Day 58: Arts & Crafts (Fourth shift)

[immortale]

Firo was glad to see the end of lunch, if only for the fact that in a few more hours, the day would be over. Night was the only time he had any real freedom of movement, and it was the only time he could do something worth doing, instead of just sitting around

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[zack_fair]

It was possible that Zack had just run whatever hint of an alliance that he'd had with Lightning right into the ground, and all because he'd been trying to return to her the kindness she'd extended to him. Still, he couldn't say that he wished he'd gone about it all differently. Zack didn't like lying, especially not to people who he considered on his side. Sometimes he wasn't the most forthcoming with information, but that hadn't been the case this time.

Still, if Lightning wanted to burn bridges then that was a decision she was entitled to. Zack knew that holding onto acquaintances in this place was extremely important, but he wasn't about to lecture someone about how to handle themselves either.

It was a bump in the road, that was for sure. And yet he didn't want to let it ruin his mood completely. As far as distractions went, the Arts and Crafts room didn't rank that high. Zack wasn't what you would call artistic unless fighting was an art form -- which he sincerely believed it could be. His way of fighting was pretty straight-forward, but there were other people who made it look like a dance.

Even so, that wasn't the kind of thing they would be allowed to do here. Zack sighed to himself and started to look through the various supplies that they were offered, though he was already fairly certain that nothing was going to jump out at him. Couldn't they have been let outside instead?

[Free.]

[wantsyourzex]

[care for a brainwashed ZEX?]

So he'd found someone he could hang on to during the night time, but that left the rest of the day worryingly support free. Max hated this feeling. The staff didn't seem that concerned about him, most of the other people around him didn't notice him... he wasn't used to not being the center of someone's attention. If Dexter was here then he would have gladly clung to him instead, maybe insisted that he make him something stupid and silly looking like a friendship bracelet, but he wasn't here. He was waiting outside this place for him to finally be sane enough to come home.

That was a sobering thought. He wanted to get out of here already, and he didn't like not knowing exactly how to do it. If he was sane right now, surely that was something, right? Wouldn't that be enough to get him out? He kept seeing flashes of movement out of the corner of his eye, but surely that didn't mean anything...

Feeling lost and sorry for himself, he was glad to see someone he recognized. That made him feel a little better, even if it didn't solve any of his problems, and he went to stand beside him.

"Hi, Zack!" As cheerfully as he could manage, hoping that pretending that nothing was wrong would make those invisible things disappear for good. They weren't real, he knew that, but they kept bothering him... "How are you? Are you doing okay?" Eager for any kind of conversation to take his mind off of more serious matters.

[zack_fair]

[Certainly!]

Having his name called out cheerfully from over his shoulder caused Zack to pull away from the cabinet full of crafting supplies and glance over to...

ZEX? It had been almost a week since he had spoken to the man, to the point that he hadn't even realized he was still around. That came as a relief to him, though, since chances were that if ZEX had disappeared it wouldn't have meant he'd made it back to his real body.

It looked like ZEX was in a really good mood, though, which probably meant that Zack could expect to get hit on a few times before the shift ended. Still, it would take his mind off of his conversation with Lightning, so why not? It would be good to catch up with the guy and see if he'd been doing any better at adapting to being human.

"I'm all right! It's nice to see you again. Things have had their ups and downs on my end, but nothing too serious. Still in one piece and all that." More than that, he could actually relate to what ZEX was going through a bit more after last night, but he could wait to explain that. "How about you? Have you gotten better at using those utensils?" Last time they'd spoken he'd given him a crash course in how to use a fork, but they hadn't gotten to teaching him how to use it with a knife and cut things up. Hopefully ZEX had gotten further help from other patients in the meantime.

[wantsyourzex]

"It's nice to see you too!" Max tried not to sound too excited. It was always nice to see a friendly face. "Glad that you're alright and that you're still here. You never know with this place, right?" He laughed, nervously. God, his social skills had deteriorated so much while he'd been trapped here. At least ZEX had never felt this self-conscious. "I'm doing... I'm doing alright, I guess. I'm a bit more, uh... 'here' than usual, I guess." He rubbed the back of his head, still feeling awkward. Why was it so difficult to get a sensible sentence out of his mouth? He'd spent way too much time here.

