Day 56: Crossroader's Bar and Casino

[fourstonewalls]

Doyleton, Lana had surmised within the first few hours of her last visit, was too ordinary. Nothing this trip, even the abandoned building, had made her reconsider that assessment. She hadn't found the point where the small town stopped, and the lie started, where she could slip in a well-placed word and start to unravel the whole shebang

Comments

[doneinthree]

Kirk shook his head with a rueful smile. Honestly, he couldn't say he was surprised - he knew that determined look, that stiff-backed posture which so succinctly spelled out the fact that they were no longer only friends and colleagues. This was what he'd traded for the right to wear his uniform. Now he had responsibilities. Expectations of conduct. The weight of authority behind his words and actions, to back up those decisions which he thought were right. He reached again for that ball of self-indulgent moroseness, and found it wasn't there. Neither was disappointment. He didn't even know if he would've preferred Bones to have answered differently.

Typical, Jim. Some part of him always had to rebel a little, even when it was against himself. Kirk tapped a finger on the table beside the full shot, just once, the exact span of time in which he considered downing that one too. But... the moment had passed. He slid off the stool to stand steady, gaze direct, before McCoy. He'd spent too many years playing drunk and disorderly for one shot to have much effect on him, but there was still the slight burn lingering in his throat. He felt ready for a fight. Not that this was somehow vastly different from how he felt any other day of his life, but hey.

"Alright. What happened last night?" There was a lot more he could say, but Kirk wasn't the one who owed a speech right now.

[hes_deadjim]

The Captain slid off the stool with that easy grace that most people tended to forget he had. He stood in front of him. No one else could have oozed his rank as completely right now as Kirk. McCoy's spine got stiffer in response. He made himself look the other man in the eye.

"I criticized a commanding officer, was insubordinate, and may have jeopardized Spock's search and rescue," McCoy said flatly. Laying out his offenses was easier than he thought it would be. Now that it was neatly laid out, McCoy could only see just how much of a liability he'd been last night.

He knew that wasn't all Kirk was asking about. Not just a confirmation that McCoy knew what he did was wrong. He wanted a full explanation. The doctor wished he knew what happened last night. McCoy remembered every detail, how it came about, but he was at loss to explain himself. Why had he blown up at him? Gotten so pissed to the point that he had said some things that he didn't think he would have said normally.

Because Jim wouldn't stop talking, that's what. Because he keeps asking me all the damn time how I am. Because he kept wasting his time on me when he should have been worrying about Spock, the doctor's mind supplied. The irritation from last night echoed back. It wasn't all memory. He could practically taste it on the back of this throat.

He'd have to start somewhere.

"I've been having these migraines-," McCoy started and then awkwardly trailed off. It sounded painfully lame when he actually said it, a pathetic thing to bitch about, and McCoy knew it. They were prisoners here, in another damn dimension, being experimented on. Migraines were the least of anyone's problems, Kirk's especially.

[doneinthree]

Kirk didn't even nod when McCoy described his actions last night. He already knew what had happened - they'd both been there - and he'd guessed from Bones seeming bent upon self-flagellation right now that the doctor recognized how out of line he'd been. That made his job easier, but it still wasn't the answer he was looking for. Kirk waited.

He didn't care about insubordination. He knew that, yes, a starship was a delicate machine, and unwavering discipline from every level of the crew was the oil which kept it smooth running. If he had those four-hundred-plus other men and women under his command, and a fine instrument of steel and purring engines under his feet, then yeah, sure, he'd be angrier about it. But he didn't, and they weren't even in the same century as the Federation any more, and Kirk hadn't been a starship captain nearly long enough for his place atop the chain of command to have become unquestioning instinct.

Mere hours he'd spent as acting captain of the Enterprise. Two weeks he'd been a prisoner of Landel's. The knowledge of running a ship wasn't much more than an academic exercise to him, but being here, trying to keep his crew together? Last night it had come down to one man out of reach, possibly going through Landel's sadistic experiments, and another man by his side, seemingly disturbed by irrational anger and losing his sense of self. To know his time was limited; to trust that his instincts here were right; to talk Bones down and walk into the darkness alone; to suddenly wake up and feel that once again, once again, he'd failed Spock - if Kirk had to do it all over again, he'd choose again what he'd chosen last night.

