Nov 21, 2010 08:08
With sigh that toed the ambiguous no-mans-land between soft and explosive, Yuffie collected a plateful of waffles with all the toppings. She was sure that, if nothing else, it'd making a pretty satisfying splat if-when?-she launched it at somebody's face, and that was all that counted
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leela,
kirk,
klavier,
japan,
kay,
badd,
anise,
the doctor,
sam winchester,
indiana jones,
goku (dragonball),
zex,
niikura,
taura,
franziska,
claire bennet,
peter parker,
snow,
shinichi,
lana skye,
ruby,
mello,
xemnas,
natalia,
minako,
stefan,
heiji,
watson,
peter petrelli,
mele,
two-face,
yuffie,
ritsuka,
kanda,
tomoe,
isaac,
erika,
edgar,
neku,
tifa,
the scarecrow,
sync,
matt,
maya,
okita,
sanosuke,
ishida,
russia,
yukari,
zack,
kratos,
shinji,
carter,
kenshin,
jo,
asuka,
bella,
scott pilgrim,
kaito,
gumshoe,
izaya,
claire littleton,
sora,
holmes,
prussia,
chuck,
woody,
claude,
guybrush,
gant,
dean winchester,
brook,
sakura,
shizuo,
guy,
kairi,
venom,
peeta,
ilia,
kibitoshin,
lightning,
castiel,
katniss,
celty,
trickster,
fai,
aerith,
yue,
aidou,
claire stanfield,
edward cullen,
kaworu,
ema skye,
mccoy,
scar (tlk),
muraki
In the end, the issue wasn't brushed off by Claude, nor did he reassure Guy that it wasn't a big deal. Guy appreciated that, as the night before had already proved that this was a problem, which meant that it needed to be solved, or at least set to rest.
Still, he hadn't exactly expected a question like that, and he raised an eyebrow for a second before glancing down at his full plate of food while he thought it over. "Not when it's dormant, no," he responded eventually. "It hurts when it's first applied, and whenever it's actually being exploited, but right now I can't even tell that it's there." Guy vaguely wondered if Claude would be able to remember the moment when Sync had given him the slot in the coliseum, if he thought back on it hard enough, but probably not. He'd been pretty busy with his own fight, after all.
It was terrible how that night kept coming back to bite them, both with the curse slot and his lack of memories of the Albiore. (Even the name still felt so foreign to him.) It was amazing that Claude hadn't left that night with any permanent damage, but he had his experimentation session to worry about.
Which reminded him... "How about you?" he asked. "Do you have any lingering pain from when you were taken?" While part of him felt bad for turning the subject back onto Claude, he had to remember that he wasn't the only one in the wrong here. Claude had also kept his secrets, and while that didn't necessarily bother Guy, he figured that they both might as well come clean now that they were here together.
And maybe he did want the heat off of him for just a little while.
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It was almost strange how something so frightening could be sitting inside Guy even though he couldn't tell it was there otherwise. At least it wasn't causing him any discomfort right now -- if Guy was to be believed, anyway, considering his tendency to not want to make others worry for him. But he didn't think he would pick now to be honest about something like that. Claude searched his face for a moment, gazing into his eyes, and he only saw the sincerity of a good man staring back at him.
Even if he might not have been truthful to other people during other points in his life, and even if there were other secrets between him and Claude, Guy had never lied to him before.
"If that changes, I hope you'll say something," he said. "If not to me, then at least to one of your friends from Auldrant." It was probably too much to assume Guy would want to come to him about something like that even if it became an issue, after all. Yet as much as he wanted to be trusted, that hardly mattered so long as Guy wasn't forcing himself to carry those kinds of burdens alone.
The change of subject wasn't all that smooth, but Claude couldn't judge him for it. He realized it wasn't fair to keep grilling Guy and not expect to have any questions turned back onto him. He turned away and stared at the far wall, trying to collect his thoughts. It was normally too easy to deflect those kinds of things with a smile and a wave of his hand, but this was the one time he couldn't do it without potentially damaging his friendship with Guy.
