Who Cares?
I've always found it intresting how my life always flip flops .....
Just when I was starting to love my existence and smile again everything seems to go to hell.
Living situation is growing more and more unstable and I very well may find myself on the street any day now .... and why? ,.... because of other people and there nervous breakdowns.
I fight and claw , tooth and nail trying to find a job .... and not even a single call .... while others get offerd job after job after job that they turn down because they do not like the pay rate .... they can't take a job paying $10 an hour ....no they want $12 p/h or nothing .... all while bitching about having no money and bills piling up.
I can't read people anymore ...I used to know where I stood in life with certian individuals but now I cannot even tell from one moment to the next how I'm thought of .... if at all.
One of my best freinds once compared me to a Gas Pump .... ignored and forgotten about until you need a fill up of something missing in your life ....so I fill the tank , clean the wounds ..... but the moment there full it's back to me just being that pump in the corner .... until it's time for the refill.
I'm sick and tired of all my journal entries either being this kind of lonley and depressing drivel ..... and before a single response is given telling me to "Buck Up" or "It will all be ok" ..... STOP!! ....I really don't wanna hear it because all thats gonna do is enrage or hurt me ....
I got things to be thankfull for and I celebrate them ..... but I'm the only one that does ..... I guess because I'm an embarasment and it would look bad to have your name attached to me in any fashion other than "Thats sum dude I know" ...... I say nothing in private I will not shout from the rooftops .... I say nothing behind the backs of people I am not willing to say to there face ..... I don't make jokes about there misfortune and physical apperance in the hope that they will never know I made it ..... GROW A SET OF NUTS YOU PUSSY ASS BASTARDS! ....
I can bairly sleep anymore ..... but I get so tired and sore that the only solice I find is in the cold embrace of my bed .....
Sleeping Alone Sucks Balls! ......
I'm not alone I know .... but I'm still so incredibley lonley ...... words and text cannot substitute for true emotion and care .....
Back on the MUCKs and starting to remember why I left them all in the first place ....
Well I leave another rant ass entry that will get some pity comments from a few and be ignored by everyone else .....
I guess that's all I am anymore ..... like a wounded puppy .... you cry for the wound but why not just protect the damn dog in the first place ....
**SIGHS**
Welcome to the Clockwork Orange House of Fun .....
Just when I was starting to love my existence and smile again everything seems to go to hell.
Living situation is growing more and more unstable and I very well may find myself on the street any day now .... and why? ,.... because of other people and there nervous breakdowns.
I fight and claw , tooth and nail trying to find a job .... and not even a single call .... while others get offerd job after job after job that they turn down because they do not like the pay rate .... they can't take a job paying $10 an hour ....no they want $12 p/h or nothing .... all while bitching about having no money and bills piling up.
I can't read people anymore ...I used to know where I stood in life with certian individuals but now I cannot even tell from one moment to the next how I'm thought of .... if at all.
One of my best freinds once compared me to a Gas Pump .... ignored and forgotten about until you need a fill up of something missing in your life ....so I fill the tank , clean the wounds ..... but the moment there full it's back to me just being that pump in the corner .... until it's time for the refill.
I'm sick and tired of all my journal entries either being this kind of lonley and depressing drivel ..... and before a single response is given telling me to "Buck Up" or "It will all be ok" ..... STOP!! ....I really don't wanna hear it because all thats gonna do is enrage or hurt me ....
I got things to be thankfull for and I celebrate them ..... but I'm the only one that does ..... I guess because I'm an embarasment and it would look bad to have your name attached to me in any fashion other than "Thats sum dude I know" ...... I say nothing in private I will not shout from the rooftops .... I say nothing behind the backs of people I am not willing to say to there face ..... I don't make jokes about there misfortune and physical apperance in the hope that they will never know I made it ..... GROW A SET OF NUTS YOU PUSSY ASS BASTARDS! ....
I can bairly sleep anymore ..... but I get so tired and sore that the only solice I find is in the cold embrace of my bed .....
Sleeping Alone Sucks Balls! ......
I'm not alone I know .... but I'm still so incredibley lonley ...... words and text cannot substitute for true emotion and care .....
Back on the MUCKs and starting to remember why I left them all in the first place ....
Well I leave another rant ass entry that will get some pity comments from a few and be ignored by everyone else .....
I guess that's all I am anymore ..... like a wounded puppy .... you cry for the wound but why not just protect the damn dog in the first place ....
**SIGHS**
Welcome to the Clockwork Orange House of Fun .....