(no subject)
For all my friends in the harry potter fandom
I stole this off ff.n
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2993675/1/
I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are: ‘Covered in Bees’
No matter how good of a fake Australian accent I can perform, I will not imitate Steve Irwin while attending ‘Care of Magical Creature’ classes.
Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an ‘extra credit’ assignment for ‘Herbology’ classes
The giant squid is not an acceptable date to the Yule Ball.
I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write: ‘I told you I was hard core’
I will stop referring showers to: ‘Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful’
Polishing my wand in the common rooms is acceptable. However, ‘polishing my wand’ in the common rooms is not.
If a class mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation by drawing the Dark mark on their arm.
House elves are not acceptable for replacement Bludgers.
Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
Seamus Finnegan is not: ‘After me lucky charms.’
I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
I will not bring a magic 8 ball to ‘Divination’ classes.
I am not a sloth Animagus.
I am aloud to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not, however, allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.
I do not weigh the same as a duck
Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
I will stop asking my ‘Arithemancy’ teacher what the square root of -1 is.
Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul are completely coincidental.
I will not change the perfect’s bathroom password to: ‘Making getting clean almost as fun as getting dirty.’
Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed to as: ‘Admiral Naismith.’
Asking a Gryffindor, ‘How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?’ and walking away is only funny the FIRST time.
42 is not the only answer to every questing on the OWLS
It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously.
I am not allowed to owl suspected Death Eaters a list of Evil Overlord List.
I will not offer to make tandoori owl.
I will stop asking Snape when we will make ‘Love Potion No. 9’
I will stop asking Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
My name is not Captain Subtext
I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
I am not the Defense Against Boring Classes professor.
I am not allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco.
It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed, and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the outcome would be.
Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled ‘Firewhiskey’.
Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
First years are not to be fed to fluffy.
A wand is for magic. Not for picking noses, playing snooker, or practicing my drum playing… no matter how bored I become.
I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in potions class
First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
Novelty and Holiday themed ties are not appropriate for school uniform.
I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot
When fighting Death Eaters in our annual June battle of Good vs. Evil I will not raise my wand and shout: ‘There can only be ONE!’
I should not refer the DADA teachers as the ‘canaries in the coalmine.’
I will restrain myself from saying: ‘Dude, get a life.’ When facing Lord Voldemort.
I am not allowed to place muggle fairytale books under the history section of the library.
There is not now, nor will there ever be a fifth house at Hogwarts. I am not a member of this house, or the founder.
I will not refer using the Accio charm as ‘Using the force.’
Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is ‘Headmaster,’ not: ‘My liege.’
I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesized her death.
I will not use Gryffindors and Slytherins as Christmas decorations.
Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel and sick joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
If asked in class what the Avada Kadavra curse does yelling, ‘IT DOES DEATH!’ I not the appropriate response.
I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
Ravenclaws do not in any circumstance find a sign saying: ‘The library is closed for an indefinite time.’ Amusing in any sense.
I will not try to recreate the Key of Time in Transfiguration class.
A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I will not install one in one of my muggle cars.
I am not allowed to use any silencing charms on my Professors.
I will not set Hermione’s time turner to rotate every half hour.
If the thought of a spell causes me to giggle for more than 15 consecutive seconds, I must assume that I am not aloud to use it.
I will not refer my X-files videos to be: ‘Auror Training Videos.’
When being interrogated by the staff, I am not allowed to wave my hand and announce, ‘These are not the droids you are looking for.’
Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
I will not follow potion instructors in reverse just to see what happens.
I am not to claim that there is a prequel to Hogwarts, one that explains the about Bilbo Baggins.
“OMGWTF” is not a spell.
I will not, under any circumstance, ask Harry Potter who died and declared him boss.
I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to Paintball.
I am not allowed to refer Susan Bones, Hanna Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even though it would be amusing.
I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.
I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and make bets on which House will come out alive.
I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are, in fact, real animals.
I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
I will not sing the ‘Badger Song’ during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
I will not tell the first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he becomes visible when walking in front of the fire in the common room.
I will not tell the first years that ‘Moon Prism Power’ is the basic spell for Transfiguration.