"How long?" he prompted when Bones went too long without continuing. Longer than just last night, Kirk thought, but his attention had been scattered among too many things for him to be clear on he'd started noticing odd behaviour from Bones. "It's obviously not just migraines, but they might help us figure out what's happening to you."

[hes_deadjim]

Jim didn't even acknowledge the laundry list. He just stared at him coolly and waited for him to go on. McCoy had privately had some reservations about a younger Jim. Most of it had just been because he'd, admittedly, had a bias towards his own Jim, who was older, more experienced, and tried in the field, more even-tempered. Whatever doubts he'd had, this Kirk, right now, was every inch a starship captain.

McCoy thought back. The migraines themselves had been growing the past few days, but the headaches they'd spawned from had been longer. At least within the first day here. Gut told him it was even before that.

The more he thought about it, the more certain he was that they'd been happening even before he'd been taken. McCoy could remember having a few headaches during a week. Only one or two had been splitting. Other than that, they were just an inconvenience. One had been just brewing when he had started work on Miss Clark. Maybe it was connected. At the time, he hadn't thought much of it. But he'd always chalked it up to overworking himself and neglecting proper nutrition and hydration. He knew better of course. But knowing better and remembering to keep himself hydrated and rested wasn't always the same thing. Sometimes things got so busy in sickbay that either there wasn't time or it was the last thing on any of his staffs' minds.

The thing was that McCoy wasn't the only one who fell into that habit. When things got hectic, practically all the attending staff did the same thing at one time or another. There were patients to take care of. A few hours delay never hurt anyone.

"Before I got here," the doctor said after a moment. "But they were mostly headaches, just here and there. Not migraines."

[doneinthree]

Kirk's eyelids gave a telling flicker at the first part of Bones' answer, and that was it for his stint in military stoicism. "Before?" He'd been so caught up in all the ways Landel's Institute had been toying with them (subtle or obvious, constant and temporary), that he hadn't give much thought to the possibility that this whole issue might have other causes. He should've. He'd wondered before, hadn't he, why they'd picked a Leonard McCoy from the alternate reality when everyone else, from Chekov to Uhura, had come from the one Kirk had left.

One possible answer, and the most obvious one: they were looking for something in particular in their subjects, and they'd found it in this Bones. What would make him so interesting? Some quirk in his mental state, something incurred before his arrival, some compelling reason to want to crack him open and play with the results. Kirk knew from all which had already happened to him that they couldn't just be selected randomly. There were too many intimate details in their books, too many trials seeming perfectly tailored to dig into the most vulnerable parts of him.

A combination of transferring realities and the Institute's influence, Spock had suggested this morning. Dropping Bones in an utterly foreign, highly charged situation, in the midst of a crew who looked and acted like the one he'd left behind, except off in a million small ways... what would that do to a person? Headaches. If Bones was bringing it up, then these headaches weren't just some kind of maybe connection. When it came to health, even the doctor's own health, then Kirk trusted Bones' intuition as well as he trusted his own. These were no simple headaches. He must've had a reason to believe otherwise.

"Why the headaches?" And here was where Kirk was flying blind. He had no idea what went on in the other universe, and had no real way of finding out except for having Bones tell him. "What happened to you before you came here? Something on an away mission or...?"

[hes_deadjim]

McCoy shot Kirk an annoyed look, unable to stop it from surfacing. Jim was a smart man, smarter than a lot of people initially took him for, but sometimes he tried the doctor's patience. Kirk should know better than to even ask it. If the doctor knew why the headaches, they wouldn't be here already-

The doctor made a very conscious effort to try and calm down before it could start. He didn't want to have a repeat of last night. Even if he could feel it under the surface simmering, right along with tonight's goddamn migraine. Kirk had been through enough already. If he had an ounce of sense in him, he'd wrap this up before he said something he'd regret.

McCoy busied himself with trying to retrace his footsteps. "I was in the middle of beaming down to a planet after working on a patient for several hours. We had a few other away missions before then. Nothing that strenuous after that last one. Your orders."

