Nightshift 27: M12

[bond_off_lame]

If anyone had been waiting outside M12’s door they would’ve been sorely disappointed to find out that the entire room was unoccupied. However, there seemed to be several slips of paper poking from underneath the door, all conveying the same message just in case someone decided to take one for any reason. If they choose to pull one of the slips out

Comments

[heavens_too_far]

"We usually work well together, when we have to." This was true enough, and it didn't cost Dias anything in particular to admit it. Claude was one of the few swordsmen he respected enough to be willing to work with at all, with Ashton being perhaps the only other person in that category.

Ashton's question, however, caught him thoroughly off-guard. He hadn't really been aware of his crying while it had been happening - far too immersed in the horrible memories unleashed by the dementor - and afterwards he'd been too busy trying to forget, not to mention rescuing Ashton, to give the matter any thought. He hadn't considered the possibility that his tears had left visible evidence, and he immediately lifted his free hand to run it roughly over his face. "...There was a creature in the hallway just outside where you were. Probably meant to keep us away. It..." He trailed off, more from a lack of knowing how to describe what it had done - what had it done? - than any reluctance to relate it. "I couldn't move. All I could see was the bandits murdering my family...that mimic that looked like River, and its head landing in my lap...and you, being cut down last night. I felt as though I'd lost everything...like I'd never be happy again. It wanted to make me feel as though I should just lay down and die." As he spoke, the purpose of the creature finally became more clear; inspiring despair and apathy to the point where fighting no longer became necessary was an underhanded tactic, but one that made sense. He still wasn't sure how it had been managed, but in the end it came down to an ability developed by a monster as an offensive tactic, and that was something he could grasp. "I think the others felt it, too."

[part1of3]

Ashton listened to Dias' story of the monster with bated breath, and almost immediately wished he hadn't. The horrors he was describing.. they were all so harrowing. Unlike Dias and Claude, Ashton's life, while unlucky, had not been so horribly eventful. His friends had both been forced to watch in horror as people close to them were destroyed before their eyes. And even here at Landel's, Ashton couldn't even imagine how much more Dias had been through than he had.

It hurt to think about, and it made Ashton feel a little guilty. Why did the people he loved have to be the ones with all these terrible memories? If he could, he would take them all onto himself, absorb them all so not even terrible monsters could make his friends relive them.

And to hear that Ashton had been the source of Dias' suffering in two of those instances - that caused his stomach to tighten into a knot. He.. shouldn't have been so brutal to that mimic monster, at least not right in front of Dias' face. He hadn't really thought about it that much until now, but what he'd done had really hurt Dias. What had happened last night was different, but it was still... well, still mostly his fault.

"It's not fair," Ashton murmured, his body suddenly tense from the thought of Dias' pain - and the realization that he'd caused so much of it. "You- don't deserve that. You're always saving me from one thing or another, and..."

He paused for some time, tilting his head down a little bit, trying to relax. "You.. don't still think that you'll never be happy again, do you?"

[heavens_too_far]

Dias stared down at Ashton in his arms, baffled. Always saving him...? Dias had yet to actually save Ashton from anything, except perhaps one undead dog and an untimely encounter with Pyramid Head, and that second was something his friend hadn't wanted to be saved from to begin with. (Indeed, Dias had never seen Ashton want to attack something or someone so much before.) "That's nonsense," he muttered, looking away. "Pretty much all I've been doing is failing to save you."

He let out a breath in a long, measured sigh at his friend's question. He was rarely happy as most people understood it; sometimes he was content, but he recognized the difference. It wasn't simply being in this place that did it, either. Still, he didn't feel anything like what he'd felt when that thing had been bearing down on him...thank Tria. "No, I don't."