I will not yell, ‘Believe it…. OR NOT!” in random parts of Dumbledore’s speeches.
Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class will not earn me extra credit
My name is not ‘Dark Lord Happy Pants’ and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
I will not try to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.
Never ask Harry if is Scar Senses are tingling.
Voldemort is not Gandalf and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
I am not to sing the entire ‘Multiplication Rock,’ song during Arithmancy exams.
I will not charm the suites of armor in the Great Hall to do a reenactment of the musical number, ‘We’re knights of the Round Table.’ For the Christmas Feast.
I will not refer Professor McGonagall as: ‘McGoogles.’
I am not aloud to make lightsaber noises with my wand.
I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween
Wearing my ‘DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT’ shirt to school is not a good idea
I am not allowed to recreate famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the Charms corridor.
I am not to declare an official: ‘Hug a Slytherin’ day.
I am not to refer myself as Tim the Enchanter to first years.
I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use my war cries every time I enter a classroom.
It is not necessary to yell, “BAM!” every time I apparate.
I am not allowed to commandeer Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.
I am not allowed to sing my own spy theme music as I wander the hallways.
I cannot sing ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ theme song during Herbology.
I will not teach first years to play the penis game in the Great Hall during dinner.
I am not allowed to pain the house elves blue.
I will not organize the Hogwarts Fight Club
It is a bad idea to tell Snape that he takes himself too seriously.
I will not tell first years that Snape is the voice of God.
I will not dress up as a Dementor and use a dust buster to use on Harry’s lips to try to convince him to do what I want.
I will not start food fights in the Great Hall
I will not scare my fellow Arithmancy students with my calculus book.
“To conquer the earth with my army of flying monkeys” is apparently not the best career option.
I will not sing, “We’re off to see the Wizard.” Every time I am sent to the headmaster’s office.
The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
It is not necessary to yell, “Oooo BURN!” every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
“Ya’ll check this shit out!” is not the appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
I will not hold my wand up in the air before casting a spell and shout, “I have the power!”
I am not the king of the potato people and I do not have a flying carpet.
Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do a time warp will not get me extra house points.
I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and have students say ‘Ni’ while hiding about the corridor.
I stole this off ff.n
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2993675/1/
I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are: ‘Covered in Bees’
No matter how good of a fake Australian accent I can perform, I will not imitate Steve Irwin while attending ‘Care of Magical Creature’ classes.
Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an ‘extra credit’ assignment for ‘Herbology’ classes
The giant squid is not an acceptable date to the Yule Ball.
I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write: ‘I told you I was hard core’
I will stop referring showers to: ‘Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful’
Polishing my wand in the common rooms is acceptable. However, ‘polishing my wand’ in the common rooms is not.
If a class mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation by drawing the Dark mark on their arm.
House elves are not acceptable for replacement Bludgers.
Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
Seamus Finnegan is not: ‘After me lucky charms.’
I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
I will not bring a magic 8 ball to ‘Divination’ classes.
I am not a sloth Animagus.
I am aloud to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not, however, allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.
I do not weigh the same as a duck
Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
I will stop asking my ‘Arithemancy’ teacher what the square root of -1 is.
Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul are completely coincidental.
I will not change the perfect’s bathroom password to: ‘Making getting clean almost as fun as getting dirty.’
Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed to as: ‘Admiral Naismith.’
Asking a Gryffindor, ‘How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?’ and walking away is only funny the FIRST time.
42 is not the only answer to every questing on the OWLS
It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously.
I am not allowed to owl suspected Death Eaters a list of Evil Overlord List.
I will not offer to make tandoori owl.
I will stop asking Snape when we will make ‘Love Potion No. 9’
I will stop asking Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
My name is not Captain Subtext
I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
I am not the Defense Against Boring Classes professor.
I am not allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco.
It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed, and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the outcome would be.
Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled ‘Firewhiskey’.
Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
First years are not to be fed to fluffy.
A wand is for magic. Not for picking noses, playing snooker, or practicing my drum playing… no matter how bored I become.
I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in potions class
First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
Novelty and Holiday themed ties are not appropriate for school uniform.
I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot
When fighting Death Eaters in our annual June battle of Good vs. Evil I will not raise my wand and shout: ‘There can only be ONE!’