It wasn't like he'd had a headache or anything the day after. Other than having an increased appreciation of his own universe and the people in it, he'd felt fine. Actually, the twenty-four hours after that mission had been the easiest since then. Very little in the way of patients that day Everyone on that away team had been under medical order to take the time off, or if not off, then taken very easy. Regardless, he didn't remember having this stream of headaches until after that general time frame.

[doneinthree]

Kirk caught that look, and raised his eyebrows at Bones. What was that about? Maybe his line of questioning was a little obvious, but it wasn't as if "full disclosure" had characterized their conversations so far. He prepared himself for whatever Bones wanted to say to him, but he went on with his story and the moment passed.

Kidnapping a person right in the middle of beaming seemed rather risky on the part of Landel, although maybe no more risky than snatching Kirk while his ship had been in the middle of running from a black hole. Or whatever had happened there. According to Spock and Chekov, they did manage to escape, and had apparently returned to Earth and been awarded commendations and commissions, with James T. Kirk receiving the height of the honours. Was he just not remembering it because Landel's people had selectively wiped his memory for some reason? Or had another branching timeline been created in that split-second moment they'd been caught in the blast, and the victory rush had come to a halt when everyone realized the captain's chair was empty?

It was enough to make a person to question their existence - or if not that, then a least a few key bricks in their identity. He couldn't blame Bones for fracturing a little under all this, but it was unlikely that was all there was to it.

"My-?" Right, the other Kirk. In addition to wondering about what he may or may not have done after getting away from the black hole, he had to keep in mind the actions and reputation of at least one alternate self. Seriously, he was so done with multiple universes now. If they ever got home, Kirk was going to make a point of having his ship avoid all possible reality-bending natural phenomena.

He frowned. "Which one was 'that last one'? Where did you go?"

[hes_deadjim]

"My Jim," McCoy confirmed. The doctor finally sat down. He didn't bother waiting for the Captain to give the okay, just gave him a looking that bordered on surly, as if daring Kirk to make a fuss. After last night, and what he'd probably have coming already because of it, he'd already dug himself a hole as it was. There wasn't anywhere else he could go but downward. And he wasn't going to talk about That place standing at attention.

Actually that drink was starting to look pretty good now. McCoy thought about dodging the matter, like he had with Spock earlier. The mission was classified by Starfleet now, but after the night before, it wasn't like he could keep avoiding the subject.

"We failed to get mining rights from the Halkans for their dilithium. Spock said there was an ion storm passing through the system, that it was dangerous, but Jim wanted to beam up immediately and send a message to the rest of the Halkans for resisting," explained McCoy. "We ended up in another universe, with our counterparts from that one switching to ours. Their Enterprise..."

The doctor's eyes took on a distant look, thinking back to the sickbay and labs, more torture chambers than anything else. The undercurrent of fear and greed, and every other negative emotion under the sun. What he'd gleaned about the Kirk in their universe just from "his" staff. He thought of Spock and his Vulcan operatives. "They were barbaric."

[doneinthree]

Kirk again resisted commenting on the unfriendly looks Bones was sending his way, although it did take an extra degree of patience to not roll his eyes. Did he hit a sore spot? He supposed that in spite of his acknowledgement of his disruptive actions, Bones was still thinking most of what he'd yelled at Jim last night. Which was his right, as it was a free... prison... and he certainly had better captains to compare to, but if Kirk had to keep dealing with an unreasonably cranky CMO- Well, okay, that probably wasn't all that different than normal life with Bones in his crew, but one way or another, a repeat of last night was not going to happen.

He decided to take Bones sitting down as a good sign. That, and his willingness to relate the details of this last major venture. Kirk had thought it would be odd to hear about what his counterpart had been up to in Bones' universe, but what was more odd, really, was that they'd gone so long without discussing it. He leaned against the counter beside McCoy's stool as he listened, arms folded before him. Negotiating for mining rights. Was that the sort of thing he was missing out on? Dilithium and ion storms and alternate universes... Wait, really? Really?

