Day 58: Arts & Crafts (Fourth shift)

[immortale]

Firo was glad to see the end of lunch, if only for the fact that in a few more hours, the day would be over. Night was the only time he had any real freedom of movement, and it was the only time he could do something worth doing, instead of just sitting around

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[zack_fair]

At first, ZEX's words didn't do anything to help Zack understand what was going on. He remembered more than usual? From what he'd been able to tell, ZEX had had a lot of things to talk about regarding his life; he hadn't seen any signs of amnesia or memory loss, so what had changed?

But when the man went on to talk of ZEX in the third person, everything suddenly slid into place in Zack's mind and he had to fight to keep the surprised look off of his face.

If he remembered correctly, he'd heard about something like this happening right around when he'd first arrived in the institute. It had probably happened right before he got here, where people had suddenly been brainwashed into thinking that they were the person who the staff called them.

This was the first time that Zack had been exposed to it, and he found himeslf strangely disappointed that it wasn't really ZEX who he was talking to right now. Sure, the guy had been weird, but he'd seemed a lot more real. Still, there was no reason to say that and upset him when he was already probably really confused, so...

"Oh, I see what you mean," he said with a nod. "And who is 'me'? I... never really heard a name from you other than ZEX." He was still planning to go by Zack, though. Lance? Lance just didn't fit.

[wantsyourzex]

That look probably wasn't good. Zack probably wasn't happy to hear the news that Max was better now, however one defined "better", and really Max couldn't say that he was exactly happy about it himself. He didn't really feel better... he just felt self-conscious and stupid. And homesick. Going home and just sleeping for a day or two sounded really good right now.

Zack understood what he was getting at in spite of his ineloquent explanation, so at least he hadn't completely screwed that up. Still, he wasn't feeling too pleased with how the conversation seemed to be going. "Uh, Max. My name's Max... Max Vyer." And as it came out of his mouth, he thought that his last name was probably unnecessary, but oh well. "I didn't... well, ZEX wouldn't have told you anything... he doesn't really..." A moment to think about it. "Well actually he does know about me, technically... he doesn't like me much." Nervous laughter, although that thought again brought on feelings of resentment and a little jealousy at the thought of his fantasy counterpart. Maybe it even hurt a little that ZEX thought so poorly of him. He wasn't that bad! And why was he talking about ZEX like he was a separate person instead of a figment of his imagination? He'd really been here too long.

"Uh, what about you though? Do you have a real name?" Hopefully a change in subject would get his mind off his many problems.

[zack_fair]

Man, this was weird. Zack was doing his best to keep a neutral expression as the conversation continued, but it was bizarre to be speaking to the same guy he'd interacted with a few times already... except that it wasn't him anymore. His tone of voice, his mannerisms, all of that had changed and it was enough to get under his skin.

He didn't want to make things worse by reacting badly, though, and so he tried to follow along with what Max was saying, even as part of his mind kept hammering in the fact that this wasn't a real person. It was a figment, something made up and forced upon ZEX for some unknown and disturbing reason.

"Well, Max, it's... nice to meet you, for what it's worth." This "sane" version of ZEX wasn't all bad, after all. It was more that Zack didn't know how to deal with it. He could only hope that ZEX would come back to himself eventually, but if not, then what? He'd just have to try and be a good friend despite all that.

Did he and ZEX even count as friends? Oh, whatever.

"... Me? Well, Zack works just fine for me. I kind of think it has a good ring to it, you know?" Even though he felt bad, he wasn't going to let anyone who wasn't part of the staff call him by the wrong name.

[wantsyourzex]

Max had a feeling that things were only getting worse. How could he fix this? He really didn't want to lose one of his friends here just because he was lucid for once... it wasn't fair that that would even happen! Sure, maybe he wasn't exactly the same person anymore but...

"Uh, yeah, it's nice to meet you too. Or see you again. Both, I guess..." Zack didn't seem that pleased by his transformation, and Max hoped he wasn't giving him too pitiful a look as a result. It wasn't his idea! This whole thing wasn't his fault. He never wanted to come here anyway.

Had Zack misinterpreted his question? No, maybe he should have been more specific to begin with. "It does! It does, definitely... I was, well, it was more like..." Max turned his head to one side at something moving near him, but as usual, nothing was there. Okay, that didn't mean anything. Still seeing things didn't mean anything. "Uh, more like..." A moment to regain his train of thought. "The staff, the staff uses a different name for you, right?"

He didn't really know a lot about the world Zack came from, now that he thought about it... or at least, the world Zack said he came from.

