabbed Aizen's shirt by his shoulder, her knuckles white. "If I was good enough... why did you leave me?" Her voice grew a little hysterical. "Why did you leave me here? Why couldn't I go with you? All I ever wanted was to be with you..." She closed her eyes, head bowed, as she shook, pulling a little on his shirt. "Why?"

[damned_visitors]

He let out a sigh then, patient and low. Aizen was an interesting name, but it wasn't his. "Alexander, Jehna. My name is Alexander. Try to remember." But it must be so hard, trying to pick out the truth from the lies when her own mind couldn't even tell what was real. That made it all the more perfect for him to plant the seeds, the story he wanted to grow up strong, feeding on the frail soil of her heart.

"I didn't want to leave you. I know I asked a lot of you, but I didn't consider--." He left the thought unfinished, open for her to fill with whatever her mind wished. "I'm sorry it was so hard on you. How terrible it must have been to endure everything like you did. When you're better again. When you can remember what's real, they'll let you out, Jehna. Then we'll work together, just like we always have."

It was that hope she wanted, and he'd dangle it in front of her, just like a treat in front of a cat. Let her paw at it, sniff and give it her approval, then swallow it down greedily, completely unaware of the poison within. "But first you have to get better. I had to leave you here after what happened. You were so upset over everything, and that's my fault. But promise me you'll try to get well. And Jehna, promise me, swear to me that you won't do it again."

Now it was his turn to breathe heavy, the weight of emotions on his words. "I couldn't stand it if you tried to kill yourself again."

[hajike_tobiume]

He wanted her to continue being his vice captain. He wanted her to continue being his vice captain! All she had to do was get better (though she wasn't quite sure what was actually wrong with her) and everything would be like it had been before. Before...

She'd tried to kill herself?

The building excitement she'd been feeling as he promised her they'd continue leading the 5th together suddenly turned into massive confusion. Why did he think she tried to kill herself? She'd been focused on revenge, not ending her own existence and then he... he...

"But, I didn't..."

Momo didn't understand what was going on and the emotion she was getting from him was making her start to shake. It was too real. Aizen-sama was genuinely worried that she would try to kill herself - taking the burden for being responsible for her first attempt upon himself. She didn't remember trying to kill herself. She remembered the embrace, the tears and... his blade.

The shinigami pressed the heel of her hand to her temple, face contorted in confusion as she tried to remember what he was talking about. He wouldn't be saying that she'd tried to kill herself if she hadn't. He cared for her, not as much as she wanted him to, but he still cared for her. She couldn't make him worry; it was wrong for her to make him worry.

And she couldn't deny that when she saw his body impaled against the wall, when her world first shattered, that she had wanted to follow him so badly that if she hadn't felt Ichimaru's reiatsu at the moment she had that she might have...

Could he be right and she just not remember?

Momo shook even more now, hand still pressed to her head instead of clutching Aizen's shirt. Her voice was quiet and came in broken phrases. "Didn't want... so much blood... the blood running down the wall... your face... no light... no life... none at all... gone and left behind..." She began to sway, unsteady upon her feet. "So much blood."

She'd wanted to be by his side, no matter where he went, no matter how, so much she'd actually though about it. She'd actually thought about... but how? She opened her eyes, tears glistening in them, and she put her hand upon Aizen's chest to steady herself.

"I... I don't remember... What happened after you... All that blood..." She swallowed, trying to find the courage to ask the question, her arm trembling. "I d-don't remember trying to k-kill myself. H-How did I... do it?"

[damned_visitors]

He was patient, always patient, be it as the kind and loving man who gave her time to work through her confusion, or as his true self. That control was necessary to push her mind as he willed, because he certainly couldn't expect to dominate others if his own emotions got the better of him.

She fell into the trap so easily, as she always did.

He could see it in her face, how memories began to overlap, how she was willing to question what she knew. And there was the opening, the first sign of her acceptance of his word as truth, his lies as reality. And now it was time to give her the law she so craved.

"I--I don't know if I should tell you." The perfection of a plot progressing according to plan was the farthest thing from his expression. Instead his eyes moved away, unsure, his hands falling to her shoulders and tightening without awareness. The weight of such a burden, of wanting to spare her some grim past. It tore him apart with conflict, all out of his feelings for her.

