(no subject)
I have the same feeling every time I start another live journal entry. As I try to compose a mini outline in my head about what this post is going to entail, my cat is trying to lay on my key board and making this harder than it already is.
I feel a big change approaching. I can't say when it's going to happen, but I feel it coming. I also can't say whether it will be good or bad, so I'll just say it will be trying.
now to the meat...
My mom is flying back East in about two weeks to go and look at a house with my sister. They both have been looking for a while now, and I think this one may be the most promising. This scares me, but excites me at the same time. I want my mom to be happy, I think she is now, but I also think she would be happier after the move occurs. There are so many more valuable things over there for her, my grandmother, who just turned 90 last August, my Nephew who is 3 & 1/2, her sisters, my sister, more satisfying job, and an escape from her "rat race" filled life.
Although, she wants me to go with her, I'll have to break away from the nest, again, and find my way with out her. I know her absence will have a HUGE impact on my life.
I received a letter from CSULB this past week notifying me that I am now in the "Final Round" of the admission process, this being a new qualification as opposed to years proceeding. Anyway I'm pretty confident that I'm a shoe in as long as my transcripts are sent over (did that today). I'm excited to go to big people college again :) Six more months if all goes well!
It's exciting to know that my life is moving forward, although maybe at a slower pace than I had planned, but I guess I knew I never expected to find myself where I am at right now. I'm not unhappy, so there is no reason to complain, I think more so anxious.
I'm going to see the Editors on Thursday at the Wiltern, SUUUUPER EXCITED!
Merry Christmas Olli. I'm glad we will finally be utilizing his present.
I love my boyfriend... a lot... <3
Excited for our first Valentine's day...I know corny, but I'm allowed.
Staying organized is difficult for me, but I have been on top of that a lot more lately. I think it's a necessary key in order for me to feel okay during the day, and helps me sleep at night.
...
I really want to talk about my dad situation right now, but I found myself reflecting on all of it and couldn't stop myself from writing down more of a poem or pieces of my thoughts that probably wont make any sense to whoever reads this. I guess that may have to do with the fact that I really cant make any sense of it.
I'm considering stepping outside of myself and my pride. It's really difficult though. I don't agree with how this may get done, at least I know I wont be okay with it. I think the biggest question of all is should I have to be the one to step out and open the door? Which in turn makes me even question his worthiness to even try.
I get to this point and realize, what is it really? There's none
Was it worth the effort, or lack there of?
It bears you much pain, at least I would hope.
I never thought I would gain happiness from the thought of knowing someone would be in emotional pain. Although who knows if that still exists after such a long period of time.
I'm really good at forgetting about people too. I must have gotten that from you.
I feel a big change approaching. I can't say when it's going to happen, but I feel it coming. I also can't say whether it will be good or bad, so I'll just say it will be trying.
now to the meat...
My mom is flying back East in about two weeks to go and look at a house with my sister. They both have been looking for a while now, and I think this one may be the most promising. This scares me, but excites me at the same time. I want my mom to be happy, I think she is now, but I also think she would be happier after the move occurs. There are so many more valuable things over there for her, my grandmother, who just turned 90 last August, my Nephew who is 3 & 1/2, her sisters, my sister, more satisfying job, and an escape from her "rat race" filled life.
Although, she wants me to go with her, I'll have to break away from the nest, again, and find my way with out her. I know her absence will have a HUGE impact on my life.
I received a letter from CSULB this past week notifying me that I am now in the "Final Round" of the admission process, this being a new qualification as opposed to years proceeding. Anyway I'm pretty confident that I'm a shoe in as long as my transcripts are sent over (did that today). I'm excited to go to big people college again :) Six more months if all goes well!
It's exciting to know that my life is moving forward, although maybe at a slower pace than I had planned, but I guess I knew I never expected to find myself where I am at right now. I'm not unhappy, so there is no reason to complain, I think more so anxious.
I'm going to see the Editors on Thursday at the Wiltern, SUUUUPER EXCITED!
Merry Christmas Olli. I'm glad we will finally be utilizing his present.
I love my boyfriend... a lot... <3
Excited for our first Valentine's day...I know corny, but I'm allowed.
Staying organized is difficult for me, but I have been on top of that a lot more lately. I think it's a necessary key in order for me to feel okay during the day, and helps me sleep at night.
...
I really want to talk about my dad situation right now, but I found myself reflecting on all of it and couldn't stop myself from writing down more of a poem or pieces of my thoughts that probably wont make any sense to whoever reads this. I guess that may have to do with the fact that I really cant make any sense of it.
I'm considering stepping outside of myself and my pride. It's really difficult though. I don't agree with how this may get done, at least I know I wont be okay with it. I think the biggest question of all is should I have to be the one to step out and open the door? Which in turn makes me even question his worthiness to even try.
I get to this point and realize, what is it really? There's none
Was it worth the effort, or lack there of?
It bears you much pain, at least I would hope.
I never thought I would gain happiness from the thought of knowing someone would be in emotional pain. Although who knows if that still exists after such a long period of time.
I'm really good at forgetting about people too. I must have gotten that from you.