[zack_fair]

It seemed like Max was just getting more and more uncomfortable as the conversation continued, which was probably due to the fact that Zack was acting strange. Still, how could he not? He hadn't signed up for this and he was in no way prepared for it. If there was one thing he was good at, though, it was putting on a smile and acting like everything was okay.

Either way, it didn't seem like Max was going to give up on the name thing. Zack could have been stubborn about it, but in the end he realized that would just hurt Max and -- well, it wasn't ZEX, but he still didn't need to purposefully upset someone like that.

"Oh, it's... Lance, I think? I'd prefer it if you called me Zack, though. I mean, if you don't mind," he replied with a smile. There, that would work, wouldn't it?

Of course, it was hard to know where to go from there, what to even ask or say. He would feel bad trying to get information about the whole brainwashing process out of Max, and so maybe it was better to keep things simple. "So... it must be a bit of a relief, huh?" At least Max didn't need to constantly worry about being in a different body.

[wantsyourzex]

"Oh, yeah, of course." Max was happy to call him whatever he liked, but Lance and Zack both sounded like fairly normal names... it was hard to tell which one was the alternate personality and which one was real. Max and ZEX made it pretty clear. Then again, maybe it wasn't any of his business anyway... but it was hard not to feel a little alone if he was the only one who remembered who he really was.

"I... well, I guess." He rubbed his arm, wincing as he accidentally ran over some of his wounds. God, he missed when he didn't have a thousand little cuts all over him. It was even worse than it sounded. "I mean... I guess I should be happy about it, since that means I can go home soon... although, I don't know... it's not perfect there." Max wasn't really sure how to phrase any of this. "I mean, I was unhappy enough there to pretend to be someone else and end up here, so going back there is... I don't know, a little complicated, I guess. But there are some people waiting for me, so there's that at least..."

He probably shouldn't pour his heart out to someone who he really didn't even know that well, but Max just really wanted some support. He always wanted support. "At least ZEX... it's weird, I'm human and I know how to use forks and everything, but I don't feel as confident as ZEX did... even if he didn't know how to use his body, he knew how to take care of himself. I don't know... it sort of feels like taking a step backwards and forwards at the same time." He looked up at Zack's eyes. "Does any of that make sense?"

[zack_fair]

That had been simple enough, at least. Zack didn't really get why Max had asked for the alternate name when he was happy to call him by either one, but maybe he'd just wanted to make sure that the other patients also had these other identities. Zack wasn't going to dwell too much on it. He'd satisfied Max's curiosity and that was good enough.

As Max started to explain his feelings on the whole thing, Zack began to realize that this was a lot more complex than he'd originally thought. It was as if Max had real feelings and fears to go along with it all, though he realized that that made sense. A fake life wasn't going to be all that convincing unless it was really detailed, right? It seemed like Max wasn't completely ready to go home, and Zack couldn't help but wonder what was so bad about it.

It occurred to him that he was getting invested in something that wasn't real, but he couldn't help but take the conversation seriously when hearing Max's voice and seeing his expressions. "Yeah, it makes a lot of sense," he said with a firm nod. "Maybe ZEX was foreign and out of place here, but you made him up because you wanted to be stronger, right?" It was kind of sad when he thought too hard on it, but Zack just had to keep telling himself that it was all fake. "But hey, just keep your thoughts on those people waiting for you. They're probably missing you a lot by now." He felt kind of bad encouraging that sort of thing when what he really wanted was for ZEX to get back to normal, but Zack couldn't really help himself. When someone was clearly suffering in front of him, he had to react.

[wantsyourzex]

At least Zack hadn't laughed at him about how he felt. It was kind of ridiculous... feeling this way about someone he'd just made up in his head. Being aware of it like this, that made it less crazy though. Definitely.

"Yeah... something like that." Max smiled at Zack, a much more natural looking one than usual. He understood! "I don't know, my life was... not what I wanted it to be. He had a... well, I don't know if I'd say better, but... it was his. You know? I don't even know if mine was mine..." That sounded stupid. "Uh, if that makes sense."

He looked down again, now feeling somewhat guilty. "I probably shouldn't be keeping him waiting at home... I shouldn't be here anymore. I don't know how to get out of here though. No one seems to listen to me here. Well, except you of course." Max looked back up at him and smiled again. Friendly, of course. Not that he was implying something. That was ZEX, not him.

[zack_fair]

A life that wasn't his. Zack didn't know what Max meant specifically, of course, but he could at least understand the concept. He had always tried to make his own way, but in the end he realized that Shin-Ra had owned him to a large extent. Angeal had fought for freedom and paid the price. Zack realized that he had, too. Wings to fly, and yet the only real release was death. It was all far too morbid when he was busy trying to console a made-up person.