He blinked at Zack's question. Utensils... oh, right. ZEX was convinced he'd never used them before. It was weird to think about now... "Oh yeah, the utensil thing... ha ha. Um, you could say that. In a way." Max fiddled with his fingers a little. "Not that I don't appreciate you helping me with it or anything! Really, I'm glad you helped me out..." Something was moving at the edge of his vision, and he struggled to ignore it. "Can't get enough help around here lately, really... well, from people who actually care, anyway. The staff isn't too great at that."

[zack_fair]

Was it just him, or did something seem off here?

ZEX was acting friendly now, which was all fine and good, but he wasn't going on about the stuff that he had before. About the VUX versus humans, about how he loved admiring human bodies but didn't enjoy being in one -- not to mention the blatant flirting.

Instead, he was acting like a fairly regular but somewhat nervous guy. And there was nothing wrong with that, obviously, but it didn't seem like ZEX. Zack frowned, trying to piece it all together. It was hard to sort through everything when the man was stumbling over his words and revising each thing that he said. ZEX had always talked a lot, but he'd had his thoughts in order a lot more than this before.

"... More 'here' than usual?" he asked with a tilt of his head. "What do you mean by that?" It was the most telling part of what he'd said and also the most mysterious, so that was probably the best place to start.

[wantsyourzex]

Shoot, Zack was giving him a look. Had he said something wrong, or was Zack expecting ZEX instead? Sure, he wasn't ZEX at the moment, but Max wasn't such a bad replacement, right? The thought made him both annoyed and almost jealous of his alternate self, as well as a little depressed. Most people probably did prefer ZEX... ZEX had himself together. Max was stuck here.

As false as he knew ZEX to be, he still seemed so real. Realer than he was sometimes. Ugh, wasn't this place supposed to get rid of all these complicated feelings?

"Uh, yeah... in a way. Um..." Max tried to think of how to phrase it. He didn't remember Zack saying anything before that seemed insane, like being an alien or something... but maybe he wouldn't be happy that he wasn't who he was supposed to be. "Uh, more like... I can remember more of my normal life than usual. Like, who I am, and why I'm here, and... that kind of thing." Looking away and trying to sound casual in hopes that would downplay any negative reaction. "Most of the time I'm ZEX and all that, but sometimes I sort of... well, I'm not him so much today. I'm... me, I guess."

God, he was bad at this.

[zack_fair]

At first, ZEX's words didn't do anything to help Zack understand what was going on. He remembered more than usual? From what he'd been able to tell, ZEX had had a lot of things to talk about regarding his life; he hadn't seen any signs of amnesia or memory loss, so what had changed?

But when the man went on to talk of ZEX in the third person, everything suddenly slid into place in Zack's mind and he had to fight to keep the surprised look off of his face.

If he remembered correctly, he'd heard about something like this happening right around when he'd first arrived in the institute. It had probably happened right before he got here, where people had suddenly been brainwashed into thinking that they were the person who the staff called them.

This was the first time that Zack had been exposed to it, and he found himeslf strangely disappointed that it wasn't really ZEX who he was talking to right now. Sure, the guy had been weird, but he'd seemed a lot more real. Still, there was no reason to say that and upset him when he was already probably really confused, so...

"Oh, I see what you mean," he said with a nod. "And who is 'me'? I... never really heard a name from you other than ZEX." He was still planning to go by Zack, though. Lance? Lance just didn't fit.

[wantsyourzex]

That look probably wasn't good. Zack probably wasn't happy to hear the news that Max was better now, however one defined "better", and really Max couldn't say that he was exactly happy about it himself. He didn't really feel better... he just felt self-conscious and stupid. And homesick. Going home and just sleeping for a day or two sounded really good right now.

Zack understood what he was getting at in spite of his ineloquent explanation, so at least he hadn't completely screwed that up. Still, he wasn't feeling too pleased with how the conversation seemed to be going. "Uh, Max. My name's Max... Max Vyer." And as it came out of his mouth, he thought that his last name was probably unnecessary, but oh well. "I didn't... well, ZEX wouldn't have told you anything... he doesn't really..." A moment to think about it. "Well actually he does know about me, technically... he doesn't like me much." Nervous laughter, although that thought again brought on feelings of resentment and a little jealousy at the thought of his fantasy counterpart. Maybe it even hurt a little that ZEX thought so poorly of him. He wasn't that bad! And why was he talking about ZEX like he was a separate person instead of a figment of his imagination? He'd really been here too long.

