Day 55: Cafeteria

[bodhiandspirit]

Though five days without bathing was hardly unusual for Rita, she was actually looking forward to showering today. To her, the last shift had been somewhat enjoyable, if only because it allowed her an opportunity to be alone with her thoughts for a bit. Of course, she couldn't be completely alone in the communal showers, but no one was rude enough

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[gald_digger]

So far, Anise hadn't had much luck spotting her friends today. Maybe the new uniforms really were to blame. Luckily, however, it wasn't long before Guy managed to find her. When she heard his voice, she looked up from her tray with a smile; one more sincere than usual.

When she lost her memory, Anise didn't fully understand what was so bad about forgetting just a few weeks, but now that she knew what she had been missing, she felt just as relieved as Guy probably did. All their day-to-day struggles, the Coliseum, meeting people like Claude and Ilia... It really would be terrible if Anise had lost that for good. At the moment, she was too relieved to even be upset about it happening in the first place.

"I'm just fine!" she replied with a grin. "And... yeah," she held up her tag, checking it once again to be sure, "It says 'S Rank.' What are these for, anyway?" Anise didn't think she did anything special to get on the military's good side, really. Although, the mention of rank reminded her to take a look at her friend's beret. It looked like Guy had one of the same pins that she did, so maybe it really did mean what she thought it did...

Before her question could get an answer (if Guy even knew the answer), another familiar face came into view. Tear! It was good luck that they all found each other. There were a lot of things they needed to talk about. On top of last night's weirdness, her friend mentioned something on the bulletin about having to go to the medical wing. Anise definitely wanted to know what was going on with that.

She was quick to answer Tear's question. "Of course!" Looking to Guy, then back to Tear, she added, "We probably have some stuff we should talk about, huh?"

Her smile dimmed a little when she saw Tear's tray, though. Were Anise and Guy going to get to eat good food while their friend was stuck with that gross-looking mush? It didn't really seem right.

[razing_phoenix]

As it turned out, Tear was right on his heels -- though it was good that that wasn't literal. The girl knew to keep her distance by now (except when he'd upset her), which Guy constantly appreciated. Anise was the worst about it, especially since she knew exactly what she was doing each time she decided to jump on his back.

"Go right ahead," he said with a smile as he gestured for Tear to take the seat by Anise. It was probably for the best that all of them talked together, seeing how they seemed to be the only three left other than Sync. That was depressing to realize. The other two seemed to be holding out hope that Natalia was still around, but Guy felt that there was no way the princess would have let them go without hearing from her for so long.

In any case, the fact that Anise had all of her memories back chased away a lot of Guy's worries about their other friends. He still wanted to find them, of course, but that goal seemed more real now that he had Anise back. He realized that she had been there last night, but it just hadn't been the same and she probably understood that in retrospect as well.

Though the answer to Anise's question came with Tear's presence, mainly through the plate of food that she was holding. If it could even be called food, anyway. Guy didn't think he even wanted to know what the list of ingredients was, especially considering the hint they had received from the radio man last night.

"I'm pretty sure the ranks decide stuff like what kind of food we get and maybe even how the soldiers treat us," Guy explained as he cast a glance around the room. There were definitely more patients who had the pink gruel, so what made he and Anise stand apart? The only thing he could think of was the sheer amount of time they'd been here.

"Anyway, it must have been pretty weird for you when you woke up this morning, huh, Anise?" he directed at the younger girl. It was easier to address that issue than what had been going on with Tear last night, since getting the girl to speak about her own problems was like pulling teeth.

[melodists]

"Thank you."

It probably wasn't necessary to ask. Their group had been through enough together to warrant assumed invitation in most cases. It was still better to be polite, though--in the event Guy and Anise had personal subjects to discuss. That proved to be far from the case, and as directed, Tear claimed the seat by Anise. Her tray settled into place with an unappetizing plop.

She attempted to ignore the sound and focus on the subject at hand. "Yes," said Tear as she lifted her eyes to her two teammates. "I at least have questions concerning a few things." Things such as Anise's condition, Luke and Natalia's disappearances, the strange visions from the night prior, and so forth. She had a feeling Anise and Guy would bring up one or two of those very topics, and provided they didn't derail into something else entirely (which thankfully wouldn't be the case), they should be able to get a better grasp on what was going on and how to handle everything.

