Nightshift 27: M12

[bond_off_lame]

If anyone had been waiting outside M12’s door they would’ve been sorely disappointed to find out that the entire room was unoccupied. However, there seemed to be several slips of paper poking from underneath the door, all conveying the same message just in case someone decided to take one for any reason. If they choose to pull one of the slips out

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[part1of3]

I'm sorry, Axel, Ashton thought as he heard the door open and close again, his roommate and the girl disappearing into the night. At any other time, he would have felt rather selfish for making his other friends leave, but he wanted this sweet time alone with Dias, if only because the rarity of the situation was so striking. Maybe he'd apologize to Axel tomorrow. Maybe he wouldn't feel the need to. Who could rightly say?

For a moment, Dias' hand was on his face, brushing a few of the blood-caked strands of hair away from his vision. The flashlight on the dresser was still on, allowing them a little bit of light. Ashton could hear his own heart beating in his ears. Everything was perfect - except for the part where he'd been cut open and weird stuff had been done to his head.

Do I feel like I'm something less? Ashton considered Dias' earlier words for some time, then whispered, "I.. I am worried about what they did to me, I'll admit - because I don't know what they did.. it's just unknown, and weird. And I feel like.. um, like something that's been smashed and put back together again." That was somewhat literal - he'd been cut open, and a part of him had been sawed off. And he felt like Gyoro and Ururun had been permanently ripped from him, no matter how kind their words were. Those facts wouldn't just go away, no matter how many firm words Dias threw at them.

"It hurts," Ashton confessed. "But not as bad now." Of course the pills hadn't kicked in yet, and likely wouldn't for the rest of the night, but.. here was Dias.

Ashton paused, licking his lips nervously; they'd felt suddenly dry. Then he also reached up, brushing some of Dias' own hair behind his ear - but his hand lingered there for a moment, as if deciding on something, then slowly started drifting back.

[heavens_too_far]

"It doesn't matter what they did," Dias said bluntly, in what was perhaps a poor choice of words. Realizing this, he did what he could to explain what he'd meant by it. "Nothing's wrong with you. You're bloody and hurt, but blood washes away and wounds heal. You still move and think and act like you did before; that's what's important. It could've been a lot worse. And you've got us to help you now."

Dias paused when he felt a gentle hand brush through his own hair, glancing down at Ashton questioningly as it almost reluctantly pulled away. He was still, somewhere in the back of his mind, aware of how Ashton felt about him, and that was more daring than the other man usually got. As was natural for Dias, he wondered if this wasn't a sign of something wrong - if the medicine or the blood loss or the sheer trauma Ashton had suffered wasn't affecting him adversely. "Are you feeling all right?" he inquired.

[part1of3]

"So far, anyway. I.. I mean, I could be completely different once the day comes. Who can say?" Ashton looked nervous. Something already seemed different tonight, but that could be attributed to his wildly-beating heart and the blood loss from the surgery, not the surgery itself. Nevertheless, he was normally so much more in-tune with his own body, and he could usually judge his own reflexes. But tonight he was doing things he was never sure he'd do before.

Was it the pain that was doing it? Because the pain was more than there.

He wondered for a second what made Dias ask if he was all right. Was it that obvious that he just wasn't feeling himself tonight? W-well, maybe so, but ... Worriedly, he shifted a little bit, his hand hovering right above his own chest as if he were afraid to rest it back down, as if he was going to do something that he likely never would.

He took a long, deep breath, wondering if he was really feeling all right enough to answer truthfully, then after some time he realized Dias was probably waiting for a reply, and honesty was thrown out the window. "Oh.. ah, oh. Um. Uh, y-yeah. I'm fine, Dias, really," Ashton stammered, finding himself blushing (though he wondered if he should even be able to blush - but apparently blood loss didn't preclude such a thing.)