[part1of3]

"Not true!" Ashton said as indignantly as he could - which was still incredibly weak, truth be told. His eyes were wide in the darkness, and his jaw was stubbornly set. "There was Xigbar that first night, and all those times on the bulletin board - you're always looking out for me. I .. don't know what would have happened if you hadn't arrived then." Certainly nothing terrible, he was sure, as he had grown to trust Xigbar now, but at the time he'd been literally scared to death that more was going to happen.

"And then there was the time you kept me away from that.. thing with the odd helmet, and - and last night." His voice hushed. "If you hadn't been there, Dias, I, um .. I quite literally would have died. I remember seeing it - it was about to take its meal on me when you killed it." He remembered the humanoid monster bearing down on him, its blade-like claws forcing him down to the floor as it leaned in for the kill.. and then how it jerked when Dias' sword hit its mark, and crumpled beside him. It had been a stunning display, and Ashton would be eternally grateful.

His body was slowly relaxing against Dias' again, not nearly as tense as he'd been a moment ago. His voice faltered for a moment. "So.. I.. I.. um. I don't want you to look at me and see what you call your 'failure' to save me from one thing or another. I don't want to be someone you feel you always have to protect, but I.. wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you, Dias."

His normal shyness had been supplanted by necessity; he'd needed to say these things to Dias. He'd needed it for a while, and he was far too emotional right now to allow these feelings to well up inside him without an outlet.

Ashton looked back up at Dias, a simple smile on his face, though the man had turned his head away. "So you've.. done something right, okay? You've done a lot of things right. And I'm so happy, even tonight after they made me damaged goods. That's why.. you need to get it through your head that it's okay to actually be happy. Because... we're alive, even if we're broken." Broken toys. We think nobody wants us.

His speech now finished, Ashton's body racked with a soft cough. That had been too much talk, but he'd needed to say all of this for some time now. He wouldn't be entirely surprised if Dias ended up calling it a load of emotional bull and dumping him back on the bed.

[heavens_too_far]

Dias listened to Ashton's list of his 'rescues' without comment. He couldn't deny that yes, he'd done his best to protect Ashton, and in some cases had warded off unpleasantness...in a few instances even perhaps saved Ashton's life. But - well, in most instances where he'd saved Ashton's life, he'd still allowed his friend to be hurt, and he couldn't exactly see that as a total victory. Those he wanted to protect, he didn't simply wish from dying, but from any harm whatsoever...

"Whether you need the protection or not, I'm always going to feel as though I have to protect you," Dias replied matter-of-factly. "I don't want anything to happen to you." He was probably misinterpreting what Ashton meant, but...as long as Ashton was important to him, protecting him would be equally important. The only thing that made a difference was Ashton's own competence; thanks to the fact that Ashton was capable of protecting himself, what sort of things constituted a threat Dias actually felt a need to protect him from were vastly different than they might be for someone else.

At least, that was the theory. Actually, Dias would have protected those he cared for from anything, no matter how big or small a threat it was.

In any case, it was fortunate that Ashton's speech only mentioned the bit about damaged goods at the very end, as little beyond that actually processed. "After they made you - what?" Dias stared down at Ashton. It actually took him a minute to find the words, for once not because he didn't know what to say - for once he felt oddly certain of what to say - but because he was so startled that such an idea had ever occurred to Ashton in the first place. "You're not damaged goods. You're not goods at all. You're Ashton. And if they hurt you, you'll heal. Do you actually think you're something less because of this?" He gave Ashton a sharp look. By Tria, he was starting to sound like River. "I've told River before, and you should have listened. We're not broken; I don't care what they do to us, they don't have that kind of power. You're still Ashton, and even though I didn't know him that well before I came here, I know Ashton was strong. It'd take more than this place to damage him, much less break him." He snorted and closed his eyes. "The worst thing you could say about Ashton is that he didn't know how strong he was, and tended to think stupid things about himself."

[bond_off_lame]

[From here.]

The trudge back to his room had been far less whimsical than the little spectacle in the bathroom only minutes before. Axel was pretty stumped as to why there was blood coating the porcelain surface of the sink instead of water, regretting taking a sample back with him. Common sense told him that it was probably just a nightly thing, but it certainly succeeded in being a nuisance, just like everything else in this Institute.

