Day 58: Arts & Crafts (Fourth shift)

[immortale]

Firo was glad to see the end of lunch, if only for the fact that in a few more hours, the day would be over. Night was the only time he had any real freedom of movement, and it was the only time he could do something worth doing, instead of just sitting around

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[she_is_ruin]

"Ugh, you're really behind, aren't you? Where have you been this whole time?" A faint sound escaped her throat: a laugh, dry and humorless. She had expected mentioning the med wing would be enough. A tip off that she had joined the masses of others who had taken the concoctions and had paid for it. The kind, commiserating souls who sympathized with their fellows wouldn't keep asking questions, because they were too nice to push.

Fittingly, it was the one person who didn't know what was going on who approached her.

"The mystery substances, don't you know? In the Medical Wing Aguilar unlocked last night. Test them on yourself for a prize. That was the nightly challenge," she told him, almost flippantly so. "The bad side effects are all over the bulletin. That's what happened."

No, she wasn't stewing. (Not on purpose, not because she wanted to.) And no, she didn't want to sit down! (No more concerned faces.)

Just walk away.

Doubtful he would scoot off the way he had come so soon, but now that he knew, at least he could stop looking at her like she was a girl in need. Aguilar was right about one thing--she had chosen this. No one could pity her for what she had done that day, and no one could pity her for what she had done now.

[rocksthecourt]

Klavier let that first comment roll off his back. The details regarding why he didn't know about it weren't relevant to the conversation at this exact moment. Especially since what she was saying was far, far more important. Herr Kommandant had opened up the Medical Wing, which housed a series of "mysterious substances." That by itself would have served as incredibly intriguing, but that next part...

He could feel himself freeze for a moment... before a sudden anger spiked up into his chest for a moment. ...You had to be kidding him. Test the drugs on yourself? Voluntarily take a substance that you couldn't even identify to get "a prize?" As if there was any "prize" worth that!! As if there were anything the institute could offer that any of them would care to want!! Unless it was the return of some of those they'd "released" or an offer to let people go, Klavier couldn't even fathom participation in such a thing. And even then, like he would ever trust the staff to keep their word!! But Yomi... and other people in this place... Oh... Mein Gott.

The people here. Were. Idiots.

And the sad thing was that the ones in charge absolutely knew that. Why else would they announce an offer that no one with half a brain would even consider for a second? Because they knew there were people stupid or naive enough to actually do it! Even Klavier, upon hearing this, knew there were plenty of morons in this place who would participate in something like that. Oh God, why...? How many people...? What had they done...?

To his credit, Klavier at least had enough propriety to hide his anger. That, at least, he could keep bottled. Because as stupid as he thought it was, any anger he had was quickly overpowered by concern over the main issue at hand. But he couldn't keep the shock off his face. He almost gaped at her, incredulous.

"Y... Are you kidding? And you went and did it? What would even possess you to do such a thing to yourself?!" Now the mild concern he'd displayed earlier was replaced by full blown worried. He almost looked scared. Which would be accurate because he was kind of scared. What had she done? Dear God, Fräulein, what have you done? "Are you hurt? Are you in pain?"

He had no idea what he could possibly do to help her, honestly. His knowledge of medicine was basic and mostly superficial. He didn't know anyone else more knowledgeable and he most certainly didn't trust the staff to help. Supplies were limited to them, and it would would take a miracle to find what was needed to help even if they managed to find out what could be done. But he'd be damned if he wasn't going to at least try to do something to help. There had to be something that could be done.

[she_is_ruin]

Regardless of her stake in the matter, watching the man try to wrap his brain around what had been going on while he'd had his head in the clouds was worth it. She hadn't forgotten how easy he was to push. This was the same guy who had told a Category A it had charm, after all.

A smirk pulled at her mouth, her eyes darkened to the color of a bruise. "You look pale," she observed.

If he passed out from the shock of it, that would be quite funny. His reaction to something she couldn't even bring herself to feel aggrieved about merely highlighted the huge gap between someone like him and someone like her. He was waiting to die. (She at least tried.)

The horror was an emotion Yomi had seen before, and she showed him her profile again, releasing a sigh. "You're overreacting. Surely you've stopped being surprised at the offensive things you'll find here. It's done now."

[rocksthecourt]

She didn't answer his question at all. Either of his questions, actually. Instead, she... she smiled. She was actually smiling at his reaction. Like it was something strange and amusing. And he couldn't possibly understand it. How she could smile at his response, how she could justify doing something like that, how she could brush it all aside as though none of it mattered. None of it.

And that was probably obvious. Klavier's outer display of shock proved to be only momentary and he just frowned as soon as she was finished speaking.

"Overreacting?" he repeated. She must have been joking. He was overreacting? Really? That was the second time today he'd heard that word. And he was just as boggled by its use now as he had been earlier. "Aren't you aware you could have killed yourself? Or hurt yourself beyond recovery? Don't you care about what could have happened?"

Was it him? Someone tell him, please. Was he the crazy one here? Had he somehow been thrown into some parallel dimension where things like assault, attempted murder, threats, torture, and doing stupid things to hurt yourself were all perfectly excusable and forgettable offenses? Because it was really starting to feel that way. Like everyone around him had been brainwashed into this strange mindset and he had been left as the odd man out. There was no other reasonable explanation.

"I'm not overreacting. You're the one who doesn't seem to care enough. Even though you are the one affected." He shook his head. "So what exactly is it you are trying to say? That because people get hurt and tormented here every day, I should just accept it as something normal? I shouldn't care anymore when it happens? ...And that's why neither of us should care about what you did to yourself?"

...Maybe that was it. Perhaps she was acclimating. But... even that didn't seem to make sense. Unless she had been there years, he couldn't see someone just accepting that things like this were just a part of every day life. The day he went "Oh well" to the news of despicable deeds was the day he renounced the law, his name, and everything he ever stood for.

[she_is_ruin]

She stared at the wall. His face was so human, so like someone else's she knew. It couldn't give her any answers.

No, it was this man who wanted answers from her. She had seen him live through the memory displacement that night they'd got into the basement just the same as he'd seen her, so honestly, why the surprise? Was he afraid of death or pain even after having his identity shredded at the Institute's whim? Or had he come to accept the Institute's potential to reach inside his mind and could rationalize it away? If it was the latter, she envied him.

Yomi exhaled deeply when his questions for her started turning into statements about her, the only sign that she hadn't turned into a living statue where she stood. Did he expect her to answer to any of it? The time for explaining herself was long past. The moment she had stabbed into her cousin's soft body, sliced and hacked until the pleas for mercy stopped coming, people had stopped listening to explanations. And she had stopped giving them.

"That's right," she said, "I did it. It was a decision I made, a simple one. You seem to be forgetting that sort of thing's my business, not yours." Finally, she looked at him again, just a silver of a glance from the edge of her eye. "You can be upset about the others if you want, but don't get on my case like a chiding father. Do you think I haven't been on the brink of death before? Been injured beyond repair?" The strain in her shoulders added a new sizzle of pain, delicious and raw. "Death would have been easy. This is just a nuisance."

What could have happened? Who cared about what could have happened? It was what had happened that mattered. What had locked her onto this path until she was taken off of it.

And what could anyone, least of all him, do to change that?

"Nothing," she murmured to herself, and once she realized she had spoken aloud, she put on a brittle smile and said more loudly to the wall, "I'm saying you should do nothing because that's all you can do. You can't stop people from risking themselves. And why should you want to? Have you ever considered that doing as much might mean something for them?"