For my fellow cyclists
In the past couple of months,I have begun riding my bike to both class and work. And during this time, I have made some observations about the other people I see around here on bicycles:
1 ) HELMET
Wow...you look so hip and free with your long hair flowing in the wind. You must really be committed to being an organ donor or have a life long interest in persistent vegetative states.
Wear a goddamn helmet, you fucking fashion victims.
I don't care how much product you put in your hair or how hard it would be to get the helmet over your dreadlocks. And balding guys ,that baseball cap isn't a substitute.
2) SPEED
You are so fast!!! I bet you could out-sprint Lance Armstrong! But this is main street in Carrboro and not the Tour de France.And when Paco pulls out and smears you all over his hood because you had NO TIME TO BREAK OR SWERVE, I'll bet you'll beat me to the Emergency Room,too!
3)TRAFFIC LAWS
I am not a fascist, I can see doing a left on red at 6:30 AM with no cars coming for a mile in each direction. But in traffic? You have a serious death wish. Share the road goes both ways, motherfuckers. And why the hell are you using the main roads when this town is replete with bike paths? You are clearly suicidal AND stupid.
4) ATTIRE
Ladies, if you look like you should be on a Summer's Eve douche box ,you are a prime candidate for degloving.Leave the flowy skirt and sandals at home and at least wear some jeans when you ride to yoga class.Apparently you didn't have the childhood experience I had of getting loose clothes caught in my bike chain and having a dramatic wreck.
And unless you are actually racing, a neon cycling suit just makes you look like an pretentious asshole.
If you do any of this on your bike in the Chapel Hill or Carrboro area ,I really hate you.
If you don't ,well, thanks for being a responsible cyclist and making this continue to be a legitimate form of transportation and not some giddy bullshit for hippies and Euro-wanna-bes.
Love, the little woman in hospital scrubs out at the ass-crack of dawn
1 ) HELMET
Wow...you look so hip and free with your long hair flowing in the wind. You must really be committed to being an organ donor or have a life long interest in persistent vegetative states.
Wear a goddamn helmet, you fucking fashion victims.
I don't care how much product you put in your hair or how hard it would be to get the helmet over your dreadlocks. And balding guys ,that baseball cap isn't a substitute.
2) SPEED
You are so fast!!! I bet you could out-sprint Lance Armstrong! But this is main street in Carrboro and not the Tour de France.And when Paco pulls out and smears you all over his hood because you had NO TIME TO BREAK OR SWERVE, I'll bet you'll beat me to the Emergency Room,too!
3)TRAFFIC LAWS
I am not a fascist, I can see doing a left on red at 6:30 AM with no cars coming for a mile in each direction. But in traffic? You have a serious death wish. Share the road goes both ways, motherfuckers. And why the hell are you using the main roads when this town is replete with bike paths? You are clearly suicidal AND stupid.
4) ATTIRE
Ladies, if you look like you should be on a Summer's Eve douche box ,you are a prime candidate for degloving.Leave the flowy skirt and sandals at home and at least wear some jeans when you ride to yoga class.Apparently you didn't have the childhood experience I had of getting loose clothes caught in my bike chain and having a dramatic wreck.
And unless you are actually racing, a neon cycling suit just makes you look like an pretentious asshole.
If you do any of this on your bike in the Chapel Hill or Carrboro area ,I really hate you.
If you don't ,well, thanks for being a responsible cyclist and making this continue to be a legitimate form of transportation and not some giddy bullshit for hippies and Euro-wanna-bes.
Love, the little woman in hospital scrubs out at the ass-crack of dawn