[heavens_too_far]

Dias sighed quietly, although no matter how soft the sound might have been Ashton could hardly miss it while lying on the man's chest. "It's not that I'm not worried about you," he said finally, somewhat awkwardly, not quite sure how to put what he meant to say. Best to stick with statements he knew to be true and hope that he could piece those together into a coherent point. "Or that what happened to you wasn't significant. But short of killing you, or that temporary brainwashing they do sometimes...I can't imagine anything that this place could do to you that would damage you beyond repair or change who you are. I can't believe that the Ashton I'm talking to now is suddenly going to become someone different or less worthy, now or ever, no matter what it was they did. I refuse to believe it." He fixed Ashton with a steady gaze. "If it were me, or Claude, or Leon - what could this place possibly do to us that would make us look broken to you? That would make us seem like completely different people?" And as he said the words, Dias realized this might not have been the best question. With the different timelines between the four of them, quite possibly Ashton already felt they were completely different people from the ones he thought he'd known...still, there was no taking it back.

And there was Ashton, blushing and ducking his head again. Dias shifted and leaned forward slightly, trying to get a better view of Ashton's face. If the blood loss or the medicine was affecting him adversely in some way...

[part1of3]

Ashton's eyes had flicked back to Dias' face during his little speech, searching his features for nothing in particular - just studying him. He was so unused to so many words from Dias, but what else could his friend do? Ashton was asking for reassurance, begging for words, anything to drown out his headache and his insecurities, and Dias was obliging him. The problem was that Ashton simply did not know what was to come for him. They'd... they'd messed with his brain. They'd done something to his dragons, and-

No, no, listen to Dias, he was telling himself. What would make him consider Claude, Leon, and Dias completely different people? ..He'd already thought about it, actually. No. These were his friends. He'd had his friends back on Expel, but right now, at this moment, these were the friends closest to him, and nothing.. nothing could break them.

Ashton believed in his friends - why couldn't he believe in himself?

His friends were so close to him. Dias was - .. so close to him. Literally, and.. and he was leaning closer. Why? Was this..?! Was Dias leaning in for.. what he thought he was? Was this the moment he'd dreamed of for so long?

If it was, then well.. well.. Ashton could at least meet him halfway, couldn't he..? It seemed selfish to let Dias do all the work-

Without thinking any more on the subject, Ashton was closing his eyes, leaning up and rather tenderly pressing his lips to Dias', a hand gently brushing his friend's cheek.

[heavens_too_far]

Ashton had finally looked up at him again, questioning and uncertain, and while Dias wished that for just once in his life Ashton could believe in his own strength as much as he had a right to, the fact remained that such an expression was normal for him. While Ashton might be acting slightly more bold than usual, it didn't seem connected to anything wrong with him, and he evidently was still thinking the same thoughts. Satisfied with that, Dias was about to sit back again when Ashton leaned forward and -

Dias' eyes widened as the thought slowly made its way across synapses that had been all but shocked into immobility. Ashton was kissing him. Of all possible eventualities, this had...

...well, to be entirely honest, this had not been that unexpected. Forced to view his actions without justifications or excuses, Dias recognized readily enough that while he may not have consciously invited things to have come this far, subconsciously he had made a cascade of choices that had put the two of them in a position that couldn't possibly be defined as unromantic. Dias had in fact told himself there were rational, platonic explanations for why he was so protective of Ashton, why Xigbar's constant pushing himself upon his friend aggravated him to such a degree, why he'd chosen to hold Ashton in his arms like a newlywed rather than sit at his side as his friend. He hadn't even been truly aware of the choices he was making, or the reasons behind them...but in truth, the only thing truly unexpected about this turn of events was that shy, hesitant Ashton had made the first move before Dias had acknowledged in his own mind that he wanted to.

But when confronted with it this directly, when given a very clearly-defined choice, Dias couldn't deny the fact that this was...pleasant. Awkward, unexpected, possibly dangerous in that he had no idea how it would affect his friendship with Ashton, but he was liking it. There was no way in the world he could tell himself that it was enjoyable simply because Ashton was his friend. He liked it because, on some level he hadn't even been aware of until finally forced to ask himself the question, he was attracted to Ashton in the same way that Ashton was attracted to him.

