Day 56: Twin Pines Restaurant (Noon)

[scarletspeedstr]

Okay, so it had taken a little longer than Wally had thought, but eventually he'd found the restaurant he'd been aiming for and gotten himself inside and settled with a pot of coffee and what would hopefully be a steaming hot meal on the way pretty soon. He'd picked a seat next to the window so he could look out at the snow, feeling a little

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[moarnomsplz]

"You--" Ax felt as if he had forgotten everything he had ever known about human mouthparts, and could no longer make them operate correctly. His brother a deserter? ...a coward? He could not believe it, and yet Elfangor admitted he had run away, in a tone Ax had recognized as defiant, expecting a reaction such as this. "Wuh-- wa-- Why? Why would, would you do that?"

He could not imagine what else his brother could have done that would have been terrible enough for the Council to hide it away, to pretend it had not happened. He did not know what else to say. Ax had been trying, and failing, to live up to Elfangor's reputation for as long as he could remember; he had become resigned to the fact that he would not, and that the best he could hope for was not to embarrass himself too badly in comparison. Had given up even that hope for his brother's sake, and now Elfangor himself was saying it had not been necessary.

The people need heroes in this endless war, Lirem had told Ax. Had he known, been party to a far greater deception than the one he had asked Ax by implication, very strong implication, to participate in? What did it mean if he had? Ax could do nothing but stare, and feel his human eyes wide with shock and distress, with a plea in his mind that he could not have voiced aloud, even if he had been able to speak. He was barely able to endure thinking it. Tell me there was a good reason. Tell me I can still believe in you.

[exterrabang]

His defensiveness that was just short of indignation diffused in the face of Aximili's distress, giving way to regret for having intentionally antagonized his brother in such a harsh manner. Elfangor sighed, raking a hand back through his hair--a gesture of frustration he had picked up as a human. "I did it because it was the only option I had at the time. I came to possess a terrible weapon, and I could not allow our military to use it. I would have liked to think that they would have had scruples enough to not use it, but I could not hold such blind faith in our leaders. Not after discovering that they had used a quantum virus on the Hork-Bajir world." Part of him rebelled against telling Aximili of this, but he had to. It was not right for him to continue to think their people incapable of such horrendous deeds, not when their actions had created so much devastation.

Still, it was sobering enough that he averted his eyes. Elfangor stared down at his hands as he continued, "So I ran away. I lived on Earth. I embraced becoming a human, because it meant no longer needing to fight a war in which there was no clear distinction of right and wrong. But..." He paused, eying his brother curiously, with a measure of uncertainty.

"Do you recall the stories our parents would tell, of Ellimists? I... I met one. Or, more accurately, he came to me. He told me that I was needed in the war. I did not want to return, but when he told me what would happen if I did not... there was no choice to be made, I had to come back. I had that responsibility."

He let out a laugh, but it was a tired sound--more of a sigh, really. He shook his head. "I don't know if it really made such a difference, in the end."

[moarnomsplz]

A quantum virus? It was absolutely unthinkable, the sort of depths to which Yeerks would sink, but never, never their own people. And yet... who did he know to have lied before, Ax asked himself: the Council, or Elfangor?

He had recovered from the initial shock somewhat, but still did not trust himself to speak, and so he weighed what he knew. He doubted that Elfangor would have mentioned Ellimists unless it were true. Ax would usually have hesitated to say he had encountered one himself. They did like to meddle, play with species as if they were toys, and for their own purposes. Just because the one had helped Ax and his friends, it did not mean he would ever consider their kind allies, or even to be trusted in the future. If it were true about the quantum virus, Ax would not have trusted their leaders with an even greater weapon, either. Since he knew of no such weapon, Elfangor's strategy must have worked. It was still strange to think of his brother running from anything, but Ax could understand. He had absented himself from a war he could no longer believe in. Only to be dragged back, and Ax felt an ache in his human throat, especially at those last, bitter words Elfangor spoke: sympathy. Strange to feel for someone he had only ever thought of as a great hero.

Ax had broken their laws too, had shared far more information with Prince Jake and the others than he should have. It had felt right to do it. More than right; it had felt as if a weight had been lifted from him. He thought of how he had not killed Alloran when he had asked for death, and knew he should feel ashamed of that, but he did not. And he thought of another time he should have felt ashamed, but had felt nothing but pride, of Lirem saying, You're just like your brother. Ax still felt pride when he remembered it. The realization made it easier for him to speak again.

"I find, fine-duh, it hard to believe our peep, people could do that." He met his brother's eyes. "But I cannot believe, leeve, at all that you would lie to me about such a thing. Ing. And I have met an Ellimist, lih-mist, for myself, as well. I know that they are not only, own-lee, capable of doing-ing such things, but seem to en, enjoy them."

He was not certain Elfangor would tell him, but he had to ask. "What is the weapon you found?"

[exterrabang]

He felt a twinge of dismay, sure for a moment (but only a moment) that Aximili would reject the truth of what he had told him--but it fell under the relief at hearing that assurance of his brother's trust.

"It was War Prince Alloran-Semitur-Corrass who ordered the release of the quantum virus. He told me of it, during the brief time that I was under his command... before he became what he now is." Before I allowed that to happen. The thought churned in his gut, a roiling, horrible sensation to give form to his guilt.

Perhaps that was why he could not stop his next words from forming. "That is largely why I had to return. Because of him, because of that creature in his head--" He shook his head. "Alloran gave the command to kill thousands of unarmed enemies, a command that sounded much to me like what it must have sounded like to receive the command to release the virus. I was young. I was foolish. I disobeyed, and for that, he paid with far worse than his life." Elfangor's head fell forward into his hands, his fingers knotting futilely in his hair, giving form to his guilt and frustration. "It is my fault that he became The Abomination."