"No," he answered. "The pain cleared up when Natalia healed my eyes. But..." His gaze flickered down to his food. "I haven't been eating much since it happened. I feel sick every time I put something in my mouth." He wasn't sure if Guy had noticed his uneaten dinner during those two nights he came to his room, or if he'd just attributed it to the stress of being blind. Natalia was already unhappy with the situation, though, so he hadn't exactly wanted to call attention to it while speaking with Guy.
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Clearly this openness issue was something that he needed to work on in general, but Guy figured that spending years as a servant who was supposed to keep his mouth shut had had its effects. Even if (in the earlier years especially) he'd spent a lot of his time cursing the man whose house he'd been tending to, he'd still learned about both manners and the place of a servant. He was far beyond that now, but he still had a tendency to place importance on others instead of himself.
Granted, that whole topic only reminded him of how much he still needed to explain to Claude. He watched his friend quietly as he explained his own physical troubles, frowning as Claude described the difficulty he'd been having with eating.
"That's not good," he said, pointing out the obvious with a sigh before he moved on. "Is there any way you can force it down? How about water? If you can't eat at all, the least you can do is try to stay hydrated," he advised the other patient. Claude was quickly going to start feeling weak (if he hadn't started to already) if he didn't get any food down, but Guy knew that sometimes it was impossible to eat anything without throwing it up all over again.
It was odd, though. What had been done to Claude on that exam table that had caused that sort of response? Chances were that it would go away eventually, but maybe he'd been poisoned somehow. Guy didn't like the implications much at all. For the moment, though, all he could really do was hope that it cleared up, unless Claude was willing to give him more information about the process itself. And he didn't want to pry, necessarily.
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Of course, he could take a page out of that same book himself, and Claude knew it. He'd come to Guy when his father first appeared in Landel's, but it was true that he hadn't wanted to discuss the effects of his "sleep study" much. Part of that was because he didn't think it would have much impact on the people around him. When he thought about it, though, that had essentially been Guy's reason for staying tight-lipped about his own condition.
"Sometimes I can get a bite or two down," he assured him. The way it sat in his stomach never felt good, however, and he was always forced to stop before he accidentally emptied his stomach again. But Guy was right about one thing, and that was the importance of staying hydrated. Claude picked up his cup from the tray and took a sip.
"I'm not sure why it's happening," he admitted after a moment, almost as though he could somehow sense Guy's thoughts. That wasn't really the case, of course, but he knew his friend was probably wondering about it. "Altering a person's DNA is bound to be extremely hard on the body, though. All things considered, there are worse side effects than an upset stomach." He took another drink from his cup and set it down, turning to look at Guy with an unusually serious expression. "But I guess they've had the time and resources to polish their methods."
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While Guy couldn't quite understand what altering one's DNA entailed, he figured it had to be similar to messing around with someone's fonons or fon slots. Either way, it wasn't good, nor was it the sort of thing that was supposed to be mucked with. He didn't really know how that killed someone's appetite, either, but he'd already accepted that a lot of the things in this place made no sense. It didn't make him worry any less, but there also wasn't much he could do about it.
"I guess so," he admitted, "but even so, it's not a good sign." It could have been worse and Guy realized that, but even the stomach problems were enough to bother him. "I wonder if there's any sense in asking the nurses for some sort of medication." He didn't know if there were any pills that could help with a person's appetite, but there was no harm in checking.
"Anyway," he said, "I guess what I need to explain next is... what went on between Luke and I. It's kind of a long story, though, so you're going to have to bear with me." Guy also didn't know if now was the best time or place for it, but that sounded like an excuse even in his own head. If he voiced that sort of thing, he wouldn't have even been able to blame Claude for being angry with him about it.
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"Maybe," he answered after a second of hesitation. It was one thing to accept pain medicine when it was offered, but another to go out of his way to ask for something to settle his stomach. Turning to the staff for too much helped didn't sit right with Claude. And anyway, who was to say they wouldn't just accuse him of making it up or something?