"Why wasn't it yours?" he couldn't help asking, if only because it would move the conversation along. "And who's waiting for you?" It wasn't like he could give any advice about how to get the soldiers to listen to the guy, and more than that, he didn't really want to. That might lead to this Max thing being a permanent fixture and to ZEX disappearing from this place, and there was no way that Zack wanted to be responsible for that.

Either way, it seemed like Max already trusted him, which was a nice feeling even if it wasn't necessarily real. In the end, Max was a little easier to speak to than ZEX if only because he wasn't being flirted with the entire time. It was just a teeny bit distracting, though in the end he preferred that to something fake.

[wantsyourzex]

"Uh, well..." Max tried to think back. His memory seemed to have suffered somewhat while he'd been here... even when he was ZEX, it had gone a bit spotty. That, and maybe he was trying to avoid having to put it into words so quickly. The whole thing was very complicated. Really. "Just... my parents wanted me to marry someone... I didn't want to, but I didn't... it sort of wasn't my choice, at that point..." Did he look as awkward as he felt saying that? He wasn't very good at self-reflection. "Lot of stuff was that way for me..."

The other question, that one was somewhat easier. "Oh, uh, my... I guess you could say bodyguard. It's sort of weird to think of him that way though..." With a bit of a nervous laugh. Dexter had always referred to himself that way of course, but that didn't mean Max thought of him that way in return. "He used to take care of me back out there... he wants me to get out of here already. I feel kind of bad for keeping him waiting... he's probably pretty angry about how long this is taking, ha ha." If he was here then none of this would even be a problem... surely Dexter would find a way to fix everything. That was what he did.

Although, if he could fix everything, then Max probably wouldn't have ended up here.

want to start wrapping this up?

[zack_fair]

Being expected to marry someone he didn't want to? Zack frowned when he heard that, realizing right off the bat that he would have never stood for something like that. His parents hadn't ever questioned his choices, though. They probably hadn't liked the idea of him running off across the world at such a young age, but he hadn't been the sort of person who had given them the chance to put their foot down about the issue.

Not to mention he'd been pretty good about staying in contact with them, which he figured counted for something. Of course, thinking about them now hit him with such a wave of guilt that he knew he couldn't dwell on it for too long. He'd gone and gotten himself killed and he could only hope that Cissnei or someone had gone back to Gongaga to explain things.

It was easier to talk about this so-called bodyguard that Max had. Zack wondered how that translated from ZEX's own life to this made up one, but he couldn't get that kind of information now. He had to be pretty important to have a bodyguard, didn't he? "Look, if he's really your friend on top of all of that, he'll wait as long as he has to for you to make your way out of here, right? Don't worry about it too much." And in the end, he couldn't help but ask: "But why do you need a bodyguard, anyway?"

yeah sure

[wantsyourzex]

Guessing from his expression, Zack didn't approve of the story he'd told him. Good, Max didn't much care for it either! Really, no one understood how unfair the whole thing was. Maybe he could have handled it better but really, it was all terribly unfair and not his fault. Mostly.

"I hope he does wait... or does something to get me out of here anyway. This place is getting old." It looked like the nurses were starting to lead people away. That at least would save him from having to explain a little too much about himself. It was a little embarrassing. "Uh... well, my parents thought I needed one really... back when I was a lot younger, actually, you know... just to keep an eye on me, mostly." Not that Max was a kid anymore! He'd just never really gotten the hang of taking care of himself. That wasn't so bad, was it? Still, it was a little awkward to say.

"It was nice talking to you though!" Max didn't want to leave him just yet, but the shifts here were pretty strictly enforced, and the staff would make sure he moved on in one way or another. "Hopefully I'll see you again sometime..."

[zack_fair]

The idea of anyone being able to break into this place and save them or help them was pretty much ludicrous, but Zack didn't need to tell Max that. He didn't know how long ZEX would be like this or if it would end up being permanent (which was really a horrible thought, that someone could lose themselves like that) but he didn't need to go around crushing the guy's hopes either way.

If his parents had been able to afford a bodyguard purely because they'd been worried about their son then that probably meant that they were pretty well-off. Zack knew it didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things -- it was all one big farce -- but he couldn't help settling on some of the details anyway.

Luckily, he was saved from having to fake his way through much more of this. He didn't have anything against Max (how could he, when the guy was a construction?), but he did hope that this would get cleared up soon. The soldier stood and nodded. "Yeah, same. Make sure to take care of yourself tonight, okay?" With any luck, Max would stay in his room.