Do you.....
It's an easy question really. Do you believe in anything? Is there something you would dedicate yourself to, an ideal, a principle or set of ideals and/or principles? I used to think I believed in things, but I only really thought of them as comforting ideas to use at my convenience. Belief, real belief though, I now know goes deeper, much deeper. It's in the things I do everyday, the interactions I have with others and how I treat them, the choices I make, the things I choose to participate in, and choose not to participate in. I used to think dedication to an ideal would mean a kind of prison where I was controlled by something I wasn't able to decide on or wasn't able to contribute to, but now I know better. Dedication to an ideal means true freedom, beyond myself and my little plans and designs, my worries, fears, and resentment. The great thing about true belief, true dedication is that I don't have to talk about it very often (even though I like to, probably because I like to hear myself talk), but it comes through anyway. It's apparent in my life, my way of doing things, my actions are proof in and of themselves.
It's the thing we love about watching movies, reading books and so on. We love to see people who are dedicated to something so much that they are willing to sacrifice for it, to work for it's fulfillment, to see it realized. In a lot of ways, I always wanted my life to be some kind of movie or story which made some kind of sense, and now I realize it's not my life which makes sense or the story it tells, but the ideals I dedicate myself to which make sense out of it all. Reinhold Neibhur (?), author of the Serenity Prayer, once said that experience isn't what happens to a man, but what he does with what happens to him. Now, I understand that. I feel like I've been somehow miraculously allowed to see things differently and to be put in a position to be free of all my own bullshit, when and if I choose to dedicate myself to something which has no guarantee of bringing me anything other than the satisfaction of knowing I've done what I can to see to it the thing or things I believe in are served well by my own actions and words. It's in essence becoming the person I would have wanted to be by just doing what that person would do, not what my immediate self preserving reactions tell me I should do. Even if it's not a deity, Higher Power, as such, it's dedicating myself to something greater than I am, something more important than I am, which has been and will be around much longer than I have. It's making a contribution to something with my time and my efforts. Accepting that I am only one in a long line of people who have kept it going, in the actions I take and choices I make, just a small part of something.
But, it begins with knowing what I believe, what am I dedicated to. It took a while to realize what those things were and more to realize what it was to dedicate myself to something in a way which put me second or third on the list of priorities in my actions. The amazing thing is that the result of dedication has been a focus on it which allows a shift in perspective which I desperately needed. My thinking becomes focused more on that which I've dedicated myself to than the distractions which plagued me in the past and made life seem unbearable, useless, and unendurable. It's turned into the ability to let that which does not matter truly just slide.
It's about becoming my own hero, in a lot of ways. I've always been someone who's loved heroes, in comic books, movies and otherwise. I loved them because they were unwavering in their dedication to something, they believed in something so much they were willing to risk all to see it's fruition. I know now I just wanted what they had. I'm not going to ever be able to go running around rooftops slapping bad guys around, but I can dedicate myself to something fully. I can do my utmost to see my decisions in the question of whether or not they serve the things I believe in and whether or not I'm leaving the world and most importantly, the people I encounter in it with a little more of that which I've dedicated myself to. Sacrifice, means to make sacred. In practicing self sacrifice to what I believe in, my life becomes sacred, to me at the least, because it's the only opportunity I have to serve what I believe in. It also makes sacred to me what I believe in, because if I'm not willing to sacrifice my own wants and desires for something, how much do I really believe in it?
I don't know where all of this is coming from really. I don't know if putting it down makes any difference. It is a way for me to get clear on what I believe and what I'm doing and whether I measure up, whether I'm putting in the effort I feel is necessary to serve that which I believe in. I've had a couple of conversations recently about "great men" and what the phrase means, not conversations I've started either. It's become clear to me I'm not the only one who suffered from a delusion in what the phrase means. The "great men" of history were men (and women) who were human, and more often than not didn't aspire to any kind of greatness. They suffered from their own shortcomings and their own twists of character, but they were almost always dedicated to something in a way which seemed supernatural or preternatural. Not that I consider myself to be or have any desire to be a "great man in history", but I guess what I'm coming to is the desire to be a genuinely good man in the history of my own life, and the beginning of an idea of how to achieve that. In my conversations I've realized there are no great men, but there are good men who dedicate themselves to great ideals and principles, and sacrifice their own wants, desires and sometimes (usually through no desire of their own), their own lives in service to those things they believe in. What I'm getting here is I guess is the idea that it's enough to be a good man, because none of us achieve greatness within and of ourselves. We always know our own demons, our own flaws, our own fears, others label each other as "great men", and to live in service of the idea of being a great man is doomed ot utter and total failure because it's dedication to the opinions of men, which are rarely in service of something outside of themselves, their wants, desires, and fears.
