(no subject)
so here i am in cali...its been less than 24 hours since i arrived and already i went to a dentist appointment, broke down and cried for an hour, and watched some mindless television, not exactly a day in paradise. the dentist wasn't too bad, it was just at 10 in the morning when i had gotten back to the house just eight hours before, so i just slept through it. the hygienist did grade me though, which somewhat amused me. i got an A for brushing and C for flossing, personally i think my flossing should have been an F, but hey, there seems to even be grade inflation at the dentist office these days. the breaking down crying was annoying, but it wasn't from what i expected it to be from. my mom bought all this fake cream cheese, fake sour cream, etc. but the wrong kind, they all had casein in them, trying to be as polite about it as possible, realizing that she meant well, but pissed off that i have told her every time i come home not to buy me shit because she never reads the labels and its rarely vegan, i calmly told her that they weren't vegan and that i wouldn't eat them...thats when the first screaming match of this wonderful trip started, she started screaming at me telling me that i should be a gracious vegan, and that im putting a lot of pressure on her and something really dumb about her living in poverty and thats when i broke down. so slumped down on the kitchen floor i got all of my frustration out about how i hate that i no longer have a home to come back to in cali, but a strange house filled with bitter people that make it apparent that i get in the way and screw up their lives...and yeah its not just with the food, every time i sit down im told im sitting in the wrong place, or every time i want watch a different tv show im told that its not what they watch, and even if they accommodate me i always feel that it is with some resentment. so now all my tears are out and ive returned to a somewhat happy version of myself, still reminded that this isn't my home by stupid things like not knowing how to work the laundry machine, or not knowing which light switch turns on which light, but otherwise doing ok. oh yeah, another annoying thing was that the stupid airline people took my baby scissors away from me, i have flown at least a dozen times with no one even noticing them, but for some reason this time they decided that they needed to take them...the stupid thing fit in my wallet and the blades were smaller than my pinkie, but the stupid people still had to take them, i think they realized how dumb it was though, when they took them they seemed really sorry. over the next few days im sure things will get better, i just need to start calling friends and getting out of this house, and im getting kinda excited about hawaii and yosemite and about nyc peoples coming to visit me, something that i didn't really have the capacity for when i was in brooklyn. so yeah, about to go watch the latest qaf, something that is guaranteed to make me happy, hope its a good one.