When Guy suddenly changed the subject again, he turned to look at him with a concerned expression. He hadn't expected him to bring up the Luke issue so suddenly, least of all now. Hearing his shadow accuse him of trying to mislead Claude about himself had probably gotten under his skin.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not quite meeting Guy's gaze, but not turning away, either. "If you wanted to wait until you've had a little more time to collect your thoughts, I wouldn't mind. Don't feel like you need to rush those sorts of things for my sake." Guy was already putting himself out on a limb here -- there was no reason to take him further out of his comfort zone without making it at least a little easier for him. Besides, if it was such a long story, there was a chance a nurse or someone would interrupt them now that breakfast had been going on for awhile.
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But he'd harped on his friend enough, and now it was time to come clean. He was a little shocked that Claude was having second thoughts now, especially after what had happened last night. Maybe he was scared of hearing the truth, and if that was the case, then Guy figured he could understand.
Still, the time had come and he just needed to get it over with, so he shook his head. "No, it's fine. You've already heard some of it, so I'd better just get the full story out so you aren't left to speculate and wonder for too much longer." If anything, Claude would just fill in the blanks with things that were worse than the truth, and so Guy was going to nip that in the bud right now.
It didn't really seem like anyone was listening to their conversation, anyway, and so Guy leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. "So, to start at the beginning. I wasn't always a servant. Actually, I was born into nobility -- not in Kimlasca, but in Malkuth." Guy was almost certain that he'd told Claude about the different kingdoms in Auldrant before, so he didn't bother explaining that part. "I lived under the care of my parents and my older sister on an island called Hod until I was five, but that was when Kimlasca attacked. Our manor was heavily targeted, and almost everyone, including my whole family, was murdered. It's only thanks to my sister than I even survived." Guy realized he would have to get into that too, but one step at a time.
He delivered the whole story almost clinically, as he wasn't looking for any pity. He just wanted to explain, and part of the reason he'd held off for so long was because he didn't need anyone to offer their condolences for what had happened to him. "The person leading that attack was Duke Fabre, Luke's father," he continued, getting to the real crux of the issue. Except it hadn't been Luke at the time, but he was going to take this slow, so as to not completely overwhelm Claude.
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There was nothing he could say to persuade him, though. Taking in a small, quiet breath, he decided to listen to Guy's story, even if it probably wasn't going to be easy for either of them. He took note of the way his friend leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed as he began speaking. That sort of body language made him realize that his friend was probably going to be direct and to-the-point about all of this.
As the other patient began to recount his story, he tried not to let his feelings about everything show too much in his face. Guy was throwing a lot out at once. It had never occurred to Claude that there had been a time in his life when he wasn't a servant -- but, rather, a Malkuth noble, of all things. That revelation alone was enough of a shock, though Claude had a feeling that would probably be one of the least surprising things about Guy's story. Actually, this was the first time he'd heard anything about a place called Hod, but he neatly filed the name away for future reference. It was Guy's true home, after all.
He didn't have much time to think about all that, though, because suddenly Guy was delving into what had happened to his family, and the person responsible. Despite the weirdly detached way Guy was telling him everything, hearing that information felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over Claude. Losing so many loved ones in such a horrible way...and so young, too. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have his early childhood memories stained with blood like that. And to think that it had been Luke's father who'd robbed Guy of his family...
Claude thought he was starting to understand now. What would drive such a good person to want to murder his master in cold blood? Last night, he couldn't think of a single thing, but he realized he'd been overlooking one of the strongest motivators a person could have to do something they might not have ever considered otherwise.
Revenge.
He swallowed hard, the lump in throat bobbing, but he decided now wasn't the time for comments. His job right now was to listen to Guy, and so he fixed him with an attentive, unwavering gaze -- a silent indication that he was free to either continue or stop there if he wished.
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Guy almost appreciated that. While part of him wanted to know what his friend's thought processes were about what he'd said so far, it would be a lot easier if he could just get everything out and then they could discuss it afterward. And so with a small nod, he continued.
"After that I was an orphan, obviously, and it was Van who took me in." Pere had been there too, but Guy didn't need to make this more complicated than it already was. Van was the one who Claude already knew about, and so he was going to stick with that. "Eventually we both ended up at the Fabre manor, with me as the servant who mainly took care of Luke and Van as his sword instructor. Except... at the time, Luke wasn't the Luke you know, but Asch."