As usual, the redhead saw no need to knock on his own door, jiggling the doorknob and twisting it before pushing it open. He made sure to prepare his best grin to greet his roommate, but that quickly fell short when he saw the kind of position Ashton had tangled himself up in. Stopping a few feet into the room, Axel glanced between the two before crossing his arms.

"Oh I see what you did there." Of course, his light-hearted tone betrayed his belittling stare before he let the act slide and replaced it with a small grin. "Subtext? In my room? If you were going to do that then you should've given us a heads up."

But that was enough for now. There were more important things to discuss, and also the fact that Ashton's conditions coaxed all joking to the side. Axel held the bottle of Oxycodone between his thumb and forefinger, showing it off with a casual smile.

"Anyway, sorry to say, but the faucets were running with blood so we couldn't get any water to help down this stuff."

[angels_inflight]

Naminé followed behind, quite shocked by the sight of the blood running through the faucets to really be fazed by how Ashton and Dias were positioned. Axel's words managed to bring her back to reality though, and she focused in on the room.

... Oh. Did they come at a bad time?

"It's more likely than you think," Naminé told Axel, not finding it strange now that she had gotten her bearings back. Actually, she did not blame Ashton for wanting to be held. After what he had been through... At least now, they had something to lessen his pain.

Except...

"Yes, I don't know where else we can get water," Naminé frowned. If blood was running through the faucets instead of water, it was debatable if there was any water left in the institute.

[part1of3]

"Dias," Ashton was whispering. Those words his friend had spoken, no matter how harsh, had made his heart quicken just a little. It was true - Ashton had been heavily doubting himself since his surgery, and couldn't help but think of himself as utterly damaged goods, but.. Dias' words had affected him in some inexplicable way. Dias had never said anything to him with such utter fervor. He.. wasn't the kind of guy to say things he didn't truly believe - Ashton knew that much.

And to come out and say these things... Ashton felt that they'd taken some big step together. And he'd never been so close to Dias, never been able to feel his hot breath on his face like this; if he was a less shy man, he might just have been tempted to close the distance between their lips.

But wouldn't that be.. taking advantage of his own weakened position? No, that was a terrible idea-

And that was when his roommate and walked in with Naminé, thankfully saving Ashton from further inner debate on that particular subject.

Suddenly overly nervous, Ashton dropped his gaze, but was too weak to scramble away from Dias - as if he would have wanted to in the first place. "It.. it wasn't anything," Ashton said furtively, his body tensing back up from nervousness. "Nothing was happening, it - um.. th-thanks for the herbs."

As for water - the thought of blood running through the faucets hadn't struck him as reality just yet, but he lifted a weakened arm and pointed in the direction of the basin that was supposed to be used for pre-bed hygiene. And then at the cup of grape juice that he hadn't been able to finish before he was kidnapped.

[heavens_too_far]

Dias hadn't actually counted on Axel and the girl arriving; they had mentioned bringing back medicine, but given how long nightshift had already stretched on Dias hadn't actually thought they'd have enough time to come back. He certainly hadn't counted on anyone seeing him holding Ashton like this.

His own justifications for holding Ashton had made perfect sense to him, but - that didn't really change how it looked to other people.

Shifting his grip on Ashton slightly and clearing his throat were the only signs of his discomfort; although he didn't exactly like being seen in what looked like a compromising position, Axel's and the girl's opinions of him didn't mean all that much to him. (Not that he wasn't above glaring at Axel when the man made a pointed comment, however.) But that was quickly forgotten in the face of the medicine brought for Ashton - and even that was momentarily overshadowed by Axel's revelation about the faucets.

