Day 58: Cafeteria

[gald_digger]

Anise woke up feeling lucky to be alive. She still felt a bit waterlogged, even though her skin, hair, and clothes were completely dry. During last night's adventures, she'd swallowed a lot of water, and it still felt heavy and disgusting in her stomach. Her arms and legs were tired from treading water. Lying still in her bed, she still kind of

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[unit67]

"Some people get better food," she observed, watching a blue-haired girl cut a pancake with her fork. Lily's expression was mild confusion as she scanned the room, trying to notice a difference between themselves and the people who'd been given more ordinary meals. Nothing noticeable, or, at least, nothing she could notice. "I don't know why, though." It might be random, or maybe they had done special things like whatever Rose had done the night before.

She silently mouthed the name, testing, then tried it for herself. As predicted, her attempt was woefully inadequate, so she broke it down into syllables, tapping her finger on the table as she did so. The pinkness of her cheeks had turned a more vibrant rose and she looked up, anxious. "I'm sorry," Lily apologized quickly. "It's a really nice name. I've just never heard one like it before." She tried one more time, with slightly better results, but her frown remained until he spoke her own name.

"It's only Lily, I think," she said, but then, that other person had used the same name. A lot of people here seemed to have two names. Maybe San was her second one? But then, how did everyone know it? "Japan called me that too. Lily San. What's it mean?"

The mention of the flower earned an enthusiastic nod, then a mild, almost sad frown. "Yes, but I've never seen one, except in pictures." Wait, no, that wasn't the right word. "Not camera pictures," Lily corrected. "Pictures my friend drew, but he never saw one either. I bet there are lilies here, though. I should ask." The words came quickly, in earnest, but there was a tinge of sadness when she mentioned her absent friend. "Have you ever seen one?" They might be incredibly rare, she thought, but then again, they might be so common that the question was laughable.

[ofthemotions]

He had noticed that yesterday. Mikado sighed down at his plate. "Maybe they're just torturing the new kids..." Ah, but that, he shouldn't make assumptions on. He slid a hand to the back of his neck awkwardly. "Have you been here very long?"

Long enough to take some things in, maybe. The stuff some people were saying were interesting enough--exciting in some ways, scary in others, but still enough that he wanted to learn more about it. There had to be some details that others knew.

...Maybe more about the culture shock, because here it was again in the clearest of ways. Of all the things he had been told, it was that there was a language thing in place. Because Mikado knew Japanese and was speaking it. And Lily was asking what '-san' meant. And none of that made sense. "Uh..." His face turned apologetic as he tried to explain. "It's a polite term of respect when you don't really know the person...." Ugh. "Is, um, Japan a friend of yours?"

A guy using a country as an alias? Mikado supposed he should give him credit. He watched the girl's change of expressions. "I probably have," he offered. "They're in a lot of flower shops. I think they have white petals, mostly...." He touched his chin in thought. There might be some variations to the rule on that. He couldn't remember. "If they have them here, there has to be a garden or a greenhouse around somewhere."

[unit67]

"This is my second day," Lily said. "It's really nice here." And it was nice, despite the stories that people told her. The possibility of running into a monster at night was far preferable to the certainty of meeting two or three every day, and the soldiers hadn't been especially mean. The way Mother had talked to them, promising love in exchange for peak performance, made Lily feel cold and sick and alone. Aguilar did none of that. "I wish my friends could have come."

She seemed to dwell on the thought for a second, thoughtfully swirling her spoon in the pink goo. What were they doing now? The usual, probably. More fighting. A nauseous chill accompanied the realization that they might be better off without her, that she couldn't accidentally hurt them when things turned dark. Like she hurt everyone. Luckily, Mikado's explanation of -san interrupted her thoughts and she looked up, startled, as if she'd forgotten he was there. "You don't have to be polite," she said, shaking her head. "You can just call me Lily. Or...or should I call you Mikado-san?" That time, her pronunciation bordered on correct. "I don't know Japan, really. Something made him attack me and my friend, and he called me Lily-san when he apologized."

Lilies were white, then. The name was more appropriate for Heine than herself. Although a life under halogen lights had left her pale, there was still some pinkness to Lily's skin, along with the vibrant blondness of her hair.

[ofthemotions]

Huh. Here was something new. The girl--Lily--seemed completely genuine when she said that. Almost happy. It didn't fit the image others had painted, of a skewed institution. He frowned, then laughed a bit awkwardly. "A lot of people have been telling me the opposite, to be honest. It's not that bad, then?"

Lily seemed honest, despite a bit naive. Maybe she was just sheltered? They might have something in common, then. Mikado decided that he'd have to just work it out for himself. Masaomi wasn't around, and besides him there weren't a lot of people that Mikado would take completely at face value.

...Or was he around? Just because he hadn't seen him didn't mean anything. He still hadn't seen Celty, and Izaya spoke of her.

"Ahh, I'd rather... It's a bit personal to call you...." There wasn't really a way to explain it to people who didn't understand already. He'd have to come up with a solution going forward. He didn't mind if people found it easier to just call him by his given name, but doing the same to others just felt too strange. "You can call me what you like, though. I don't mind."

[unit67]

"Oh, it's okay!" Lily said quickly. "You can call me whatever you like. Mikado-san." Another smile. It was a fun, really, having two names. Like a game, like pretending to be someone else but without any lying. Besides, if he felt awkward calling her by one name, he must be at least a little bothered in the reverse situation, right? Even if he didn't say so. Mikado seemed nice, and she didn't want to make him uncomfortable. The fear of saying or doing something wrong sent a prickly feeling through her, a muted precursor. It doesn't matter what he thinks. You don't have to be friends to play with someone. Lily's eyes widened the slightest bit before she shoved the thought away. It was easier to keep the voice restrained during the day, but even so, each misplaced thought was a painful reminder.