But duty came first, above all of that, and he swallowed hard to ready himself. "But maybe...it's better that you hear it from me." Words sighed out, and let go of her then, giving himself that moment to brace for harsh truth. Giving her that same moment.

"We were in danger. My life and yours both were being threatened by a criminal syndicate. So we faked my death, framing an informant so he could get closer to the heart of the group." The best lies were wrapped in truth, weren't they? And so this story would go, a thread of truth carefully woven with equal parts falsehood, until the picture was whole and it's parts perfectly merged. "I wanted to tell you, but the danger was too great! If you had known...if anyone else had..."

His hands, closed in tight fists by his sides trembled. No, the guilt of this was his alone to bear. No matter the reason, what had come was his fault, and his alone. He wanted her to see that, to put that blame on him.

"You were magnificent in your investigation, Jehna." A faint smile, brought on by pride, confidence in the woman before him. "You followed the clues I left for you perfectly. I was so pleased watching you, even though I couldn't say anything."

"Then when I thought it was safe, I sent for you." Hesitation, because they had come to the hardest part of the story. Here it climaxed, and here was where the picture would change. "But I never realized how deeply it all would effect you, how much it already had. Seeing me alive again, realizing I'd been working with a man you threw all your hatred on to."

"Thinking...thinking that I had abandoned you..."

He suddenly reached out then, not caring of the past, of the hardship that he himself had brought upon her. No, none of that matter, only that she was alive, that he could hold her close, whisper his pleas into her ear. "Can you forgive me for putting you through all that? I never meant for you to want to die. Please...I don't want to see that again."

[hajike_tobiume]

Momo whimpered in pain when Aizen put his hands upon her shoulders and squeezed, the pressure upon her worst injury spiked the intensity of the sensation enough to push it through the dullness from the pain killers. But that physical pain was nothing compare to the mental anguish she succumbed to as the story unfolded before her.

It sounded so real. The ryoka had invaded Seireitei and causing a lot of problems. Was this the crime syndicate Aizen was referring to? Framing his death to get closer... Was he saying that Ichimaru really hadn't betrayed them all? No, that had to be wrong. Momo would not accept that Ichimaru was anything other than the slimey traitorous snake he was worthy of nothing but his own death.

But Aizen had wanted to tell her, praised her investigation and following his clues... his clues like the letter. The letter that made her attack Hitsugaya... Hitsugaya... Somewhere in the back of her mind she really wished he was there, but it wasn't paid attention to. Her focus was the man before her and the explanation of what happened, still very confused.

Her thoughts were on what had happened in the Chamber of the Central 46, trying so hard to match her memories up with Aizen's tale. Yes, she'd sillingly followed Ichimaru to the Chamber and the relief she felt, knowing he was ali--

Then Aizen hugged her.

The memory of him impaling her flashed through her mind. She felt the pain and saw the smirk upon his face. It didn't matter that the Aizen in front of her now wasn't smirking like that, she still saw it upon his face. She froze in his arms, and a couple of his steady heartbeats later she freaked out.

The shinigami cried out, in hysterics, "NO! Let me go! You can't do this to me again!" Completely disregarding the injured state of her shoulder, Momo struggled against him with all her strength, her terror having overridden her pain receptors. She fought the sling to free her right arm causing several stitches to tear as she panicked.

Tears streaming down her face, wracking sobs making her words unintelligable as she cried out, "I can't let you do this to me again. Tobiume... Tobiume!?"

As if the sheer desperation in which she called for her zanpakutou would bring it forth into her hands. As if she could truly raise her weapon against him.

[damned_visitors]

Again, it seemed he'd gone too far. What had he triggered, what action had he taken to make her react such a way? The answer that his eyes sought for was already clear in his mind, but of course he wouldn't reveal it. No, instead he pulled away, helpless and lost, unsure of how to respond.

"Jehna, Jehna!" In vain he called out to her, hoping to reach the memory of what really happened. "It wasn't me. I know you're angry at me for everything I put you through, and that I can't blame you for. But I swear, I wasn't the one who stabbed you."

Such a harsh truth, and he was loathe to say it. He hesitated then, thinking perhaps that it might be better if she thought it was, if somehow putting the burden on him would ease the weight on her shoulders. But no, no! That had led to her creating this false world, this talk of Shinigami that didn't exist. That had left her here.

