Night 59: Men's Bathrooms (M41-M80)

[deadlyjuliet]

[from here]

Exquisite. There was no other way to describe being in a hall one moment and then suddenly appearing in the restroom in less time than it took the rest of the Institute to take a breath. This place was dark as always and Grell grinned as he realized it didn't matter this time. A death god's eyes, nearsighted as they might be, were

Comments

[falseblack]

What passed through awareness revealed little--a facet of conversation and a flutter in the air. Nothing of answers and deficiency in all else, and Nigredo was fading. There was murderous intent, but the child couldn't place the origin. Whether a want for death came hand-in-hand with protection or a sentiment on its own, he did not know. Could not say.

The child watched very carefully, but the images refused to stay. They danced to a offbeat rhythm as they pulled away from comprehension, falling to the wayside. There was an outcry, a play at war, and Rubedo's mouth shaped to suit that of a monster. Funny. In consideration of the implication, it seemed comedic for this brother. To act much like the label he had once despised with such a poignant display was contrary. So much so that it felt unreal.

And somehow, the patterns of this night seemed obvious. Nigredo deemed it perfectly reasonable to expect a dead end, despite what either might have held. What either might have been in a solitary world of only them. Someone here would die, regardless of who else was present.

The premonition arrived too late. Before he could reach out and beg for a peaceful resolution, flesh ripped against waveform. Rubedo, in that instant, was gone. In his place rained blood and pieces, and despite his faltering vision, he thought he recognized red hair. Fragments of a torn number.

As silence filled the room, Nigredo's waveform stuttered. Pressed against himself and gave away. The sight of a dead brother caused consciouness to flee, and the boy toppled to the floor.

[purpletaint]

At the briefest stutter, Albedo's head whipped to the side to view Nigredo. And as the other started to fall forward, Albedo jolted and dove to reach him first, a hand slipping around his brother's waist as he cushioned him with his knees. There was blood soaking through already, and he lightly moved the material to view the wound. No, not fatal. It had not even broken ribs or exposed bone, but it was on thin skin and would bleed fiercely. He knew this in the way that he knew the lines from before--not of experience but of exposure.

In that self-same way, he angled his arm to mimic the wound and pressed firmly, then stared at Nigredo, eyes bright and unreadable. "Nigredo." A question. A command. A complete focus in this moment.

[falseblack]

There was a question here. A name called. A label considered to be unnecessary to a tool such as he, but to him, it was his name. Nigredo. Nigredo. It was perhaps the only thing that was truly his, and thus, the form that fled moved to accept.

The lids of his eyes trembled, and the boy looked as though he was trying to remember being awake. Someone was touching him, keeping the fire in his chest from pouring out its contents, even as he thought that someone should let it. He had lost something. He didn't think he could ever get it back.

So they should end it here, should they not?

Nigredo whimpered but did not move to open his eyes.

[purpletaint]

Attention was refined to a single point and he caught the fluttering lashes against cheeks, heard with a sharp clarity the quiet whimper. Albedo inhaled sharply, something denied with that sound. A portion of him wanted to shove his brother away and curl in a corner alone, but that was overwhelmed with force, beaten into pavement and left a mess there.

Albedo did nothing outwardly for a moment, only extended his waveform and moved it to Nigredo's. No injuries, not from this, but the obvious--so it was not the physical that was hindering his brother. He slid closer, waveforms mixing, reaching for a higher understanding. The hesitance that had touched briefly in his room had been forgotten; if Albedo was wary of Nigredo being connected to something U-DO tainted, it was something currently unaware. His brother was... fine, though confused in ways, and more--

Loss. The seeping, overwhelming sense of loss. And Albedo couldn't pinpoint the cause.

Though he had an idea.

Albedo leaned down, shoulders touching and foreheads bumping lightly. "Nigredo, you're fine," he gave, declaration and plea. {You are fine.} The link shivered between them, and Albedo quietly remembered his insecurity on the subject. Tried to ignore it and force it away. Instead, he remembered a truth made clear. And put this with it strongly. {That wasn't Rubedo. You know it wasn't.}

Knowing and feeling were two different things. Albedo knew this better than any. "This place pulls from different realities here. None of the Rubedos we've met were the one from our own. That's what I was going to tell you before. None that we met were ours." This, more than any; this-- {And this was only a creature. Not even a person. Just a thing that took on form.}

Just a thing that acknowledged pain and loss.