When Guy brought up the possibility of ranks deciding privileges, Tear was quick to agree as well as provide input of her own. "Generally, ranks are arranged based on seniority and experience," she said. "I wouldn't be surprised if they were basing this on a tenure system." It was usually the best way to gauge the competency of a soldier; years of experience often prevailed against even the most talented.

But that, she supposed, was a topic for another time. She, too, turned to Anise and waited for Guy's question to be addressed.

[gald_digger]

If Guy and Tear were right, and the ranks were based on seniority, it would explain a lot. "Hmm... so I guess they weren't just being soft on me because I'm cute," Anise mused, half-jokingly. It wouldn't be weird if that was the case, but the soldiers had been pretty rough with everyone yesterday. It didn't look like personal feelings were a big factor in how they acted.

She laughed a little when Guy asked about that morning. "Eheh, yeah, it was pretty weird. I almost didn't recognize the place again, with how much they changed it since yesterday." Anise's room, for one, had been transformed back to being painfully bland. And on top of that, suddenly getting her memories back was a little disorienting. It was sort of like when she was taken for special counseling, with a weird kind of disconnect between the way she thought last night and how she was normally.

"Anyway, I'm just glad I didn't lose anything for good. We've been through a lot in the past few weeks, huh?" She looked up to Guy with a smile. Even though most of their experiences at Landel's had been bad ones, getting through them brought her and Guy closer together. In that sense, even the most painful memories were still really valuable. Guy probably realized that before she did.

They were probably going to have to get into the heavier stuff soon, but it didn't hurt to start on a positive note, by showing everyone that she was perfectly okay.

[razing_phoenix]

Seniority and experience. It did make sense and it fit the pattern as well. While Guy was only judging that from his group of friends, he would bet that Claude was being served the more edible food as well. He was sure that Tear would force down her gruel even though she didn't exactly want to, but part of him wished that he could just nudge one of his chicken strips onto her plate.

The soldiers were watching them like hawks, though, even if Guy didn't get the feeling that they were eavesdropping. The bulletin was probably not going to be as heavily censored, either, since the military didn't have as much pretension about hiding what was truly going on in this place.

Guy smiled at Anise's comment about what she thought the reason for her rank had been, but left it at that. They had so many other things that needed to be addressed, after all.

He could understand how suddenly getting all her memories back would almost be stranger than losing them in the first place, and so Guy nodded along with Anise. "Yeah, there was a whole lot I was going to have to try and catch you up on if you'd lost them for good." Chances were that he wouldn't have even mentioned half of it, either. He doubted Anise would be happy knowing that now.

"Anyway, it sounds like Claude's managing all right. I heard from him over the bulletin. But how about you, Tear?" Guy turned to face her, still holding back on eating any of his food for the moment. He couldn't just ignore whatever had been going on with the girl now that they were out of the situation and in a relatively safe space. He was sure that Anise was just as curious, too.

[melodists]

Tear couldn't help but smile at the jest, though a part of her wished what Anise had said was true. That would mean the younger ones could be looked after rather than left to fend for themselves. Sakura, for instance. The impersonal rank system was an unfortunate fact, even if it was technically fair.

Of course, if either Anise or Guy had offered some of their food as a means to offset that system, Tear would have refused. She was used to these circumstances. Taking a step or two back in the military was unpleasant but hardly impossible. Better she stay as she was than get either of her teammates into trouble, especially with the tightened security.

Her mind quickly returned to the topic of Anise's memory. Tear had to admit that the circumstances were strange: a portion of your memory did not erase itself for a single night for no particular reason. It also did not return in the morning as if it had never left. More and more, it seemed like this was indeed the effect of Project 2911, as put forth by "Javert" on the bulletin board.

Which reminded her...

As soon as Anise gave her input and Guy posed his question, Tear glanced down at the plate of pink before her. "I'm fine," she assured, though anyone could tell there was obviously something up from her tone alone. "Right now, at least. Last night, however..." She lifted her eyes to meet Anise's. "I actually wonder if both our minds have been tampered with. When I was helping you go over the fence, I thought I saw something."

She pursed her lips in contemplation. "A memory, I believe."

[gald_digger]

Still smiling, Anise nodded at Guy's words. She was glad he would have helped her get back to speed, but there were some experiences that couldn't be regained just by being told about them. It really was a good thing that they wouldn't have to deal with that.

