Christmas present......
age
If you would have asked me three days ago what I wanted for Christmas the answer would either have been nothing or possibly an Ipod, but more or less I've had everything I could have thought to want.
I spent the Christmas Eve with my step mom's family who are pretty good people, but also pretty crazy, and very loud. I like them, and I've got nothing against them, they can just be extremely overwhelming because there's so damn many of them. I usually only go over there on holidays because I know my dad likes to have the people he loves together. I, personally, would probably much rather spend the time at an alcothon somewhere, serving food, making jokes, talking sobriety with people, all in the hopes I might get a chance for some good 12th Step work. But, since I've gotten sober, I don't always do what I want, sometimes I do what I think I should. What I should do is spend Christmas eve with my dad.
I spent the night at his house last night too. I'm not driving these days, so it was just easier than bringing me back into the city late at night. My dad, stepmother, stepsister and I got up, had breakfast together, opened gifts and watched the old Alastair Scrim version of A Christmas Carol. It was a good way to spend Christmas as far as I'm concerned. It was relaxing and quiet, and no drama, thank God. The extended family's still in New York and they're doing the feuding thing right now, to which my father and I both kind of just say, "Good for you. Let me know how that works out," and stay out of it.
On the way back to my apartment, my dad and I got to talking in the car. He said he'd like it if we can try and do some things a little different and try and make things less formal in our relationship with each other. It sounds good to me, I wouldn't complain about that one bit. We both always say we should talk more and get together more and all that, but it somehow has never worked out. Things have improved remarkably between us since I've been sober, so I've been content with the fact that I can be in the same room with my father and not be ashamed of who I am just because I am who I am and enjoy the time we do spend together.
Then he told me felt like part of the reason our relationship has always been what it has is because he's been kind of hiding behind his work, and didn't address many things he probably should have within himself emotionally. He said he realizes he's had a pretty unhealthy relationship with work for a long time, and he wanted us to spend more time together to try and salvage what time we have left.
I made my peace with my resentments with my father in my first year of sobriety, and part of what came out of inventory was that he gave me an extraordinary experience in my childhood. I believe that to be true still. What also came out of my inventory was that I checked out during my adolescence, and caused nothing but harm until I got sober. My responsibility in the way my relationship with him had become was starkly evident.
As a result of that, and not being so damned pissed off anymore was that I had a new perspective on things and I could see how his relationship with work was effecting more than just me, but all of his relationships. Part of me has been very worried about him for many years, even in my drinking, althought the worry just pissed me off more. My stepmother is as good a person as anyone could be, and as good a wife as a man could dream of having and I've felt very much like he was missing out on what could be an extraordinary experience in his life because of the amount he's been away from home and how much time and effort his work has taken. For many of the fifteen years they've now been married, he's been home only on weekends.
So, what I'm saying in my own long ass winded way of saying it is that what more or less happened today was that the possibility for a new era in my relationship with him started, and he also pretty much told me without realizing it, that I don't have to worry about him anymore.
I wouldn't have thought to ask for that for Christmas.
I've been at peace with the way things have been and have just done my best to keep learning to be a better son. Had it not been for the fact that I got sober and took the opportunity AA offered to learn how to make peace with my relationships and my past, I'd still be pissed off at him and probably wouldn't give a damn what he realized, because I'd be too busy being pissed off. Had it not been for being given a way to stay sober, I probably wouldn't have shown up for Christmas this year, and if I did, I'd have been drunk as hell on Christmas Eve, hung over as shit on Christmas and in a hurry to get home so I could get to drinking again. Today, and it's extraordinary events, would have just passed me by.
These are the kinds of things sobriety has given me I wouldn't have thought to ask for from the beginning. I wanted life to be better, and easier, which for the most part, it is. I wanted to not feel like shit all of the time, physically or emotionally, and I don't. But the things which have really made the difference have been the things I wouldn't have even thought to ask for.
This is long and all, but it's the kind of thing I've tried to get across to the new people since I've gotten sober, because to me, it's what sobriety is actually all about and why "just don't drink and go to meetings" doesn't cover it. If I were just not drinking and hadn't been through the Steps and gained a new perspective, I would have missed this anyway. Thank God for all of the people who were in those rooms who told me to get a sponsor and go through the Steps. I'm not trying to preach or to start any controversy, I'm being absolutely sincere about this. It might not be worth being sober if I was missing things like this, and it sure as hell wouldn't be as enjoyable and I would be a whole lot more miserable if I hadn't had some experiences like this in sobriety.
Merry Christmas to all of you. Thanks for being here and being good to each other and to me. You'll all be in my prayers tonight.