I should not refer the DADA teachers as the ‘canaries in the coalmine.’
I will restrain myself from saying: ‘Dude, get a life.’ When facing Lord Voldemort.
I am not allowed to place muggle fairytale books under the history section of the library.
There is not now, nor will there ever be a fifth house at Hogwarts. I am not a member of this house, or the founder.
I will not refer using the Accio charm as ‘Using the force.’
Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is ‘Headmaster,’ not: ‘My liege.’
I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesized her death.
I will not use Gryffindors and Slytherins as Christmas decorations.
Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel and sick joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
If asked in class what the Avada Kadavra curse does yelling, ‘IT DOES DEATH!’ I not the appropriate response.
I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
Ravenclaws do not in any circumstance find a sign saying: ‘The library is closed for an indefinite time.’ Amusing in any sense.
I will not try to recreate the Key of Time in Transfiguration class.
A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I will not install one in one of my muggle cars.
I am not allowed to use any silencing charms on my Professors.
I will not set Hermione’s time turner to rotate every half hour.
If the thought of a spell causes me to giggle for more than 15 consecutive seconds, I must assume that I am not aloud to use it.
I will not refer my X-files videos to be: ‘Auror Training Videos.’
When being interrogated by the staff, I am not allowed to wave my hand and announce, ‘These are not the droids you are looking for.’
Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
I will not follow potion instructors in reverse just to see what happens.
I am not to claim that there is a prequel to Hogwarts, one that explains the about Bilbo Baggins.
“OMGWTF” is not a spell.
I will not, under any circumstance, ask Harry Potter who died and declared him boss.
I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to Paintball.
I am not allowed to refer Susan Bones, Hanna Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even though it would be amusing.
I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.
I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and make bets on which House will come out alive.
I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are, in fact, real animals.
I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
I will not sing the ‘Badger Song’ during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
I will not tell the first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he becomes visible when walking in front of the fire in the common room.
I will not tell the first years that ‘Moon Prism Power’ is the basic spell for Transfiguration.
I will not yell, ‘Believe it…. OR NOT!” in random parts of Dumbledore’s speeches.
Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class will not earn me extra credit
My name is not ‘Dark Lord Happy Pants’ and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
I will not try to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.
Never ask Harry if is Scar Senses are tingling.
Voldemort is not Gandalf and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
I am not to sing the entire ‘Multiplication Rock,’ song during Arithmancy exams.
I will not charm the suites of armor in the Great Hall to do a reenactment of the musical number, ‘We’re knights of the Round Table.’ For the Christmas Feast.
I will not refer Professor McGonagall as: ‘McGoogles.’
I am not aloud to make lightsaber noises with my wand.
I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween
Wearing my ‘DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT’ shirt to school is not a good idea
I am not allowed to recreate famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the Charms corridor.
I am not to declare an official: ‘Hug a Slytherin’ day.
I am not to refer myself as Tim the Enchanter to first years.
I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use my war cries every time I enter a classroom.
It is not necessary to yell, “BAM!” every time I apparate.
I am not allowed to commandeer Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.
I am not allowed to sing my own spy theme music as I wander the hallways.
I cannot sing ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ theme song during Herbology.
I will not teach first years to play the penis game in the Great Hall during dinner.
I am not allowed to pain the house elves blue.
I will not organize the Hogwarts Fight Club
It is a bad idea to tell Snape that he takes himself too seriously.
I will not tell first years that Snape is the voice of God.
I will not dress up as a Dementor and use a dust buster to use on Harry’s lips to try to convince him to do what I want.
I will not start food fights in the Great Hall
I will not scare my fellow Arithmancy students with my calculus book.
“To conquer the earth with my army of flying monkeys” is apparently not the best career option.
I will not sing, “We’re off to see the Wizard.” Every time I am sent to the headmaster’s office.
The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
It is not necessary to yell, “Oooo BURN!” every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
“Ya’ll check this shit out!” is not the appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
I will not hold my wand up in the air before casting a spell and shout, “I have the power!”
I am not the king of the potato people and I do not have a flying carpet.
Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do a time warp will not get me extra house points.
I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and have students say ‘Ni’ while hiding about the corridor.