"I wish it didn't have to be this way, but the only way to help you is to make you see the truth." He firmed his stance, his determination evident. For her own good, to show her the path she should walk on. That was what this was for. "Jehna, you're blaming me, but you were the one. You--you stabbed yourself! Jehna...please remember. Please. So we can get you out of here and make things how they were, you have to remember."

He didn't smirk, oh no, but none the less, his success was assured.

"Please..."

[hajike_tobiume]

Momo continued to struggle, fight against the sling, her panic continuing when Aizen let go of her and backed off. The sudden lack of restraint coupled with her frenzied movement found her very off balance and she fell like a sack of potatoes upon the ground.

"I can't let you... I can't let it happen again.."

She pushed herself up with her free arm and scrambled further away from him. Her injured shoulder felt like it was on fire and blood from the torn stitches started to seep a bit through her clothing. She wanted the comforting feel of her zanpakutou in her hands; the absence of the steadying warmth of Tobiume was not helping any. Aizen kept talking, but she had gone beyond really listening to what he said and what he meant behind the words.

"It was you!" She cried out in panic. "How could you...? STOP CALLING ME JEHNA!"

Jehna, you're blaming me, but you were the one. You--you stabbed yourself!

The words hit Momo hard and she visibly flinched. No, no, that wasn't right. it didn't add up. She distinctly remembered him stabbing her. She didn't do it... she didn't do it... She did not stab herself.

The shinigami pulled herself up to her knees, tears still streaming down her face, though her movements were jerky. She grabbed the front of her coat and pulled at it, popping the buttons off it as she ripped it open. "I didn't and you know it. Why are you lying to me? You aren't supposed to lie!"

She started tearing at the front of her shirt. "Where's the scar, Aizen-sama? Where's the scar? There would be a scar. TELL ME! WHERE IS IT?"

Momo had managed to pull enough on the collar of her shirt to tear it and her nails dug into the skin of her chest above her breasts. There was no scar from her trying to kill herself. There was no scar... from him stabbing her... No scar at all...

What if none of this was real? What if she was comatose back at Seireitei and this was how her mind was coping with her body dying?

Momo went quiet and still - deathly still. She blinked her eyes a few times, very slowly, and her hand fell from the front of her ruined shirt. Her eyes glazed over as she settled back upon her legs. It had all become too much for the vice captain and to protect what little pieces of her soul she still had intact, she retreated from the world around her.

A last tear gathered in Momo's eye and finally slid down her face.

[damned_nurses]

"Miss Walker!"

One of the nurses had been watching their conversation from the corner of the room curiously. She couldn't make out much about the words but had seen how much it had been hurting poor Jehna. Still, it would have been unfair to both of them to intercede, until Jehna ripped her shirt and screamed at her visitor.

She rushed over, taking off her jacket and covering Jehna protectively with it. "I'm terribly sorry about this, Mr. Hollister," she said apologetically to the nice man as she lifted Jehna back to her feet. "The doctors thought she'd be ready to see you, but...it looks like that isn't the case, not yet."

[damned_visitors]

He could only watch helpless and unsure as Jehna screamed at him. It was perfect, driving her further into her insanity, her mind scrambling to piece together truth out of shattered fragments of memories. But it sliced deep into the skin, each of those shards, and in the end she was left distant, her mind some place no voices could reach.

Perfect.

He stepped towards her just as the nurse came, hands reaching out, hesitating, withdrawing with the nurse's words. His pain was evident, agony at being unable to do nothing more than drive her deeper into the delusion.

"No, it's not your fault." His eyes were on the patient, the innocent victim of circumstances he created, the pawn that had outlived her usefulness but somehow still hung on to life. Maybe she was a masochist, to invite suffering instead of the mercy he offered. If so, then so be it.

She could suffer for as long as she wished. Just as it had always been, Jehna Walker posed no threat to him.

"I--maybe I should go." He looked to Jehna again, a final look of sympathy and sorrow. "I'll try to come back, when you're ready. I hope you get better, Jehna. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He swallowed hard, then turned, reluctant to leave, but knowing that it was right. And he didn't dare smirk, no, not even when he was outside and alone.

He didn't need to flaunt his victory to know he had won.