Night 53: Main Hallway, 2 - Center
[From here.]
“…I want to find my reason to live in another person…”
They had spent only those few eventful days together, right before he’d arrived in this place…and yet Tohru’s voice echoed so clearly in his ears, and his mind, it felt as though he had to have known her his entire life. There were few things from back home he remembered with such clarity as he did that gentle sound, and her words, so full of kindness, and yet more sincere than any of the pleasantries his useless self ever earned from those around him.
Ritsu found himself standing in front of the railings that overlooked the Sun Room, his body having continued to move while he was lost in his woeful thoughts - as though it had known all along where it should take him…where he would want to go, right now. He arched his neck softly, judging the drop to the familiar space below, recognizing it even from this angle. This height.
He tossed a nervous glance over each shoulder, moving closer, his tense gaze flicking from his own feet to the first floor as it sprawled out below him. With an audible gulp, he dropped his flashlight to the tile, and his eyes closed as he stepped carefully out of his shoes and grasped the railing with both hands.
With nimbleness that betrayed his animal identity, he maneuvered himself over the barrier, his feet hooked through the rungs to give him a place to stand, for now, and his arms behind him, holding strong to the only thing that kept him from plummeting to what he knew he should hope would be his death. His stomach jumped to his throat as he took in the distance between him and the Sun Room floor, and he looked away, his knuckles white as he fought the temptation to use his fear as an excuse to turn back.
“K-kagura-san…” He took a shaky breath, the tears coming again as he spoke, his voice quiet and trembling. “Kagura-san…before…I came here…Honda Tohru-san told me something…”
He paused, as though waiting for a response, though he knew it wouldn’t come.
“When she met me…she told me that she wanted to find her reason to live…in another person. She let this lowly Ritsu hope for the same thing, though I didn’t deserve it…” He hiccupped softly, his tears blurring the view of the plummet he faced, though he was too distracted to fully appreciate it. “…I…never thought it would happen, for someone like me, but…”
“Kagura-san…” he wept, the volume of his voice climbing slightly. “Kagura-san…you became my reason to live…this unimportant Ritsu found purpose through you, and now…”
He let go of the railing with one hand, using it to cover his face, though he seemed unbothered by the shift in weight - the gangly position seemed far too natural to him, one of the few benefits of curse, though he rarely noticed it.
“I’ve never had purpose before, Kagura-san…and now, even though you’re far away from this awful place…even though you’re happy…this selfish individual finds himself not knowing what to do without you.” He sniffled dramatically, but honestly, peeking through his fingers before moving his arm back to brace himself again. “…someone as unremarkable as I am has no right to think such self-centered things…even my breathing is too much to ask of those around me, and still I…still I am brash enough to exist, and above that, to wish for you to stay in such a terrible place, for my own sake! I’m…I’m so sorry!”
Ritsu knew there should be no question as to what his next act should be - to atone for his selfish thoughts and behaviors...no, for his very being, he shouldn’t hesitate to let go of the railing, and rid the world and those in it of his burdensome life. In the past, when the moment presented itself, he had always been too much of a coward to face the fate he surely deserved…not only that, but he was bold enough to cling to his miserable existence, knowing it only caused trouble and hardship to those around him. But not this time…this time, he would go through with it.
Or so he told himself.
“…I want to find my reason to live in another person…”
They had spent only those few eventful days together, right before he’d arrived in this place…and yet Tohru’s voice echoed so clearly in his ears, and his mind, it felt as though he had to have known her his entire life. There were few things from back home he remembered with such clarity as he did that gentle sound, and her words, so full of kindness, and yet more sincere than any of the pleasantries his useless self ever earned from those around him.
Ritsu found himself standing in front of the railings that overlooked the Sun Room, his body having continued to move while he was lost in his woeful thoughts - as though it had known all along where it should take him…where he would want to go, right now. He arched his neck softly, judging the drop to the familiar space below, recognizing it even from this angle. This height.
He tossed a nervous glance over each shoulder, moving closer, his tense gaze flicking from his own feet to the first floor as it sprawled out below him. With an audible gulp, he dropped his flashlight to the tile, and his eyes closed as he stepped carefully out of his shoes and grasped the railing with both hands.
With nimbleness that betrayed his animal identity, he maneuvered himself over the barrier, his feet hooked through the rungs to give him a place to stand, for now, and his arms behind him, holding strong to the only thing that kept him from plummeting to what he knew he should hope would be his death. His stomach jumped to his throat as he took in the distance between him and the Sun Room floor, and he looked away, his knuckles white as he fought the temptation to use his fear as an excuse to turn back.
“K-kagura-san…” He took a shaky breath, the tears coming again as he spoke, his voice quiet and trembling. “Kagura-san…before…I came here…Honda Tohru-san told me something…”
He paused, as though waiting for a response, though he knew it wouldn’t come.
“When she met me…she told me that she wanted to find her reason to live…in another person. She let this lowly Ritsu hope for the same thing, though I didn’t deserve it…” He hiccupped softly, his tears blurring the view of the plummet he faced, though he was too distracted to fully appreciate it. “…I…never thought it would happen, for someone like me, but…”
“Kagura-san…” he wept, the volume of his voice climbing slightly. “Kagura-san…you became my reason to live…this unimportant Ritsu found purpose through you, and now…”
He let go of the railing with one hand, using it to cover his face, though he seemed unbothered by the shift in weight - the gangly position seemed far too natural to him, one of the few benefits of curse, though he rarely noticed it.
“I’ve never had purpose before, Kagura-san…and now, even though you’re far away from this awful place…even though you’re happy…this selfish individual finds himself not knowing what to do without you.” He sniffled dramatically, but honestly, peeking through his fingers before moving his arm back to brace himself again. “…someone as unremarkable as I am has no right to think such self-centered things…even my breathing is too much to ask of those around me, and still I…still I am brash enough to exist, and above that, to wish for you to stay in such a terrible place, for my own sake! I’m…I’m so sorry!”
Ritsu knew there should be no question as to what his next act should be - to atone for his selfish thoughts and behaviors...no, for his very being, he shouldn’t hesitate to let go of the railing, and rid the world and those in it of his burdensome life. In the past, when the moment presented itself, he had always been too much of a coward to face the fate he surely deserved…not only that, but he was bold enough to cling to his miserable existence, knowing it only caused trouble and hardship to those around him. But not this time…this time, he would go through with it.
Or so he told himself.