And this was where it really started to get confusing. Guy straightened in his seat and let out a sigh. "I'm sure you've heard Asch refer to Luke as a replica before. So while I was there for revenge, Van's plan was to kidnap Luke and replicate him, thereby creating a second Luke -- the one who goes by Luke now. Asch took on that name because he was forced to give up that life entirely, and suddenly I was left to take care of a different person."
Guy closed his eyes and rotated his neck slightly, trying to work the kinks out of it. It wasn't good that he was feeling worn out this early in the morning, and he tried to force another bite of food down. "I'd always been planning to kill Luke -- Asch, that is -- but this new Luke, he had to learn everything like he was a newborn. And there was just something different about him, something I was drawn to. So we became friends, and I started to think about my plans to murder them less and less. Still, it doesn't defeat the fact that I had originally banked on doing that, so..."
There wasn't much else he could say for himself, and he kept his eyes on the table for the moment, waiting for some sort of response. Claude was going to have to make his own judgment here. Luke had somehow been able to forgive him, but Guy knew that he couldn't expect that from just everyone. Part of him did believe that Claude would still accept him despite knowing the worst part of him, but he couldn't help being scared at the same time.
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Things started getting a bit confusing when two Lukes entered the picture, but Claude did his best to follow along. Since he'd already figured out they were clones, he'd sort of been expecting something like that to come up sooner or later. He had to admit that hearing about Van's plan only raised questions of why he would take Asch's identity away by making a copy of him, but Claude got the impression that by itself was another complicated story on its own -- one that would likely shed more light on Asch's relationship with Guy and Luke.
At any rate, it sounded as though Guy had been left to pick of the pieces of the replication without entirely realizing what had happened. Claude could only imagine the difficulties of helping someone learn to walk and talk again. Luke had been like a newborn, Guy had said. When Claude thought of it that way, he'd practically raised Luke from infancy. No wonder they were so close! In that instant, Claude realized he understood them both a little better now.
And yet there had still been all that baggage to sort through on Guy's end. Despite that, though, his heart softened toward Luke over the years. Clearly, it didn't fix what had happened to Guy, not by a long shot, but somehow his hatred had ebbed and changed into something profound.
Claude's own expression grew gentler, and he watched his friend carefully for a moment. He could tell having to recount all of that had made him tired, despite how straightforward and clinical he'd tried to sound during his delivery. Not only that, but his friend was probably anxious to know what Claude himself thought of everything he'd said. The way he chose to look at the table instead of him spoke volumes.
"The rage that comes from watching loved ones suffer a senseless death isn't something that can be put aside so easily," he said after a brief pause. Claude glanced down at his own tray, thinking for a fleeting moment about how he'd personally come to know that. But it didn't last long, and his gaze quickly returned to Guy. "I don't think anyone can blame you for the feelings you had back then, or even now. If anything, the fact you were able to feel compassion for Luke despite what you were planning shows just how strong a heart you have."
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In a way, he had expected for Claude to accept the ugly parts of his past, and yet despite that Guy was eternally grateful for it. He allowed a small smile to touch his lips as he was filled with relief at having such understanding, amazing friends. First Luke and the others, and now this. He really didn't deserve it.
"Hahah, I don't know about that," he said with a shake of his head. "It wasn't right for me to harbor any bad feelings against Luke in the first place. I mean, he was only an infant when his father attacked Hod, so it's not like he played any part in it. I was just young and angry and lashing out at everything, but at the same time I had to keep it all secret. That gets pretty hard on a person."
It was really no wonder that Sync had had such an easy time using the curse slot to manipulate him, when he thought about all of the dark feelings that he'd had to sort through when he was younger. "But anyway, the curse slot was how Luke found out," he went on to explain. "Sync took those old feelings of mine and used them to make me attack him, and I pretty much had to come clean after that."
Still, he'd kept the secret for years, so maybe that realization would make Claude understand that it was nothing personal that he'd hidden all of this from him. It wasn't information he really liked to give out unless completely necessary, which was what had happened here once more. Maybe it would get easier to talk about the more people he told, but he didn't really want to test that theory. He didn't think the person he was back then had to affect who he was now, even if his shadow had felt differently.