"Uh, what about you though? Do you have a real name?" Hopefully a change in subject would get his mind off his many problems.

[zack_fair]

Man, this was weird. Zack was doing his best to keep a neutral expression as the conversation continued, but it was bizarre to be speaking to the same guy he'd interacted with a few times already... except that it wasn't him anymore. His tone of voice, his mannerisms, all of that had changed and it was enough to get under his skin.

He didn't want to make things worse by reacting badly, though, and so he tried to follow along with what Max was saying, even as part of his mind kept hammering in the fact that this wasn't a real person. It was a figment, something made up and forced upon ZEX for some unknown and disturbing reason.

"Well, Max, it's... nice to meet you, for what it's worth." This "sane" version of ZEX wasn't all bad, after all. It was more that Zack didn't know how to deal with it. He could only hope that ZEX would come back to himself eventually, but if not, then what? He'd just have to try and be a good friend despite all that.

Did he and ZEX even count as friends? Oh, whatever.

"... Me? Well, Zack works just fine for me. I kind of think it has a good ring to it, you know?" Even though he felt bad, he wasn't going to let anyone who wasn't part of the staff call him by the wrong name.

[wantsyourzex]

Max had a feeling that things were only getting worse. How could he fix this? He really didn't want to lose one of his friends here just because he was lucid for once... it wasn't fair that that would even happen! Sure, maybe he wasn't exactly the same person anymore but...

"Uh, yeah, it's nice to meet you too. Or see you again. Both, I guess..." Zack didn't seem that pleased by his transformation, and Max hoped he wasn't giving him too pitiful a look as a result. It wasn't his idea! This whole thing wasn't his fault. He never wanted to come here anyway.

Had Zack misinterpreted his question? No, maybe he should have been more specific to begin with. "It does! It does, definitely... I was, well, it was more like..." Max turned his head to one side at something moving near him, but as usual, nothing was there. Okay, that didn't mean anything. Still seeing things didn't mean anything. "Uh, more like..." A moment to regain his train of thought. "The staff, the staff uses a different name for you, right?"

He didn't really know a lot about the world Zack came from, now that he thought about it... or at least, the world Zack said he came from.

[zack_fair]

It seemed like Max was just getting more and more uncomfortable as the conversation continued, which was probably due to the fact that Zack was acting strange. Still, how could he not? He hadn't signed up for this and he was in no way prepared for it. If there was one thing he was good at, though, it was putting on a smile and acting like everything was okay.

Either way, it didn't seem like Max was going to give up on the name thing. Zack could have been stubborn about it, but in the end he realized that would just hurt Max and -- well, it wasn't ZEX, but he still didn't need to purposefully upset someone like that.

"Oh, it's... Lance, I think? I'd prefer it if you called me Zack, though. I mean, if you don't mind," he replied with a smile. There, that would work, wouldn't it?

Of course, it was hard to know where to go from there, what to even ask or say. He would feel bad trying to get information about the whole brainwashing process out of Max, and so maybe it was better to keep things simple. "So... it must be a bit of a relief, huh?" At least Max didn't need to constantly worry about being in a different body.

[wantsyourzex]

"Oh, yeah, of course." Max was happy to call him whatever he liked, but Lance and Zack both sounded like fairly normal names... it was hard to tell which one was the alternate personality and which one was real. Max and ZEX made it pretty clear. Then again, maybe it wasn't any of his business anyway... but it was hard not to feel a little alone if he was the only one who remembered who he really was.

"I... well, I guess." He rubbed his arm, wincing as he accidentally ran over some of his wounds. God, he missed when he didn't have a thousand little cuts all over him. It was even worse than it sounded. "I mean... I guess I should be happy about it, since that means I can go home soon... although, I don't know... it's not perfect there." Max wasn't really sure how to phrase any of this. "I mean, I was unhappy enough there to pretend to be someone else and end up here, so going back there is... I don't know, a little complicated, I guess. But there are some people waiting for me, so there's that at least..."

He probably shouldn't pour his heart out to someone who he really didn't even know that well, but Max just really wanted some support. He always wanted support. "At least ZEX... it's weird, I'm human and I know how to use forks and everything, but I don't feel as confident as ZEX did... even if he didn't know how to use his body, he knew how to take care of himself. I don't know... it sort of feels like taking a step backwards and forwards at the same time." He looked up at Zack's eyes. "Does any of that make sense?"