When the topic shifted to Tear, Anise turned her attention to the older girl, also interested in knowing what went on with her last night... and how she was in general, too. That thing about going to the medical wing sounded kinda serious.

But they could only discuss one thing at a time, so Anise listened intently when Tear began to explain. A surprised look crossed her face when Tear looked to her and recounted that time she helped her over the wall. She... saw something?

Anise nodded slowly, feeling a little uneasy. "Yeah... you looked a little out of it around then," she recalled. From Tear's demeanor and the tone of her voice, it sounded like whatever she saw had bothered her. Anise felt a little guilty, both about not immediately noticing something was wrong back then, and for pushing for details now, but they'd already agreed to having a discussion. After a moment, she went ahead and asked, "... What kind of memory?"

[razing_phoenix]

At first Guy was worried that Tear was going to try and act like nothing had happened to her last night, but her claim of being fine was quickly supplemented. If anything, Guy's worry for her was now greater than how he'd felt about Anise, since he hadn't had anything explained to him -- not to mention that comment she'd made about the medical wing.

Guy hadn't heard of anyone going to the medical wing unless they disappeared for days at a times, so the fact that Tear had been informed that she'd be going there seemed out of the ordinary. That was enough to bother him, but he imagined that if Tear had brought it up, she was willing to explain it to them.

One thing at a time, though. As the girl brought up what had happened when she had been perched on top of the wall, Guy leaned forward just slightly to give her his full attention. (The table still put a decent amount of space between him and his female friends.) So she had had some sort of vision at that point?

That explained why she had zoned out then; it was probably as if she hadn't been on that wall at all, for a while. Anise commented on it and asked the necessary question, however, and so Guy just kept his gaze on the fonist, waiting for her answer.

[melodists]

It wasn't a stretch at all to assume everyone had caught her misstep. For one, Tear tried her best to be on alert during the entirety of a task. Losing attention like that wasn't something she did, and anyone who knew enough about her would notice if the soldier was off. For another... They had questioned her outright, hadn't they? If she had only known then what she knew now, she could have pushed through without an incident.

That, however, was no longer relevant. Tear might do well to give her explanation without regrets. No point existed in dwelling on yesterday's mistakes. "To be honest," she started, "I'm not sure if it was a memory. I don't remember it ever happening, at least." Even if the soldier recalled seeing her own self there by Ion's side.

She inhaled sharply and watched Anise with an unfathomable expression. "I saw the Fon Master," said Tear. "He looked pale, like he was on the verge of..." There was a thick swallow. The statement couldn't be finished so she continued on. "He reached out to me and said, 'You don't have to watch over me anymore, Anise.'"

And she had felt like crying, even as she recognized what she saw was not necessarily her memory.

[gald_digger]

There was a change in Anise's expression the moment Tear mentioned Ion. The more she described the scene, the more color seemed to drain from Anise's own face. She knew where that was, when those words were spoken, the look on Ion's face...

"You mean... in Mt. Zaleho..." Her voice came out weak and uneven as she tried to confirm, though it was already obvious to her what Tear saw. That was one moment in Anise's life that she would never forget. And now, somehow, Tear had watched it through her eyes...

But Tear's memories were far behind Anise's and Guy's, and she didn't recognize the memory as something she had shared with the others. It sounded like she understood what had happened, but it was obvious that she needed to be filled in about it properly. They couldn't exactly avoid the subject when Tear had just seen it herself.

Anise felt like she should be the one to say more, to explain what happened to Ion, confess to her betrayal, say anything, but she felt as if her throat was closing up. She never expected Ion's death to be brought up like this, to hear his last words again...

Instead, she looked over to Guy. Though what happened to Ion had a big impact on all of them, he would probably be level-headed enough to explain more clearly than she could, or at least find somewhere to begin. Anise still needed a minute to process everything before she could say anything intelligible on the subject.

[razing_phoenix]

The moment that Tear started to explain, Guy also knew exactly what she was referring to. While it had been some time since that had happened for him personally, the memories were still crystal clear. Ion had made the greatest of sacrifices for them -- for Tear, especially. More than that, there had been Anise's betrayal. All of them had been unsettled by it at the time, but they had all quickly forgiven her when the reasons behind the girl's actions had become clear.

While Guy would have expected for Anise to want to explain it all herself, one look from the young girl made it clear that she was in no position to do so. The story wasn't an easy one to tell to someone who hadn't been there, and yet it wasn't as if they could leave Tear in the dark, either. Guy didn't even understand how she could have seen a memory that was in her future.