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"It sounds like you grew up with a lot of anger and grief, but didn't have a healthy way to direct it somewhere," he added. That was a lot of baggage to throw on the shoulders of a five-year-old boy, and was bound to have a nasty ripple effect as he got older. "You were only being human by wanting to avenge your family. Not having some kind of outlet in your life probably made it even more difficult to know the best way to cope with those kinds of feelings."
In hindsight, he finally got why Guy hadn't been able to give him an answer when he asked what his childhood dream job was. He'd been too busy wrestling with his own demons to have the energy to optimistically look toward the future like other children. And yet, he'd turned out to be such a good man in spite of all of that. It was really amazing how people could change for the better when given the chance.
The thought of Sync meddling around and manipulating Guy's emotions in order to make him into some kind of puppet turned Claude's stomach, though. His eyes grew hard at the reminder of his actions, particularly now that he had the full context behind what happened. Did he hope to make Guy turn on Luke again inside of Landel's? He wouldn't put it past that sick bastard...
He would just have to make sure Sync never got away with pulling something like that here, Claude decided to himself. After how he'd failed to keep Guy safe from the basement, not to mention that horrible night he'd seen "Mary", the least he could do was stay on guard to make sure the curse slot was never used to make Guy do something he'd regret.
There was no reason to voice that aloud, though. Instead, Claude took another drink of water and set his cup down. "And Luke forgave you, right?"
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When Claude mentioned the lack of an outlet, Guy nodded, a frown taking over his face as the words sunk in. He already knew that was the case, but having someone else describe it to him was a different story. "It didn't help that Van was trying to add flames to the fire, either. But believe me, it wouldn't have been so hard for me to end up on that man's side of the fight. In a lot of ways, Luke saved me."
Asch, on the other hand, had had his life taken away from him and had been filled with even more bitterness. Even then, he'd eventually pulled away from Van and found his own path, only to pay for it with his own death. Guy realized that he held the God-General to an impossible standard at times, and now that the redhead was missing he couldn't help feeling guilty about the whole thing.
Of course, his feelings about Asch were a huge mess that he wasn't going to get into right now. That wasn't what this was about, even if it was connected to all of these events.
"He did forgive me," he said after a pause. "I can still barely believe it sometimes, but he did." There wasn't too much he could say about that, though, since his gratefulness wasn't something that he could put into words. Still, it was one of the reasons why he would never leave Luke's side if he was given a choice. This place made that practically impossible, but...
"Anyway, what else did you still need me to explain? The main thing I can think of is my phobia..." Which would actually be pretty easy to do now that Claude knew about what had happened to his family. The bigger problem was that recalling that event was enough to set him on edge even now, and what had happened with Mary here in the institute made that even worse. But he needed to tell Claude, and so he waited to see if the other patient wanted to hear about that now. It wasn't really the best topic for a breakfast conversation.
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There was something really moving about that. It also served as another testament of how having close bonds could help people find in themselves the courage to do something they might not have been able to accomplish otherwise.
Though he wasn't surprised to learn Luke forgave Guy for all those years he'd wanted to murder him (they wouldn't be best friends now, otherwise), he also realized it said a lot about what kind of person Luke was. No wonder, then, that Guy was so loyal to him. From the way he was talking, though, it almost sounded as though Guy hadn't quite been able to forgive himself. That was why the shadow's words to him last night had been so powerful, right?
Still, Claude knew it wasn't his place to directly tell Guy how he should or shouldn't feel about all of that. He might have understood what it was like to watch family die, but he couldn't imagine growing up with those kinds of burdens. He just hoped Guy wouldn't always think so poorly of himself for having thoughts and feelings that plenty of people in his position would have experienced.
"Well, I'm glad you were able to find something worthwhile to believe in," he said with a small smile.
They'd made some progress, but it was still overwhelming to think they still had a lot of ground to cover. He had a feeling the story behind Guy's phobia wasn't going to be any easier to listen to -- and that wasn't even touching on some of the other things they'd need to discuss.
True, there was the option of spreading things out, or putting it off for longer than they already had. But Claude had never been the sort to slowly peel bandages off of scrapes. If he was actually going to bother, it was much better to rip it off and get that unpleasantness out of the way as fast as possible. He also realized that if they continued these talks during the daylight shifts, it was going to be a long process over several days. Not only that, but he knew himself well enough by now to understand that would give Claude too many chances to lose his nerve and try to sweep things under the rug like he was often prone to do.