It's the thing we love about watching movies, reading books and so on. We love to see people who are dedicated to something so much that they are willing to sacrifice for it, to work for it's fulfillment, to see it realized. In a lot of ways, I always wanted my life to be some kind of movie or story which made some kind of sense, and now I realize it's not my life which makes sense or the story it tells, but the ideals I dedicate myself to which make sense out of it all. Reinhold Neibhur (?), author of the Serenity Prayer, once said that experience isn't what happens to a man, but what he does with what happens to him. Now, I understand that. I feel like I've been somehow miraculously allowed to see things differently and to be put in a position to be free of all my own bullshit, when and if I choose to dedicate myself to something which has no guarantee of bringing me anything other than the satisfaction of knowing I've done what I can to see to it the thing or things I believe in are served well by my own actions and words. It's in essence becoming the person I would have wanted to be by just doing what that person would do, not what my immediate self preserving reactions tell me I should do. Even if it's not a deity, Higher Power, as such, it's dedicating myself to something greater than I am, something more important than I am, which has been and will be around much longer than I have. It's making a contribution to something with my time and my efforts. Accepting that I am only one in a long line of people who have kept it going, in the actions I take and choices I make, just a small part of something.
But, it begins with knowing what I believe, what am I dedicated to. It took a while to realize what those things were and more to realize what it was to dedicate myself to something in a way which put me second or third on the list of priorities in my actions. The amazing thing is that the result of dedication has been a focus on it which allows a shift in perspective which I desperately needed. My thinking becomes focused more on that which I've dedicated myself to than the distractions which plagued me in the past and made life seem unbearable, useless, and unendurable. It's turned into the ability to let that which does not matter truly just slide.
It's about becoming my own hero, in a lot of ways. I've always been someone who's loved heroes, in comic books, movies and otherwise. I loved them because they were unwavering in their dedication to something, they believed in something so much they were willing to risk all to see it's fruition. I know now I just wanted what they had. I'm not going to ever be able to go running around rooftops slapping bad guys around, but I can dedicate myself to something fully. I can do my utmost to see my decisions in the question of whether or not they serve the things I believe in and whether or not I'm leaving the world and most importantly, the people I encounter in it with a little more of that which I've dedicated myself to. Sacrifice, means to make sacred. In practicing self sacrifice to what I believe in, my life becomes sacred, to me at the least, because it's the only opportunity I have to serve what I believe in. It also makes sacred to me what I believe in, because if I'm not willing to sacrifice my own wants and desires for something, how much do I really believe in it?
I don't know where all of this is coming from really. I don't know if putting it down makes any difference. It is a way for me to get clear on what I believe and what I'm doing and whether I measure up, whether I'm putting in the effort I feel is necessary to serve that which I believe in. I've had a couple of conversations recently about "great men" and what the phrase means, not conversations I've started either. It's become clear to me I'm not the only one who suffered from a delusion in what the phrase means. The "great men" of history were men (and women) who were human, and more often than not didn't aspire to any kind of greatness. They suffered from their own shortcomings and their own twists of character, but they were almost always dedicated to something in a way which seemed supernatural or preternatural. Not that I consider myself to be or have any desire to be a "great man in history", but I guess what I'm coming to is the desire to be a genuinely good man in the history of my own life, and the beginning of an idea of how to achieve that. In my conversations I've realized there are no great men, but there are good men who dedicate themselves to great ideals and principles, and sacrifice their own wants, desires and sometimes (usually through no desire of their own), their own lives in service to those things they believe in. What I'm getting here is I guess is the idea that it's enough to be a good man, because none of us achieve greatness within and of ourselves. We always know our own demons, our own flaws, our own fears, others label each other as "great men", and to live in service of the idea of being a great man is doomed ot utter and total failure because it's dedication to the opinions of men, which are rarely in service of something outside of themselves, their wants, desires, and fears.