"Blood?" Dias echoed, rather nauseated by the thought. It wasn't so much that he couldn't deal with blood - in fact, he was quite used to it - as he was wondering at the implications of having blood in the water supply. How had it gotten there? Where had it come from? Whose...? Had it always been like this during nightshift? He'd never actually checked the water during nightshift before, so it was possible. But did it mean that they simply didn't have any access to water at all during the night? That seemed...extreme.

No wonder he'd been smelling blood for so long. He'd simply assumed it was Ashton's, but perhaps the smell was pervasive for entirely different reasons.

Still...there wasn't much use to speculating on the blood. It wasn't as if it were anything he could do much about. "Give him the pills," he instructed. Even if there wasn't much nightshift left for them to take effect, it might make him feel better come morning.

[bond_off_lame]

"Of course, of course. That's sort of the reason why we brought them here, you know." Even though he wouldn't be the first to admit that he'd mellowed down a great deal since he arrived in Landel's, that didn't mean he was going to let himself be ordered around by some brooder who was so far up in the closet that he might as well have been in Narnia.

But enough about that. Axel casually strolled over to the bed and picked up the cup, letting it sink into the basin and filled it with a good amount of water. Meanwhile, his other hand expertly untwisted the cap of the bottle, carefully angling it down so a pill could roll into his palm before he set the rest aside. Even though there wasn't a clock nearby he could only guess that the night was drawing to a close, so it would've been best if the latter took these as soon as possible.

"You don't chew them, you swallow them whole." He instructed as he stretched both arms out for his roommate to take the aforementioned items. Axel made sure to hold the cup close to his mouth just in case Ashton needed someone else to hold the cup for him. After all, Dias's hands were obviously occupied with other things at that moment.

[angels_inflight]

Axel was taking care of everything medicine wise, so there really was nothing else for Naminé to do. She had gone through all the trouble of collecting these things, but she had no clue how to actually... use any of it. She set the bandages on Ashton's dresser, along with his flashlights.

Well, at least she did get to accomplish what she originally planned to. She had returned Ashton's flashlight... and then Naminé also remembered whom she had left behind. But Soma and Roland were not there when she went to her room, so they must have moved on.

Still...

"I should probably get back to my room now. It looks like Ashton is going to be OK," She told the others. Ashton was in very good hands, so she didn't have to worry.

Besides, Naminé couldn't help but feel that she was intruding upon something.

[part1of3]

Ashton took the pills gratefully, popping them into his mouth and grimacing at the taste before letting Axel tip the glass into his mouth after them. He wasn't ready for it, and a trail of water remained on his chin. He turned his head to Axel, his face still slightly flushed, and nodded - though he still couldn't meet his eye. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to meet anyone's gaze right about now, even though he was making no move to free himself from Dias.

It was just so.. comfortable.

After swallowing, and taking an extra gulp of (thankfully non-bloody) water to wash it down, he tentatively, and rather shamelessly, laid his head back down on Dias' shoulder. Even now, the blood in the water didn't surprise him. It was nothing compared to the other things they did to patients at night.

It hurt. So much hurt, and the herbs - no, pills Axel had given him hadn't kicked in immediately like he'd hoped they would. He still wasn't sure whether or not he should confess to his friends what he'd heard tonight. His dragons' words had been ripped from him, and they were still somewhat fresh in his mind. They had to have been real..

But to say anything would just worry them far too much.

"Thanks.. Naminé, Axel. ..Dias. Everyone. I can't express how much of a difference you guys made.. in my life, and.. and stuff. Um. I'll see you guys later, then? Tomorrow, maybe..?" It was Ashton's totally non-pervasive way of asking them to leave; really he just wanted to be alone with Dias once more. He'd probably never again get this chance.

More words could wait. He was tired.

[bond_off_lame]

After making sure that Ashton had his fill of water, Axel set the cup on the table with a yawn. It really was getting late now that everything was said and done with. He quietly waved to Naminé whom exited the room after witnessing everything, trusting that she'd get back to her own room without getting attacked. As for himself, he'd have to say that he earned a good night's rest. However, as he glanced over his shoulder at the two other men, the redhead found himself sighing grudgingly before waving them off.