That wasn't the point, though. He just needed to get the information across. After letting out a deep sigh and placing both his hands on the table, Guy looked Tear in the face.

"Mohs had forced the Fon Master to head into Mt. Zaleho in order to read from the fragment of the Seventh Fonstone that was hidden in its core. We'd chased after to try to ensure his safety, but..." He ended up dropping his gaze to the tabletop, wondering if there was any easy way to explain this. "We were too late. More than that, the sheer energy Ion had to put into the reading was too much for his body."

Tear had already gotten the gist of what had been going on from what she'd seen, but it was best to make it clear for her. Guy knew there was much more to the story, but he wanted to give Anise a chance to jump in if she felt the need to. It didn't feel right to talk about her actions when she was sitting right there.

[melodists]

Tear had known of the discrepancies in this place when the subject came to time. For instance, Anise had mentioned her memories were a few months after Tear's while others were several years ahead. Others had spoken of a similar phenomenon with friends and acquaintances from the same world. It was the strangest detail Landel's Institute had to offer, to the point she hadn't bothered giving the concept much thought. There had been no need until now; her teammates had not acted out of the ordinary nor did they treat her any differently. Therefore, she had assumed the distance between memories hadn't mattered.

Things had changed, however. If Anise and Guy's reactions indicated anything, it was that Tear had missed a critical event. No, not missed. She was there, wasn't she? She had seen herself by Ion's side through Anise's eyes. None of it, however, registered as part of her memories. She did not remember going to Mt. Zaleho with the others. She didn't recall the Grand Maestro doing the unspeakable and forcing the Fon Master to give up his life to read the Seventh Fonstone. Tear hadn't even known the Seventh Fonstone was in that area!

It had to be true, then. This incident they were discussing would eventually become her future.

Although her countenance never extended beyond vague shock, Tear felt an uncomfortable churning within. To experience something horrible was one thing. To be told of it was entirely another. She hadn't the slightest clue on how to respond, especially when in her time, Ion was alive. No danger of dying, as far as anyone was concerned. The impact she should be feeling was woefully absent, and that was completely wrong. Especially if there existed a possibility that she could return and the event could be stopped.

"Please," she said, her tone leaning more towards pleading as opposed to anything carefully contained, "tell me everything. How did this happen?" If the group had an inkling that the Fon Master was in mortal danger, they would have preemptively kept him away from Mohs. How had Mohs managed such a thing? Something about this didn't settle right at all. Her gaze shifted between Guy and Anise.

[gald_digger]

While Guy explained, Anise pressed her lips together and tried to get her emotions under control. Remembering the events of that day usually made her feel like crying, especially when listening to other people talk about it, but she knew this wasn't the time for that. Anise could go cry all she wanted once she was alone, but right now, they had an important discussion to get through.

Guy left out all the parts of the story that involved Anise... probably out of consideration for her. It was nice of him to do that, though she guessed it also would have been pretty awkward for him to talk about her crimes while she was sitting right there with them. It was going to be up to Anise to explain her own role.

"I--" Anise started, but her voice came out hoarse, and she swallowed before trying again. "It was my fault." This time, her words came out clearly. Telling Tear about what she did wasn't going to be easy, but... she could do it. There was no backing out now.

"I was working for Mohs from the start. I reported everything we did, and... I took Ion to Mt. Zaleho." She managed to face Tear as she voiced her confession, but the air made her eyes sting, and she soon lowered her gaze. "... He took Mama and Papa hostage. I didn't think I had a choice..." Didn't think because there must have been a choice. Looking back, Anise couldn't help but feel like there must have been something she could have done to save Ion. At one point during their journey, she nearly told Tear the truth... If she had gotten the words out back then, would things have been different? What other chances did she let slip away, all because she was too scared to do the right thing?

Mentioning her reasons for betraying everyone made Anise feel like she was making excuses, but with Guy sitting right there, she worried he might argue if she kept talking like it was all her fault. Even if it was, for the most part...

[razing_phoenix]

It was no surprise that Tear wanted to hear all of the details of how Ion's death had come about, but this was also where it became complicated. Still, it seemed that Guy had delivered the harshest news, giving Anise the space to explain her own part of the story. It was unfortunate that she was being forced to admit to something she'd already expressed extreme shame for, but he doubted that Anise would be willing to just leave that part out, either.