If you would have asked me three days ago what I wanted for Christmas the answer would either have been nothing or possibly an Ipod, but more or less I've had everything I could have thought to want.
I spent the Christmas Eve with my step mom's family who are pretty good people, but also pretty crazy, and very loud. I like them, and I've got nothing against them, they can just be extremely overwhelming because there's so damn many of them. I usually only go over there on holidays because I know my dad likes to have the people he loves together. I, personally, would probably much rather spend the time at an alcothon somewhere, serving food, making jokes, talking sobriety with people, all in the hopes I might get a chance for some good 12th Step work. But, since I've gotten sober, I don't always do what I want, sometimes I do what I think I should. What I should do is spend Christmas eve with my dad.
I spent the night at his house last night too. I'm not driving these days, so it was just easier than bringing me back into the city late at night. My dad, stepmother, stepsister and I got up, had breakfast together, opened gifts and watched the old Alastair Scrim version of A Christmas Carol. It was a good way to spend Christmas as far as I'm concerned. It was relaxing and quiet, and no drama, thank God. The extended family's still in New York and they're doing the feuding thing right now, to which my father and I both kind of just say, "Good for you. Let me know how that works out," and stay out of it.
On the way back to my apartment, my dad and I got to talking in the car. He said he'd like it if we can try and do some things a little different and try and make things less formal in our relationship with each other. It sounds good to me, I wouldn't complain about that one bit. We both always say we should talk more and get together more and all that, but it somehow has never worked out. Things have improved remarkably between us since I've been sober, so I've been content with the fact that I can be in the same room with my father and not be ashamed of who I am just because I am who I am and enjoy the time we do spend together.
Then he told me felt like part of the reason our relationship has always been what it has is because he's been kind of hiding behind his work, and didn't address many things he probably should have within himself emotionally. He said he realizes he's had a pretty unhealthy relationship with work for a long time, and he wanted us to spend more time together to try and salvage what time we have left.
I made my peace with my resentments with my father in my first year of sobriety, and part of what came out of inventory was that he gave me an extraordinary experience in my childhood. I believe that to be true still. What also came out of my inventory was that I checked out during my adolescence, and caused nothing but harm until I got sober. My responsibility in the way my relationship with him had become was starkly evident.
As a result of that, and not being so damned pissed off anymore was that I had a new perspective on things and I could see how his relationship with work was effecting more than just me, but all of his relationships. Part of me has been very worried about him for many years, even in my drinking, althought the worry just pissed me off more. My stepmother is as good a person as anyone could be, and as good a wife as a man could dream of having and I've felt very much like he was missing out on what could be an extraordinary experience in his life because of the amount he's been away from home and how much time and effort his work has taken. For many of the fifteen years they've now been married, he's been home only on weekends.
So, what I'm saying in my own long ass winded way of saying it is that what more or less happened today was that the possibility for a new era in my relationship with him started, and he also pretty much told me without realizing it, that I don't have to worry about him anymore.
I wouldn't have thought to ask for that for Christmas.
I've been at peace with the way things have been and have just done my best to keep learning to be a better son. Had it not been for the fact that I got sober and took the opportunity AA offered to learn how to make peace with my relationships and my past, I'd still be pissed off at him and probably wouldn't give a damn what he realized, because I'd be too busy being pissed off. Had it not been for being given a way to stay sober, I probably wouldn't have shown up for Christmas this year, and if I did, I'd have been drunk as hell on Christmas Eve, hung over as shit on Christmas and in a hurry to get home so I could get to drinking again. Today, and it's extraordinary events, would have just passed me by.
These are the kinds of things sobriety has given me I wouldn't have thought to ask for from the beginning. I wanted life to be better, and easier, which for the most part, it is. I wanted to not feel like shit all of the time, physically or emotionally, and I don't. But the things which have really made the difference have been the things I wouldn't have even thought to ask for.
This is long and all, but it's the kind of thing I've tried to get across to the new people since I've gotten sober, because to me, it's what sobriety is actually all about and why "just don't drink and go to meetings" doesn't cover it. If I were just not drinking and hadn't been through the Steps and gained a new perspective, I would have missed this anyway. Thank God for all of the people who were in those rooms who told me to get a sponsor and go through the Steps. I'm not trying to preach or to start any controversy, I'm being absolutely sincere about this. It might not be worth being sober if I was missing things like this, and it sure as hell wouldn't be as enjoyable and I would be a whole lot more miserable if I hadn't had some experiences like this in sobriety.
Merry Christmas to all of you. Thanks for being here and being good to each other and to me. You'll all be in my prayers tonight.