Goddamnit.

"Yeah, you'll see us tomorrow Ashton. You should get some rest while it's still night." Axel suggested with a small smile before it disappeared with another yawn. "I guess I'll go and find an empty room. I'm not doing this again though." The subtext was so obvious that it was repeatedly smacking him in the face, and considering what his roommate had been through the redhead would like to say that he was pretty deserving of it.

And so, with a lazy wave, the Nobody stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

[No moving link because I'm not backthreading anymore. >:(]

[heavens_too_far]

This time, Dias was relatively sure that Ashton's dismissal didn't apply to him(even though, once again, Ashton didn't specify who he meant). Not even Dias was so dense as to not be able to interpret the way the younger man was resting his head on Dias' shoulder.

He acknowledged Axel's and Naminé's contributions with a brief nod before they departed; entirely aside from his gratitude over their getting Ashton medicine, he was equally relieved that they'd taken Ashton's less-than-subtle hint and left. He wasn't exactly comfortable being seen like this - even if he was no more eager than Ashton to do anything about the position he was in - and, frankly, it was just more peaceful with only the two of them.

At least, it seemed, Dias wouldn't have to repeat what he'd been saying when the others had arrived. Ashton seemed to have taken it to heart.

He reached up with his free hand to brush a few strands of hair away from Ashton's face before settling back and closing his eyes. This was the sort of contentment Dias usually thought of when people asked him if he was happy; it wasn't quite the same, but it was close enough.

[part1of3]

I'm sorry, Axel, Ashton thought as he heard the door open and close again, his roommate and the girl disappearing into the night. At any other time, he would have felt rather selfish for making his other friends leave, but he wanted this sweet time alone with Dias, if only because the rarity of the situation was so striking. Maybe he'd apologize to Axel tomorrow. Maybe he wouldn't feel the need to. Who could rightly say?

For a moment, Dias' hand was on his face, brushing a few of the blood-caked strands of hair away from his vision. The flashlight on the dresser was still on, allowing them a little bit of light. Ashton could hear his own heart beating in his ears. Everything was perfect - except for the part where he'd been cut open and weird stuff had been done to his head.

Do I feel like I'm something less? Ashton considered Dias' earlier words for some time, then whispered, "I.. I am worried about what they did to me, I'll admit - because I don't know what they did.. it's just unknown, and weird. And I feel like.. um, like something that's been smashed and put back together again." That was somewhat literal - he'd been cut open, and a part of him had been sawed off. And he felt like Gyoro and Ururun had been permanently ripped from him, no matter how kind their words were. Those facts wouldn't just go away, no matter how many firm words Dias threw at them.

"It hurts," Ashton confessed. "But not as bad now." Of course the pills hadn't kicked in yet, and likely wouldn't for the rest of the night, but.. here was Dias.

Ashton paused, licking his lips nervously; they'd felt suddenly dry. Then he also reached up, brushing some of Dias' own hair behind his ear - but his hand lingered there for a moment, as if deciding on something, then slowly started drifting back.

[heavens_too_far]

"It doesn't matter what they did," Dias said bluntly, in what was perhaps a poor choice of words. Realizing this, he did what he could to explain what he'd meant by it. "Nothing's wrong with you. You're bloody and hurt, but blood washes away and wounds heal. You still move and think and act like you did before; that's what's important. It could've been a lot worse. And you've got us to help you now."

Dias paused when he felt a gentle hand brush through his own hair, glancing down at Ashton questioningly as it almost reluctantly pulled away. He was still, somewhere in the back of his mind, aware of how Ashton felt about him, and that was more daring than the other man usually got. As was natural for Dias, he wondered if this wasn't a sign of something wrong - if the medicine or the blood loss or the sheer trauma Ashton had suffered wasn't affecting him adversely. "Are you feeling all right?" he inquired.