Elfangor thought it odd, that Aximili should encounter an Ellimist as well. But perhaps not, as it was entirely likely that it was the same being who came to him, that he should meddle with the lives of others beyond himself. But his confession, it stole the energy from his words as he spoke, and they sounded strangely flat to his own ears. "The weapon was often considered merely a legend, something told of only in children's stories. Much like the Ellimists." He dare not speak its name, but he was certain that from that, Aximili could easily figure it out.

[moarnomsplz]

Ax did not name the object out loud either, though he immediately knew Elfangor must mean the Time Matrix. "But that is no more than a mih, myth. I am sorry. Sorr-ee." He shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a better position in which to sit. He still found it odd to fold one's human body up like this for the purpose of resting. "I do not mean to contradict you. It is only that even the stories about it are very vague. You are saying-ing it is real?" His curiosity quickly became stronger than his disbelief. "You have seen it?"

Once more, he had to collect his thoughts. He was able to believe that his brother had found the Time Matrix, but one thing Ax would not believe was that Elfangor was correct in blaming himself for... for the Abomination. "I have spoken to War-Prince Alloran. As himself, I mean. Meen, meen-nuh." He had to look away again, and turned his two eyes down to focus on the table, because he was essentially admitting, now, that he had failed in his duty. He had faced his brother's killer, yet Visser Three still lived.

"And now I do have to contradict, tra-dict, you. I cannot think the fault is yours." Ax could not help but imagine how his brother had felt, refusing a direct order. He was absolutely certain that Elfangor would not have done so if it had not been necessary. "It is--" He lifted his head again, and felt that his human mouth seemed to want to turn up, as he had occasionally seen happen when humans were uncertain. It was true that Ax was not truly in any position to be giving his brother advice, but he could not imagine how sparing defenseless enemies could have had that direct result. "It is imposs, impossible to know the effect every action, shun, will have. I would have dis, disobeyed, too."

[exterrabang]

"Have I seen it? Hell, I've used it." Used it to escape a black hole, accidentally creating a splintered universe in the process. But he doesn't want to think about that right now. "Not as a weapon. Just to escape a deadly situation. But then Loren--" He choked. God, Loren. "A human I had become close to used it to take us to Earth. I hid it, and we remained on Earth together for years, until the Ellimist came to me."

He eyed Aximili curiously, trying to calculate the amount of time that might have passed by for him by now. Perhaps he knew of his connection to one of the human children he'd joined forces with, the way the Ellimist had shown him, but he couldn't be certain. For now, a vague query would have to do. "You are friends with Tobias, aren't you?"

But when his brother looked away from him after admitting to speaking with Alloran, he knew that he must be thinking of how he was expected to avenge him, and he felt his heart clench in dismay for him. "Aximili... Do not burden yourself with this honor debt. Visser Three and I have been engaged in a private war for years; one of us was bound to kill the other one of these days. So long as he loses the war, so long as he does not take Earth, I can consider what little honor I have left satisfied."

He had to smile a little at Aximili's insistence that he was not at fault and that he surely would have made the same decision. Oh, he was grateful that his brother did not think him a monster for what he'd done, and he would still carry that guilt--but Aximili's words lessened its weight considerably.

[moarnomsplz]

Ax's mind raced, and he thought of how quickly his own loyalties had shifted when he had met humans. They truly were a remarkable species. They seemed so primitive when one first encountered them, but they understood things on a level Ax had not expected. Their ideas about personal responsibility were not the same as his own, but they were capable of incredible sacrifices for the greater good. For freedom of the species, even if it meant their own individual destruction. Ax was not wholly surprised that his brother had become close to one of them, although it did not sound as though that relationship were the sort Ax himself had formed, where he felt he needed to call Prince Jake his prince, and that he wanted to call Tobias shorm.

"You..." He hesitated again. There was so much to process, and so much of it would have been unthinkable once. "You wished, wissh-duh, to remain with this human?" And then Ax recalled the urge he had so quickly blocked out and denied, even to himself: the desire to experience life as a human, to throw in his lot completely with them, and he felt he needed to acknowledge this in some way. "I... I have imagined, maj-in-duh, living-ing as a human myself. There is something, thing, that is very attractive about the way they are ay-bul to see the universe, ver-suh. It is almost like the way we do. Except, eck-sept, that they are not born with inn, inherent optimism, mizz-um. They develop it, and retain, tane, it, in spite of everything-ing they have been through."

Ax appreciated that his brother was attempting to make him feel better about not having discharged his duty, but he would not let it so easily be put aside. "I have said that I will avenge, ven-juh, you, and I will. It does not matter that you are here now!" His human voice was becoming shrill again with emotion, and he made an effort to quiet it. "If we could defeat Visser Three together, I believe I would be hap, happ-ee beyond anything-ing else I have felt in my life. But it seems, seem-zuh, to me that our timelines have diverged, and that I must face him alone. I will do this. I promise, proh-miss, you."

The mention of Tobias's name was no more than proof that Elfangor truly had known the same humans Ax had given his loyalty to on Earth, and yet, it felt strange to hear the name here, so far from their home, in more ways than one. Strange enough that Ax simply nodded to the human female who approached their table asking if she could take their order. Yes, she could; Ax did not know what that entailed, but he was not going to tell her she could not. "I have come to think of Tobias as my shorm," he said, quietly. "Did you speak for very long with the hu-- with our mutual, chu-al, friends?" They had been with Elfangor at the end, as Ax could not help but feel he should have been. It was not useful to feel jealousy over this, though, and so he tried to simply be glad his brother had not been alone. He did not know why, but he felt Tobias had been particularly affected by the brief encounter.