DAY 59: CAFETERIA

[touchedgod]

Billy surfaced into wakefulness. Sleep receded like an inky tide, and it didn't say anything to him before it was gone. His dreams had been nothing but the sensation of water, rocking him restlessly in his bottle. There seemed to be an ocean beyond his confines, but he couldn't see it and couldn't reach it. He pawed at the glass, but any progress

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[ultimagi]

Matters little. Was that really the case? She couldn't help a frown at that, even as he looked at her. How could he say in one breath that they'd been 'using her' for years in one breath, and in the next say something like that?

But his words weren't a complete evasion of the subject; the girl leaned forward as he spoke, eyes watching as he sketched out continents. The finished drawing was meant to be the world he -- she, they -- hailed from, but he might as well have drawn from recollection some bloodstains on his bedroom wall. Her head tilted a little to the side, memorizing the shape of the world and the indicated position of the capitol. Vector. The word meant nothing to her, but she would not forget it if she could help it.

As he spoke, her face scrunched for concentration. Magitek... a power fueled by magic, which she possessed. They said the Empire had been using her, but was that right? No matter how well Edgar and Locke's stories matched up, that was still all she had. It would be easier to believe them, she knew, to accept it without question. She was already inclined to it. The girl didn't know if that was right, either. Maybe if she had those files Izaya had mentioned...

The dull throb of a headache pulled at the corners of her eyes, and the girl shook her head as if to knock it away. "So they..." she started, unsure she understood, "... made weapons... from my power?"

[girlsandgadgets]

"They used you as a weapon would be more accurate," Edgar said without fanfare. She was aware of her power, and he considered it likely she'd used them in her fight with the birds. It was where her powers came from that he'd have trouble explaining, and was something better suited for her to discover on her own; however, it was also something he wasn't sure could be discovered on her own at Landel's.

A thought crossed his mind that hadn't before: he'd been concerned she might be taken for a sleep study, that the knowledge would be forced upon her somehow; however, he'd seen an Esper at night. What if she came into contact with it? Would she face a reaction as she had in Narshe?

And if that happened, what could be done to help her? Would there be another way to help her understand who she was?

Edgar shook his head for now. More questions that couldn't be answered, ones he hoped never would have to be answered. It was a grim possibility on the horizon, but they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.

With his fingers, he mimed placing something on his head. "They controlled you with a slave crown, and forced you to do their work. You were called a witch for your gifts."

[ultimagi]

Without thinking, the girl moved her hand to mirror his gesture, fingers alighting to her temple. The beret was tight on her forehead, just as it had been the day before, and the night before that. Was that why her head had ached so fiercely that first night? Why, whenever the opportunity presented itself, she would discard it?

Her fingertips slid under the sweatband, as if she would find some evidence to his claim. Some scarring, some lingering touch of metal -- but of course there was nothing. If she could only recall even one thing--!

Pain marked every feature of her face, like the struggle of digging through a frozen soil without a spade. No matter how hard she concentrated, or how many times she tried pushing through that gray fog of absent memory, all her efforts returned to her was this ache. Suffering, and a loneliness she didn't understand.

"Why?" she asked, her voice quiet. Her eyes were unfocused; only some small part of her was still there, at that table with Edgar.

[girlsandgadgets]

There was a pause before Edgar spoke as he chose his words carefully. Her face had gone from one of flat expression, seemingly unmoved by what he said about a past she couldn't remember, to one of pain and frustration. His brow knitted together.

Already, he could see the soldiers rallying people to escort them to the next shift. He pushed a sigh from him, irritation tinting his own features.

"I'm sure you might find the answer if you search yourself," he said, standing. He collected his tray, the gruel there only half-eaten. "But... I can tell you more tonight, if you wish."