Dias wondered, very briefly, how long it would have taken him to realize it if Ashton hadn't unexpectedly taken the initiative.

These thoughts flashed through his mind surprisingly quickly in real time, although inside his head the process seemed to take years. But finally he became aware of the fact that some action was required on his part in response...and really, his course of action was obvious.

After a long moment of hesitation, he kissed back. It was an inexperienced effort; he'd never kissed anyone before.

[part1of3]

In a terrifying, naked moment of self-doubt, Ashton was sure that Dias hadn't leaned in intentionally - and that short span of time that Dias had frozen up, Ashton wanted quite a bit to curl up and die. If the surgery hadn't broken him, some sudden coldness from Dias' side would surely have undertaken that brutal job. He was panicking, but was busy savoring the moment until Dias pushed him off, what was sure to be the last time he'd ever be near the man he adored again-

And then Dias' mouth started to return the kiss. No, no, he was starting to share it - no, whatever it was, it didn't matter what the words were. There were no intelligible words in Ashton's head right now.

He simply couldn't believe it.

He.. he couldn't believe he'd just... up and done that, that he'd worked up the impossible courage to do what he'd dreamed of for so long. He'd never imagined it to be as intimate and personal as this, though, with Dias' strong arms cradling him, and both of them completely unskilled at this but not really caring.

Xigbar and Luxord had done little to prepare Ashton for this first true kiss, but honestly the swordsman preferred it that way.

How long had Ashton waited for the Dias in his own time and this Dias - his Dias - to feel like this? It was irrelevant now, because here he was, locked in the embrace of his friend-but-more-than-friend. Whatever they were, whatever this made them. Of course this would change things, but Ashton was too absolutely high right now to care.

His eyes opened to half-mast, then all the way, as if disbelieving what he was doing. Their lips parted; Ashton took a much-needed breath.

Now he was supposed to say something, he knew this - but all he could do was gently brush his hand back across Dias' cheek and into his hair, in total awe. Maybe.. actions really did speak louder than words.

[heavens_too_far]

Having finally acknowledged the fact that he wanted to kiss Ashton, Dias found himself disappointed when the opportunity to do so seemed to pass surprisingly quickly. And, as was normal for Dias, when Ashton pulled away he immediately wondered if something was wrong - if he'd responded too late or his inexperience had led him to do something incorrectly or if (most likely) Ashton had come to his senses and was now going to start babbling apologies about his being so forward. But if he'd made any critical mistakes, or if Ashton regretted his boldness, the younger man remained silent about it; a gentle hand slid into his hair as Ashton stared at him as if he'd never seen Dias before. Or, perhaps, as if this was the way he'd wanted to see Dias for a long time and hadn't been able to until now.

Dias met Ashton's gaze briefly, directly, before glancing away; he was certain that, for one of the few times in his life, he was blushing. As someone who had gone to such lengths to perfect what limited skills he possessed, it was somewhat humiliating to be revealed as so inept in this area...especially in front of Ashton, who had always idolized Dias far more than he had any real reason to. Dias felt as if he ought to be able to offer better to him, at the very least.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I've never done that before."

[part1of3]

For all it was worth, Ashton was still rather in shock. He still couldn't believe that he'd been the one to close the distance (though Dias had leaned in first,) and he was preparing to wake up any minute now as if this most recent experience, in its entirety, was a simple dream.

It felt like a stray Thunderbolt spell had hit him that moment that he'd pulled away - Dias' eyes, his lips, everything about him was electric. And he was finding himself utterly disappointed when Dias shifted his gaze.

But Ashton's triumphant, awed look fell right back into his usual embarrassment at Dias' words. Was this something Dias regretted? And.. blushing? This was way too unusual - had Ashton done something wrong? He wanted to kiss him again, but until he had a definite sign that Dias liked it.. he'd.. he'd hold off. He didn't want to be like Xigbar.

"I.. um. I couldn't tell. I mean, it wasn't that noticeable. Not that I wasn't paying attention, because I was, definitely, and it was great, but, um, I mean - I'd never - wait, you never..?" He wasn't sure whether or not this surprised him. He'd already learned that Dias had never been on a date, which already seemed weird for someone who looked like that, so it shouldn't really have surprised him to hear that someone who'd never dated had never kissed someone, but..