"You should only explain something if you think you're ready to talk about it," Claude reminded him. "Don't feel like you have to push yourself so hard for my sake. Besides, I realize I haven't been forthcoming about some stuff myself, so..." He trailed off, glancing toward the nurses and silently taking note of the way some of them looked like they were preparing for a shift change.
"That said," he continued, returning his gaze to Guy, "I think I'd like to continue our talk later, but in private. Maybe tonight?" Leaning his elbows against the table's surface, he picked up his cup and finished the rest of his water. "It'd give...um, both of us a chance to speak more openly without being interrupted." They couldn't help whatever the institute might throw at them, but at the very least it would mean they wouldn't have to worry about the nurses breaking them up at an awkward time.
"Of course, I'm not saying you have to agree to it," he suddenly added, glancing toward his tray now. "It's just an idea. You can think about it if you need to."
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All of this talking about Luke just drilled in that his friend was gone from this place once more, though, and that was one thing he didn't want to think too hard on. First Luke had vanished from Auldrant, and even when Guy had been lucky enough to meet up with him here, it never lasted. Luke had the worst luck, and Guy ended up being one of the people who suffered for it. He didn't want to just feel sorry for himself, though; what he really needed to do was focus on getting his friend back for good.
"So am I," he replied eventually. "Luke's probably the best thing that's happened to me." Anyone who had known Luke when he'd still been a coddled child in the Fabre manor would have thought it ridiculous, but Guy didn't. That was because he knew how good of a person Luke was, and he supported him in anything he did, so long as it wasn't detrimental to Luke himself.
He was getting sidetracked, though. Luke wasn't the real point of this conversation. He needed to get into his phobia and who knew what else, but Claude also had a lot of things that he probably wanted to explain, such as everything that puppet had said about his relationship with his father. Guy didn't know if Claude had anything more to say about what had been done to him when he'd been taken for experiments, but he'd be willing to listen to that, too.
Seeing how the shift was already starting to wrap up, though, it was clear that they couldn't finish everything now. He shook his head when Claude told him not to push himself, since if anything, he needed to. It was too easy to hide or put things off, so he just had to get it over with. Then Claude would know it all and they would be able to move on.
He wasn't so surprised by the suggestion that they keep up with this talk during the night when they would have more time, but Guy wasn't sure of how he felt about it. They had already spent two nights in recently due to Claude's blindness, and while that wasn't Claude's fault by any means, it still meant that they hadn't been putting as much effort into trying to explore as they should have. Last night had been a bust due to the shadows, so he was reluctant to pass up another chance to make progress.
On the other hand, if they didn't get this taken care of soon, that wasn't going to help things either. Any nights they spent together would be at least slightly awkward. Guy realized he could go with Anise or Natalia or whoever else was still left until everything got cleared up, but that didn't seem quite right either.
"Ahh, would you mind letting me give you an answer later on today? Over the bulletin, that is. I need to see what my friends are up to and if they'll be needing me." If it turned out that Anise and Natalia already knew what they were doing for the coming night, then maybe he could agree to Claude's idea. But he wanted to at least check first, and he needed some time to think it over either way.
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Of course, getting him to talk about any of that would probably be like pulling teeth. It had already taken this much for them both to be more frank about certain things with each other. For that reason, Claude wasn't exactly surprised when Guy didn't want to commit to talking more tonight. There were also his remaining friends to consider, though, so he didn't blame him for wanting to check up on them first.
But regardless of what he chose to do, Claude hoped that Guy now realized he wouldn't have to worry about him thinking poorly of him or abandoning him. "Sure thing," he agreed. "If it doesn't work out, don't worry about it."
Just then, the intercom sounded, and Claude let out a small sigh. At least it hadn't happened while Guy had been in the middle of his story. Looking over at his friend, Claude warmly clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Take care, all right?"
As much as it pained him to think it, see you later sounded a bit presumptuous, given the circumstances. He hoped they'd be meeting again sooner than later, though.
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