[falseblack]

Yes, loss. Consuming and belligerent, the cause and the form of decay his soul had given to. How long had Nigredo been in this state? Thirteen days should not feel like years. The blood pooling at their feet need only be his own. What complaint did he have of loss? When there was always one who could claim to it more fiercely than he, what use did he have of lacking? He had moved in his own way, forcing his brothers at a distance as to not feel it.

And irony would have him feel it here. Again and again. Of warring, of revelation, of memories and facts he wished never to hold. He would hold them here.

Another's waveform moved to touch, its distinct and familiar nature all but shining in his mind's eye. Nigredo would allow the other, would shift to accept him for there seemed nothing else. No one else. Only one deemed familiar above all and the thing that sometimes held his mind.

There were gestures, featherlight and abrasive all the same. This touch felt too close to love, gentle pressure to elicit warmth. The words were opposite, a pull at entails to full view. A cold truth. Nigredo could not turn either away, even as he would move to bring a connecting line.

Rubedo wasn't their Rubedo, but he could become just like them.

He opened his eyes, slowly as to allow sight an easy path. Against him, holding him, was Albedo, and without thinking, Nigredo smiled. His words were opposite. {I would have let him.} Still, despite the promise made. {Whoever he was... I would have let him.} If he wanted.

{But you understand that more than me, right? Because he'e everything to you.} Nigredo blinked. The words were a mess. {Just like you and he are to me.}

[purpletaint]

The reach in waveform was grasped in turn, and Albedo did not think to pull away, even now. It'd be too simple, really. At this point in time. To reach a bit further, rend what was soft and sweet, and tear Nigredo's psyche to shreds. Here, still, he felt that. Here, still, he also how easy that would be. Nigredo was already breaking--Albedo could ruin him with the smallest effort, a move and design and it would be over. It would be done.

His mind hummed inside his skull; it resonated there and remained. Still, yet still.

Albedo pressed temple against temple, cheek against cheek. Nigredo was grounding, even like this. And his little brother was making no move to break free. (The loss of blood may have attributed to that.) Albedo understood what was being explained, but he kept to silence until Nigredo was finished. Until he spoke in a way Albedo understood.

If Albedo was more or less, he would have responded differently. He would have graced upset, moved to extremes. There was an easier solution here, one he could burn into another as much as anything. Albedo leaned back slowly, eyes dark and level as he stared at his brother. "As much as he and I, huh..." he repeated as if in wondering. As if to muse.

There was little shock when Albedo pushed more, nearly gently, firmly--unlike a time nearly two weeks ago, when out of desperation, Albedo had forced his way into something he did not yet know but needed to--had taken, grasped what was not given freely. Here, instead he curled around and sank into. With less effort that had taken that day.

Good. At least something would name itself as clear.

{I understand,} he sent, and the words came with sharp permanence. {However--} However-- {I am right here, Nigredo.} This was pressed, held--the concept that Albedo was not going anywhere. {If you let him, you would have left me. And I'm not going to let you leave.}

The rest was lacking words, pure in form, sharp in command, quiet in request. Stay. Stay with me.

[falseblack]

One might have tried. Tugged and pulled at waveform and found it utterly immutable. Ingrained past awareness lay an infinite constant, immortal as another, living in spite of annihilation. The rot was his own. Any change to his soul was what he permitted, and he would have permitted this one's (or the other's) designs. One might had tried.

Nigredo would have let him.

What came instead was a repeat, a musing. Green eyes slid to the side, vision blurring light and shadow to unrecognized forms. The smile dropped, and he once again remembered loneliness. {Yeah...} Everything to him but nothing he had intended to touch. He wished he hadn't spoken the last. Nigredo had meant for that to die with him, had he not?

But Albedo seemed to discern. Proved disallowing in distance as he pressed points the youngest had lost in transition. A part of Nigredo wondered how much was a product of blood loss. Perhaps his brother had already pushed him away, and this was only a petty comfort to a broken mind. If only the link could ever lie, he might have let it go.

The words came as a prompt of his own, however, and maybe (certainly) that was why Nigredo acknowledged in turn. He moved to watch his sibling, calm beneath what shone. {...Yeah. I know.} The hand that dangled lifelessly at his side reached to poke Albedo's nose. {I would have let him, but you stopped him.}

You saved me. Comforted despite wants, he was sure. Therefore, in light of the damage, it was fine.