When Bones trailed off, Kirk turned to watch him, wondering what he could've seen there, or whether or not it was stranger (or worse?) (or better?) than being here with the three of them. His final words didn't say much, but it was enough to clear up one nagging mystery. "That's who you thought I was last night," Kirk said slowly. It hadn't made sense, the things Bones had said about the type of ruthless man he was. Even Spock had agreed it hadn't made sense. But this... "Not your Kirk, like I first assumed, but the one from... from this barbaric Enterprise. And... that's what I saw the other night too, isn't it? When I had those hallucinations."

Familiar and not familiar. Another universe. It was so obvious, Kirk could've gone back in time and created an alternate reality just to punch himself for not getting it earlier.

[hes_deadjim]

McCoy looked up at him as if he'd spontaneously spouted another set of arms. And here he was wondering if he was going mad. Kirk was acting like he couldn't even tell the damn difference between the Kirks. There was a growing undercurrent of impatience in his voice. "I know who you are. I got a pair of eyes."

You're the one who doesn't have the guts to do anything about being captured, he thought. Not how it counted. He'd seen Kirk and Spock do some unspeakable things and over lesser offenses. Maybe he found them brutal, over-the-top, sickening, and that was on the good days, but he'd be damned if anyone repeated the same mistake afterward. It only took one demonstration. Jim was at least decisive and fast-acting. Effective. It was why he had the U.S.S Enterprise under his command. He knew what he wanted. He got results. If he'd been here, they wouldn't have been captured longer than a few hours.

McCoy considered the Captain's words. Wasn't that the thing with alternate realities? All branches from countless choices made, outcomes, possibilities? What did that say about how Kirk turned out in each one, other than that he had it in him all along. So did Spock. A sliver of unease shuddered down his back at the realization. Anxiously, he found himself searching the room for the man. Not here yet but he had to avoid him. Spock could be worse than Kirk. Those operatives of his. The fact that he tried to goddamn kill the Captain before coming here.

The doctor didn't know how the devil Kirk had seen the other universe the way he had, but parts of that memory he reported didn't mesh with what he personally remembered, so maybe it wasn't the same thing. Landels had experimented on him before, with his mind. "Don't know. Some of the stuff you said isn't what I remember. Some of it's gotta be something else."

[doneinthree]

Kirk picked up his second shot of whiskey, definitely not suppressing eye-rolls now. "Right, and if it was my stunning good looks you'd confused for someone else, I'd be more hurt than concerned right now. But go figure you might have a problem telling apart Jim Kirk from Jim Kirk from me by sight alone." Was Bones seriously going to start acting like he was the delusional one? While Kirk couldn't claim to be entirely sane after two weeks in Landel's, he at least could be entirely sure that only one man had kept his shit together last night, and it wasn't the one who supposedly had years more experience and a medical degree.

Why was he even explaining this to Bones? They'd both been there, and knew exactly what had happened. Unless... they didn't. The glass in Kirk's hand hit the countertop again, still tragically full. "Hang on, do you... not remember the stuff you said last night? About Chekov trying to 'relieve' me of command, and how you felt like you had to escape after ripping me a new one, as if you don't do that to me every month anyway?"

The first was blatantly untrue (for the Chekov he knew, anyway), and the second was just plain unsettling. He did not want to live in a universe where he apparently commanded a ship through intimidation, violence and a refusal to listen to the honest feedback of his best friend. A man like that wouldn't have made it far in Starfleet. But... if the rules of that other universe were so different, and Kirk was inclined to believe Future Spock about how his destiny was with the Enterprise (as apparently "destiny" had become a logical concept in the next century), then... What could've happened to create a world like that? The undercurrent of fear he remembered from those flashbacks. The same ship, no longer as bright and shining. Spock with a beard. Horrifying.

But as much as that flood of images and feelings had shaken him, they weren't his memories. Kirk honestly couldn't say what was true and what wasn't. At least now Bones wasn't denying that those flashes weren't connected to him, but-

That train of thought halted when McCoy started looking around like he half-expected someone to be creeping up behind them. Kirk followed his gaze, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, and no one worth a second look. He stared at Bones. Paranoia. It had been a joke when he'd suggested it. "Who are you looking for?"

[hes_deadjim]

"Very funny," McCoy glared at him, not appreciating the sarcasm in the least. Maybe he'd been...unbalanced last night, but without the migraine at full force yet, he thought he had a better grasp on his self-control and emotions than before. He didn't need Jim undermining it at every turn.