"Uh, well. I mean, I guess it's, uh, something that takes practice, so neither of us - I.. uh.." he murmured. If Ashton was any more forward of a man, this would have been an obvious proposition, but he was so earnest in his words - he'd find a way to get better for Dias. If Dias even wanted to repeat that experience, anyway.

[heavens_too_far]

Ashton's stammering was so disjointed that Dias could scarcely make sense of it at first. The most he could glean from it was a general sense that Ashton had approved of the kiss - however awkward Dias might have been at it - and that he was taken aback by the fact that it had been Dias' first. Everything else was just the white noise of the younger man's anxiety that the mercenary had, over time, become accustomed to.

Ashton's second attempt at a statement, however, was much clearer, and Dias raised an eyebrow. "You think we should practice on each other?" he asked, bluntly. Honestly, it wasn't such a bad idea...certainly not one he minded terribly.

[part1of3]

Dias' words made Ashton pause as he wondered exactly what Dias was saying. It wasn't as if the words weren't entirely obvious, really, and rather devoid of insinuation, but what if Dias was being too obvious? Ashton certainly didn't think that Dias would say such a thing to make fun of him, but something like this was almost too good to be true.

Still - Ashton wasn't like Claude. He wasn't the type to play this situation cool. So - he stuttered, "I- it- ah- w-well, Dias, you and I- we-" He finally spit it out. "Yes, ah, I think.. that would be.. tops." He finished off with a gentle nod, but didn't move any closer. He didn't honestly have the energy to do so again without a struggle.

That hand in Dias' blue hair, though, was ever-so-gently working its way to the back of his friend's head.

[heavens_too_far]

"I assumed you did," Dias replied, not quite as wryly as he would have had he been talking to anyone else. "Since it was basically your idea." It was odd how nice Ashton's hand in his hair felt; it had been years since anyone had run fingers through his hair. Hell, probably no one had done it since Cecille had died; she'd always liked to play with his hair sometimes with disastrous results. So had Rena, but Rena hadn't really had the chance since then. It was a sensation Dias had always associated with comfort and security and being with the people he loved.

Experiencing it with Ashton felt...less awkward than perhaps it should have. Could he have been deluding himself that much as to the extent of his feelings for the other man, or was there just something in particular about his friend that made it seem somehow natural?

After a pause, he nodded slightly. "...I don't mind. It was - nice." Dias wasn't exactly effusive in his descriptions, but given how desperately and how long Ashton had been waiting to hear something exactly like that, the younger man probably couldn't have cared less how he said it, so long as he did. And now he had.

This time, when Dias leaned in, it actually was to kiss Ashton. And it was a little less of a fumbling attempt than last time; learning fast had always been one of Dias' particular talents.

[part1of3]

Basically his idea? But.. wait, hadn't Dias leaned in first..? The thought made Ashton's eyes widen. It was entirely possible that Dias hadn't wanted it at all at first. But then.. he had, so it didn't really matter that much, did it..? ..Did it?

But then Dias called it 'nice.' Kissing him.. Dias had called the kiss .. nice. Nice. Like.. nice nice. Not nice as in 'I'm going to go out to a steakhouse and order a nice salad' nice, but nice as in the kind of nice that Ashton was feeling, like I wouldn't mind doing it again nice. Like-

Like oh Tria oh Tria here's Dias kissing me again nice.

If there had been any doubt at all remaining in Ashton's mind as to how Dias felt about kissing him, it was completely erased now. And it was more.. assertive than it had been, on both of their accounts. Each kiss looked like it was going to get progressively better, more skilled..

Sure, practice was supposed to make perfect, but things didn't look like they could possibly get much better right now. Ashton was pulling Dias' head closer and leaning into the kiss, and everything seemed so eternal. Like everything was in the right place.

Dias was kissing him tenderly, and all was one hundred percent right with the world.