He blinked. {I'm weaker than you are--} An echo. A fact. It should be obvious. {--and I am sorry.}

jsdhf the slide into gay.........

[purpletaint]

Nigredo only watched him, and Albedo felt the pressure of that gaze. Not of the weight but of the allowance. Nigredo had said it, but in other ways. Even now, hadn't he? The transition of words said and unsaid came to this alone: Nigredo would not live but for Albedo's will.

There was something empty in that, and there was loss somewhere deep within.

When Nigredo reached to touch, Albedo curled around his brother more. The arm supporting Nigredo came to grasp that hand--this putting them closer, inches between. The boy closed bright eyes, listening to what was said and unsaid both. Then moved Nigredo's hand to his lips, holding it there and breathing. As if having mortal brothers weren't enough.... One had decided to continue being suicidal as well.

Albedo's heart would break twice over at this rate.

He slid the hand to his cheek and held it there, then opened his eyes. "You can be however you are." The urge to break had lessened, a different one moving forward. To take care of. To protect. {You're weaker... And stronger in ways.... But regardless, Nigredo.} He blinked twice, the gave almost harshly. "I am here. You need to..." He looked briefly irritated at the choice of words, then continued. "Nigredo, call me. For anything. Whether it's an attack or if you feel poorly or if you're lonely." {I'll come to you.} Given more solidly than a promise. {I don't want you to be alone.}

[falseblack]

It wasn't quite apathy. It was a step or two below indifference. The reaction he carried graced closer to resignation, and yet, Nigredo knew the unspoken understanding was wrong. Wanting death was never the correct method; he understood this better than anyone. It was simply unavoidable when it came to him. Nigredo was far from one who wished for cessation, the end of existence. This was a byproduct of who he was.

And as much as he wanted to apologize for the fallacy, the child could not. Instead, he gently pressed fingertips against Albedo's cheek.

{I know.} Nigredo had known for some time now. Understood the willingness of his sibling to stay with him. {It was just bad timing. I was...} Caught off-guard, obviously. The fault of solitude, however, continued to lay with him, and Nigredo had nothing in excuses for that. {Tonight was discouraging. I really wanted to read with you.} Have some semblance of quality time, he supposed. {But maybe it was incorrect to expect nothing to happen in this place.}

Something within his chest constricted painfully. He sighed, pausing before twisting his lips in a strange smile. {Yeah. I'll do that. This won't happen again.}

[purpletaint]

For all points and purposes, Nigredo seemed almost at ease; apologetic and understanding of the scenario--the largest shown emotion disappointment. Any other would perhaps be relieved, assured by another's ability to shift to the situation. Yes. Any other. Albedo bypassed suspicion in a moment--that fact that his sibling was not fine was the single element of clarity. If one said they had no sin, they would be deceiving themselves--the truth would not be in them. Just as well here. There were facts but not truth, and Albedo knew the difference, knew the edge between them as well as the ways to reach between the particles of time and space.

And here, the little darling would give promises. Promises he'd likely break in a breath as he had here. For hadn't he promised to live?

But you understand that more than me, right? I would have let him.

Do you want to kill me that badly? I'll let you, if you want.

...Stupid. Stupid, idiotic child who was so happy to throw his existence away to the two guards of Hades. Still, nearly three weeks from that point and still, no-- Nigredo was not allowed rest. There were still two chained bullets, golden and dripping, to stain his path.

To say there was no sin would be disallowing truth, but how had it been spoken? That those sins would be forgiven or not, washed away in scarlet and snow. "Those who are forgiven little, love little." Ah, so that had changed. That aspect, extraordinary and not forgotten.

Nigredo had given him forgiveness and Albedo could offer his love. Here, it would hold and pause, and Albedo would let it. He breathed a quiet laugh against the air. "Kindred do commonly worse agree than remote strangers, isn't it?" He blinked at Nigredo, a light smile across his lips. There was loss there, irony and amusement and all of the things that made the entity's world go 'round. And yet there was care, soft and stable. Albedo closed the gap between them, merely inches away. "But you and I.... You're forgiven." Perhaps in this, perhaps he was as well. "And it's okay." He touched noses with his brother gently, then tilted downward to brush his lips against Nigredo's. Blood-covered both, and tainted one, and quietly breaking and broken in increments. At the moment, it was fine. In that moment, breath and beat alike, Albedo wouldn't have it any other way.