"There are monsters," Lily said. "Or, at least, I read there were monsters. On the bulletin. But where I come from, we have to fight things all the time." She chose her words carefully, trying to select ones that wouldn't make her seem like...like what she was. One of them. "Here, we get to go outside, and there's a lot of free time. I even saw a cat. A cat! It was orange and striped and really soft. It let me hold it." Lily stopped herself, knowing that she probably sounded as silly now as she did when Rose first encouraged her to pet the small creature. These people saw cats all the time. "It almost makes up for the food," she finished, scooping up a spoonful and let the goop fall back into the bowl with a messy plop.

[ofthemotions]

She said that, but her expression had shifted to something else after saying that that spoke of something unwanted. She seemed nice; it could be that she'd prefer otherwise and just wasn't telling him to be polite. If it was that, Mikado could try to call her just by her name. It seemed so intimate, but if it was really that strange to her.... His mouth opened to try it out, but almost instantly he flushed brightly, and he dropped his head, giving up. Lily-san for now. He didn't even call Masaomi by his first name in casual speech.

Luckily, Mikado had something else to think about. He watched her as she spoke, half of what she was saying lining up with the brief view he had of her, the other half becoming something new. Slowly his brain was working over what she was saying. She seemed nice, and young, despite her actual age. But having to fight things? Constantly? Thinking this place was nice and being pleased to go outside. He would have thought she didn't have a home except for that last part. Why would she be pleased to go outside if she was something close to homeless? The boy tilted his head. A part of Mikado wanted to consider his words carefully, but despite his inclination for internal development, Mikado was a person of action. Someone who spoke what they thought, even perhaps where they shouldn't.

"Were you... like a child-soldier, maybe?" He asked this with an open expression, as if this was something to ask any he came across. Child-soldiers seemed something more fantasy than reality in the decade and area Mikado grew up, but if there were things he was learning, it was that the line between fantasy and reality often crossed, with effects to be enjoyed. If she hadn't said fight, he might not have thought about it. She could have been in jail before, but her personality was too innocent for that, he thought.

...And then, he realized he might have been rude. "Ah- Uh, do you like cats, Lily-san? I haven't been around them a lot." That she had described it how she had was really... Pretty cute of her.

[unit67]

Lily bit her lip and looked down, realizing that she might have made an error in being so frank when she really just meant to explain why she thought the place wasn't so terrible. Was it a bad thing to be a child soldier? It didn't necessarily imply that she lost control, that she was capable of hurting her friends. It didn't reveal anything about the dark voice, about her own weakness against it. There were others, those who weren't a threat...people like Heine, like Giovanni, like most of the others. Anyone would want to be friends with them. They wouldn't be scared. Still, she chose her words carefully, a bit nervously and not entirely free of shame. Her last memory, her hands slick with Heine's blood, coated her memory with warm red. And Giovanni...

But she couldn't talk about that that. Not yet. Not ever. No one would be friends with a person like her, and as much as Lily hated twisting the truth, she hated her loneliness even more. And the voice, it fed on that emotion. It whispered most forcefully through weakness, clamored for revenge against those who would reject her.

So no. She wouldn't talk. She'd answer his question, give the answers Heine might have given. She'd hide for as long as she could.

"Yes," she finally said. Lily seemed to have lost interest in her food, not that it was that interesting to begin with. "I mean...I think that's what you could call it. We were going to escape, though." That, or degrade into monsters. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."

It was safe. A safe enough answer. Mikado couldn't guess the truth from that. Could he? He didn't sound disgusted when he asked the question. She watched him for a second, trying to read his expression, but his mention of cats quickly raced past her anxiety.

"I love cats," she said with a grin. "They make this quiet sound, like their whole body is vibrating, and they have little pink tongues, and they rest against you when they're going to sleep, and-" And again, she'd gotten carried away with excitement. Mikado knew what cats were like. Everyone did. "I'm sorry," she said, glancing down. "It's just that back home, we...I never saw a cat before."

[ofthemotions]

Her expression seemed to fall, and Mikado half-wished he could take back what he asked. Except it was there, for better or worse, and the truth was what was important in the end. Even if he didn't have the right to know it. Her expression had guaranteed the answer before she even spoke it, and the way she spoke, without coyness or subterfuge, made him believe her. When Lily paused, Mikado smiled, nodding once. "Then this place is better, then. I'm glad that you did get out, one way or the other."

He thought for a moment, then continued. "And maybe you'll end up seeing your friends here? I've met someone I know, and I heard there's a couple more as well." The fact caught up belatedly. Wow. A child-soldier. Had she been kidnapped to... Africa or China? Mikado had no idea what countries still used those. She looked too European--did Russia have child-soldiers?

Mikado thought of Simon suddenly, and mentally shuddered. He could have been one, for certain.

His smile widened peacefully as she spoke, watching her. Yes, it was really cute. She spoke without shame or embarrassment--ah, he spoke too soon. He waved a hand. "No, no, it's fine, Lily-san. It's nice that you have something you like so much." If all she knew was fighting, a cat must be something so unique. "And it's called purring. They do it when they're really happy, I think."

Part of him wanted to question her fiercely on the fact of her background, curious about the details. He asked nothing. She seemed on guard about it, and there might be some unpleasant memories attached. Maybe some other time....