[zack_fair]

That had been simple enough, at least. Zack didn't really get why Max had asked for the alternate name when he was happy to call him by either one, but maybe he'd just wanted to make sure that the other patients also had these other identities. Zack wasn't going to dwell too much on it. He'd satisfied Max's curiosity and that was good enough.

As Max started to explain his feelings on the whole thing, Zack began to realize that this was a lot more complex than he'd originally thought. It was as if Max had real feelings and fears to go along with it all, though he realized that that made sense. A fake life wasn't going to be all that convincing unless it was really detailed, right? It seemed like Max wasn't completely ready to go home, and Zack couldn't help but wonder what was so bad about it.

It occurred to him that he was getting invested in something that wasn't real, but he couldn't help but take the conversation seriously when hearing Max's voice and seeing his expressions. "Yeah, it makes a lot of sense," he said with a firm nod. "Maybe ZEX was foreign and out of place here, but you made him up because you wanted to be stronger, right?" It was kind of sad when he thought too hard on it, but Zack just had to keep telling himself that it was all fake. "But hey, just keep your thoughts on those people waiting for you. They're probably missing you a lot by now." He felt kind of bad encouraging that sort of thing when what he really wanted was for ZEX to get back to normal, but Zack couldn't really help himself. When someone was clearly suffering in front of him, he had to react.

[wantsyourzex]

At least Zack hadn't laughed at him about how he felt. It was kind of ridiculous... feeling this way about someone he'd just made up in his head. Being aware of it like this, that made it less crazy though. Definitely.

"Yeah... something like that." Max smiled at Zack, a much more natural looking one than usual. He understood! "I don't know, my life was... not what I wanted it to be. He had a... well, I don't know if I'd say better, but... it was his. You know? I don't even know if mine was mine..." That sounded stupid. "Uh, if that makes sense."

He looked down again, now feeling somewhat guilty. "I probably shouldn't be keeping him waiting at home... I shouldn't be here anymore. I don't know how to get out of here though. No one seems to listen to me here. Well, except you of course." Max looked back up at him and smiled again. Friendly, of course. Not that he was implying something. That was ZEX, not him.

[zack_fair]

A life that wasn't his. Zack didn't know what Max meant specifically, of course, but he could at least understand the concept. He had always tried to make his own way, but in the end he realized that Shin-Ra had owned him to a large extent. Angeal had fought for freedom and paid the price. Zack realized that he had, too. Wings to fly, and yet the only real release was death. It was all far too morbid when he was busy trying to console a made-up person.

"Why wasn't it yours?" he couldn't help asking, if only because it would move the conversation along. "And who's waiting for you?" It wasn't like he could give any advice about how to get the soldiers to listen to the guy, and more than that, he didn't really want to. That might lead to this Max thing being a permanent fixture and to ZEX disappearing from this place, and there was no way that Zack wanted to be responsible for that.

Either way, it seemed like Max already trusted him, which was a nice feeling even if it wasn't necessarily real. In the end, Max was a little easier to speak to than ZEX if only because he wasn't being flirted with the entire time. It was just a teeny bit distracting, though in the end he preferred that to something fake.

[wantsyourzex]

"Uh, well..." Max tried to think back. His memory seemed to have suffered somewhat while he'd been here... even when he was ZEX, it had gone a bit spotty. That, and maybe he was trying to avoid having to put it into words so quickly. The whole thing was very complicated. Really. "Just... my parents wanted me to marry someone... I didn't want to, but I didn't... it sort of wasn't my choice, at that point..." Did he look as awkward as he felt saying that? He wasn't very good at self-reflection. "Lot of stuff was that way for me..."

The other question, that one was somewhat easier. "Oh, uh, my... I guess you could say bodyguard. It's sort of weird to think of him that way though..." With a bit of a nervous laugh. Dexter had always referred to himself that way of course, but that didn't mean Max thought of him that way in return. "He used to take care of me back out there... he wants me to get out of here already. I feel kind of bad for keeping him waiting... he's probably pretty angry about how long this is taking, ha ha." If he was here then none of this would even be a problem... surely Dexter would find a way to fix everything. That was what he did.

Although, if he could fix everything, then Max probably wouldn't have ended up here.