[falseblack]

There were many paths Albedo could have taken. Multiple reactions he could gloss over, enough factors to bring to ruin. They were what they were, and he wouldn't be wrong to let promises pass with his own brand of acknowledgment. Nigredo wasn't lying, but he must be getting bothersome. He had dealt his cards--all lackluster and empty in the way of will. To others, this would have been sufficient, but of course, Albedo would have none of it.

Thus, the youngest hadn't a clue. And what had come (a question and a smile) was dead last in his expectations.

His mind knew the quote before he could place the origin. Green eyes widened in surprise, the smile dispersing, and he found himself stuck in repeats. Isn't it? To have bloodily approved the ancient truth. Nigredo recalled with perfect clarity; for it, he could place blame on the entity laced in the waveform pressed against his. There was a shift here, and he couldn't say he knew the reasons. {It...}

It would be forgiven, his weakness. Albedo would touch him as though wanted, a mimicry of another night. He inhaled sharply as his reasoning diminished, and the child wasn't sure on its reality. {It is?} His expression crumbled. {I broke my promise. You know...} What you killed. It could not be so simple as that.

{You would forgive that so quickly?} It couldn't be so straightforward.

[purpletaint]

And here, Albedo was able to see Nigredo. As he was without any of the masks at the moment. And what should he find at the center but hesitant insecurities and disbelief? Albedo wouldn't have thought it but here it was--there was need here, need of a kind that he understood. That one's actions or lack thereof were fine, because if those were not fine, you were not fine. And that was something that must be true.

Little by little, it was becoming apparent. Piece by piece, Albedo was becoming what Nigredo needed.

But not quite yet.

Albedo sighed and leaned back, shifting the arm against Nigredo to see. It had slowed to clot but that would ruin when he lifted his arm away. Still. He looked at Nigredo through half-lidded eyes, smiling secretively. "Forgive you so quickly?" he repeated casually. "There's nothing to forgive." There was anger probably, somewhere, enough to raise his hand against Nigredo at a later time, but that had vanished with this reaction. Nigredo had risked himself, but he wouldn't again. There was faith there, solid and sharp.

{You broke your promise,} he agreed calmly, smiling, as he made clear his thoughts. {But you won't again. You'll call me, and I'll come to you. So you're forgiven, dear one.}

[falseblack]

He would say there was nothing to forgive, but the deed had been done. Nigredo was absolved. The sin of his weakness released. He had foreseen none of the results, and in fact, the child had anticipated heavy resistance for being who he had become. Its absence, therefore, struck a chord, his heart beating faster than could be counted. He wondered if he wasn't missing as much as originally thought. Questioned if what was in front of him was the very thing sought for.

(He didn't know what he sought.)

It was uncharacteristic. It was unsuitable for an exemplary U.R.T.V., but Nigredo wanted to know--fiercely, as evident by the hand that fisted in his brother's shirt as the other adjusted. {Even if I make a mistake?} he questioned. {Even if I'm something you shouldn't protect?} When he was better off obliterated from their lives, would Albedo forgive him for existing?

Such an act would place Albedo in a different sphere than Rubedo, and Nigredo wished to see another become steady ground.

An affirmation to desperately keep.

[purpletaint]

Albedo halted in his movements, the want to shift and move dispersing at Nigredo's intent hold. His brother's eyes showing more emotion than Albedo had seen in days. Surprise skirted through the older Variant, showing clearly, then his expression softened. He leaned downward to repeat his action, lips pausing longer than before. Albedo shifted back, smiling at his brother. {I like you when you're open like this,} was the quiet thought, sincere and clear.

But there were things to answer, weren't there? Things Nigredo needed, and Albedo wouldn't withhold. Especially when it seemed Nigredo had completely misunderstood. {You'll make mistakes,} he gave quietly. {I'll make them, too; more than you.} This given with a wry smile, and a subtle shine of color to his eyes. Albedo's mistakes would be both accident and not, and he would hold to them all the same. As for the other point....

Albedo was quiet. Then he spoke unabashedly, tone level and lacking melody. "I did protect you, Nigredo. You are what I will protect." What needed to be protected, whether his brother realized it or not. {I care for you.} I love you. {And I should protect you.} He held his brother's eyes, then continued. "There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing for me to shun or push aside."

{It's fine.}