wrote a thousand times; couldn't send a letter.
This is going to seem very peculiar and/or suspicious in light of my last post, but I have taken the first steps on the rocky road to dropping my thesis.
Actually, I think writing that post was part of what prompted me to spend yesterday evening, and this morning, taking a long, hard look at where exactly my thesis is, and where it's going; and it didn't look good. I have a lot of work left to do, and not a lot of time to do it. If it were a matter of effort, yeah, I'll admit I would have trouble mustering the energy to really try; but I don't actually even think it's about needing to up my level of effort anymore, it just literally can't be done in the time allotted.
I e-mailed the Dean of the HCol this morning to ask him what would happen if I came to the conclusion that I could not finish my thesis; he didn't really answer that question directly, just told me to come see him. I just finished a long, teary phone call to my mother that helped me sort out a lot of how I'm feeling about it - my mother is awesome, I totally don't deserve her, but don't tell her I said that - and shot off an e-mail to the Dean's assistant to set up an appointment.
... I have to say, I feel awfully relieved. I think I do still want to work through my data, finish coding and put it through Goldvarb and everything, just because I've put too much time and work in to not learn what I went into this to find out; but it'll be a big load off my mind, not trying to force myself to finish the unfinishable. I know this is both nerdy and massively presumptuous, but I feel sort of like I'm Sisyphus, and I just got permission to let go of that stupid rock and stop worrying about it.
Now, to study for that Hearing Rehab exam I have this afternoon. \o?
Actually, I think writing that post was part of what prompted me to spend yesterday evening, and this morning, taking a long, hard look at where exactly my thesis is, and where it's going; and it didn't look good. I have a lot of work left to do, and not a lot of time to do it. If it were a matter of effort, yeah, I'll admit I would have trouble mustering the energy to really try; but I don't actually even think it's about needing to up my level of effort anymore, it just literally can't be done in the time allotted.
I e-mailed the Dean of the HCol this morning to ask him what would happen if I came to the conclusion that I could not finish my thesis; he didn't really answer that question directly, just told me to come see him. I just finished a long, teary phone call to my mother that helped me sort out a lot of how I'm feeling about it - my mother is awesome, I totally don't deserve her, but don't tell her I said that - and shot off an e-mail to the Dean's assistant to set up an appointment.
... I have to say, I feel awfully relieved. I think I do still want to work through my data, finish coding and put it through Goldvarb and everything, just because I've put too much time and work in to not learn what I went into this to find out; but it'll be a big load off my mind, not trying to force myself to finish the unfinishable. I know this is both nerdy and massively presumptuous, but I feel sort of like I'm Sisyphus, and I just got permission to let go of that stupid rock and stop worrying about it.
Now, to study for that Hearing Rehab exam I have this afternoon. \o?