Guy already knew Tear's reaction to the situation, however, and he doubted that would change even if she was missing some memories. They had all understood the unfortunate position that Anise had been put in, and nothing they could say would be any worse than her own guilt.

Not for the first time Guy wished that he could give Anise some sort of physical comfort. A hand on her shoulder, or even just squeezing her hand for a moment would have been better than nothing. He realized that words could only do so much, and yet that was what he was limited to. Hopefully Tear would take that role in his stead, though he wondered if the fonist was maybe too shocked by what she was hearing to realize that Anise needed it.

There was one important part of the incident that hadn't yet been mentioned, though. Guy waited to make sure that Anise had said her piece before he spoke up. "One good thing did come of all this, though," he quickly mentioned. "In Ion's last moments, he managed to find the energy to pull all of the miasma out of your body," he explained, looking right into Tear's eyes. At the time she was from, none of them knew what she was suffering, but from his point of view that had all been revealed long ago.

He wanted to let her know that the truth would come out, but that there was nothing for her to be afraid of. It would be fixed, even it was through the death of a dear friend. That, sadly, was not something they'd been able to help.

[melodists]

The details came as requested, but she was hardly prepared to hear the actual truth. Then again, had Tear expected anything specific? Death was a complicated subject; you could obtain the final verdict in their world, but the circumstances could never be fully understood. The fact that it was Anise who was responsible would never have crossed Tear's mind. In a million years, she wouldn't have guessed. In their journey together, Anise was perhaps the closest to the Fon Master. Even when she denied what everyone knew, it was obvious she cared a good deal for Ion.

Therefore, Anise being ultimately responsible for bringing him to the place of his death was overtly cruel. Still, even if there were some things Tear could not understand about her circumstances, the soldier recognized heartache and genuine guilt. Ion's death had been the worst for their youngest teammate--this Tear understood from the bottom of her heart, all thanks to momentary empathy. Anise couldn't be blameless, of course. There were still things she had to take accountability for. Tear could, however, recognize she was in a different scenario than Luke had been with Akzeriuth. There was nothing to teach; there was no need. Anise already understood what had been lost, perhaps more so than anyone else. Tear could also tell the girl was working in her own way to atone.

Instead of hardening her features in shock, Tear softened to sadness, an expression born out of joint mourning as opposed to pity. If Anise needed anything, it wasn't the latter. Gingerly, as Guy might have hoped, the elder reached for the other's hand and clasped it tightly. With this, she hoped to convey understanding. Tear wouldn't say anything else on Anise's part in this.

She chose to watch Guy as he picked up from where the other girl left off. It was here that the girl found herself lacking an immediate response. From what she knew, the others had only discovered her illness. The fact that Ion would use his last strength to save her was almost too much. Far too much. For reasons she could not even understand, Tear wanted to cry.

But she couldn't do it here. Not in front of anyone. "I..." she began, before looking at her plate of uneaten gruel. "He...saved my life, then."

[gald_digger]

Anise wished she had Tokunaga. With Tokunaga around, it was like there was always someone watching over her, comforting her... and now that it was gone, all that was left was an empty, vulnerable feeling. Several tense moments passed as Tear processed what she was told, and part of Anise was terrified of what she might have been thinking then.

When she felt Tear's hand on hers, Anise bit her lower lip, her gaze still low. Was this Tear's way of saying that she didn't blame her? It wasn't very surprising, but... Anise still felt like she didn't deserve to be forgiven so easily. Her shoulders trembled as she suppressed a sob, but she wouldn't allow herself to cry. Not now.

Her eyes shot upward when Guy added to the explanation, a look of alarm on her face. That was the one thing she didn't want Tear to hear. She didn't want Tear to feel like she should share in any of the guilt for what happened. After all, if Anise and Mohs hadn't killed Ion, then maybe they would have found a way for both Ion and Tear to survive. Thinking that only one or the other could live... that was just too horrible. Anise wouldn't accept it.

But now, regardless of her feelings, everything was out in the open. That fact was both painful... and a relief. At least there weren't any big secrets between them anymore. There were still lots of things Anise needed to eventually tell her friends about, but those were things that could wait.

With little else that she could find the strength or the nerve to do, Anise nodded. "He did a lot, for all of us," she agreed in a weak voice.