And didn't they all have similarities deep down anyway? Kirk's ruthlessness in that Other Universe was more pronounced and honed there, but he'd seen it across the board. Who was to say it couldn't come out in the others? It was just a matter of time. He wasn't sure whether that realization put him more at ease or just in a constant state of anxiety, rather than surges of it. Maybe he'd finally realized the truth about them. Answered some questions. It should be a relief. Now McCoy had to wonder if he was going to have any one of them turning on him, like time bombs going off.

McCoy had the good grace to at least look intensely uncomfortable. "I remember it all." If only he couldn't remember it, or if only it had been some alien influence making him say those things. No way to get away from it or not have full responsibility. Everything had been him willingly saying it. Chekov he wasn't so sure of. The two had seemed vastly different. But Kirk was someone you didn't stick around to after you'd put his Captaincy in question. Maybe the only reason he hadn't done anything yet was because he only had one CMO. It wasn't like he could go to HQ and request another or bump M'Benga up.

He had started another sweep of the room for Spock without realizing it. It was right until he caught Jim staring at him that McCoy caught himself.

"No one. It doesn't matter. He's not here," there was another uncomfortable pause. "Are we done yet?"

[doneinthree]

Kirk eyed him for another silent moment, trying to decide what to do. Bones sounded lucid right now, but he'd sounded lucid last night too - it was just the abrupt anger and a few odd details which had indicated something was wrong, something more pressing than just physical illness. He might've been doing better, but what Kirk had observed so far was far from reassuring. Who wasn't here? 'He' could be anybody, but his gut feeling told him it was Spock. Kirk wouldn't have minded his first officer here - if there was anyone right now whom he trusted implicitly, it was Spock - but he'd made a point of obscuring their meeting place for a reason. He'd sensed a strange tension between them, and Spock mentioned earlier that McCoy's shadow had implied the doctor was suspicious of him for some reason.

Some reason. Again, Kirk thought back to what he'd seen two nights ago, under the effects of the military's latest punishment. It had been rushed and fragmented, but he remembered enough to know that something had happened between Bones and the Spock from that other Enterprise. Bones obviously didn't want to talk about it. It was possible he didn't even remember it all that clearly, if he was insisting Kirk had some of it wrong. But the memory he'd gotten off of Spock had been true. And whatever had happened between Bones and the bearded Spock, it had felt.... Kirk shook his head.

"No. We're not." There was something else Bones had mentioned yesterday which he knew he had to discuss - wanted to, even - but it was better to deal with one problem at a time. This wasn't over with. One night, an outburst; the next, who knew? Anyway, Kirk would've rather talked about the other stuff once they were certain McCoy was alright, lest a careless word on his part accidentally trip whatever had provoked him last night. "I asked Spock if he could perform a Vulcan mind meld tonight. He'll be able to assess what damage has been done to your mind, if any."

[hes_deadjim]

Jim was silent. McCoy decided to take it as a bad sign. They were here as officers, not friends, and he wasn't fooling himself into thinking this was all information gathering. There was still the matter of last night and the consequences. He didn't think he was getting off with a slap on the wrist. Not like he usually did. Now he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And there it went. The blood drained out of McCoy's face. He could have taken anything else but those next words. It was all the doctor could do to push down the stray flare of panic, the one that was threatening to sink its claws in just like up in the autopsy room.

"No." The words were out of his mouth before Kirk even finished speaking. McCoy tried to work the saliva back into his suddenly dry mouth. "I don't want one. I just need to actually rest," he tried to explain. "The mission hit the entire away team hard. I'm not the only one who was affected by it."

Just the only one with headaches, he thought. They'd all had to get evaluated immediately after, physically and emotionally. Uhura had wanted to speak with someone. Scotty had buried himself even more in Engineering.

He knew that sleeping wasn't going to get rid of the headaches. They hadn't before. But neither was letting Spock near him. He had a hard enough time putting up with the damn Vulcan nowadays just when they were working. Now Jim actually expected him to let the Commander into his brain? This was the man who'd tried to kill a subordinate. Hell, he didn't even like the idea of his Spock taking a look-see. He'd practically pushed Spock into performing one on Dr. Van Gelder, but he hadn't really understood it then. He'd been so worried about Jim at the time. It was only when Spock explained it in more detail beforehand, and then when he'd watched the two men in a mind meld himself that McCoy realized just what it was all about. Just how terribly intimate it was.

Had the Captain gone crazy? In his professional opinion, it was looking highly likely. That was the only explanation. Or maybe Kirk knew how uneasy McCoy was around the First Officer and just liked seeing him squirm.

That was it. He didn't care if Jim was Captain or if they weren't done. He was done. McCoy slid off the bar stool.

[doneinthree]

He hadn't known how Bones would react, or so Kirk would've said if questioned on it. If he had, he definitely wouldn't have chosen "trying to leave" as his answer -— Bones was not a man who ran from confrontation, not as long as he'd known him (and not in any matter which didn't involve ex-wives, at least) -— but on the other hand... there had been a reason that Kirk hadn't sat down. The moment Bones slipped out of his eye-line, he pushed away from the bar and maneuvered himself in front of the doctor with a quickness and certainty most didn't expect when seeing him lounge at a bar. Bones -— the other Bones —- had seen him in this kind of setting enough times to not underestimate him. Kirk doubted he needed to do more than just stand there for this McCoy to get the message that fleeing wasn't going to work for him.

"We're not done here," he repeated flatly. Bones was afraid —- he could see that plainly, and part of him wanted to go softer, to coax out exactly why he feared Spock so much, or at least try reassuring him about it. Maybe he was right, maybe a break would help clear things up. Kirk had had his share of Academy courses walking him through the ups and downs of PTSD. Watching out for the crew and maintaining morale was a huge block of command training. But these kinds of effects, at this level of severity, two weeks on? He didn't need hands-on experience to know it wasn't normal.

Kirk's hands dropped to his hips. "I'm not going to force you into it. If you'd rather take a time out tonight and rest, then fine." He meant it too, as much as he'd rather not leave Bones undiagnosed another night. Plus, who the hell knew what sort of plans Aguilar might spring on them? But he wasn't going to force Bones or Spock through something so invasive against anyone's will.

That said, if McCoy thought he was off the hook, he clearly didn't know Jim that well. "But as long as you're part of this crew, I'm not risking the danger you pose to yourself and others. Not while it's my responsibility." The supervising staff were side-eying them now. Kirk still didn't back up. "Doctor McCoy, consider yourself relieved of duty until this situation is resolved."

[hes_deadjim]

A look of surprise crossed his face when Kirk planted himself in front of him. It was quicker than he expected, especially considering how easily the Captain had been lounging at the bar. One moment he was casually leaning to the side, the next, he was suddenly a living roadblock. McCoy looked him in the eye and, for one reckless moment, actually considered jostling him out of the way. The expression on Jim's face and the tone in his voice, that one was all Captain, not his friend, brought him back to his senses. What the hell was he thinking? Shoving the Captain? And he had seriously considered it. McCoy obeyed, rooted in place.

He needed to get out of here. He needed somewhere he could get some fresh air. The building felt too hot, too crowded with Jim closing in on him. At least McCoy had his word that he wasn't going to make it an order. He was willing to follow Kirk to hell and back, but that order was where he drew the line. He'd rather lose his place on the Enterprise, get dumped out in some backwater hospital in the middle of nowhere than obey that order.

At least he could try to get some rest. It might be the first time since coming here that he wasn't expecting to go out exploring. He planned to spend it sleeping. Maybe if he slept the entire night, he could put the migraines off.

Kirk's next decision wasn't a surprise to anyone, least of all McCoy. It was the logical thing to do. It still stung. His role in the crew was a large part of who he was. And this wasn't just a leave of absence for a few days either. 'Until this situation is resolved'. The fact was he wasn't reliable enough to hold anyone's health in his hands and he had an oath to do no harm. He should have relieved himself earlier than this. McCoy might not be the best patient but he took everyone else's health seriously. It shouldn't have taken him so long that Jim had to take action instead.

The doctor dropped his eyes. "I understand. Thanks," he mumbled as an afterthought. For letting him have the night off instead of face Spock.